Chapter 318
Chapter 318
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 318
Chapter Title: God of What # 5
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Dogs have that kind of thing.
That feeling when they're so excited and happy that they pounce on their owner.
They say that for people who raise dogs, having something greet them like that the moment they open the door and step inside is pretty touching.
I used to feel that way often back in the day.
Back when my old, big mutt Spot was still young and full of energy, he'd come charging at me the second I opened the door, wagging his tail all over the place.
Of course, as I got older, Spot aged too, turning into a proper old dog who greeted me much more calmly.
Even so, to me, dogs were something excessively lively—that thought stuck.
So why am I thinking about dog behavior right now?
Because I'm in a situation so similar that a memory I'd stored deep in my heart for a very long time feels like it's flashing back or déjà vu.
The first thing I saw was an incredibly fast white furball.
White fur so much that I mistook it for a massive dog, a giant breed charging straight at me.
But before I could even figure out what it was, something slammed into my shoulder with full force, knocking me flat on the floor.
Thud-.
That's why they tell you not to fight judo players on the street—asphalt slamming into your back hurts so bad you can't even breathe. That's exactly how I felt right now.
“Gahk-!”
My shoulder suddenly pinned by brute strength, my back hitting the floor—it was like all the air in my lungs fled outward, choking me.
What the hell is this?
Did a massive dog—no, something like a lion—attack me? Is the marquis one of those hipsters who keeps lions indoors?
As I gathered my wits with those thoughts, whatever was pinning me down let out a shrill cry.
“Oppa!”
Oppa, what?
In the world, to hear such a horrific word. My face scrunched up involuntarily.
Ever since I was born, anyone who called me oppa was utterly revolting. My fist clenched on instinct, snapping me back to reality.
And what entered my eyes were people looking around in panic with wide eyes, the sparkling chandelier ceiling of the banquet hall, and pitch-black pupils.
“What the—shit—.”
“Oppa! I finally found you!”
It was an incredibly innocent voice. Black hair, a barbaric outfit wrapped in white fur pelt. Even the strange fangs peeking from slightly parted lips.
“W-who are you?”
“It's me, oppa!”
Who the hell is this?
For a split second, I thought my little sister was here and got goosebumps, but it was someone I'd never seen. Plus, my little sister doesn't have boobs that big.
Her face is a bit more youthful than my sister's too. But a red line—warrior mark or superstitious paint?—runs from under her eyes to her cheeks, making her look fierce.
Overall, she seems more attractive than my sister. I could just adopt her as a little sister like this.
“Oppa, I missed you! To find you, I left the great plains, crossed massive waters, killed Geryon, tamed horses too!”
No, but a total stranger pinning my shoulder and calling me oppa?
For a moment, I wondered if this was some surprise party the Marquis Carville had set up for me.
Like a hidden camera prank, you know.
Not that funny, but it made my heart pound with flashy beats, so maybe a success in its own way?
To end this bizarre skit, I moved my arm to shove off the woman on top of me. And when I grabbed her wrist—.
Thud-.
From a woman whose stature only reached my chest came a presence and weight that didn't seem human—I got chills.
This was a rock in human form.
Ding-.
『Gloria lv. 45
Status: Curse of the Outer Path | Wrath of the Family | Hatred of the Nine-Headed Dragon』
And the status items that popped up were shockingly intense.
Level 45?
The highest I've seen on anyone? That means all her stats are estimated at least 15.
And the most surprising part.
“Gloria?”
“Yeah! You do recognize me, oppa!”
“Fuck this shit!”
The name Gloria suddenly pissed me off. Considering the misunderstandings and false accusations I'd faced since coming to Delphi, it made sense.
And it wasn't just that.
The bizarre rumors and legends about black-haired Samaritans spread across the continent.
Like how Samaritans are as strong as horses and can't handle forks—stupid gossip like that, how much hell did I go through because of it?
Thinking it all stemmed from fabrications spread by this woman, Gloria, how could I not be furious?
“Fuck this shit!”
That's why the woman straddling my torso was utterly loathsome. I thrashed to throw her off, but fuck, she was insanely strong—impossible.
A foe where my strength of 15 didn't work?
“Oppa, let's not stay in this weird place anymore. Come home with me!”
Swish.
Gloria soon pulled me into a hug around my neck.
Something soft pressed against my chest, and something fluffy—white leather or hair?—tickled my nape and cheek unbearably.
But I can't breathe.
I'm gonna die.
I struggled to escape this brutal joint lock, but no dice.
“You—who the hell are you! Why are you doing this to Hasan! Get off now!”
Right then, Luna's voice rang out. At the same instant, a sharp shoving sound and Luna's short scream followed in succession.
That snapped me to attention. Daring to hit Luna!
“Get—get the fuck off, you bitch!”
Fuming to my scalp, I finally kneed upward with all my might at the woman on top of me.
But she casually leaped back just before my knee hit, creating distance. Only then could I stand and calmly assess the situation.
Luna sprawled on the floor, and the Samaritan woman glaring at us with flashing black eyes.
“As expected—as expected, only oppa doesn't yield to my strength. Oppa, I missed you.”
“Fuck off, bitch, whoever you think I am, I'm not that person.”
It was the first time since my little sister that I genuinely wanted to punch a woman. If Elfride was toying with that button, this one was mashing it relentlessly.
“Why say such cold things? Did those women over there seduce you? Those half-naked bitches.”
Crunch-.
The Samaritan woman's brows furrowed sharply. In that instant, heavy silence blanketed the banquet hall where everyone had been murmuring noisily.
It was instinct.
Every cell in my body screamed one word at my brain.
Run.
Warning that facing her head-on was dangerous.
