The Frog in the Well (4)
The moment I heard Yeon-i's words, it felt as if a massive boulder had crashed into my chest. We were still children who hadn't even lived a quarter of our lives. Yet here she was, speaking of death as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It was utterly absurd.
"Particle… hypersensitivity…?"
"Particle Hypersensitivity Response Syndrome. Commonly shortened to Particle Hypersensitivity Syndrome."
Yet the person actually suffering from it, Yeon-i, continued her explanation with eerie calm.
"Do you know what mages use as material when they cast spells?"
"…No. I thought they just created it out of thin air?"
"In Earth's atmosphere, there's a substance called Bessel particles dissolved everywhere. You can't see them, but they're definitely present all around us. Even right here, right now."
Yeon-i waved her hand through the empty air as she spoke. She explained that magic was the act of converting those Bessel particles into matter with different properties. The people capable of doing so were mages, and within a mage's body existed a special organ called a well.
"Not all mages can use magic from birth. A mage's body absorbs atmospheric particles through the well from the moment they're born. As it does so, their physical structure gradually changes to become suited for magic. Only when that transformation is complete do they truly awaken as a mage."
But Yeon-i's well had a fatal flaw. Normally, the well slowly increases its capacity in line with the body's growth. Hers, however, was absorbing particles at a rate far exceeding any limit.
"To accept particles into the body, they must go through a process called internalization via the well. But in my case, that doesn't happen. So many particles flood into the well that it can't internalize them all in time."
"…Then what happens?"
"The particles that aren't internalized run wild through my body, destroying everything they touch. From what I know, it causes weakened immunity, heart dysfunction, declining vision, fainting, anemia, insomnia, and pain like being stabbed by thousands of needles from the inside…"
"…Stop."
I couldn't bear to hear any more of those horrifying words.
"But couldn't it still be okay? You still look completely fine…"
"Actually, I've had mild symptoms all along. Until now, it was bearable—just sleepless nights—but once I enter my true growth phase, it'll get much worse."
"…"
"The average age for a mage to awaken is seventeen. Not a single patient with Particle Hypersensitivity Syndrome has ever survived to that age. And even that requires luck. Most die long before then."
"Treatment…?"
"…It's incurable."
Only now did a faint bitterness creep across Yeon-i's face.
She told me that the reason she had come to our village was because of her Particle Hypersensitivity Syndrome. Among the safe zones, this place had one of the lowest atmospheric particle concentrations, which could at least slow the disease's progression. Since she was already living on borrowed time, she had been spared the vicious power struggles between siblings, but being cast out of the family head's sight meant she had essentially been exiled here.
Her explanation had long since ended, yet I could do nothing but stare into the darkness before me. At last, I understood why a shadow always lingered on that delicate face, and why she occasionally missed school. At the same time, I finally grasped the root of her venomous and arrogant personality. I couldn't say her past words and actions had been right, but if she'd grown up in an environment of constant sibling rivalry and carried an incurable disease on top of it, even I would have turned out the same.
Yet even though all my lingering questions had been answered, I felt no sense of relief whatsoever.
When I remained silent, Yeon-i spoke again, her voice cautious.
"…I'm sorry for keeping it a secret all this time. But I wanted to tell you before it was too late."
"…Aren't you scared?"
"Of course I'm scared. And… I don't want to die either."
Yeon-i's expression grew forlorn.
"When I first came to this village, I had given up on everything. But now my thoughts have changed. Before my life ends, I want to leave behind as many traces of having lived as possible."
"Traces?"
"Yes. For example… this portrait you drew of me."
As if trying to shake off the heavy atmosphere, Yeon-i looked at the portrait I had drawn of her and spoke in a bright voice.
"I'm sorry for burdening you. But there was no one else I could tell. And… I thought you were the one who would remember me the most."
Perhaps recalling the past, Yeon-i lowered her head in slight embarrassment.
"Hyun-ah. Can you help me… so that I don't leave behind any regrets?"
"…"
At this point, abandoning Yeon-i was no longer an option. My answer had been decided from the very beginning. I simply nodded at her without a word.
Seeing my silent consent, Yeon-i broke into a radiant smile. But at the corners of her eyes, a moist gleam she couldn't quite hide shimmered.
I had clung to the faint hope that maybe, just maybe, she could get better. But Yeon-i's prediction proved accurate, and the symptoms of her illness grew steadily worse.
As time passed, the number of days she missed school increased. She said that having me by her side helped calm her mind, so whenever she skipped class, I would head straight to the mansion after school to spend time with her.
Once a week, I would draw her as a model. Before long, the wide walls were covered with the portraits I had made. Yeon-i's room had become the space I knew best in the world.
"Hyun-ah… are you beside me?"
"Yeah."
"I'm cold… hold… hold my hand…"
"…Here."
"…Hehe… it's warm…"
Whenever the pain grew severe, Yeon-i would habitually call my name. When I took her hand, a faint smile would bloom on her face. Yet her skin felt as cold and chilling as ice.
Watching Yeon-i being consumed by her illness was painful even for a child like me. The fact that the only things I could do for her were hold her hand or keep her company was agonizing in its own way. The one small mercy was that the pain did not torment her all day long.
