Not Just Today — Streams Like This Are Fine Sometimes
Not just today — sometimes. Streams like this might be fine too.
For all the fretting I'd done, sprawled on my bed fretting over what if everyone hates it, the result was surprisingly unexpected…
My first-ever free stream with no prepared content was sailing far more smoothly than I'd worried it would.
"Ooooh! Yes! I did it! Can you all see this?! Behold the radiant majesty of this watermelon!"
"Hehehe. A true master always conceals three-tenths of their skill. You've fallen completely for my bold feint. Game result: Team 1 wins — pressing it now!"
Point gambling.
It was a mini-game built into the platform itself — you bet the broadcast points awarded at regular intervals for watching a stream, and depending on the outcome, you either won back what you'd invested or lost it all.
Until now I'd left the system sitting unused for ages, with no real reason to touch it… but pairing a reasonably difficult single-player game with point gambling turned out more than enough to set the stream's atmosphere on fire.
Mm… if the chat window had a temperature, I'd be burning my hand on it right about now.
Honestly, I felt a little dazed.
I was still running the stream with that familiar mask on — the unflappable, composed version of "me" that never let panic show on her face — but the ordinary, thoroughly unremarkable person underneath was more than a little flustered by how things were going.
This is… more doable than I thought.
If I had to put the feeling into words, it was like being dragged to karaoke with a bunch of strangers who happened to share a similar hobby. At first you shrink into yourself, awkward and out of place — but as time passes you catch the mood, and before you know it you're enjoying the whole thing.
Put more strongly: every worry I'd kept locked away inside felt almost foolish now.
"Ah…"
I stared blankly at the ghost of text that had already vanished under the flood of chat, never even catching the username, then carefully lifted a finger to the corner of my mouth.
Only then did I realize I'd been smiling — smiling so clearly I hadn't even noticed it myself.
…Yeah. I had to admit it. I was having an incredible time. So much so that I'd stopped monitoring my expression entirely and was letting "me" show through to the viewers, plain as day.
Of course, I never wanted to call streaming as Nia a painful thing.
How could spreading the word about my favorite character — forgotten by this world, known to no one — ever be painful?
Even if I hadn't succeeded this satisfyingly, I still wouldn't have given up streaming as Nia. Even now, some part of me still believed that introducing her to this world might be the duty I'd been given.
But saying it wasn't painful wasn't the same as saying it wasn't a burden.
Being the only person in this world who knew Nia meant that if I made a mistake, there was no one anywhere who could correct it. So if this clumsy, pathetic version of me slipped up, that slip would become a stain on Nia's very identity.
I simply couldn't help being terrified of the possibility that I might ruin the thing I loved most with my own two hands.
…So I killed off as much of my own self as I could. When viewers reached out a hand, I pretended not to see it, pretended not to know, and turned away.
Looking back, I'd been a coward of absurd proportions. It wasn't even like I was running from a ghost — I'd gone into hiding because love and attention offered first scared me.
But not anymore. I couldn't swear I'd give back everything I'd received, but if I had any shame at all, returning even a quarter of it was the least a decent person could do.
"It's nothing like that. I was just… happy. Being able to have this much fun with all of you."
…Apparently this kind of atmosphere was just as awkward for the viewers. Chat surged like a wave had hit it, all from a few words that had slipped past my lips without any filter at all.
It was a funny reaction. Maybe they just didn't have much resistance to this sort of embarrassingly sincere moment.
After more than a month of fairly emotional back-and-forth, they might have sensed that what I was saying wasn't just empty flattery.
…And honestly, I wasn't exactly used to this atmosphere either.
Whoa, wait a second. Did I just say something kind of embarrassing? Happy? I wasn't planning to go that far…!
"A-ahem! Well then — we've made a watermelon, so let's wrap the watermelon game here. Next up I'd like to… dance, but my body's a bit sore right now, so I'll have to pass on that one. Haha…"
I coughed hastily to change the mortifying subject and finished the game at about one-and-a-half times my usual speaking speed. Then, scanning the carefully crafted schedule a devoted viewer had put together, I had no choice but to skip the dance that was next on the list.
According to Noise, a Predator Species was a being that had swallowed an absurd volume of data in the Abyss. Getting wounded by one left aftereffects far longer-lasting than ordinary injuries.
Ultra-high-capacity data packed into a tiny area warped the laws the virtual world would normally allow? Even just hearing it out loud sounded ridiculous.
Anyway — even though I'd managed to block with the Scissors Blade in time, taking a Predator Species' attack with my body had slowed my physical recovery far more than usual… which meant I couldn't even wear my usual crisp uniform-style outfit, and had been forced to stream in a baggy hoodie and comfortable sweatpants.
If I tried to dance like this, I'd end up screaming and collapsing mid-routine. That would be a little too embarrassing.
"Ahaha, I'll be better soon, so please don't worry too much. And the schedule… yes, there is one. Honestly, I was stuck on what to do for today's stream, then I saw a post one of you uploaded and I've just been following that. One moment…"
I smiled once to reassure the people fretting over my condition, then pulled up the post I'd been using as today's itinerary and shared it on screen.
A post that had become an excellent guide for someone who'd turned on the stream with no idea what to do. And because the author had been watching since my debut, I'd felt even more compelled to take it as reference.
"Well… I'm planning to try everything on here that I can. Though with my body like this, I don't think I'll be able to show you me taking down a Virtual Beast."
To demonstrate just how wrecked I currently was, I casually stretched one arm straight up — and before it was even fully extended, an absurd muscle cramp exploded from my back. The attack came half a beat earlier than expected, and I couldn't help screaming.
"Kyah! Ughgh… m-my back…"
"N-Nia?"
"Ah, Noise… I-I'm fine. Just a muscle cramp…"
What do you mean "hnnngh."
I calmed Noise — who was hovering around me with her usual blank expression, fretting in circles — then quickly spotted the offender who'd just flashed through chat and slapped a temporary mute on them.
I didn't particularly care what people said in chat, but anything lewd was absolutely not allowed.
If it had been sexual harassment aimed at me, I might have let it slide — but as someone who was only borrowing this body, there was a line I simply could not leave alone.
…And I still got too embarrassed to even look in a mirror without clothes on! No. Absolutely not. Lewd stuff was absolutely forbidden!
"…Alright. Then, a bit sudden, but shall we do a movie screening? Come to think of it, I salvaged a pretty fun film not too long ago."
"Ah, right. Looks like people will need a bit of prep time, so let's start the movie in thirty minutes. Hmm… shall we just chat until then?"
I gave roughly thirty minutes of grace for anyone who wasn't ready to watch yet, then settled in to talk with the viewers properly.
The topics ranged from things that had been happening in the virtual world I lived in lately, to my surprise at learning what kind of influence the Ooparts I'd scattered around had actually had, to various incidents that came with being half-affiliated with Olive, and so on.
I kept the near-death encounter with the Predator Species under wraps for a more detailed telling later, and naturally shared not Nia's stories but mine — the feelings and joys I'd been experiencing — with the people watching.
The response came back even warmer than I'd expected, which got me excited enough to unpack more stories, which earned more warm reactions in turn…
By the time I finally noticed how much time had passed, a full hour of nonstop talking had gone by, and only then could we start the movie screening.
…Not just today — sometimes. Streams like this are fine.
And as I watched the film together with the viewers, feeling like we'd become one, I quietly murmured that thought to myself.
The movie was fun. And sharing that feeling by talking with people… was even more fun.