Chapter 37
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 37
Chapter Title: 4.9 The Collapse of Beliefs, and...
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On the way home from school.
I trudged along in a daze.
Without even realizing if I was walking, floating, or rolling.
Like that, I started recalling each and every mistake I'd made today.
Lunchtime.
I peeked at Shinoshino's panties.
And I did those things to the president and Shinoshino.
After fifth period, during break.
I ended up seeing the underwear of most of the girls in class.
I tried to act indifferent at the time, but their faces, body measurements, the shapes and colors of their underwear all came to mind crystal clear the moment any name was mentioned—they were etched into my retinas.
Sixth period, judo class.
I got tangled up with Teacher Akatsuki Hiyori and did those things.
And in the bathroom where I hid midway through, I did those things with Nanami and Reika too.
...Let's face it.
I'm no longer a pure love fan.
If I were still a pure love fan, it'd be like saying a girl is still a virgin as long as her hymen's intact even if she's been with every guy in town—that's bullshit.
I've become filthy.
Body and soul, both filthy.
"Naibusu. Something wrong?"
"...Huh?"
...Right.
This one's a problem too.
Peering into my face as I walked along silently, like she found it strange.
This girl who's been stirring up my insides more than ever lately.
Kurosaki Yuuki.
A girl with the same name as my friend, but with a woman's face.
No, not just the face.
Breasts, hips, waist, legs.
Eyes, nose, mouth.
Jaw, neck, shoulders, hands, feet.
And probably down there too.
Her whole body screams female.
"Hm?"
Yuuki tilted her head when I stared at her.
Even that simple motion oozed femininity.
This girl...
...Is this really Yuuki?
Is this really the Yuuki who was a guy just a few days ago?
Is this really the hero Yuuki who fought through countless limbs alongside me?
"...Yuuki, you're..."
"Yeah? What?"
"...Never mind."
I shut my mouth before blurting out something pointless.
Everyone's already accepted that she's a girl.
Her mother Sana, her little sister Hina, everyone in class.
...Even the original Naibusu inside me has accepted it.
The only one refusing is my soul.
My filthy soul, the one that once dreamed of pure love.
"Got something weighing on you?"
"Weighing on me..."
A dilemma, huh.
Of course I do. A massive one.
My soul wants to be a pure love fan.
But the original Naibusu's body is a harem junkie, incest junkie, and ass junkie.
I'm agonizing over the rift between soul and flesh.
"Yuuki."
"Yeah?"
"If... your beliefs ever start to waver, what would you do?"
"Beliefs?"
Yuuki laughed at my out-of-nowhere question.
"There are no unshakable beliefs. Beliefs always waver."
"That's..."
It was the answer from Yuuki, who held stronger beliefs than anyone.
The answer from the hero I'd acknowledged as a fellow man of conviction.
"Not everyone's beliefs can be the same, right? So you're bound to clash with others' beliefs as you live. And sometimes, even the beliefs inside yourself clash."
"Yeah? Like what?"
This might actually fit my situation perfectly.
Thinking that, I decided to dig deeper into what Yuuki was saying.
"Like just the other day. 'Never lie.' 'Protect family.'"
"Ah."
It was about the false rumor we'd spread before.
'Kurosaki Yuuki was a girl from the start.'
Yuuki, who hated lies, had agreed to spread that fake rumor to quash the ones tormenting Hina.
The disinformation, spread through the president's guard, took over the academy in no time, completely burying the 'Kurosaki cross-dressing pervert brother' suspicions that had been plaguing Hina.
"I think beliefs have priorities. Like, 'protect family' is non-negotiable. But 'never lie' is something you can bend a little. Of course, you shouldn't lie willy-nilly, but if it's to uphold a more important belief, then it's unavoidable."
"A more important belief..."
What would be my 'non-negotiable belief'?
'Protect family' would be first, like Yuuki said. Naiad sis being top priority in my life goes without saying.
Then what next?
'Prevent the humiliation events befalling the women around me.'
That's another absolute for me.
Even after more than ten years, the shock from my past life still haunts my dreams in this one.
For my mental health, I have to stop them no matter what.
No matter what.
Even if it kills me.
This one I won't compromise on.
...So what about this pure love fan, harem junkie, incest junkie, ass junkie dilemma I'm agonizing over?
