Prologue: The Three Rules

In navigating this treacherous world, there were three precautions one had to keep firmly in mind.

Precaution one: Always prepare thoroughly.

This was a world where, without the slightest warning, a colossal whirlwind might suddenly come raging from afar, or where predators that swallowed everything whole would frequently arrive in search of prey. An extreme environment in which the unexpected could strike at any moment, from any direction. If one had prepared even a little for such moments, one could at least create a slightly better situation for oneself.

Precaution two: Never let your guard down.

An ornament that looked completely harmless might turn out to be a lethal trap that claimed lives, and another monster might be hiding inside the body of a predator you had already thought dead. Therefore one always had to regard one’s surroundings with suspicion; allowing the mind to rest easily was the same as letting go of one’s own lifeline. A gap named carelessness would inevitably look like an all-too-attractive option to any enemy.

“But of course, exceptions always exist. No matter how thoroughly you prepare, no matter how carefully you keep your mind sharp and your eyes on every corner… sometimes you still get swept up in a disaster so vast you simply can’t escape it.”

“H-hey! There’s no way I let my guard down! I mean… I just didn’t expect the ground to collapse, that’s all…”

“Kuuugh…!”

I couldn’t argue. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠The chat, which had recently abandoned every last shred of unconditional support for me, left a dull ache in my chest. Why did these people torment me so mercilessly? It was truly beyond comprehension.

Anyway, the chat’s reactions were a problem for later. Right now the immediate issue was how to solve the situation of being stuck upside-down in the ground.

“Excuse me! If you explain it like that I sound like a complete idiot! That’s not what happened! There was this interesting-looking object stuck in the ground, so I tried to pull it out and then…”

Flail, thrash.

Hoping the late-arriving viewers wouldn’t get the wrong idea, I waved my only free leg wildly through the air and poured out frantic excuses.

The sequence of events had gone like this. Today, as usual, I had turned on the stream in the lighthearted mood of a casual vlog and gone for a walk… only to accidentally discover data from a Nintendo Switch game buried in the ground. On top of that, I had recently salvaged the design data for a Nintendo Switch console itself, so I already had a working game system on hand. Resist something like that? Only someone who didn’t understand streaming at all would be that stupid.

So, with a light heart, I had tried to yank ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the data free the way you’d pull a carrot from the earth. The weakened ground had then collapsed with a roar, and my entire body had been buried beneath the surface…

“It’s such a sad story, really…”

“Th-that much? It’s that expensive?”

Three hundred million? I stared blankly at the chat with an utterly sorrowful expression, then reeled in shock at the casual remark someone had dropped. The original Mario series—that 2D pixel game with the little “da-da-dan” music? Three hundred million credits was enough to buy a small apartment… and it was worth that much?

Wondering if I had misheard, I immediately asked the chat again. Other viewers confirmed it was true and even posted article links as proof. Wow… incredible. So it really held that kind of value. In the era I had lived in, such a thing would have been unimaginable. Historical value, I supposed? The world truly held strange wonders.

“Interesting story. Mario for three hundred million credits…”

Perhaps because I had been murmuring with genuine interest about the unique culture that existed only in this world, the chat suddenly began filling with messages asking me to get out already.

…Huh? Were these people under some kind of misunderstanding? Did they think I was deliberately staging this for their entertainment?

These idiots! As if!

I thrashed my completely stuck arms and relatively free legs in every direction and shouted with absolute sincerity.

“Who the hell would plant themselves in the ground on purpose just to amuse you people?! I’m really stuck! I can’t get out by myself!”

It was truly absurd. To end up jammed upside-down into the ground in a posture so awkward that no amount of force could free me. In other words, this was a 100 percent genuine, unvarnished real situation. There was no way for me to climb out of this hole under my own power alone.

Only then did they seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation. Anxious messages began scrolling past at a speed too fast to read. Now they worry… I quietly glared at the chat that had finally started fretting, then reassured them in a calm voice.

“Still, it’s not like there’s no way out. If I just stay like this for a little while, time will solve it for me. Everyone~ you don’t need to worry too much…”

“Hm? What sound? There was definitely nothing around here.”

I was planted upside-down in the earth, but the camera filming me remained on the surface. So even a sound I couldn’t hear might easily reach the viewers—our positions and environments were different, after all. But this was a remote scrapyard that almost no one ever visited. What possible reason could there be for a sound here… ah. There was one.

“…An Abyss Whale?”

Buoooo—

The instant the thought formed, a sound like a ship’s horn rolled in from not far away. In a place with no water, no sea, and no ships, there was only one reason such a sound would appear: the cry of joy a certain predator let out when it found its target—the kind that swallowed everything in front of it whole.

Wow—plenty of regulars who watched my streams often, it seemed. From that sound alone the viewers instantly understood what was happening and set the chat ablaze. And of course… I had realized the situation just as quickly.

Of all times, to get spotted by a passing Abyss Whale right when I was stuck upside-down in the ground. The worst misfortune among misfortunes. To run into something that could genuinely endanger my life.

If I stayed like this, being chewed up whole by that massive predator was an unavoidable future.

“Haa…. Earlier I mentioned one of them and then stopped, didn’t I? The last of the three precautions for surviving this harsh world. I don’t think I finished that one.”

As expected, once the situation veered toward the extreme, the chat grew as hot as potatoes fresh from the oven. But I knew better than anyone: in a moment of crisis, only by staying calmer and more composed than usual could one find a way through. Who taught me that? Well… who else but my absolute favorite?

“Precaution three: Never let go of hope. If you hold onto hope until the very last moment, an opportunity will surely come someday.”

A woman’s voice rang inside my head, and something soft settled into my palm. Without the slightest hesitation I swung that object with a flick of my wrist. Instantly the solid heaps of scrap imprisoning me shattered into fragments, and my field of vision opened wide and clear.

Guoooo!

Freed from my upside-down prison, the first ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠thing that filled my eyes was the enormous black maw of the Abyss Whale, already right in front of me. If I were swept into that mouth now, becoming the whale’s next meal would be inevitable. Yet instead of fleeing I sprang forward. Toward that vast, hideous mouth I lightly swung the scissor blades in my hand.

Clang.

The word fit perfectly—the Abyss Whale was cleanly bisected from top to bottom. Its upper and lower jaws forever parted, the gigantic whale sank into the scrap data and became just another motionless part of the junkyard.

Wow, moments like this make me feel like I’ve become some master swordswoman. Item power really is the best, after all.

…Wait. This was no time for self-congratulation. I wasn’t wandering the scrapyard alone—I was streaming. Right now I needed a good line to raise the viewers’ affection!

“W-well then…. Thanks to all of you, I made it through another day safely! If you’re curious about what happens next, please hit subscribe and like!”

Wink. I sent a clean wink toward the camera along with a polished line that flattered the audience. Yes, that should do nicely. Feeling satisfied inside, I beamed at the camera.

But the reactions that followed weren’t exactly positive. Why did they have to make a person sweat blood like this… Fine. They didn’t even understand my intentions. It was truly a sad thing.

“Alright then, shall we continue the stream peacefully today as well! Today’s goal is…!”

This was simply another ordinary day in the life of someone who had been reborn as her favorite character and was spending each day as a streamer.