Encounter (1)
The memory of the capital's scenery, which Yeon had once described to me, suddenly resurfaced. Compared to that place, our village was nothing more than a stinking barn. If so, then all those years spent rubbing shoulders with lowly things in that barn might truly have been a nightmare. I had been born here from the start, but Yeon had simply been unlucky enough to fall to the bottom. Even if her relationship with her family hadn't been good, it was still the place where she had been born and raised. Naturally, wouldn't she have wanted to return? Back when she was suffering from her illness, there had been no other choice, so she must have reluctantly accepted her relationship with me and life in the village. They said Particle Hypersensitivity Syndrome would naturally heal if one awakened as a mage, but since there had been no such precedent, it was called an incurable disease. Yet, as if by a miracle, her body had recovered, and Yeon suddenly had options. And she chose the path opposite to where I was—the direction she was originally meant to take. Now, someone like me, a non-sensitive, was no longer needed by her side at all.
Moreover, just as she had said, I really couldn't protect her. Instead, I failed to make a cool-headed judgment and dragged her into the jaws of death with me. Even though I had poured out every ounce of my strength, I couldn't even trip up the demons' ankles. All I did was pass out in a pathetic heap. If those soldiers hadn't arrived at just the right moment, we might both have become cold ashes by now. Her sudden betrayal had felt unbearably cruel, but after showing her such a disgraceful sight, it was no wonder her feelings toward me had cooled. …So, when I thought about it, perhaps everything had simply returned to its rightful place. Our past had been nothing more than a fleeting dream from our immature days, and the current situation was merely the predetermined future arriving a little earlier than expected.
With such desperate attempts to appear rational, I tried to console myself. If I drew a conclusion from everything that had happened, it was only natural for Yeon to leave me. But those efforts always scattered uselessly in the end. The sorrow would always pierce straight through my heart on its own. Now, my heart hurt far more than my body. It was so bitterly resentful. I resented the ones who had attacked our village and turned innocent people into that. I resented Yeon, who had taken a blade to wounds that had barely begun to heal. But what I resented most of all was myself, who, despite experiencing all of it, still couldn't wake up from the dream.
While hospitalized, I spent every day in that cold, desolate hospital room, chewing over my anguish. There was no one left to lighten my burden, so every pain became entirely my own to bear. And by the time my body had mostly recovered, I came to understand one more meaning behind the words Yeon had spoken.
"…The wounds were so deep… It's a miracle that your face recovered without damaging the nerves…"
— The nurse, carefully unwrapping the bandages from my face
With legs that still trembled, I barely managed to stand in front of the mirror. The glass reflected my wretched appearance without mercy. My gaze naturally drifted to my face. I had no trouble spotting the unfamiliar ugliness that hadn't been there before. A long, jagged scar ran from my left temple, right beside the bridge of my nose, and down beneath my eye. There it was—the clear evidence of my weakness and pathetic failure.
"Ugh… ughk…"
The moment I faced the scar, an intense urge surged through me to rip the skin off entirely.
"Uuu… huk…"
Cold sweat broke out. Blood rushed hot through my veins. My vision narrowed, and my heart pounded wildly as if it would burst. I couldn't endure it any longer. I fled from the mirror as if escaping.
After that day, I never looked at a mirror again.
"Think about it again. What could you possibly do if you go back now? At best, you'd just become good prey for monsters and outlaws."
"But…"
"Didn't I already promise? I'll arrange sufficient wages and a place for you to stay. It's a favor given without any strings attached, so stop arguing and just accept it."
Even amid the torment, time continued to flow. Before long, I had recovered enough to move around lightly without issue. I couldn't keep burdening them forever, so I expressed my gratitude to the doctor and conveyed my wish to return to the village. After all, that was the only place I could go right now.
But the doctor desperately tried to hold me back. He claimed I still needed more treatment. When he noticed how uncomfortable I felt about receiving free care, he even offered to arrange a job for me at the hospital. Yet the lodging, and the high wages he proposed, were all excessively generous favors for a minor. I tried to decline tactfully, but the doctor simply changed his conditions and attempted to persuade me again.
"Heh heh, well. It's not proper to keep holding onto a patient, so I'll stop here for today. I'll come again tomorrow, so think it over until then."
Even in the final moment as he left the room, the doctor couldn't let go of his lingering attachment. His face was filled with a troubled expression. He claimed it was a favor without ulterior motives, but at this point, even I couldn't help but suspect otherwise. Suddenly, I recalled how the doctor had once shown great interest in my constitution. Perhaps he wanted to satisfy that curiosity from back then in exchange for his kindness.
