Seong Gaeul (1)

"Y-y-you worthless unbelievers! A-all of you deserve to die! P-pray! I said pray, with everything you have!"

Yoon Ayoung's hysterical shrieks echoed through the first-floor prayer hall.

Jeong Shinwoo's antics, which had started on day one, had been annoying enough to indulge, but Yoon Ayoung, who from the second day onward had begun pacing restlessly around the statue with a haunted look on her face, was a different story. As if to vent some unbearable stress, she had not stopped hurling abuse and blows at us ever since.

"Ugh! A-A-Ayoung, please!"

"Y-you trash-fish sow! W-with that fox face! O-our Master, you—!"

In the middle of throwing herself flat in full prostration, Kim Eunbyeol had begun getting ground underfoot, again and again, by Yoon Ayoung's heel. Seo Taesan offered no resistance of any kind — he simply bowed his head and shut his eyes.

Three full days had already passed since Seong Gaeul left to try to talk Han Guwon around. Lee Gyeongmin, who had somehow been accepted as a believer by now, and Jeong Shinwoo beside him did nothing but watch Yoon Ayoung's mood, too afraid to move.

"Y-you pathetic piece of trash! D-dirty slut! Y-you should've gone with that Kang San bastard or whatever his name issssss!"

"Y-Yoon Ayoung! That's enough!"

Having endured as long as she could bear, Kim Eunbyeol grabbed Yoon Ayoung by the leg — and her expression froze over in an instant.

"And what do you think you're doing, ordinary believer?"

"N-n-nothing, madam! Th-this filthy unbeliever sow! She dared to touch the Holy Maiden's ankle—!"

Wham—

"Gyah! T-Taesan! Taesan! Help me!"

He didn't need to open his eyes to know what was happening. Lee Gyeongmin and Jeong Shinwoo were no doubt diligently stomping away at Kim Eunbyeol as she curled herself into a ball. Seo Taesan did not turn his head even at that gruesome spectacle.

He already knew Seong Gaeul's plan, because Kim Eunbyeol had told him. If she failed to persuade Han Guwon, she would pin that bastard down by any means necessary while the rest of them escaped at all costs — a half-hearted plan, at best. And when Kim Eunbyeol had suggested subduing those weaklings instead, he ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had shaken his head at her, too.

Because every single time he tried to rebel, even for a moment, it kept coming back to him.

That bastard's eyes. No — that man's eyes.

The way he had looked down, without a flicker of feeling, while driving his palm into Seo Taesan's shoulder and pinning him to the ground. No matter how desperately he struggled, he kept sinking to his knees, and in that moment he understood exactly what those eyes meant.

They resembled the eyes of a child watching an ant. The eyes of himself, long ago, looking down at an ant trapped in a careless glob of spit, flailing helplessly until it died — feeling superiority and pity at the same time. A contradiction of emotion he could never forget.

And watching himself grow smaller and smaller as he was forced to his knees, Seo Taesan — a man who had always stood above someone, anyone — understood it instinctively.

Rebel again, and the only thing waiting for him was a more miserable end.

Wham— wham—

"I think that's quite enough."

"Haah... haah... haah..."

Along with the panting of Jeong Shinwoo and Lee Gyeongmin — who, if anything, looked more winded than their victim — the sounds of beating finally stopped.

"It is mealtime. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Give thanks to the Master's grace with every single grain of rice."

Only then did Seo Taesan quietly lift his head. At Yoon Ayoung's words, two believers hurried to the table and began carrying the food over. Lee Gyeongmin practically threw the two rice balls meant for Seo Taesan and Kim Eunbyeol across the room. Seo Taesan barely caught them without dropping any, then helped Kim Eunbyeol, still hunched in a ball, to her feet.

"T-Taesan..."

"Get up, Madam Librarian. It's time to eat."

As he handed her a rice ball, his eyes drifted to the believers' bustling table. Bulgogi and spicy stir-fried pork and kimchi stew crowding the tabletop from edge to edge. And white rice, steam curling gently off the mound of it. Watching Lee Gyeongmin carefully set out spoons and chopsticks for the believers, Seo Taesan stared down at his own rice ball.

Envy and wretchedness came flooding in at once.

"What are you doing? Surely you don't intend to swallow the Master's grace whole, just like that?"

Yoon Ayoung's gaze hit Seo Taesan like a laser.

"...We praise the Master, who gives us our daily bread."

"We praise the Master, who gives us our daily bread."

"Then eat. You'll gorge yourselves like the pigs you are, and afterward you can go back to praying in repentance."

Yoon Ayoung nodded in satisfaction and picked up her spoon, and the smacking, slurping sounds of Lee Gyeongmin and Jeong Shinwoo eating began. A smacking of an entirely different caliber from the dry, crumbly rice ball he was chewing. The sound of warm meat and sticky rice sliding down their throats made his eyes sting all over again.

And the whisper that had been growing at the very bottom of him finally raised its head.

'Wouldn't believing in Him really be the better choice, compared to just dying like this?'

'If they're going to feed me like this — meat, warm rice, all of it — is there really a reason I shouldn't believe, even if it costs me my life?'

'They each have their own room, sleeping in actual beds. So why am I the one sleeping on a freezing floor?'

