Chapter 7

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Translator: penny

Chapter: 7

Chapter Title: Rock Hard Dick

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"It's not a monster! Please help us get out of the forest!"

I acted with all my desperation.

"Why should we?"

"If you help, I'll reward you!"

I raised both hands to show I had no intention of fighting.

"What should we do, Craig?"

'Craig!'

The bearded young man next to the elf was stroking his chin, deep in thought.

He seemed younger than the nearby old men, but was he the leader here?

If so, he might be the one I needed to watch out for most.

...And that woman in black armor sitting on the distant carriage.

She looked like the strongest one here, no question.

Her helmet was pulled low, so I couldn't even tell where she was looking.

"He's so suspicious it's actually intriguing."

'Yeah, I figured.'

"Let's just leave him. The elves might catch ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠up any minute."

This outfit had its advantages, too.

They were wary of the elves' pursuit, so it never crossed their minds that I might be on the elves' side.

"Um... are you traders dealing with elves? You're doing such noble work."

"What makes you say that?"

"I saw a pretty elf girl with you... I really like elves myself..."

The man called Craig hugged the elf girl affectionately and spoke.

"What an rude thing to say. This woman is the girl I'm going to marry. My precious fiancée."

'Heh.'

Look at this bastard.

"I don't sell elves. Seems like you've misunderstood. There's no way I'd do something so cruel, right?"

"Y-Yeah! I'm going to marry big brother Craig."

I got the picture now...

No wonder I'd been wondering how he'd escaped an elf who could detect lies.

"Big brother never lies."

"Let's have the wedding with all your sisters together, peacefully. Anya."

"Yes!"

So he'd seduced her with this utterly ridiculous 'sincerity.'

Even if she could discern lies, an elf girl with poor judgment might fall for it anyway.

In other words, it wasn't a forcible kidnapping.

'This is tricky...'

The victim didn't even realize she was a victim and was clinging to him.

She wouldn't cooperate ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with a rescue, and who knew what chaos might ensue.

"Sorry. I was terribly rude."

Craig smiled warmly, playing the kind and gentle 'big brother.'

"No harm done. You couldn't have known."

"Actually, I saw an elf nearby who was injured in the leg and couldn't move."

"Hm?"

"I was going to tell you the location in case you needed her..."

As I gently coaxed him like that, Craig's expression turned thoughtful.

"Craig, you think it's an elf that got separated from the group during the orc fight earlier?"

"Maybe..."

"Big brother! Help her. That elf must be so pitiful..."

"Hmm, should we, Anya?"

It was his fiancée's request. He couldn't refuse.

Craig accepted the suggestion to keep up his 'good brother' act,

but deep down, he was probably thrilled at the prospect of another elf.

'The immense value of even one elf is easy enough to guess.'

"Could you tell us the location? If it checks out, we'll protect her."

Kuh...

Things had been going too smoothly.

He had no intention of taking my word at face value.

"Yes, about ten minutes in that direction."

"Then wait here a bit. Until the search party returns."

Three men had split off from the caravan party. The guards around Craig looked noticeably thinner, opening up gaps I could exploit.

I pointed to a nearby rock.

"Mind if I sit there in the meantime? My legs are killing me from walking here."

"......"

Time to get bold!

Craig sighed and gave a nod.

That bought me a little time while my fake info got verified.

"White brother. Have some of this."

"...Thanks."

Anya, as she was called, was sweet-hearted, too.

Round, big emerald eyes and long, flowing golden hair.

A pure girl who suited her white dress perfectly. She handed me a canteen while Craig was away briefly.

'What kind of guy leaves his fiancée alone with a shady stranger.'

But that blatant asshole moment might actually work in my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠favor.

"Anya, do you have other fiancées besides you?"

"Yes!"

"Doesn't it bother you having multiple wives? Just one husband."

"My sisters said elves have to take good care of one husband together."

Elves preferred polygamy, huh. Given their gender ratio, it made sense.

Sharing seed from one male would be advantageous.

I pictured Kana and Ellie on both arms, and got a little excited.

"I see. They must all be as cute as you, Anya. Do you know where they are?"

"Over there. They were supposed to catch up a bit later."

I checked the direction Anya pointed.

Good. Spotted the separated baggage cart, too... Craig must've gone to check it.

"White brother, why are you wearing that?"

"Ah, this?"

"It looks like a hero or something."

'Heroes exist here too? Skin-tight fashion ones, even...'

"Something like that."

A hero kids couldn't see: Semen Man.

"Won't your sisters worry? You okay not going back?"

"I want to see the outside world. Big brother said he'd show me. There are huge dragons and pretty cities."

"Anya! Don't talk to strangers."

Just then, Craig returned and roughly grabbed Anya's wrist.

"Ah, sorry..."

"What were you talking about?"

"Um..."

"Just some outside world stories. Dragons, pretty cities. Haha. Such a cute fiancée."

"...Is that so."

'He's starting to get suspicious of me.'

Might be reaching my limit on stalling.

"Anya. Go join the other wives. Time to move soon."

'He caught on?'

"Okay, but..."

"Listen to big brother, right? Wives who marry obey their husband."

"...Yes!"

'This fucking bastard.'

What kind of bullshit ideology did he brainwash her with?

Seeing her innocently agree made my stomach turn.

"The search party's almost back."

"Helping an injured elf... you're such a kind soul."

"Ah, I like elves. Soft skin, so pretty."

"High merchandise value, too."

"Y... Ahem. What do you mean by that?"

By now, they'd have seen it, right?

The elves were probably tracking Anya's movements.

In the meantime, I'd been gently coaxing Craig.

