I Need to See for Myself
In the utterly colorless space, a middle-aged man approached Park Taein as he walked down the gray hallway. The man, smiling broadly, was his former supervisor. He gave Taein’s shoulder a light, familiar pat.
“You little rascal. I hear you pulled off something big this time. Word is you cleaned out every last one of those bastards in the Philippines. It’s all anyone’s talking about.”
The news had clearly spread far if even his old supervisor, now assigned to another team, had heard. Taein gave a small shake of his head. There was no need to make a big deal of it.
“It was nothing special.”
“Nothing special? Kid, everyone’s saying you’re incredible. There’s even talk of a special promotion.”
“It’s just talk.”
“Just talk? Look at you pretending to be humble!”
The man ruffled Taein’s hair. As a detective in the Narcotics and Organized Crime Division of the National Investigation Headquarters, Taein had already earned a reputation in the bureau for taking down major drug syndicates that even veteran officers couldn’t touch.
“Please stop.”
“All right, all right. Oh, I heard you’re taking some time off?”
Taein smiled and ran a hand through his now-messy hair.
“Yes. I received a commendation leave, and the Commissioner said all my unused reward days were piling up, so I should take this chance to rest properly.”
“Good. A man needs to rest. Keep working like a machine and you’ll burn out. So where are you headed? Shouldn’t you go overseas somewhere?”
There was only one place Park Taein wanted to go—the place where he had grown up, the only home he had ever truly known.
“...I’m going to see the Sisters.”
The man paused, his expression turning solemn. Knowing Taein’s background, he quickly covered his awkwardness with an exaggerated laugh.
“Ah, right. Have a good trip. Will you see that friend you’re always looking at photos of? What was her name again…”
“Han Sua.”
“Yes, her. It’d be nice if you two could meet.”
“I want to, but I’m not sure if it’ll work out. She’s probably still at the convent.”
Just thinking of Sua brought a gentle curve to Taein’s lips. Had she taken her final vows by now? She had promised to contact him if she did, so perhaps she hadn’t yet. The last time he had seen her was a full three years ago.
“I’ll be going now.”
“Take care and rest well!”
Taein bowed deeply and turned away. His steps led straight to the parking lot.
“Sua.”
She was the childhood friend he had grown up with in the orphanage. They had grown apart after he moved to Seoul to begin his career as a detective, but to him, Han Sua was family—blood or not. The same was true of Sister Agnes. The thought of seeing them after so long made his heart light. He quickened his pace.
“Should I call ahead?”
They exchanged occasional updates, but he had been completely consumed lately with the arrest of a major Korean drug lord operating in the Philippines and hadn’t managed a single call.
Settling into the driver’s seat, Taein pulled out his wallet. In an age when everyone preferred sleek card holders, he still carried this worn bifold for one reason: it was the gift Han Sua had given him when he graduated from the police academy.
When he opened it, a single photograph greeted him. In it, two young faces smiled back—his own and Sua’s. It had been taken on their high school graduation day.
Gazing at the photo with tender eyes, Taein reached for his phone to call Sister Agnes, then set it down again. If anything serious had happened, they would have contacted him. Since he was going after such a long time, he wanted to surprise them.
Imagining Sister Agnes’s warm welcome and Sua’s bright smile beside her, he placed his hands on the steering wheel.
“Just thinking about it makes me want to see them right away.”
He pressed down on the accelerator. The drive would take hours, but Taein didn’t stop once. Even pausing felt like a waste of time.
All he could think about was seeing them as soon as possible—both Sister Agnes and Sua.
After driving straight for three hours, he arrived. Inside the stopped car, his eyes sparkled as they fixed on the church.
There stood the small church, the convent that looked like an annex beside it, and the long building next to that—the orphanage where both he and Sua had grown up.
Just looking at it brought back a flood of old memories. How Sua had loved peering at the wildflowers in front of the church, and the time he had dug up a whole armful of nameless blossoms from the mountain for her, only to be thoroughly scolded by the director nun.
Even the scolding had felt happy. After lingering in those memories for a long while, Taein stepped out of the car. He checked his watch. The sisters should have finished their prayers and be taking a short rest by now.
Since he couldn’t enter the convent without permission, he decided to stop by the church first to pray.
“Oh my… is that you, Taein?”
A familiar, welcoming voice. He turned toward it and saw Sister Agnes standing there.
“Sister…?”
“Taein!”
Warm wrinkles formed around her gently curved eyes. Taein walked quickly to her side and smiled the same way he had as a child.
“Sister, I’m here.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would have prepared something delicious. Have you been well? How is work? You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?”
She bombarded him with questions like a worried mother. Taein waved both hands in protest.
“I’m fine! Work has been going so well that I even received a commendation leave. Maybe being a police officer really is my calling, Sister.”
“You always said you would become a policeman when you were little, and now you’ve grown into such a fine one.”
Just as they had sung about in their childhood, both Sua and he had become exactly what they dreamed of—a nun and a police officer.
“It’s all thanks to you, Sister. Sua became a nun, and I became a detective.”
It lasted only a moment, but Sister Agnes’s expression faltered.
“Why? Sister, did something happen to Sua?”
Working as a detective had sharpened more than just his observational skills. They said you developed an instinct for spotting criminals at a glance; it seemed he had gained other instincts as well.
The instinct that something was wrong.
“Taein.”
Contrary to his fears, Sister Agnes continued with a calm, peaceful face.
“Shall we talk for a moment?”
She led him to the statue of the Virgin Mary across from the church. Small benches nearby made it the perfect quiet spot for conversation.
Sitting beside him, Sister Agnes began to speak—about Sua. How she had sent her to Italy just before she was to take her final vows. How Sua had met a good man there and chosen to leave the convent.
The story was so unbelievable that Taein rejected it outright.
“What are you saying, Sister? Sua has wanted to be a nun since she was a child. Does it make any sense that she would abandon that after just a few months because of a man?”
“Yes.”
Sister Agnes answered so simply that Taein could only stare at her in disbelief.
“Sua wanted to become a nun because she looked up to me. I was like a mother to her, and she wanted to stay close. That’s why I deliberately sent her away. I thought if she saw a larger world and experienced more, she might discover what she truly wanted.”
Taein frowned. Deliberately sent her. That sounded like nothing more than discouraging Sua from becoming a nun.
“But that… doesn’t mean you sent her to meet a man.”
“It didn’t matter what it was. If it was what Sua wanted, I wanted to support her.”
“Even so, Sister! She threw away all those years of devotion for a man she’d only known a few months? I can’t believe that. There must be another reason. Sua would never…”
She was the child who had wanted only to become a nun. Pure, spotless, the kind of person who should never be touched by any stain. At least, that was how she had always been in Taein’s eyes.
“Taein.”
As if to soothe his rising agitation, Sister Agnes gently patted his hand.
“Calm yourself, dear.”
“How can I be calm? Sua might be in danger. She’s not the kind of person who would…” He let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair.
He had deliberately refrained from contacting her, afraid he would become an obstacle. Because it was the dream she had cherished for so long, he had never confessed his feelings. He hadn’t wanted to stand in the way of that dream.
Because she dreamed of becoming a nun, he had been able to suppress his emotions. He had told himself that simply watching over her was enough.
Yet not only had she given her heart to a man, she had even left the convent for him.
“Taein…”
“I need to see for myself. I have to go confirm it.”
“What?”
Leaving the startled Sister Agnes behind, Taein rose from the bench.
“I’ll go to where Sua is. I have to see her. Only then will I be able to accept it.”
“Taein…”
He simply could not believe it. He needed to see it with his own eyes.
“Please give me Sua’s contact information.”