Like a body forced through trained motions, Seo Taesan's head turned toward the Master's statue. The strangely luminous white marble seemed to wear the Master's face, and that face seemed to be asking him:

At the question that thundered through him, Seo Taesan hurled his rice ball aside and threw himself down before the statue.

"...Taesan?"

Kim Eunbyeol's startled cry didn't reach him at all. Seo Taesan wailed out the desire buried in the deepest part of himself, like a dam finally bursting.

"I want to live, Master! Just eating and sleeping, without a single thought in my head! I want to live without being scared of the zombiiiiiies!"

Thud— thud—

His forehead hammered against the floor again and again. Blood ran in a single line down from his split skin.

At the statue's merciful voice, Seo Taesan stared up at it, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠dazed.

"Aaaahhh! Thank you! Thank you, Master!"

"T-Taesan! Snap out of it! What are you doiiiing!"

The soft voice kept ringing, over and over, in the heart of a man worn down to almost nothing.

The statue's voice coiled around Seo Taesan's body and bound it tight, like a serpent. His wavering eyes brimmed over with rapture.

"No, Master! Take it! Take all of it! I-I'm endlessly lacking, endlessly inferior — I'll give you everything I am, so please! Just accept me, pleeeease!"

As if answering his desperate cry, light flared ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠brilliantly across Seo Taesan's body. As the glow slowly died away, a white believer's robe was delivered into Yoon Ayoung's hands, along with a small letter. Seeing the robe and the letter, Yoon Ayoung gently raised Seo Taesan, who was still driving his forehead into the floor.

"Rise, brother."

"A-aaaah! Holy Maiden!"

As Seo Taesan kept trying to drop back to his knees, Lee Gyeongmin and Jeong Shinwoo held him up, beaming.

"Brother, you have finally found the light!"

"Aaaah, brothers, I was, I was so terribly blind."

"There's nothing to be sorry for! We are family now, all within one fence. Now, come — prove your purity."

Embracing the believer's robe Jeong Shinwoo held out as though it were the most precious thing in the world, Seo Taesan began stripping off his clothes without a hint of shame.

"D-don't put it oooon! Taesan! Don't put that onnnn!"

The exact same thing that had happened to Lee Gyeongmin was now happening to Seo Taesan. Paying no mind to Kim Eunbyeol's pleading, he changed into the believer's robe over his newly purified, naked body.

"Now, let's go!"

Ushered to the table by his brothers, Seo Taesan sat down. Steaming white rice and a banquet's worth of side dishes. Seeing believer Lee Gyeongmin politely hand him a spoon, Seo Taesan's face flushed with gratitude.

"S-sob... th-thank you."

"My, our brother Taesan is a bit of a crybaby, isn't he."

"Hahahahaha—"

While the table turned warm and harmonious around him, Kim Eunbyeol, her face hollow with despair, called out to him.

"T-Taesan! What are you doing! Get ahold of yourself!"

"Sh-shut your mouth, you filthy unbeliever bitch!"

"...What?"

This was Seo Taesan — the dependable man who, ever since joining Kang San's group, had always thrown himself at the worst of it, a man of action before words. And now, draped in a pristine white believer's robe, he was spitting with contempt on his face and cursing her.

"Always hanging back and poking your nose in, you worthless hag — and now you pull this in front of the Holy Maiden? You really want to die that badly?"

"U-uhhh..."

Seo Taesan rose from his seat as if he would lunge at her at any moment, but Yoon Ayoung stopped him with a benevolent smile.

"Refrain, brother Taesan. A filthy unbeliever's words are not worth defiling the Master's precious grace over."

"F-forgive me, Holy Maiden!"

"T-Taesan..."

And with Kim Eunbyeol's faint whisper as the closing note, the happy meal resumed. Every time perfectly seasoned pork and bulgogi came to rest atop Seo Taesan's rice, tears of emotion spilled from his eyes. The brothers simply kept piling more side dishes onto his bowl, wearing faint, serene smiles.

It was truly, impossibly, the first meal in ages that deserved to be called a meal — and the moment Yoon Ayoung rose from her seat, Seo Taesan dropped to his knees before her.

"Rise, brother."

Yoon Ayoung handed something to Seo Taesan as he rose carefully to his feet.

"...And this is?"

A camcorder, already powered on. Seo Taesan's eyes went wide at the little red circle blinking on its screen, announcing that recording had begun.

"The Master is waiting in your newly built Believer's Room on the second floor. Attend to Him with your utmost devotion."

"Yes, Holy Maiden!"

"And..."

Yoon Ayoung bit her lip slowly and lowered her voice.

"Report to me on the condition of that trash-fish sow who has the Master in her clutches."

"Th-the sow, madam?"

"That's right. Now, hurry up the stairs."

At Yoon Ayoung's blessing, Seo Taesan climbed the stairs with the camcorder in hand, and stopped in front of the most recently built of the long row of rooms on the second floor.

With a swelling sense of fulfillment, the moment he quietly knocked, sounds began ringing out from inside the room.

"Haaaaaang— aahng— aahng—"

"You damn bitch! Quit tensing up! Like I said, two fingers in your ass now!"

"Haaaaah! D-don't put it in! I-it'll tear! It's going to teeeear!"

"Ordinary Believer Seo Taesan! Enter the room!"

A woman's familiar screaming, and then the Master's voice. Seo Taesan wet his dry throat, nerves strung tight, and carefully opened the door.