4 - Disrupted Fate, Truth (9)
I was in a daze.
While I was in a daze, the saint who had been nodding along to such days brought out a small hand mirror from somewhere.
"Seeing it directly will make it easier to understand."
What exactly was she showing?
I was finding it hard to hold back my curiosity about what the saint knew and what she had seen to act like this.
So I obediently focused on the saint's actions.
—Crack!
"...?"
The saint, with her usual gentle smile, smashed the hand mirror without hesitation.
Even though the mirror was firmly attached with adhesive and had spiderweb-like cracks, no fragments flew out around it.
She held out the broken hand mirror in front of me as if she had expected that.
"This is, Lady Adel. Your soul."
"...Huh? My soul is a mirror?"
"... ."
The atmosphere was getting too heavy, so I tried a joke, but it led to sudden silence.
Ah, had I crossed a line?
Just as I thought the saint might get angry, I desperately tried to think of excuses.
"Ha, hahaha..."
"Saint?"
"Uh, hmm. You have quite the wit."
Huh?
The saint, who suddenly burst into laughter, lowered her head belatedly to hide her expression, as if embarrassed.
Is this... going to work?
"Saint, can I ask one question?"
"...Yes, please speak."
With a voice still mixed with laughter, I gained more confidence and asked.
"If the king smokes?"
"...What do you mean by that?"
"Smoking."
Yes! How about that!
"... ."
The saint's shoulders, head lowered, started trembling pitifully, as if it was sorry for me.
Since there was no one else in the room, she didn't laugh coolly.
It was obvious she was trying to hold back laughter.
In the end, she burst out laughing.
"Hahaha, hwaa... uh, ah, Lady Adel. This isn't the time for jokes."
It was correct, but I felt no regret!
The saint lifted her head slightly. Her eyes curved, smiling with small tears glistening.
Yes.
Since I had seen the saint laugh like this happily, I had no regrets even if I died.
Moreover, I hadn't suddenly gone crazy from drugs and done such nonsense.
...My soul was shattered like a mirror.
It was my own state, not anyone else's.
It would have been better to hear the saint's detailed explanation rather than chatting while laughing.
But...
Some unknown anxiety welled up.
The fear that if I heard the saint's story, I wouldn't be able to reverse this situation anymore.
Although my physical state could be saved and reloaded many times, no matter how many loops I tried, my mind would remain the same.
I couldn't forget the shocking story from the saint.
After hearing such shocking things, could my actions be the same as usual?
I couldn't be sure, but it was certain that there would be a big change in my thoughts and actions.
"Lady Adel, don't worry too much. Even if evil is directed at you, there are those who will illuminate your side. I didn't intend to force the story either. Of course, Lady Adel's will comes first. What do you decide?"
"... ."
I closed my eyes.
Through the eyelids covering my vision, some memories from the past flashed by.
The memories I saw were...
"Speak. I'll listen."
It wasn't a memory from reality.
They were all memories that happened after I reincarnated into this world, 'Four Crowns'.
They could be called memories, but they couldn't be called memories well, but they weren't memories I had given up on either.
I hadn't given up yet.
The result was that it led to this moment now.
For the sake of the future, I should check all the information I could.
I answered firmly like that and stared into the saint's eyes.
"As I said, this mirror is the appearance of Lady Adel's soul. I don't know the reason, but Lady Adel's soul has at least been shattered into hundreds of pieces."
"...Hundreds of pieces."
Why hundreds.
There were some guesses for the number.
"And for some reason, it seems that others can only see Lady Adel's different sides."
"Is that why it appeared as my name? Like Adel, Aderuna, Aderua."
The guess was simple.
To my quiet answer, the saint nodded shortly as if it was the correct answer and continued.
"You see? The names and identities that others see are the origin of the soul's splitting."
The saint held out the mirror in my hand again.
Like being struck with a sharp stone, cracks spreading from one point.
So, what the saint said was... that there were multiple points where cracks started in my soul.
That was my name.
"...Can it be treated? What's the cause?"
It couldn't be that all this was because of my regression.
If I kept reloading like this, my body, mind, and soul would break and die horribly.
