The Death of the Sun
After that, Seon Taeyang remained constantly by Gyeowool’s side. During the funeral rites, the final farewells, the memorial services, the departure ceremony, and the procession—he was always there with her. At times, people who appeared to be his coworkers or members of the girl group he managed came to visit, but he firmly turned them away.
Gyeowool already knew she had taken up far too much of his time, yet at the crematorium she asked once more.
“Are you sure this is all right?”
“What do you mean?”
“…Spending so much time with me like this.”
“I told you, didn’t I? I’ve got plenty of time.”
“…That’s a lie. I know how busy you are.”
Gyeowool realized she was whining like a child. The thought startled her. She worried the petulance might leave a bad impression. She was about to apologize when Taeyang gently ran his fingers through her tangled hair, as if it didn’t bother him at all.
“No matter how busy I am, I’ll always have time for you, Gyeowool.”
“….”
To Gyeowool, he was unbearably bright. When that light dimmed or turned elsewhere, the emptiness it left behind felt enormous. Yet she wanted to keep gazing at the warm radiance that shone like a clear sky. Even if it blinded her in the end.
That piercing, dazzling kindness. That unwavering, reliable gentleness. Those were the reasons she had fallen for him.
She loved him.
***
Gyeowool’s grandfather was laid to rest in the columbarium. She had wanted to bury him, but his will explicitly stated that no extravagant grave should be built. Gyeowool honored that wish.
Standing before the urn in the columbarium, she closed her eyes and offered her respects. She had cried so much throughout the funeral that she thought no tears remained, yet they came again.
“Aigoo, your pretty eyes are all swollen. What are we going to do?”
Taeyang spoke softly as he carefully wiped her tears away. Gyeowool accepted his touch without resistance.
When the tears finally stopped, she looked at him and said, “Taeyang-ssi.”
“Yeah?”
“What can I possibly do to repay this kindness?”
“It’s not like I did anything that grand. You don’t have to repay me.”
Gyeowool met his deep brown eyes, tinged with a blue light, and replied, “No. That won’t do. I’ve received far too much. I’ve only ever taken. This isn’t a normal relationship.”
“….”
What she wanted was a relationship that never changed and never ended. The current one fell short of that.
“The moment you find me troublesome or bothersome, it’ll all be over. I wouldn’t mind if that happened to me… but if it does, there’ll be nothing I can do.”
Her voice was desperate, pleading.
“I want to change things before it’s too late. I truly, truly want to protect my relationship with you. So please, tell me anything. Anything I can do or give.”
Taeyang scratched his head, looking troubled. He studied her with an expression that seemed to ask, What am I supposed to do with this?
Gyeowool lowered her head, disheartened by his gaze. She had made him uncomfortable again. She felt utterly disappointed in herself.
Taeyang looked at her and spoke with unusual seriousness. “What do you think a normal relationship is?”
Gyeowool answered while watching his reaction. “A relationship where both sides give and take equally.”
That was what a normal relationship meant to her. Whether it had been with Yeji in the past or with the members of Alcest, she had always needed to offer something to receive a gentle response. In that sense, her relationship with Taeyang felt profoundly unnatural. She had given him nothing.
“Hmm… Let’s set aside whether that idea is right or wrong for now. Gyeowool, in that kind of normal relationship, how long is the deadline for giving back?”
“A deadline?”
“Yeah. If this debt-like mindset is the core of forming a relationship, then there should be a time limit on when you have to return what the other person gave, right?”
Gyeowool was caught off guard by the perspective she had never considered. She had only thought she needed to repay quickly; being asked for a clear standard left her at a loss.
After hesitating, she said, “I haven’t really thought about that. But it has to be soon.”
Taeyang lowered his head until their eyes were level and smiled faintly.
“So there’s no clearly defined deadline, then?”
“…No.”
“In that case, let’s make our deadline a hundred years.”
“…A hundred years?”
“Yeah. A hundred years. Until we grow old and die, it won’t end.”
It was an unfathomable span of time.
“Gyeowool, right now I might seem like an adult who can do more than you, and this relationship might feel like you’re only racking up debt. But that will change someday.”
She felt her nose sting as she listened to him speak of such a long future so matter-of-factly.
“One day you’ll become a wonderful adult. And I’ll just be some useless old man. Maybe then you’ll be the one carrying me along?”
Gyeowool didn’t think so. To her, no matter how much time passed or how his appearance changed, Taeyang would always remain cool and dependable.
“Life can flip things around again and again. What I’m certain of is that someday you’ll become someone far more amazing than me. Because even now, you’re a truly wonderful, beautiful, kind, and smart kid.”
Gyeowool asked carefully, “Will that day really come for me?”
“Yeah. It will. Definitely.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“Then I’ll stay by your side until it does.”
His answer made her breath catch. Her heart felt like it might burst. She tried her best to hold back the rising tide of emotion and whispered, “…If you say things like that, I’ll end up hoping that day never comes.”
She hadn’t been able to hold it back after all. The overflowing feelings made her speak.
Taeyang answered her honestly, his voice gentle. “Same here. I don’t want that day to come either. That way I can keep seeing this adorable side of you.”
“….”
In the dark, low, and damp life she had known, one sun had risen. She wanted to stand on equal ground with him. Not as some weak, dependent child who only received and needed protection, but as someone who could embrace him in return, comfort his sadness, and be his strength when he struggled.
And when that time came, Gyeowool would pour every feeling—her true heart, her affection, her longing—into the words “I love you” and give them to him.
She desperately hoped that day would arrive.
“…Thank you. Please take care of me from now on, too.”
“Likewise. Take care of me, Gyeowool.”
But that day never came.
-Breaking news. A large truck and a van collided on the Seoul-Yangyang Expressway, sending three people to the hospital with serious injuries.
-Of the three people transported after the Seoul-Yangyang Expressway accident involving the van known as the “celebrity vehicle,” two active girl group members, Dajeong and Ray, were seriously injured, while the manager driving the van was killed. Police have attributed the cause to the truck driver falling asleep at the wheel. As netizens’ memorial posts continue…
***
It snowed that day, too. Heavily. Enough to blanket the entire world in white. Heavily.
Gyeowool walked through the snow. Crunch. Crunch. This white world she wandered through aimlessly felt like a dream. But it was reality. The same cruel, merciless reality that always stole away the few precious things she had, as if it were only natural. The same reality that turned even the smallest happiness into foam the moment she dared to hope for love.
“Who’s that girl?”
“Isn’t she a reporter?”
“Damn, these people are ruthless. Excuse me, this is a private funeral. Only Taeyang’s close friends are—”
“Stop.”
“Dallae-noona? Do you know her?”
“Yeah. She’s someone I know. Just leave her be.”
Gyeowool paid no attention to the commotion around her and kept walking forward.
“…That child is probably hurting enough already.”
She walked on and on.
“Isn’t that Han Gyeowool?”
“Han Gyeowool? From Alcest? …Yeah, it is. She looks so wrecked I almost didn’t recognize her.”
“Right. But why is she barefoot? …Wait, her feet are bleeding.”
Gyeowool ignored everyone who tried to speak to her and continued toward her destination. At last, among a sea of white flowers, she found a familiar face in a photograph.
There was Taeyang.
“…Ah.”
But in truth, Taeyang was nowhere to be found.
“…Aah.”
The hand that had once gently stroked her hair so it wouldn’t get messy. The eyes that had lowered to meet hers because of her smaller height. The voice that had always comforted her with warmth.
“…Aaaah.”
They were gone now.
“Aaaaaaaaah!”
Forever.
Possibility Memory usage complete!