Chapter 35
Chapter 35
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 35
Chapter Title: This Thing Is Fucking Heavy
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From a young age, I'd always hung out more with girls than boys.
It would've been nice if it was because I was a pretty boy... but no, that wasn't it.
It was because of my sisters.
With four older sisters, I naturally got along well with girls when I was little.
Of course, getting along didn't mean we never fought.
We did clash sometimes.
And every now and then, I'd have to coax her out of a sulk over something utterly baffling.
That's when I first realized the differences between men and women.
Everyone's personality is unique, of course.
But generally speaking, women think in more complicated ways than men.
They're more meticulous, have bigger emotional swings, and engage in subtle power plays within groups.
That's my take as a guy.
No matter how close you get, you're still different sexes in the end.
It's impossible to fully understand differences rooted in our very genes.
Anyway, from that realization, I learned one key thing.
How to comfort a woman.
Just empathize with her, unconditionally.
It didn't always work,
but it did most of the time.
Not mindless agreement, mind you—genuine, unconditional empathy.
You have to understand why she's upset first.
And yeah, that's the hard part.
Sometimes she'd blow up over something ridiculously trivial.
Luckily, this time the reason was crystal clear.
"Excuse me for a moment."
I sat down beside Lady Ilia.
I hugged my knees just like her.
My massive chest squished uncomfortably against my thighs, but right now, the goal was maximum solidarity.
Same posture.
Same eye level.
I gave her a look that said, I'm here to empathize with you.
"I'm sorry about what happened earlier."
I apologized first.
Strictly speaking, Lady Ilia was the one who owed the apology.
She started picking fights, and that's what led to all this.
She reaped what she sowed.
Still, I took the lead because it bothered me.
Seeing her flee in tears hurt more than when she called me ugly.
The princess had delivered some brutal, razor-sharp jabs.
She'd probably never been insulted in her life—only ever dished it out.
So every word from the princess must've hit like a dagger.
And all in front of the other ladies, getting called ugly on top of it. Ouch.
"Get out."
Lady Ilia mumbled into her knees.
"This is my lab."
"So?"
"If anyone's leaving, it should be the lady who barged in uninvited... Ow! I'm kidding!"
I hurriedly grabbed her as she shot to her feet.
"You're a vicious woman! Did you come to gauge my reaction after humiliating me?!"
"No."
"Liar!"
"No, I mean I'm not a woman."
Lady Ilia tilted her head with a look that screamed, What nonsense is this?
"I'm a man."
"...Are you joking right now?"
"No joke. I'm really a man."
"Says the one with those tits. What kind of man has boobs the size of his head?"
She wasn't wrong.
Not even severe gynecomastia would get you this big.
"I'm cursed right now, stuck in a woman's body. But originally, I'm a man. If you don't believe me, contact the Green Magic Tower and ask about Esther Withbel—they'll confirm it."
"A curse? Like the one the princess put on you?"
"Exactly."
She pondered for a moment, then seemed to buy it and sat back down.
"So, why'd you follow me?"
She kept her head down, peeking up timidly through swollen, red eyes.
"To apologize."
"..."
"The princess said all those harsh things because of me. I asked her to insult you. So hate me if you want, but please don't hate her."
Not exactly for the princess's sake.
If this soured relations between our houses, I'd be in hot water.
She only did it because of me, after all.
So yeah, this was self-defense.
"When we bumped earlier and you fell, did you hurt yourself anywhere?"
I showered her with gentle words, doing my best to put her at ease.
"...I'm sorry too."
How much time passed?
Lady Ilia finally mumbled.
"I know shame. I started it all, and now I'm getting an apology first... "
Her prickly edge had softened.
Maybe she was the sensitive type deep down.
Hiding her vulnerability behind barbs like a shield.
I didn't know the full story, but I could relate.
Didn't make it right, though.
Wrong is wrong.
And as the adult here, it was my job to guide her.
"You seem sensitive about your chest size?"
