Chapter 2
----------------------------------------------------------------- Translator: Wjin Chapter: 2 Chapter Title: Pretending to Be Human, Today Too I Suffer -----------------------------------------------------------------
I, Deyna Ripeon, was an imperial princess of the empire.
As the second princess—and fourth among the emperor's children—I occupied an ambiguous spot in the line of succession. Being a woman kept me far from any claim to the throne, a blessed birth that let me live out my days like a flower sheltered in a greenhouse.
If only I hadn't been born with those cursed eyes.
'A curse... it's cursed!'
From birth, I had deep navy-blue hair and yellow eyes. These were the exact opposite of the platinum blond hair and pale blue eyes that symbolized the imperial family, so priests and nobles alike pointed fingers, calling me a cursed birth.
If it had just been my unusual looks, the persecution might have ended there. But the misfortunes that plagued my childhood felt like the work of a true divine curse.
'Did you hear? The princess's wet nurse hanged herself!'
'At her debut ball, the chandelier fell...'
'They found her play attendant in the garden lake! In a deep spot no child could reach!'
'Misfortunes piling up like this... she must be the devil's reincarnation!'
Unexplainable tragedies always swirled around me.
At first, I'd insist it wasn't my fault, but by the time I turned ten, even that stopped. The servants who once listened to me died off one by one, or fled in terror.
By the time the play attendant I'd opened my heart to finally died, I couldn't even cry anymore.
And that curse even ravaged my health—day by day, I grew more gaunt and frail.
In the end, before I could even reach adulthood, it stole away my freedom to walk.
By the time rumors of me had spread across the empire, my father... the Emperor... abandoned me.
'Pathetic. Never show your face before me again.'
He sent me to a detached palace far from the main one for "recovery." Recovery in name only—it was no different from imprisonment.
An emperor who discarded me, an empress who treated me like I didn't exist, siblings who turned away.
The young me was left alone in that detached palace, leaving all of them behind.
'What a wretched life.'
Whenever I had to attend imperial events in my wheelchair, unavoidable as they were, I was ignored like roadside weeds and forced to endure their insults.
Even the servants in the detached palace grew bold enough to scorn me.
By the time I came of age, I wondered if dying sooner might be better—the will to keep living had vanished.
'Everyone seems to want me dead.'
At some point, I realized poison was being slipped into my meals. After observing for over a decade, I knew exactly who was behind it. Betrayal stung, but only briefly.
I quietly accepted the sweet poison masked with spices.
'If I don't eat, I'll starve anyway. No other choice.'
Time passed, until even leaving my bed alone became impossible.
'This really is the end.'
One day, I felt the poison in my meal hit harder than before.
Those who wished for my death had finally settled on a cause.
"...I'll dig in."
I swallowed my rage and injustice with the meal.
Afterward, I donned my cleanest nightgown, applied scented oil to my hair for the first time in ages, and lay in bed. Hoping whoever had to clear my body wouldn't be cursed, I offered a fervent prayer before sleep.
I closed my eyes and cast my fading mind into the abyss of death.
Thinking this miserable, hopeless life was finally over...
[Really?]
[Really, no regrets at all?]
Dying, I... no, dead, I couldn't possibly answer. But some voice started speaking for me on its own.
[I hate it. A human who's supposed to be happy dying in misery? That's too awful. And giving up so powerlessly... that's not like you.]
The voice let out a bizarre chuckle as it continued.
[It can't end like this, Deyna. You, I, we don't want this ending. Truth is, you want to live more, right? To be happy?]
Who in their right mind, wanting to die, would say otherwise?
It was a question that didn't need answering.
[I want to live more. I don't want to give up being human. I love being human.]
The conversation made no sense—it jumped around. The voice seemed to echo my soul's cries one moment, then veered off on its own the next.
Its speech was odd too, like some otherworldly being just learning human tongue.
[So let's seize one more chance. It'll be fine—I've got you.]