The symptoms of Particle Hypersensitivity Syndrome reached their peak on nights when the full moon rose, then gradually subsided as the moon set. During the day, when the pain was milder, she could take painkillers and maintain something close to her normal routine. But Yeon-i's growing anxiety over not being able to stay with me forever began to show itself in a different form.
"Who was that girl?"
"Which girl?"
"Why are you pretending not to know? You were talking with her for ages in front of the school gate earlier."
"Oh, you mean Da-in. Don't you remember? She always sat at the front of the classroom."
"Did you enjoy talking to her? You were laughing and chatting for so long. Then the two of you went off somewhere together. Were you doing something embarrassing that you couldn't do where others could see?"
"…Yeon-ah. What are you even saying…"
"Why do you keep making excuses? If you like her, just go to her. Just abandon someone like me and go!!"
As time went on, we gradually forgot the old grudges born from our childish pranks and behavior. I had almost completely brushed those incidents from my memory, and now I had formed reasonably friendly relationships not only with Yeon-ho and I-na but with the other children as well.
But Yeon-i did not welcome these changes in me. Especially whenever I exchanged even a single word with a female student, she would throw a long tantrum, and calming her down always drained a tremendous amount of my mental energy.
"It's not like that. There was a heavy box in the storage room, so I just helped move it. Other friends were there too."
"Are you an idiot? It's obvious she was trying to get close to you on purpose. Why are you so dense that you can't even see that… Hng… Hic…"
"…Yeon-ah, are you crying…?"
"You're such an idiot. I told you I like you. I hit you so much because I liked you too much. So I specially forgave you… Hic… but you're out there flirting with other girls… Hooong…"
"…? Yeon-ah, what are you…"
"I can understand if your feelings changed because I'm going to die soon… Hng… but at least in front of me, you shouldn't… Hic… do that with other girls, right…? Since I'll be dead soon anyway, if you could just wait until then… Hic… it would be fine… Hoo…"
I was stunned by Yeon-i's sudden outburst. It took twice the usual effort to finally calm her down. Only then did I learn the full story of what had happened back then, something I had been completely oblivious to.
On that day years ago when I had beaten Yeon-i so severely, my mother had come to the school. While treating Yeon-i's wounds, she had apparently said something like this: that boys usually show interest in the girls they like in that exact way, and that I must have liked Yeon-i so much that I had gone overboard. For some reason, Yeon-i had completely fallen for those words and truly believed that I had done it because I liked her. That was why she had said she would specially forgive me that day.
She had also stopped the maid sister who had been raging that she would kill me, and the security chief who had declared he would lock me up in prison. But since I continued to show no reaction, Yeon-i had thought that my heart had drifted away after she confessed her illness.
"…Hic… I was the one who understood you this whole time… but you… you…!!"
"…"
My head felt numb, and organizing my thoughts was incredibly difficult. No matter how much it resembled exile, the reason I had been able to beat the young lady of a prestigious family so badly without receiving any punishment finally made sense. But back then, even though I had disliked her, I had never once harbored such thoughts.
What I understood the least was my mother, who had spouted the ridiculous idea that boys beat the girls they like, and Yeon-i, who had believed it without question. If my mother's words were true, every husband in the world would be in prison.
"…Yeon-ah, listen…"
After much deliberation, I honestly told Yeon-i about the scheme my mother had orchestrated. No matter what, I couldn't lie about something like this.
As she listened to my story, Yeon-i's expression darkened rapidly. There was almost no light left in her eyes. She looked at me with a sorrowful voice and asked carefully.
"…Then… you don't like me…? Was I the only one… who misunderstood everything…?"
Tears welled up in Yeon-i's eyes. Her voice trembled so violently it was barely audible. I agonized over what answer I should give her.
Of course I hadn't done it because I disliked her. If anything, it was the complete opposite. I recalled the memories I had shared with Yeon-i. I thought about all the efforts she had made. Whether in personality or appearance, the traces of those efforts were still clearly visible in her even now.
Yeon-i, who had obsessively taken almost everything about the person called me, had at some point become the very embodiment of my desires. Even without her having to remind me that she was a pitiful person doomed to die young, I could never hate someone who tried so hard.
I, who had once loudly proclaimed that I hated being bound, had at some point begun to accept Yeon-i's obsession as the most natural thing in the world. I had long since become her captive.
"…That couldn't be further from the truth."
When I gave her my answer, Yeon-i's pupils shook violently as if struck by an earthquake.
"How could I hold the hand of someone I didn't even like every single day?"
"…Then?"
"…I like you."
At my following, embarrassingly sweet words, Yeon-i hung her head low.
"…You know I'm going to die soon. Even so… you like me?"
"…I don't care. If I like you, then I just like you…"
Before I could even finish speaking—
Yeon-i threw herself into my arms. She buried her face against my chest.
"…Idiot… you should have said it sooner… Hic…"
"…I'm sorry."
"You're an idiot. A real idiot. An idiot who doesn't notice anything… dummy… Hng…"
For a long while, I had to comfort Yeon-i as her shoulders shook with sobs. Afterward, I ignored the maid sister's fierce glare as best I could and took the girl—whose eyes were now horribly swollen—back home.
That night, I couldn't fall asleep at all.