I broached it as politely and carefully as possible.
"Picking a fight already?"
Her eyes sharpened like a blade, even though she'd mellowed a bit.
"No, no, not a fight."
Her reaction confirmed it: major complex.
"I brought it up to say chest size doesn't matter."
"Sounds like a fight to me..."
"I swear. As a man, I can tell you: when judging a woman's appeal, bust size is a tiny factor. What really counts is the size of her heart."
Obviously varies by person.
Taste is subjective.
Some guys obsess over boobs above all else.
But I just wanted her to embrace her small chest with pride.
"Beauty fades, but a kind heart lasts forever—that's what they say."
"They do?"
"Yes."
I nodded firmly.
Hell if I knew the source.
Just sounded good.
"But with your looks, Lady Ilia, I bet your beauty and heart could both last forever. Yours is the kind of beauty that comes once in a millennium, isn't it?"
"Heh... Yeah, it is."
Her lips twitched upward.
Not empty flattery.
She really had that once-in-a-millennium face.
No guy could resist, figure or no.
"Please don't tarnish that beauty with petty hang-ups. What matters is your heart. With your perfect looks, add a beautiful soul, and no one could touch you. Not for a thousand years, at least."
One surefire way to cheer up a woman: endless praise.
Nothing boosts the ego like that.
Not just for women, either.
Mix in some truth with the hype, and everyone eats it up.
"So what if they're big? They don't have your face. So what if yours are small? You've got the face."
I pointed blatantly at the mirror across the lab.
Lady Ilia stared quietly.
The crease between her brows smoothed, a soft smile blooming.
"It's human nature to envy what we lack."
Her brow twitched.
"But think about it. Big-chested women? Dime a dozen. But someone as beautiful as you? One in the world. Hundreds of thousands—no, millions—of women would kill for your looks."
"H-heh... Really?"
"Absolutely."
She seemed much better.
"So, Lady Ilia, cast aside those lowly feelings unworthy of your beauty. Cultivate a beautiful heart too. Not just from men—from women as well. With your gifts, everyone will love you."
I praised her like a devout follower.
"You're right. I was an idiot, blinded by jealousy, blind to my own strengths. I've been undermining my beauty all this time."
She perked up.
Finally, my conscience eased.
Not total lies, so no guilt.
"And speaking from experience in this body: big boobs have zero upsides."
I hefted them from underneath.
"Even sitting still, the weight pulls me forward—my shoulders ache constantly. Can't see my feet, so stairs are a hazard. Honestly, I'm jealous of you."
The truth.
"Bras? Slight size mismatch and the hooks snap. Tried a dress for the first time today, and like you said, these ruin the fit—looks sloppy. See? Buttons about to pop."
Buttoning them had been hell.
"I wish I were slim and flat-chested like you."
"L-lies...!!"
"Huh?"
"You're evil!"
Lady Ilia bristled, trembling like an angry chihuahua.
"The luxury of the haves? Deception? Is that it?!"
"No, really—I want rid of this baggage."
I lifted them again.
The heavy pressure on my palms.
Could double as dumbbells.
"Ha...! You're cruel! Should've seen it when the princess hugged you...!"
I just blinked.
Mood was great a second ago.
Why?
"So all that was just sweet talk to humiliate me more! Fine, I'm jealous! Jealous of your huge tits!"
"N-no... This thing is fucking heavy."
"Then give 'em to me!"
She swung her arm like she might slap me.
I leaned back.
Her swing was slow; easy dodge.
"Eek!"
Her momentum pitched her forward.
"Mmph...?!"
Her face plunged straight into my cleavage.
"Whoa... Bigger than your head..."
First direct comparison.
Her head vs. one boob: boob won.
At my innocent observation,
"Ughhh! You big-titted bitch...!!"
Lady Ilia burst out sobbing and bolted from the lab.
"Eh... Huh...?"
What'd I do?
No clue.
Even in a woman's body, a woman's heart is a mystery.