Judas of Betrayal
I was born as an illegitimate child of the Balenos family. My grandfather, Kajin Balenos, always told me that I was a disgrace to the family. He said that if I was born a bastard, I should have put in the effort to match, but I never did.
But he, the legitimate son of my great-grandfather Valenos, wouldn't understand. It wasn't that I lacked talent. I simply wasn't born with a massive pool of mana like the rest of them. Despite that, I tried harder than anyone else to keep up with my siblings. Yet, no one ever acknowledged me.
I, who was no different from an ordinary human, was not weak. But compared to the other children of the family, I fell hopelessly short, which was why Kajin Balenos spoke to me in such a way. I hated it. If I managed to wield sword qi, they should have at least praised me. Instead, everyone pointed fingers and mocked me, asking if that was the best I could do. I was, quite literally, the family disgrace.
I was told my father died on the day I was born. My grandfather had countless children, but my father was said to be his favorite. On the day of my birth, in an era where war with demons was a daily occurrence, my father—who had slept with a woman whose face he didn't even know, without even holding a wedding—received the news of my birth.
My father ran. He begged and pleaded with his commander to grant him leave, and as he rushed toward the embrace of his family, he was killed by a demon. I was left in my mother's arms, but she passed away from physical exhaustion before she could even hear the news of his death.
And so, one day, I was left at the doorstep of the Balenos family. Alongside me was a single letter stating that I was the illegitimate child of Karsien Balenos, one of Kajin's many sons.
It was my father who had troubled Kajin, not me. Did I ever ask to be born? If they couldn't take responsibility, they shouldn't have had me in the first place. Why did I have to live while receiving this kind of treatment? What was so great about some family name? What was so great about bloodline?
To outsiders, I would have seemed like a child born of mutual love. But the Balenos family, a clan dedicated to slaughtering demons, did not permit such sentimentality. It was abnormal. I shouldn't have been treated this way.
Perhaps that was why. From the age of fifteen, I decided I had to do whatever it took to gain recognition for my strength.
How much time had passed since then? In that distant memory, my eyes were bloodshot and my hair was disheveled. Yet, it was the day my mind felt clearer than ever before.
"Haha..." At the same time, the sky was perfectly clear. It was the day I crushed the heart of a fire dragon and consumed its Dragon Heart. It tasted fishy, thick, and utterly nauseating. But at the same time, I felt an ecstatic rush of power. The sun, shining down without a single cloud in sight, illuminated the eyes of the massive red dragon. The light shone toward its eyes, but the dead dragon could no longer hold any life.
Living creatures are truly simple. No matter how strong they are, the moment their heart is crushed, they meet their end. It is a dangerous, simple, and utterly magnificent flow.
I truly believed it. By obtaining the dragon's power and wielding fire, I rejected the family of ice. Not only did I despise being the illegitimate child of the Balenos family, but the very name Balenos became an object of my hatred. I had worked so hard to be recognized, rolling in the dirt and doing every humiliating thing imaginable for five years to prove my loyalty.
Yet my grandfather, Kajin, never acknowledged my skill. He told me to cleave mountains and split the sky with a single strike of the sword, using nothing but the blade itself, not sword qi.
...It was insane. Who in their right mind would call that normal? In the first place, the only ones capable of such feats were the three great noble families of the continent: the Balenos family, the Lavi family, and the Rose family. What could I possibly do—I, who couldn't even inherit the Balenos surname, let alone receive a coming-of-age ceremony or bloom my Mana Flower?
So, I stormed out of the family. I couldn't achieve anything within those walls. I couldn't suppress the unknown, boiling urge inside me. Thus, on the day I turned twenty, I squeezed the Dragon Heart of a fire dragon, drank it, and claimed the dragon's power as my own.
Thump, thump. Feeling my heart beating as if it would burst, I thought to myself.
"Only now does it feel like I can breathe."
