The Serpent's Confession
Crossing herself with the sign of the cross, Sua opened her eyes but could not lift her head. From the instant she realized she had kissed him on the lips, guilt crushed her so completely that she could scarcely look at the crucifix.
From that day forward she spent every waking hour in prayers of repentance. Father Vincenzo, knowing nothing of the truth, seemed deeply moved by her devotion; whenever she prayed, he would quietly withdraw. The very act meant to atone only made her appear more pious, and that pained Sua even more.
To blame her personality was nothing but an excuse. She should have demanded an answer. How could he even think of kissing a nun? Yet she had not asked because she knew she, too, had been shaken by that kiss. She did not want to speak of it. She wanted to sink it beneath the waters as though it had never happened.
It was the first time she had felt anything like this. Having watched Sister Agnes and dreamed of becoming a nun since childhood, she had kept all men at a distance so she could offer everything to God without hesitation. After high school she had remained inside the convent, so the only men she had ever spoken with were the friends from the orphanage and a handful of priests.
Then, like a sudden crash, Tezman had shattered her world. Whenever Sua remembered the kiss, her cheeks would burn for no reason and her heart would race; each time she entered the church she found herself unconsciously scanning the space around her.
In case he might be there.
“...No.”
Her tearful voice sounded like a scream. This was unmistakable corruption. That man was the serpent who had offered her the forbidden fruit. Whether she had wanted it or not, Sua had bitten. Once tasted, the memory would never leave her. It had already taken root deep inside her body and would surge up without warning.
Sua shook her head fiercely.
“...No. It cannot be.”
Strength poured into her tightly clasped hands.
“Please… lead me not into temptation.”
She had already taken her temporary vows. Only the final vows ceremony remained before she would be a true nun. This must be God’s test before she made those lifelong promises, Sua told herself, steeling her heart once more.
Do not waver. You must not waver.
“Sister.”
Why did that terribly low, resonant voice sound so sweet? Knowing exactly who it belonged to, Sua kept her head bowed.
“Praying again, I see.”
The quiet church filled with the echo of dress shoes. The measured footsteps—neither loud nor soft—drew nearer, and with each one Sua’s heartbeat grew louder.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Please, let it not be him. As she pretended to pray, she felt a presence settle beside her. Her clasped hands tightened of their own accord.
He sat down quietly next to her. Seeing her shoulders flinch, the corner of Tezman’s mouth curved. He rested an elbow on the back of the pew and propped his chin on his hand. His watchful eyes fixed on her, openly studying. He wanted to see how she would respond.
Even with her eyes closed she felt the heat of his gaze. At last Sua opened them. Her slender fingers moved from forehead to chest, left shoulder to right, tracing the cross. Tezman, who had been observing in silence, slowly spoke.
“You really do love to pray.”
Blind faith in another person was possible. Cact, Duhan, and Leroy followed him with absolute devotion. But God was different. It fascinated him that she could believe so utterly in an invisible, nonexistent being.
Honestly, fascination was not all he felt. It irritated him. The way every part of Sua’s being was turned toward that entity called God.
“Do people usually pray that much?”
Sua slowly turned toward the man beside her. Against her pale face, the unusual redness around her eyes caught his attention.
“Did you come to pray?”
“What if I said I came to see you, Sister?”
Her eyes trembled with tension. The sight stirred a sadistic hunger in him—the desire to make her cry and then comfort her, a thoroughly perverse impulse. Suppressing the dark swirl of emotion, Tezman spoke as gently as he could.
“I was thinking of becoming a devout believer, starting today.”
He despised the tiresome necessity of wearing a mask in front of others. Yet here he was, doing exactly that, spouting nonsense.
“...Pardon?”
“Because of you, Sister, I thought I might try believing in God a little.”
A languid smile spread across his lips.
“So what should I do?”
Blinking, Sua studied his face before asking carefully, “Do you mean it?”
Instead of answering, Tezman nodded. Sua’s face bloomed with surprise.
“You must repent!”
Repent? Facing the man who looked as if he had never heard the word, Sua hurried on.
“Ah, I mean… you confess the wrong things you’ve done to God and receive His forgiveness.”
“If I confess my wrongs, I’ll be forgiven?”
“Yes. If you truly repent and walk the right path, He will forgive you.”
A hollow laugh slipped from his lips. Forgiving every sin? Who forgave whom? It was absurd, but to reassure the little rabbit in front of him he had to pretend to believe it.
“Ah, that makes a great deal of sense. So, Sister, is it enough to simply confess?”
Sua regarded him with wary eyes, then asked with a serious expression, “Do you truly wish to become a believer?”
“It’s not a lie.”
“Then first… try praying. Come to Mass, listen to the priest’s words, attend catechism for candidates, and formally request baptism. After that…”
He had imagined that declaring belief in God would be the end of it, but there was far more to do. Though he hated anything troublesome, watching Sua explain with such earnest passion made him think he might endure it after all.
“Did you hear everything?”
Of course he had not. He was barely keeping his sanity, fighting the urge to bite those chattering lips, push his tongue between them, and lick every inch of her mouth. Oblivious to it all, Sua received his nod.
“Then shall we begin with prayer? Clasp your hands like this…”
The lashes beneath her closed eyes were dizzyingly lovely.
“You don’t need to say anything grand yet. Just be honest.”
“Honest?”
Before she could finish, Tezman—hands clasped in the same manner—continued.
“You said that if I honestly confess and ask for forgiveness, that would be enough?”
Sua, eyes now open, looked at him. His golden irises were like black holes; stare too long and one might be pulled inside.
“Ah… yes.”
The moment she answered, he turned to face forward and closed his eyes.
“I will confess honestly, so please forgive me for everything.”
“You don’t have to speak aloud—”
“I want to kiss you.”
What had she just heard? A kiss? While Sua went deathly pale and lost the power of speech, Tezman remained perfectly relaxed.
“I want to slip my tongue between your lips, Sister, and lick every corner. Eventually bite and suck until you faint.”
“…S-stop…”
“Please forgive me.”
Tezman slowly opened his eyes and turned to look at her.
“Ha.”
Those wide, flustered crimson eyes—he wanted to lick them right then and there.
“Why, Sister?”
He tilted his head toward her.
“You told me I had to confess honestly.”
“B-but that kind of thing…!”
“That kind of thing?”
Her parted lips pressed shut. One was supposed to be honest before God. Moreover, this was a prayer of repentance, confessing impure thoughts and seeking forgiveness. She could not call it wrong.
“…From now on, when you pray, do not speak the words aloud. Offer them silently in your heart.”
“If I keep them in my heart, how will God hear?”
“He will hear. Therefore, never speak them out loud.”
She was terrified he might do so in front of Father Vincenzo or the other parishioners.
“Also, although I have completed my temporary vows and am a nun, I am not yet fully professed. I will soon take my final vows and become a proper nun. So please refrain from coming so close to me.”
“Why can’t I come close to you, Sister?”
“…Because I have promised God I will offer Him everything. Poverty, chastity, obedience. I can give all of myself only to the Lord.”
A crack appeared in his smooth brow. Poverty, chastity, obedience. There was no chance Tezman would welcome such outdated words. And to offer everything only to God? His dormant possessive instinct stirred. Perhaps he should simply take her to his estate and lock her away. Dark thoughts rose one after another.
“Ah. I see.”
Yet what Tezman truly wanted was different. He wanted her blind faith directed at him, not God. That would mean her complete corruption.
Until then, he would give her what she asked for.
“I understand, Sister.”
Even pretending to accept her outrageous claim that she could offer everything only to God.