Is this really something worth dying over without compromise?
Am I even a pure love fan anymore to begin with?
My body, my heart—they're already defiled.
Calling myself a pure love fan now is an insult to pure love.
The moment I feel attraction to multiple women at once, I'm a harem junkie. The moment I'm sexually drawn to my blood-related sister, I'm an incest junkie. The moment TS Yuuki looks like a girl to me, I'm an ass junkie.
Yeah.
Before even talking about beliefs, I'd already fallen.
"I might sound all high and mighty, but honestly, I couldn't have upheld my own beliefs without your help, Naibusu. Thanks."
"Huh? Oh, sure."
It had been a while since I'd seen Yuuki's beaming smile.
Man or woman aside, Yuuki was my precious friend. Just seeing this smile made everything I'd done worthwhile.
...Yeah. Pure love fan or harem junkie—none of that matters.
What matters is protecting the people dear to me.
Sis, Yuuki, Sana, Hina, and everyone at the academy.
Leading them to endings where they're even a little happier.
"Thanks, Yuuki. That cleared things up in my head."
"Really? I don't feel like I said much."
An ending where everyone is happy.
...Does something like that even exist...?
Dark.
Nothing in sight.
Nothing to hear.
The deep sea? Or space?
Tsukimiya Akane had been cast into such an empty void.
Or rather, she wasn't even sure if she'd been cast there or not.
Even that was ambiguous.
No bodily sensations at all.
But her consciousness remained.
I think, therefore I am.
Wasn't she thinking right now?
So she definitely existed.
But Akane couldn't be sure.
Because she felt nothing from her body.
Silent. Pitch black.
Just endless dark silence.
She simply existed.
Akane pondered.
Where this place was. What she was.
How she'd ended up like this.
Maybe... this was death.
She didn't want to think it, had been avoiding it.
But she couldn't dodge the thought.
Akane recalled the last sensations she'd felt.
The cold bite of steel piercing her chest and heart.
Naibusu's emotionless eyes, ones she'd never seen before.
The terror as blood drained and her heart slowed to a stop.
She'd even wondered if she was fully paralyzed.
Total paralysis. Body dead to sensation, brain alive, just thinking.
It might feel just like this.
But Naibusu's blade had clearly pierced her heart.
Paralyzed or vegetable state—surviving a stabbed heart was impossible.
...So then.
If this really was death.
How long would this darkness, this silence last?
No way...
Forever like this?
Akane remembered the '5 billion year button' fiction.
Press it, get money—but spend 5 billion years alone.
Was she doomed to endure such an endless time in this empty, sensationless void?
...No.
I hate that...
No...!
No no no no!
No no no no—!!
...Yu...
Save me, Yuuki.
Sorry. I was wrong, Yuuki.
Save me. I hate being alone. I'm scared.
Get me out, Yuuki.
'I don't need you, Akane.'
...Yuuki?
Why look at me like that?
'I'm not listening to a filthy girl like you.'
...Why.
I like you so much.
Why do you look at me like that?
With resentment, with disgust.
Is that how you see me?
When only I can save you.
When I've made everyone hate you, no one to help you.
Why don't you cling to me?
...Naibusu.
You ruined everything.
You ruined me. You ruined Yuuki.
So I tried to break you. Yuuki.
Your pride, your crutches—shatter them all.
So when no one would pick up the pieces, I'd gather them and care for you.
But.
It failed.
...Naibusu.
You ruined it all.
You ruined Yuuki, my Yuuki.
Why would Yuuki go to a lame guy like you...
...I resent you, Naibusu.
Naibusu. I want to kill you, Naibusu.
But...
Resenting you now... is pointless.
I'll just be... alone... forever...
...Did I commit such a great sin?
I just wanted to get closer to Yuuki.
I liked Yuuki so much, I wanted her to like me back just as fiercely.
Was that so wrong it deserved death?
Wrong enough to warrant eternal solitude in this lonely hell?
Where exactly did I go wrong?
...Yuuki.
Sorry.
I'll apologize.
Help me.
Save me.
Yuuki... I was wrong...
I hate this.
This kind of end.
Spending eternity just like this...
I hate it.
I hate being alone.
It's lonely. Scary.
Please save me...
Someone save me...
-Chapter 4. Intermission End-