Wuxia Staple #1: The All-Purpose Aphrodisiac!

How much time had passed? I, Yeonhwa, the 32nd Sect Leader of the Divine Maiden Sect, had finally wrapped up my long, drawn-out cave life ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and was stepping out into the jianghu for my historic debut.

Just one day after becoming a woman, I'd plunged into the swamp of my master's vicious toys and flailed around in near-maddening ecstasy... but by some miracle, I'd clawed back my sanity after a week.

That week in the cave had been a nonstop frenzy of insane "training."

Every single one of the monstrous bopa my master left behind had gnawed away at my reason under the guise of qi cultivation.

When I came to, I was carefully packing those bizarre rods into a huge bundle, sorted by size.

"This is... purely for self-defense. Yeah, as the Sect Leader of the Divine Maiden Sect, I can't just toss out precious sect treasures, right? It's definitely not because I like them!"

I ranted into thin air while bundling up master's secretive, tantalizing toys, then finally stepped out of the cave—spouting lame excuses even though no one was listening.

Whether it was a stellar side effect of the Hwangol Taltae or thanks to a week of hardcore lewd training, my body felt as light as a feather.

As I descended the mountain, the crisp outside air—worlds apart from the stuffy cave—rushed into my nostrils.

"Kyahaha! The air's so fresh and clean. Perfect day for my jianghu debut!"

I spread my arms wide, took a deep breath, and hummed a little tune.

With every step, my body slid forward smoothly before my toes even touched the ground. Who knew mastering peerless martial arts would feel this sweet?

Warm sunlight filtered through the leaves, and the flimsy pink silk robes master left behind fluttered delightfully in the mountain breeze.

High on the thrill of shedding worldly grime to become an absolute peak expert, I leisurely crossed the mountainside, soaking in the scenery for a good while.

Then, riding the pleasant breeze came a faint, fishy stench tickling my nose.

Huh? Blood?

Thanks to the Hwangol Taltae, my senses were dozens of times sharper. I perked my ears, and faint clashes of metal and hoarse shouts echoed from nearby.

Too thick a scent of blood for a simple spar—someone was getting stabbed up bad.

I immediately gathered qi in my dantian and unleashed qinggong.

A light kick off the ground sent me soaring silently into the air—the post-Hwangol Taltae body was straight-up miraculous.

I flitted between trees like a feather and landed softly on a thick branch right above the battlefield.

Peering through the leaves, I took in the tense standoff at a glance.

"That's... six against two?"

In the dusty clearing's center, a brother-sister duo who looked eerily alike panted bloodily, backs pressed together.

Six vicious thugs encircled them, closing in with thick killing intent.

Crouched on the branch, I rested my chin in my hand, eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Hold up, don't forget wuxia rules. The ones getting ganged up on aren't guaranteed good guys. What if these siblings are infamous villains threatening the martial world, and those six are righteous orthodox heroes?

I held back from jumping in, nodding sagely as I eavesdropped, hoping for a twist subverting the cliché.

Then the scarred leader of the six sneered vilely.

"Kuhuhu! You rat bastards held out pretty long with that poison in ya! Brothers, chop the guy's limbs off and kill him—subdue the bitch alive!"

"Hehehe! Boss, can we brothers take turns fucking her raw all night?"

"Of course! Sever her tendons so she can't resist, then savor her at leisure! Kyahaha!"

Their lowbrow, textbook third-rate extra dialogue hit me like a wet fart—my serious tree-perch pose deflated instantly.

...Yeah, I was wrong.

No twist here—the ironclad truth of the jianghu: the gangbangers are always the bad guys.

"Alright, historic first real combat for the Divine Maiden Sect's 32nd Sect Leader. You pathetic shits are in for it today."

I gathered inner force in my toes and lightly kicked the branch.

Paat!

My body shot into the air, ignoring gravity like it was nothing, floating down feather-light.

Master's sole legacy—the sheer, see-through pink silk skirt—fluttered gorgeously in the wind.

Kya! This is it! The perfect dramatic entrance every wuxia protag dreams of!

Even to me, my descent looked like a peerless fairy fresh from the ninth heaven.

Savoring the thrill inside, I pulled qi from ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my dantian toward the bandits below.

"Halt!"

My unbelievably clear, resonant shout echoed thunderously through the woods. Instantly, their eyes snapped upward, weapons raised.

The moment my ethereal figure—silhouetted against the sun—hit their dull gazes, they all gawked, frozen like ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠statues.

I seized the opening. Twisting midair, I unleashed the Divine Maiden Sect's signature art without hesitation.

Here goes—my first palm wind ever!

Kwaaaang!