Such anxiety naturally made my voice tremble madly.
"That is..."
If it was the saint who could treat everything.
As the top healer in the world, she might give some answer.
But...
"...I'm sorry. I don't have an answer either."
The fact I had realized over and over.
This world was reality, and nothing flowed as I wanted.
Thinking it might be a mischievous joke, I looked at the saint, but seeing her solemn expression, I was sure it was true.
"Haha... Then, no treatment and no cause known. Were you just wanting to say that my soul is shattered? Or were you trying to fool me?"
"Ah, Lady Adel."
"Ah. Or, since I'm a rare case like me, they might take me to the Holy Kingdom to dissect me..."
"Lady Adel! Listen to the story till the end!"
Thud.
The saint grabbed my shoulder that started to glow horribly again, and without caring about my reaction, continued her words urgently.
"There aren't many reasons why the soul gets hurt. Mainly, being attacked by a demon or being driven to the brink of body destruction. Only reasons that can't be accurately diagnosed."
...So.
What was she trying to say.
My arms and legs were trembling, and the handcuffs binding my wrists and ankles made a rattling, unpleasant noise.
"As I said, since the reason can't be confirmed, there's no way to treat the soul with general methods. However, according to what I know, there is another way."
"...What? Can I do it?"
Hope returned.
I looked at the saint with bright eyes, but her expression was still dark.
"The Holy Kingdom's divine item. Using the elixir."
"Ah."
I understood why the saint's expression didn't soften.
An elixir was an item that I knew from legends, something I had entered many times.
The problem was that to obtain the elixir, I had to sacrifice the heroine 'Saint'.
That meant...
To treat my soul, I had to offer the saint Ariya, who was sitting in front of me, living, breathing, thinking, kindly caring for patients, as a sacrifice.
"...That's not possible. Then, it's better to just give up."
Yeah, don't worry about it.
It might be a side effect of reincarnation.
Since it's an unsolvable problem, it's better to forget it rather than stress over it.
I was trying to let it go like that.
"And, if it's not treatment but to diagnose the soul, there's one more way."
No, was she giving hope and then taking it away?
When I glared at her with hazy eyes, the saint avoided my gaze, as if she knew her mistake.
"This is really not a good method. It's using the magic of demon worshippers who handle souls and black magicians. It might be even harder than getting the elixir."
...Eh.
No? It should be easy?
I finally found the method!
"Saint! Thank you!!"
I tried to hug her tightly to express gratitude, but...
—Clank!
"Ah!"
I had forgotten that my hands and feet were bound.
I had bumped my head on the bed unnecessarily!
"Have you come up with a plan?"
"Hmm, maybe. But I haven't confirmed yet. I have to find their hideout first."
To my sudden action, the saint looked puzzled, unable to hold back her curiosity.
But I couldn't tell her my plan.
I was thinking of using the upcoming events in the future.
If I didn't reveal that fact, the saint wouldn't ask the same questions to me anymore.
It was a considerate action, typical of a mother-in-law.
"Then, I'll help you with one last thing."
"Yes!"
Now that my mood was good again, I welcomed anything!
I thought that and stared at the saint.
"Hmm, it might hurt a little. Are you okay with that?"
I realized belatedly.
Throughout our conversation, why was the shackle binding my hands and feet necessary?
It couldn't be...
"Everyone recognizing Lady Adel as a different being is uncomfortable and can have negative effects. For example, showing unreasonable goodwill to Lady Adel or excessive hostility."
"...Eh, yes."
"That's because they are looking at Lady Adel as a different being. That is, Lady Adel from another world that hasn't happened in reality. I will fix that situation today by using Lady Adel's true name."
This story was also a moment that couldn't be easily brushed off, a chance to eliminate the days I was being cheated.
It was a big deal.
"I don't know my true name?"
Because my soul was shattered, every time I saw the letters of my name recorded, they appeared as broken characters.
Since everyone called me by different names, I had never had a chance to hear my true name.
Was it blocked again like this?!
I was about to despair again.
"It's okay, I know it."
"...Huh?"
"Aderia. Then, I'll start the consciousness right away."
The saint continued her work naturally without any hesitation.