“Ughhh... my head's spinning...”
“Luna-nim, please come to your senses...! You can't pass out from just one silent conk on the head...!!”
But seeing Luna down and out of it on the floor, I didn't care anymore.
“Daring to hit Luna on the head— what if her brain cells die and her IQ drops? You gonna take responsibility?”
“What nonsense is that? You're not like the oppa I knew...”
“Fuck, that's why I'm telling you I'm not your oppa.”
“Ah—! I get it.”
The Samaritan woman, Gloria, shouted brightly. Just as I thought the story might progress, she drew a club from her waist.
“You've been hit by those weird witches' evil spells! I knew you had that airheaded side.”
“What?”
“This continent is scary. Just like the stories you told me when you were little, full of weird witches and evil magicians—. But it's okay, like old times—.”
Whoosh, swoosh-.
Gloria swung the hefty club through the air. She grinned, baring sharp fangs.
“Like old times, a few whacks with this, and you'll be my 'kind' oppa again. If you die, oh well.”
Tap-.
The club-wielding barbarian charged at me with terrifying speed. In that moment, I suddenly understood why terrifying Samaritan legends spread across this continent.
I'd thought they were exaggerated tall tales, as rumors in this world tend to be, but experiencing it firsthand, it wasn't just bullshit.
“Haha—! Taste the terror!”
With a weird laugh, a thick club descended on my head. One hit and my skull shatters, right? That's what flashed through my mind.
Can't dodge, can't block.
Gotta take it on the head.
Any variables?
Yeah, there is.
I'm not just your average adventurer Hasan.
What if, by some chance, I suddenly manifest a divine power?
What if I'm actually Hasan, the god of headbutts with a diamond-hard skull—?
In that split second, a barrage of thoughts raced parallel. So I squeezed out my last strength, mouth opening to shout something.
“Bean—.”
Clang-.
Before my shout finished, a sharp metallic ring echoed. Of course, my head didn't harden, or I didn't become the god of headbutts Hasan.
More accurately, the Samaritan's club lost momentum, blocked by something hard like metal just before smashing my forehead.
“Gloria, you haven't changed a bit, have you?”
“You...”
It was Hippolyte. Hippolyte, gripping a long silver candlestick, had blocked the attack coming at me. I shuddered at the realization.
From the side, Paranoy yelled.
“Th-that is one of the all-powerful Hasan-nim's divine powers, Royal Knight Summon...!”
One of my budding god powers, Hippolyte Summon...?
Of course not. But I was glad Hippolyte perfectly guarded me.
If that club had hit, I might've turned into her kind oppa for real.
“You...”
“Long time no see since Cairo's Academy, Gloria. Still wandering the continent aimlessly looking for your 'oppa'?”
“I found my oppa. That guy's my oppa. Scram if you don't wanna see something ugly, bitch.”
Swish-.
The massive club tip pointed at me.
I wanted to yell fuck, get that hideous thing away—but Hippolyte spoke first.
“Yeah, smashing and breaking every strong guy you see. Fixed that habit of breaking them and tossing them aside like trash?”
“My oppa doesn't break—. Those fake oppa pretenders deserved it. Who cares if they shatter or die, right? Huh?”
Crackle, sizzle-.
Intense sparks flew between Hippolyte and the Samaritan woman Gloria. Banquet curtains billowed wildly, chandeliers shook.
Crack, crackle-.
Finally, all glasses, windows, cups shattered, creating an apocalyptic vibe. Gloria laughed, enjoying it.
“I remember now. You, that third-rate thug picking fights everywhere back then, Amazoness. Didn't recognize you with the vibe change. You ran after I beat your ass, and now you're back.”
Laughing, but her youthful face radiated unimaginable ferocity. Is that a real Samaritan? Fuck, Samaritans are terrifying.
“...”
Hippolyte silently furrowed her brow.
Hippolyte's fight record: countless wins and 3 losses. Two to Luna, and the last one to a club-wielding Samaritan.
“Don't compare me to back then if you don't wanna get hurt bad.”
“What're you gonna do with that candlestick? Shove it up your ass?”
Even against Hippolyte's intimidating aura, she oozed leisure—I could tell a lot from that. If these two fought, something huge would happen.
One of them would die.
So I raised my hand, scheming.
“Gloria, stop.”
“...”
“You gotta listen to oppa, right.”
*
*
*
Clack, clink-.
The banquet hall echoed with the sound of tearing meat. No one dared speak, glancing nervously at each other.
And the reason was probably that woman ripping into raw meat like she was furious.
Ignoring fork and knife, stuffing food into her mouth with bare hands—she was the epitome of a barbarian.
“What're you staring at? Wanna get ripped too?”
Everyone seemed itching to comment on her lack of manners, but knowing her might, they just clamped their mouths shut.
Even with Marquis Carville and other bigshots from various fields here, no one dared warn Gloria.
Simple reason.
The Delphi administrative vice-minister or whatever impaled head-first on the opposite table served as a textbook example.
This was utter bullshit. Irrationality born of fear. Uncontrollable overwhelming power brings overwhelming terror.
No one protests a raging typhoon.
They just quietly hope it passes.
Glance, glance.
And they kept peeking.
Not at the barbaric woman, but at me.
So I had no choice but to set down my fork and say.
“Gloria, eat quietly.”
“...”
Her hands and mouth, which had been reaching everywhere, froze.
No way—.
Ahem-. Uh-hm-.
Everyone's eyes widened in shock. But fear still lingered in their gazes.
They seemed worried I'd spoken rashly to this maniacal Gloria.
One wrong move, and I might end up split in half like that vice-minister on the table.
But riding the momentum, I added shortly.
“Water.”