Hey Assholes! My Professor Debut Goes Off the Rails
Hey, you bastards! The place was buzzing like crazy—too damn noisy to sleep. What the hell was going on to make such a racket? Even opening my eyes felt like a chore. I tried wrapping myself in a simple mana barrier for soundproofing. Piece of cake, even with my eyes closed...
"Miriel. Are you perhaps asleep?"
Master's voice rang out. Flinch. There was an uncharacteristic edge of anger in it. My body shivered involuntarily. My usually dormant brain kicked into overdrive. Okay, let's think step by step. So... what happened? I think Master and the maid woke me up, but I fell back asleep. Huh? Bianca said something about today being important. Hm... I focused a bit more on the noise.
"Please wait just a moment. Professor Miriel is rather short, so her movement speed is on the slower side."
What?! I pieced it together in an instant. I snapped my eyes open, only for blinding light to flood my vision.
"Gyaah!!!"
Dozens of professors were staring right at me. Some faces were beet red, verging on purple; others wore strained smiles. And at the center... was Master, whose grin was anything but a grin.
Ah... I'm dead.
"Miriel! No sleeping in!!"
Thwack!—Aludra's ruby tip bonked my head.
"Ow!!!"
"I've known you for years—think you can fool me? Well... you're up now, at least. Go on stage. It's time for your introduction."
"Ugh... If I go up there with a bump on my head and everyone laughs, you're taking responsibility, Master!!"
Thwack!
"Ow!!"
"You really ask for it every time..."
Rubbing my head, I headed for the stage but paused and turned back. Because the most important thing had just hit me...
"Wait, what am I even supposed to do up there?"
The professors who'd been smiling now pressed fingers to their foreheads and shook their heads. But hey, I don't remember! I skipped that part in the game 'cause it was boring, and today I was asleep so I heard nothing...
"My disciple..."
Master's staff looked ready to fly at my head any second. I hastily gathered mana overhead for a barrier, but...
"Just give a simple introduction."
Huh? No thwack? Weird? He's not usually this nice.
"It's for the new and returning students—to introduce yourself going forward."
Oooh. So, like a self-introduction?
"You could call it that."
Self-intro... hate it.
"Think of it as image-making for the students who'll take your classes."
Oho! So if I act super lazy and annoying, maybe fewer students will sign up?
"Yes! Got it! Your girl Miriel will (make sure no one enrolls and) nail this successfully!"
"Off you go."
"Hehe~"
Fewer students incoming~ Heheheh~ The thought made my steps light with joy.
Meanwhile, after Miriel left, from the back of the auditorium...
"Still, she's cute in a childish way."
"Ho ho—indeed. A little kid like that as a professor amid all us grizzled old folks and burly men."
It was Melian and Professor Naiad.
"No matter how young, there's a proper line. This crosses it."
"Huh? Isn't that Professor Layered, who lost to Miriel?"
"Grr! Calden! You!!"
"It's Calden Prosper, Professor Layered Pilot!"
Layered's face flushed red, along with Calden.
"What's wrong with it? A stuffy place like this needs a professor like her."
"Professor Jed, with that huge build, why's your speech so dainty?"
"Heh? Professor Daphnis. Should I take that as a challenge?"
"Hm? Perfect timing. President Jania. Is the arena free after this?"
Caught in Jed and Daphnis's bickering, Jania lightly pressed her thumb and forefinger to her temple.
"Both of you, stop. My head already hurts."
Terrier clicked his tongue at the sight.
"Mages always claim headaches. Tsk tsk..."
"Professor Terrier, don't go causing trouble. Whether sword or magic, we must respect each path."
"Tch—"
"Professor Daphnis? Truce for now? Looks like we need to fix Professor Terrier's habits this time."
"That... I agree."
"Great! President Jania, arena's free, so..."
At their words, four-colored magic circles appeared around Jania.
"I said STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!!!!"
Another peaceful day at Medeia Academy.
Stepping onto the stage, countless gazes stabbed into me. And why not? This was Medeia Academy. Important, so I'll say it again: Medeia Academy. The sole core facility driving this massive academy city. Sure, plenty of people flock here for the perks... but the core student body was no joke either. Nearly 500 per year—2,500 students total. Add servants, facility staff, and their families, and you're pushing 30,000 souls. More than your average barony.
Whatever. Point is, 2,500 stares on me!! My legs shook like I had stage fright. Never happened back home—do I have stage fright? Whatever, I don't care.
Bathed in thousands of eyes, I trudged to the central podium. Actually, trudged is wrong. Why walk in this huge hall? Loss. I floated slightly, zipping over with magic. Otherwise, with my tiny steps...
Ahem. Anyway. Magic got me there fast. But big problem: couldn't see over the podium.
It was too damn tall—right up to my eye level. No mics in this world, just amplification magic circles on podiums. So mouths need to be close, hence the 1.4-meter height. Fine for female profs whose heads poke over. Mostly the president handles speeches anyway. Or big names like Professor Layered. Professor Terrier (tch). Folks like that.