Crimson palm force erupted from my pale, exquisite palm, slamming earthward with ferocious momentum. The flashy strike swept precisely over the three dazed bandits.

"Gaaah!" "Kuhk!"

One blast, and the three hulks flew like ragdolls, crashing into the dirt, foaming at the mouth in a faint.

Sa-pok.

I landed gracefully, not a speck of dust on me. Silence choked the clearing as the dust settled.

Half their crew down in one hit—the remaining three bandits and the near-dead siblings all gaped at me, mouths unclosing.

Kya, insane. I was straight-up badass just now.

I cheered inwardly. Nailing a textbook wuxia entrance in real life! Clean landing, one-shot kill—perfection.

They must be dying to know who I am. Alright, since I'm in the zone, drop a classic hero line.

I suppressed a grin, schooling my face to icy aloofness. I flicked my silk sleeve, tilted my chin, and spoke.

"This lady... er, this maiden is but a passing traveler. I could not stand by while the dao of the jianghu lay trampled and innocents suffered."

My voice—like jade pearls on a silver tray, clear and resonant—rang through the woods. Overwhelmed by my visuals and tone, even the bloodied siblings stared blankly, spellbound.

Buzzing from my flawless entrance, I intoned solemnly like a merciful absolute expert.

"Kneel now, confess your crimes, and I shall spare your worthless lives."

My crisp command jolted the bandit leader back to his senses—he flinched. The creep who'd leered earlier now drooled slack-jawed at my unreal beauty.

But true to third-rate villain form, he coughed and twisted his face into a snarl.

"Kh, khem! You know some kung fu, bitch, but don't underestimate us! We're proud heroes of the greenwood forest—from the Heuksanchae!"

I snorted at his puffed-up chest and proud declaration.

"Greenwood heroes my ass. You're just highway-robbing bandits."

"Y-You bitch!"

Flushing beet-red at my fact-bomb, the leader snarled and plunged a hand into his bosom furiously.

"Atone with your body, slut!"

Paat!

His hand slashed air, unleashing a crimson powder cloud thick enough to blind me.

But such cheap tricks don't faze a post-Hwangol Taltae absolute peak. I casually circulated qi, wrapping my body in Hosin Ganggi.

Shhhk!

The red powder bounced harmlessly off my invisible qi wall before it could touch me.

"Wh-What?! Hosin Ganggi? A young bitch like you wielding peak-expert aura?!"

"Tch, spraying powder like a coward?"

I sneered coldly and raised my palm casually.

Kwaaang!

"Gaaaaah!"

Immense palm force stormed his gut—he spun three times midair before smashing into a distant tree trunk, out cold.

"Whew, my charm works on bandits too."

I dusted my hands leisurely—then a sticky moan came from behind.

"Ah, aaah... my body's... so hot... big brother..."

"Kuhuk! This boiling heat... huff, huff! S-Sister...!"

Turning, I saw the fallen siblings writhing on the dirt, panting raggedly. Their faces burned scarlet; the sister clawed her collar, eyes glazing over.

Oh shit!

It clicked—the red powder I'd bounced off had ridden the wind straight to the siblings behind me!

"No way it backfired like this?"

I averted my eyes awkwardly and turned my fury on the two remaining bandits, pale and stammering.

"You cowardly bastards! Dosing innocent siblings with poison?!"

"Wha?! N-No, it was the boss who—!"

"Shut it! Villains don't get excuses!"

Poowuk! Kwangtang!

I blasted palm winds nonstop, yeeting the protesting pair clean out of sight. Evidence disposed of, I rushed to check the siblings.

"Hey, snap out of it! What kind of poison is—!"

"Haa, haak... so hot... brother, please... someone, just do me... aaang..."

"L-Little sis...! Guh, my yang qi’s gonna burst... sister...!"

The brother eyed his blood kin with beastly lust despite his wounds; the sister forgot her pain, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠rubbing her thighs and crawling into his arms.

In broad daylight, in the woods, siblings on the verge of taboo—the sticky, dizzying vibe froze me like lightning-struck.

Wait... not bleeding out, but feverish mind-loss from red powder? And they're siblings! No way...!

Yep. The item any wuxia reader knows: debut #1, plot-hole king, forced-smut master key.

Chun Yak.

Crazy! It's that! The miracle cure-all where the poisoned girl needs dick to detox!

Web novel comment wars from my past life flashed by.

I clutched my forehead, face ashen.

Right, I upvoted those comments...! Why's this contrived Chun Yak bullshit happening right in front of me?!

Left alone, forget jianghu dao—this was about to become an irreversible incest soap opera before my eyes.