A Voice from Home
Sua had been awake for some time, yet the voices drifting from the study kept her rooted in place. Tezman seemed busy from the moment he woke. He was on the phone with someone, then alternating conversations with Cact and Leroy.
She had meant to slip into the study during a quiet moment, but instead she remained trapped in bed. After fidgeting restlessly beneath the covers for a long while, a sudden thought struck her. Sua sat bolt upright.
Since she had chosen to accept Tezman despite knowing he was mafia, she could no longer hide or live in fear.
Sua headed for the dressing room and opened a drawer. She took out the neatly arranged phone, then sat down at the vanity with quiet resolve. The moment she pressed the power button and the signal connected, a flood of messages poured in.
Sua, dear. This is Sister Agnes. Please call me back.
I'm getting worried because I haven't heard from you. Nothing bad has happened, has it? If you're choosing not to contact me because of your decision, you don't need to worry about that.
I'm always on your side, Sua.
As Sua read through the messages one by one, the final words from Sister Agnes brought a rush of tears.
The simple assurance that she was always on her side touched Sua so deeply that the thought of how foolishly she had let fear drive her away made her heart ache. Far from being disappointed, Sister Agnes had worried about her well-being instead. The realization made it impossible for Sua to stop crying.
Fearing she might disturb Tezman while he worked, Sua pressed a hand over her mouth and continued to weep as she dialed Sister Agnes's number.
The line barely rang before it clicked, and the voice she had missed so desperately came through the receiver.
"S-Sua? Is that you, Sua?"
The usually composed Sister Agnes was stammering as she called her name. The sound of her voice made the emotions Sua had been holding back surge forward.
“... Sister...”
"Oh, Lord... thank you. Sua, are you all right? Has something happened?"
“Yes, I... I'm fine. It's just...”
The words wouldn't come. As guilt made her wipe at her eyes again, Sister Agnes's gentle voice reached her through the phone.
"Is it because of your withdrawal from the convent?"
“... You must be so disappointed. After I said I wanted to become a nun just like you...”
"Sua."
The warm voice seemed to gently caress her aching heart.
"Leaving the convent doesn't mean you've abandoned God. Didn't I tell you? I thought it would be better for you to see and feel more of the world before making your choice."
Sister Agnes's tone remained calm, as if she had anticipated that Sua might leave the order.
"Sua, did you truly want to become a nun for yourself? Or was it because of me?"
Sua's parted lips froze. The reason had been simple. The nun who had stood by her side through pain and joy alike. Sister Agnes had become a natural object of admiration for Sua. And Sua had wanted to become just like her.
"It always made me sad. That you wanted to become a nun simply because I was someone you looked up to, without ever considering your own feelings or desires."
An object of admiration. Only now did it make sense. Why Sister Agnes had stopped her when, at the very end of her temporary vows, Sua had naturally tried to apply for her final vows.
"That's why I wanted you to see a wider world. There are so many wonderful and beautiful things out there. It wouldn't be too late to choose after experiencing a little more."
A soft, affectionate laugh came through the receiver.
"I planned to support you even if, after seeing and feeling it all, you still chose to become a nun."
“... Sister...”
Tears poured from her eyes once more. It had all been for her. Giving her spending money and sending her to Italy simply because Sua had blindly admired her and wanted to follow in her footsteps. Everything had been so that Sua could experience a bigger world, feel more, and then make her own choice.
“I didn't even realize... hic.”
"Don't cry, Sua. This sister is actually very happy. It seems our Sua has finally found something she truly wants to do. God might scold me for saying this, but I think He would understand."
“Sister...”
"So tell me, what did you choose? Will you share it with me?"
At Sister Agnes's question, Sua hesitated. She worried the nun would be disappointed to learn that she hadn't left to pursue a calling, but simply because of a man.
But the thought quickly changed. No matter what choice Sua made, she knew Sister Agnes would support her. With renewed resolve, Sua slowly began to speak.
“I've fallen in love with a man. At first I tried to push him away... but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't.”
Tezman's face naturally rose in her mind.
“His face kept coming back to me. I prayed several times for God not to let me fall into temptation...”
Sua took a short breath before continuing.
“In the end... even though I knew he would corrupt me, I still wanted to take his hand.”
Knowing he would corrupt her. Even now it didn't make sense, yet she had no regrets.
“So I've fallen. That's what I've done.”
"Sua. Love itself is not a bad thing. It's simply not permitted for those in religious orders. What in this world is more beautiful than love?"
It was the same soothing voice she had used when Sua was young, whenever the girl felt sad or discouraged.
"You've already withdrawn from the convent, so you're no longer a nun bound by vows. You can lay down that burden now."
“... Can I really do that?”
"Of course. You know that God is a merciful being."
The gentle voice seemed to steady the heart that had been wandering without direction.
"So this man you like... could you introduce him to me someday? Much, much later, of course."
Without the slightest hesitation, Sua answered.
“Of course.”
Sua smiled. After they exchanged a few more words about each other's well-being and said their goodbyes, the expression on Sua's face as she ended the call was the lightest it had been in a long time.
She slowly turned Sister Agnes's words over in her mind, then suddenly stood up. Forgetting entirely that he was working, she threw open the bedroom door.
“Tezman!”
Her bright voice—one he had never heard before—startled not only Tezman but Cact and Leroy as well.
“I, um... I have something to tell you.”
At her words, he gave Cact and Leroy a look that clearly meant they should leave. While the two men quietly exchanged glances with the pair and slipped out of the study so as not to intrude, Sua's gaze remained fixed on Tezman.
Once he confirmed they were alone, he held out his hand to her.
“Come here.”
Sua placed her hand in his palm and smiled up at him.
“I... I spoke with Sister Agnes on the phone.”
The flush on her face made it obvious she had heard good news. Tezman pulled her close by the waist and settled her on his lap.
“And? What did she say?”
“She said she supports my choice.”
Her voice was as excited as her expression, which she couldn't hide.
“I should have called her sooner... I feel silly for worrying so much...”
He stroked her hair gently, the way one might soothe a child.
“You did well, Sua.”
Even though she was a grown woman, she hadn't known how wonderful it could feel to have someone stroke her hair. Sua stayed still, savoring his touch, then spoke again.
“And... I told her about you, too. Not in detail, just...”
It was too embarrassing to say out loud that she had called him the man she liked.
“I introduced you as... the person I want to be with.”
“The person you want to be with?”
He let out a low chuckle and persistently chased her evasive gaze until their eyes met.
“I'd like to be the only person you want to be with, Sua.”
“... Well, here I am, aren't I?”
The way she squeezed her eyes shut as she said it was incredibly endearing. He wanted to sweep her up and carry her straight to bed, but he decided to let her linger a little longer in the warm afterglow of her emotions.
“Sua.”
Instead, he chose to kiss the bridge of her nose. When his lips touched her there, her shoulders twitched as if tickled.
“Introduce me later.”
“Pardon?”
“To Sister Agnes.”
Sua hadn't expected him to be the one suggesting she introduce him to Sister Agnes. She stared at him with genuine surprise, then nodded.
“Oh... she said the same thing. That she wanted to meet you someday.”
“Good. I'm free whenever.”
He gave her cheek a light tap and continued.
“Just tell me. Anytime. Say the word and we'll go.”
Her heart fluttered with pleasant warmth. It felt like all of this was thanks to Tezman. Even if she grinned like a fool, he would still find her beautiful. With a bright smile, Sua leaned her head against his chest.
“Thank you, Tezman.”