I wanted to erase every trace of Balenos from my body. But they said my father and mother loved the child in her womb. I wanted to tear out these damn, detestable red eyes and rip away this snow-white hair, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt as though if I cast even this away, I would have absolutely no one left by my side...
"...Me, afraid?"
I was afraid of such a simple action. Because I couldn't throw away the traces of my mother and father. Even though I had never seen their faces, they remained as a lingering attachment—making me sad, angry, and furious. I think I just stood there, crying and laughing like a madman.
I slaughtered the children of the divine dragon and obtained the power of all elements. Without even realizing it, I vented my pent-up wrath by killing demons. Even though I knew doing so aided the cause of the Balenos family, I kept moving. I felt like such an idiot. A complete fool. Even as I rejected the family, my body was still following the will of my great-grandfather. It was a tragicomedy. To be forced to follow a path without ever achieving my own desires.
This pent-up resentment, this hatred, this anger, this rage... and this sorrow. I didn't know where to direct them.
So I walked. I kept walking. I crossed deserts, boarded ships to cross oceans, flew through the skies, and stepped onto the boundary lines of existence. I consumed the power of dragons, aided fallen angels, and slaughtered demons. Before I knew it, I opened my eyes to find myself an apostle of the gods.
Upon the glorious thrones sat various gods. Gods of time, fate, love, souls, earth... and ice and spirits. My great-grandfather was there. But he did not recognize me. Was it because the trace of Balenos within me was too faint? In that place, I felt my resentment flare up once more.
I headed to Pandemonium alongside the archangel. They said the commanders of the demonic legions were mobilizing. The primordial demons were strong, and at the same time, they were free. I knew I shouldn't harbor such thoughts, but knowing did not mean a human could simply abandon their desires. Yes, before I was an angel, I was a human.
The pure white wings gradually staining pitch-black were truly beautiful. My golden halo shattered, transforming into a sharp, black crown. It was the moment the resentment I had bottled up for so long was finally unleashed.
I slept for the first time in a long while. For someone like me, who no longer distinguished between day and night, this was a monumental event. Because I had discarded the power of my family, I was able to absorb various other forces. If I wasn't chosen, all I had to do was steal.
I corrupted every angel that stood by my side, including the archangel. Borrowing the power of the primordial demons, I whispered to them. Coiled around the trees like a serpent, I whispered to the innocent angels. I clearly held the form of a human, but to them, I must have appeared as a cunning snake. But it didn't matter. They had already fallen for the temptation and swallowed the bait.
And so, they accepted corruption. Leading the army of the fallen alongside the primordial demons, I marched toward the heavenly realm. Disguised as an innocent angel, I deceived the gatekeepers to open the gates, and then immediately stabbed them in the back.
The heavenly realm was overrun with demons. It burned, the gods fled, blood was spilled, and I threw myself into the battle.
Boom!
"Who dares mock a god?!"
"Hehe, it's me."
"Hm? Judas. What are you doing here? Hurry and go support... *cough!*"
Fresh blood poured from his stomach. It was my first time seeing it. So, even gods bleed. In the end, even a god is just a living being with a soul. I realized that when they draw close to death, they too cry out in pain.
"...It was you."
"What was?"
"You brought those bastards to the heavenly realm...!"
Grinning. With a twisted smile, I ripped out the god's heart and chewed it up. Even tasting it again, it was always bitter, unpalatable, yet possessed a sickeningly sweet aftertaste.
"You aren't very strong."
But.
"Your power is incredibly sweet."
"...You have fallen."
I met a certain goddess. She possessed an incredibly beautiful and desirable body. If I were still a mere human, I surely would have ravished her. But the essence of my desire was not lust. It was a craving for power. Perhaps that was why I whispered to her as she trembled in terror.
"Hehe, if you just share your power, I won't kill you."
I took her power half-by-force. The reason I didn't kill her or strip away all of her power was because she resembled my mother. I had only ever seen my mother in photographs, but I suppose there was still something that resonated within me.