"Come on, no need to be like that. Fellow refined tastes—we should chat nicely. I've got money, you know."

"...Hmmm~~. Tricky. Hard to keep a straight face with a fellow epicure."

"Knew it. You're one of us."

"Haha. And you look like no ordinary pervert yourself."

This fucking prick.

...Can't deny looking like a pervert, though.

"Like my elf gift? Full-grown adult elf—might not suit your gentlemanly tastes, Craig."

"Docile girls who obey are fun to break in."

"Couldn't agree more."

"Meeting a like-minded soul here... shall we talk business later?"

"What kind?"

Craig leaned in and whispered.

"Don't you want to plunge these cute ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠elves—who think they're in love—into the abyss of despair?"

"Oh ho... Such a formal gentleman."

"Heh heh heh. Some things you can't say where others hear."

Everyone chuckled and nodded along with Craig.

"But they're head over heels for you, Craig. Won't they hate me if I take them?"

"That's the point."

Craig snapped his fingers proudly.

"Planning a grand wedding event. Pump them full of happiness, then drop them hard. Can you imagine the package price?"

"...Steep. Very steep."

"At the end, shove a contract saying 'Quality Certified by Craig' in their faces. Those tears will taste delicious."

"Contract's part of the package, of course?"

Craig looked at me like it was obvious.

"All prepared. With wedding props."

That was enough.

I dusted off and stood.

"Problem with perverts like you."

"Hm?"

"You know it's fucked up, but you gotta brag about it to everyone."

"...What?"

"You're fucked."

Craig noticed my eyes change and drew his sword.

"Damn it! Battle stations!"

"Caaaaptain!!!"

As I yelled,

arrows whistled from ahead, dropping several men in an instant.

"Argh!"

"My leg!"

'All non-lethal shots!'

Impressive marksmanship!

The knee-shot ones writhed on the ground, unable to stand.

But Craig deflected arrows with his sword and lunged at me.

"You bastard, you're with the elves?!"

"Elves surprisingly like guys like me. Not that I've pulled shit on kids like you. Fair and square!!"

"Die!"

Whoosh!

'Shit!'

Fuck, he went straight for the stab when things went south!

I drew my shortsword to block, but his swordsmanship was leagues better. Had to admit it.

Puk!

"Guh!"

Stabbed in the solar plexus, but the tights' insane defense stopped the blade.

"Kuh!?"

"Eat this!"

I hurled the shortsword at him and backpedaled.

In that brief moment before his next attack.

"Hands off him."

Kana appeared, bow trained on Craig's head.

"Kuh!"

"Whoa, Kana's the best!"

"Jeong Jae-hyeok, you okay? This guy's a total scumbag?"

"Fucking worst. Shoot his dick!!"

"Got it!"

Then the unexpected—no, the worst predictable—happened.

"No! Don't shoot big brother!"

Anya rushed in, screaming to protect her beloved brother.

Kana hesitated in shock.

"Krut!"

Craig sprang up, sword in hand.

No! Kana's gonna get stabbed!!

"Die!"

"You fucker, who said you could?!"

Semen Man drop kick!!

But because I'd anticipated that 'worst case,'

I saved Kana at the critical moment.

"Gahk!"

Craig flew back from the hit.

Kana blinked wide-eyed, saved unexpectedly by me.

"Th-Thanks."

"No one to fight, so you go after a kid?"

"Th-That girl followed me because she w-wanted to!! Anya and I are truly in love!"

"Bullshit. Down you go."

"Craig brother!"

Kana hugged and shielded Anya as she ran to save 'Craig brother.'

I stuck to Craig like glue as he tried to press the attack on Kana.

That attitude treating me like no obstacle at all!

I'll cling like a leech just to piss him off!!

"I'll keep you busy till your captain arrives!"

"Trash like you, a hundred couldn't touch me! Get lost!"

He swung reflexively.

Then my whole body chilled.

His swing was aimed right at my protruding dick.

'Uh...?'

Oh, f-fuck.

When did it get hard? Battle excitement?

My proud massive cock was out like 'Hey, here's a dick perfect for slicing~,'

and Craig didn't hesitate.

Clang!!

"?"

"?"

But the sound was bizarre for hitting flesh.

Craig flinched like his hand hurt from striking something hard,

and the sword that hit my dick had all its teeth chipped off.

Craig gaped at the sight and yelled.

"Y-You crazy fuck!! Why is your dick so fucking hard!!?"

"Fuck. Not the line you wanna hear from another dude!"

"Who says it cuz they wanna?!"

Clang! Clang!

Craig kept slashing at my dick, but it didn't hurt a bit against the sharp blade.

If anything, it got fuller erect, showing off.

Kana covered Anya's eyes in panic,

elves who'd come to help and the caravan adventurers still standing were all mesmerized by my performance.

...Every eye locked on my dick.

Clang! Clang! Clang!!

Impossible not to stare.

A madman cursing while hacking at someone else's dick full force,

or the white freak tanking it with his dick.

"That all?"

"You...!!"

Nice work tiring yourself out whacking my dick.

Exposing a huge opening from his big swings, I gathered all my power for the counter.

He realized too late.

'A dick harder than steel.'

I instinctively knew the optimal attack the suit wanted now.

I surrendered to instinct, snapping my spine forward like a cannonball at him.

"Argh!!"

Craig took a fatal dick stab to the gut, clothes shredding as he rolled across the ground.

His underwear getting utterly destroyed felt random as hell.

'Didn't wanna see a guy's naked ass.'

"Tiny dick still flapping around."

I struck a pose to cap off this once-in-a-lifetime victory.

It was spring.