And my height? A whopping 1.44 meters! On tiptoes, I barely peeked. Faintly... God, give me my old height back!!
"Pwaaack!!!!!"
Whoops! My scream echoed through the hall unexpectedly. Ugh... embarrassing. Damn it. Growing 2cm a year, right? Just watch—in 10 years, 1.6m; 20 years, 1.8m tall, giant status!
"A moment please... Adjusting the podium size for Professor Miriel's short stature."
No sooner said than the podium shrank to my height. What? It adjusts? Then why not do it sooner, dude!!! Sigh... Generous me will let it slide.
The hall grew a bit rowdy, but I ignored it. Alright, time for the intro they prepped.
'Hi! Everyone, nice to meet you~ I'm Miriel, assistant professor to Professor Rodis Bern. My class is Understanding Attribute-less Magic—sign up only if you're interested. That's it—'
"Hey, you fucking assholes! I'm assistant professor Miriel! Never wanted to teach, got dragged here by Master. So only come if you really wanna! That's it!"
Mmm, perfect. No one's biting on that. But the hall went dead silent... then murmurs exploded.
I glanced around questioningly—the MC looked flustered too. Other profs behind tilted heads. I mirrored their puzzled faces, then...
Disciple Miriel!!!! Speak in a language we can understand, not ancient tongue!!!
Eh...? I replayed what I'd said. Yup. Screwed up.
But hey, always wanted to try that in a spot like this, right? Not my fault!! Haha—totally botched... Wait, ancient language? Did I just speak Korean?
Yup. Safe!!!?
"Ahh, mic test!"
Hall quieted.
"Hi! Everyone, nice to meet you~ I'm Miriel, assistant professor to Professor Rodis Bern. My class is Understanding Attribute-less Magic—sign up only if you're interested."
No mistakes this time. Yes!
"And that earlier bit? Ancient language blessing~ Anyway, that's it~"
I bolted. Dododo! Down to the back, straight to Master.
"Master, how was I?"
"Hm... Honest answer, or sweet one?"
"...Sweet one, please!"
"Then the honest one it is."
Eh? Master? I said sweet!!
"You caused a mess and botched it completely! A Medeia Academy professor needs authority—spouting unknown tongues? No dignity, just lightweight jokes. And 'only if interested'? That's basically 'don't sign up if not'!"
Er... fair.
"Especially since folks dismiss attribute-less magic. Saying that is like begging them not to enroll."
Fair too. That's the point. Just avoid cancellation, I'm good. But saying that gets me thwacked.
"And scampering off like you hate the aftermath?"
'Cause I wanna nap ASAP...
"Frankly, as a professor: zero points."
Pout. Tch. Master... that stuff's useless to me anyway!
"But here's the sweet part."
"Ooh!"
That's my Master!
"You know the class and professor info sheets distributed a month ago?"
Huh? Was there? Oh, right—president set Jan 21 deadline for that.
"Yours was in there too. With... your age."
Eh? Master?! My personal info? No privacy here?
"Students see profs as scary higher-ups."
Duh. Even I was intimidated playing the game at first.
"But your act? They'll find you approachable."
Duh! Wait, huh?
"Seeing your info and intro, students won't see you as heavy—more friendly."
Er... not what I wanted?
"And the 'ancient blessing'? Some'll get curious about your class."
That's bad!
"Sure, some might scoff at the levity, but it notes you beat Layered Pilot—no one's underestimating you."
What?! They listed that too?!
"Plus being my assistant—no one's looking down. They'll see you as a friendly peer-age prof who's actually skilled. Solid footing as an educator. Sweet enough?"
Haha... Master. Not sweet at all. Both bitter. Sigh. Fine. Few enrollees is key. I said "interested only."
"Oh, Miriel—checked your enrollment? Mine filled 100/100. As my assistant, yours should be similar."
Eh? Already out? When's signup... Oh, right—February. Game had it then too... Forgot 'cause sleeping. Oopsie~☆
Wait, NO!!!
"Whaaat?!! Already?!"
I hadn't checked! Master smirked like he knew, handing me a thick stack of papers.
"Heh heh... Knew it. Grabbed yours too. Thank Cordelia later."
Aha—so that's why she came this morning. Makes sense, she helps profs... Wait, more TA than head maid?
"Even though it's not her job, she helped at my request."
Oh. Got it. Hm... Owe her something later.
"That speech might've boosted numbers, Miriel. Thinking of expanding enrollment?"
"Huh?"
What? Master just flipped the stack and pointed.
There it was...
"Enrollment: 100/100...?"
Yup. My 100-seat class: packed.
No way!!!! My happy roll-in-life!! My effortless prof gig!!!
Oblivious, Master drove the nail in.
"Your speech clearly hooked a lot of people."
Ah... doomed.
Um... students who signed up for my class? Please drop it!!!!