The power to distort the axis of time and reappear before someone's eyes even if my throat was slit. The power of immortality! This was what they called invincibility. For the first time in a long while, I felt a thrill of ecstasy. With this, I would possess power that wouldn't pale even before the primordial demons.
Nurturing that distant dream, I descended to the mortal realm. In the end, the demons were defeated by the gods. The gods, too, lost many of their own. But none of that mattered to me. Imbued with the power of corruption and able to draw upon magi, I headed to Winterer.
A twisted smile plastered my face. To ensure that no other victims like me would ever be created, I would thin the numbers of that hypocritical family. You could call this my own form of 'consideration' for future generations. Of course, to others, it would look like a massacre.
"...A massacre?"
The opinions of others do not matter. What happened to me when I was bound by their gaze? In the end, didn't I live a life I never wanted? What is so wrong with being true to one's desires? Every human harbors desire. If satisfying those desires is deemed evil, then only a saintly ruler could be called good. But look around. There is no one in this world who does not sin. In the end, don't humans also kill other living things to nourish themselves? I am merely following that same law. The food chain. From this moment on, I will sever the shadows of my past.
In the capital now known as Snow Fall, there once stood a massive castle site. Snow Castle. Atop the ill-fated castle destined to be completely burned down in a civil war, I stood.
"Grandfather, it's been a long time."
"What is the meaning of this wretched state, Judas?"
"Hehe. Aren't you glad to see your grandson?"
"You, who slaughtered my children, are no longer family to me."
Grit. Those words completely ruined my mood. They trampled upon the shred of pity, the fleeting thought of perhaps letting him live, that I had harbored. And so, I resolved to kill him.
"...And were we ever family before?"
"....."
"Grandfather. Don't you think it's strange?"
"What do you mean?"
I mean the very word 'illegitimate' is strange. Why is it that when two people love each other and have a child, that child becomes a bastard instead of a legitimate heir? The other men of the family also love women from other clans and father children. So why is it that only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me, only me...
"...Only me!"
Why was I the only one who couldn't receive the Balenos name, couldn't obtain power, and couldn't be recognized by the family? Why? This is definitely wrong. Yes, it's not my fault. The one who caused this situation, the one who is wrong, isn't me. It's this world.
"...Judas."
"In your eyes, I must be nothing but a madman lost in slaughter."
"You have committed an irreversible sin."
"Haha! Before that, did you ever stop to think about how you all treated me?"
Talking any further is a waste of time. Let's end this. I unleashed the souls of everything I had killed up until now.
The Soul Usurper. That was what the demons of Pandemonium called me.
"...Damn it."
In the end, I couldn't kill him. What was that expression Kajin wore that day? Regret? Hatred? Sorrow? No, the face he showed me in that final moment was one of affection. Why did he make such a face? Why show me that kind of warmth now, of all times? If only you had treated me just a little... just a little better before I became like this, I would have...
I stopped thinking. My thoughts ground to a halt, and tears began to flow. In Pandemonium, where I fled as if running away...
"...Ah."
There was no one left by my side.
"Haha, hahahaha..."
Laughter spilled from my lips.
"Hahaha... Hahahahahahaha..."
A profound madness completely filled my mind. This was not because of the magi drifting through the air, nor was it because I had truly lost my mind. It was simply because this entire situation was so incredibly hilarious.
"Puhahaha!"
No, maybe I really was mad. Even in a moment like this, a demon appeared before my eyes. The demon, silently reaching out a hand, offered a faint smile.
"...!"
Because that figure... that face, that smile, kept overlapping with my grandfather's face.
Splat.
"Hehe..."
I ended up crushing it.
I recall the memories of the past. I stormed out of the family that refused to recognize me even though I possessed strength. I vowed revenge, but I failed. And I realized that I was slowly going mad. No, the one that is mad is the world, not me. Then...
"I can just change the world myself, can't I?"
"Then you can just change the world yourself, can't you?"
A demon whispered back in my own voice.