In truth, even if he had some other purpose, considering the grace I had received from him, I could offer this worthless body as much as he wanted. But right now, my mind was filled only with the desire to see the village again. Since my body had recovered enough to walk, there was no reason to delay any longer. So I acted without hesitation.
It would only be a short trip anyway, but just in case, I told the hospital staff that I was going for rehabilitation and a walk around the city before leaving. Given the way the doctor had treated me, if I had told him my true purpose, he might have outright prevented me from going out.
Only after leaving the hospital like that could I truly face the city's scenery. Though it was merely a small satellite city, a city was still a city. The streets were wide and clean, and the buildings boasted refined architectural beauty. People bustled busily along the roads. Even the barrier visible in the distance was two or three times taller than the one in our village.
…If even a mere satellite city was like this, there was no need to speak of the capital. So wasn't it only natural for anyone to want to return there?
Lost in such gloomy thoughts as I walked, I soon found a checkpoint gate before my eyes. I joined the line, and my turn came quickly. The guard at the gate casually asked my business. Perhaps because I still had a cast on my arm and was someone heading outward, the inspection was conducted relatively laxly. I gave the name of a neighboring village as my destination and made up a suitable story. Without any issues, I was able to pass through the gate.
The distance from here to the village was considerable, but with neither money nor transportation, I had no choice but to set out on foot. Since time was limited, I quickened my pace. I passed the well-maintained roads near the city, then the unpaved paths, then the forked trails running through the quiet forest, and continued along the paths winding between the low hills.
As I walked and walked, the sun eventually sank beyond the horizon, and the soft light of the moon and stars illuminated the world. Normally, a curfew would be in effect due to monster attacks at this hour, but I had no room in my mind to worry about such things now.
How many hours had I walked? By the time my legs were shaking and my breath came in ragged gasps, I finally arrived at our village—the one I had longed so desperately to see.
"…Ah… ugh…"
Yet what greeted me was not the guards or my friends, but the barrier that had been left exactly as it was that day, crumbling in places. The wall that had once been worn but sturdy in its protection of the village had now become a hideous ruin. The moment I took in that wreckage, it felt as though the acrid smoke and the metallic stench of blood washed over me once more.
I entered the village through the gaping hole where the main gate had once stood. A few remaining solar streetlights that hadn't been destroyed yet sparsely illuminated the ground. I trudged along the familiar path. Soon, the severely damaged scenery of the village began to fill my eyes. The grocery store with all its windows shattered, revealing the interior completely. The film theater where projectors and small props lay scattered across the floor. The school that had once brimmed with vitality and freshness, now weighed down only by heavy silence. Every time I faced those scenes, my chest tightened painfully.
I nearly tripped and fell over debris several times, but I didn't stop walking. Just past that alley ahead, I would finally see the home I had missed so much.
"Ah… ugh… aah…"
But the moment I turned the corner, I had no choice but to stop in my tracks. What remained there was nothing but the collapsed wreckage of something. Only the few remaining fragments of its frame barely allowed me to recognize it as our house. When I turned my gaze, I saw an unfamiliar structure that hadn't been there before, erected in the small flowerbed in front of the house. I forced my trembling legs forward and approached.
What had been placed in the flowerbed was a small tombstone engraved with letters. And, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, three names were written together on the stone. They were the names of Mom, Jin-ho, and I-na.
"Uuu… ughk… heuk…"
I had tried my best to steel my heart, but that resolve had already shattered helplessly long ago. All I could do was collapse right there and sob endlessly. The things I had once loved were truly no longer left in this world.
I sat in that spot for several hours. My tears only stopped once my tear ducts had run completely dry. Yet sorrow many times greater than what I had shed still remained piled up inside. My mind was numb, and I couldn't form a single rational thought. I could only think of one thing.
If everything I loved had left me… then perhaps there was no need for me to remain either.
Fortunately, reaching that conclusion didn't take very long. I looked around at the ground nearby. Soon, a shard of glass that seemed perfectly suited for my purpose caught my eye. Without hesitation, I picked up the fragment with my hand. I confirmed that its sharp end was properly aimed at my throat, then raised my arm.
"Hey, kid. Isn't that a bit rude to the person who's been waiting for you?"
But at that moment. A sudden, rough, hoarse voice pulled me back.