Was it offering help? Or trying to possess me?
I didn't want that—yet the voice answered anyway.
[No, you're misunderstanding. You and I are one, so this isn't help.]
Then what was it?
[Remembering. The memories of when you were me. When human Deyna was demon Asmo-Dina. Back when the demon who loved humans existed.]
In that instant, I opened my eyes.
"...!"
The first thing I felt upon waking was how gritty my eyes were, like sand had been sprinkled in them.
I desperately blinked to work up some tears, and only then noticed the change in my sluggish body.
'My god, it doesn't hurt?'
My stomach, always stinging like I'd swallowed thorns; my lungs and throat, heaving with every labored breath; my limbs, heavy as if shackled with weights—all felt light now.
Painless sensation—what a novelty. It almost felt strange.
Joy was fleeting. Dizziness hit from the flood of decades, centuries of memories swirling in my head, forcing my eyes shut again.
'Asmo-Dina.'
The name of the voice that spoke to me at death's door... no, my past self's name.
Only then did I realize all these memories were from my previous life.
Daughter of the demon king, vanguard captain who claimed victory in dozens of wars, heretic demon who loved humans.
'My god, I really was the devil's reincarnation.'
The "devil's reincarnation" rumor I'd desperately denied as falsehood became reality in that moment.
I couldn't get my bearings amid the sudden rush of past-life memories.
My sense of self didn't waver. Our personalities were too similar for that.
The problem was the sheer volume.
Like cramming dozens, hundreds of books into my brain by force.
Especially her bizarre tastes.
'My past self really loved humans.'
Born a heretic in the demon realm, where individualism was nonexistent, she adored human tales.
Human heroes, romances defying class, artists overcoming hardship... she even talked about marrying a human someday.
A past ill-suited to Deyna's life of betrayal by humans.
But since both were me, Asmo-Dina's love for humanity mixed with Deyna's bitter experiences, churning my stomach.
Love them, yet want to hate them—a tangled mess of emotions.
As I tried to suppress those past feelings and calm myself...
"...said!"
"Aaak!"
A grating noise pierced my ears.
'Who's in the bedroom?'
I wanted to focus on sorting memories, but the racket was too loud to ignore.
No matter how much they scorned me as a princess, what gave them the right to make a fuss in my bedroom?
I couldn't hold back my anger any longer.
"Quiet down."
My first words in ages flowed out far more easily and softly than expected.
That speaking didn't hurt my chest was a delight, but I kept it off my face and sat up.
To see for myself what they were doing to make such a commotion.
"What's with the racket in my bedroom?"
What I saw left me stunned—an unexpected scene.
A familiar man and woman were tangled together.
One was Hans, the butler I'd occasionally glimpse outside the window. The other was Liribel, the maid who cleaned my room.
'Not some cheap romance drama...'
Liribel thrashed, gripped by the collar, while Hans brimmed with murderous intent. This was no light matter.
"No way, no way! She was definitely dead!"
Hans muttered something incomprehensible. My head already muddled, I couldn't parse it easily and waved a hand.
"I don't know what's going on, but... let go of the girl first?"
"So you were in on it after all!"
But that only seemed to enrage him further. He swung a dagger at Liribel.
Shocked, I instinctively thrust out my right hand.
An unconscious action, but the demonic power dwelling in my body faithfully carried out its master's will.
[Shadow]
It felt like my past voice echoed from behind me.
At the same moment, the shadow on the bedroom floor sharpened into a spike and pierced Hans's arm.
"Aaak!"
Hans rolled on the floor.
I stared at him blankly, and the freed Liribel gaped at me in bewilderment.
"B-Black magic?"
'Oh no.'
I should've used something less conspicuous!
I hurried to make excuses, but Liribel beat me to it.
"Whoa, that's so cool!"
It was pure admiration, like a boy who'd just caught his first stag beetle.
Caught off guard by the unexpected reaction, I blinked dumbly.