PUBG Kindergarten

Do you know the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms?

What is the world coming to.

Watching today's "babies" claim they've read the Three Kingdoms after picking up some gender-bent fanfic version makes me feel like civilization is ending.

Huh? Back in my day, we knew the difference between the official historical records and the romanticized novel!

A grand epic where countless factions rise and fall, and heroes as brilliant as the stars appear one after another in endless procession.

…Okay, I get that the Three Kingdoms is great and all, but why the sudden history lecture?

Because lately, the virtual scene on Pangea TV has started to look an awful lot like the Three Kingdoms.

Setting Freeca aside — they're aiming for YouTube — Decrescendo, Pocotin, and V-Live have settled into a rough balance of power.

Unfortunately, the Rena Universe has already lost its grip on the stage of history and exited the arena.

They're basically a name that still exists on paper, nothing more.

If I had to assign them a historical counterpart based on how powerful they once were, Yuan Shao's faction feels about right.

After all, they were the strongest corporate force before Freeca came along.

So, excluding the Rena Universe, a three-kingdom structure took shape.

Map the crews onto the kingdoms and Decrescendo becomes Wei.

At this point in time, they boasted the largest population (viewers), the strongest economy (Candy donations), and the greatest military power (name recognition, fan cafés, influence) — absolute dominance.

But in history, Wei was the first of the three to fall.

Just as Decrescendo did before my regression.

The way Jin rose from within and destroyed Wei, Decrescendo too collapses from the inside.

Then which one is Wu?

Pocotin fits better than we do.

In terms of pure national scale, Wu outranked Shu — and the gap between us and Pocotin was much the same.

In several respects, Pocotin was a step ahead.

There were other similarities, too.

In history, Wu under Sun Quan and his descendants spent a lot of time shooting themselves in the foot.

Pocotin was no different.

The Minecraft "Poco Server" that would go down as a black mark on the crew's history, Ori-koong's verbal blunders, Hiyori sniping a new crew member — disasters they brought on themselves, one after another.

And last of all, V-Live as Shu.

Honestly, it was the only kingdom left, so I just jammed us into the slot.

Small population (viewers), a frontier no one in the Central Plains even acknowledged (name recognition), and an economy that tanked after the catastrophic defeat at Yiling (Candy donations).

Even though I was carrying the whole crew on my back, if you averaged out every member, the comparison wasn't wrong.

So what's the way out of a situation like this?

I intended to find the answer through history.

After the Battle of Yiling, Zhuge Liang poured every ounce of his strength into domestic administration.

To face the mighty Wei and the ever-backstab-ready Wu, the foundation of national power — a solid base of fixed fans — had to be built first.

He reformed the legal code (crew hierarchy), filled the treasury through salt, iron, and silk trade (Bang-sel sales), and secured the rear by pacifying the southern tribes (keeping the home rabbits in line).

Channeling Zhuge Liang and governing the domestic front like this, a single thought gradually rose to the surface of my mind.

"Ah. I'm itching for a northern campaign."

Looks like it's time to write the Memorial on Dispatching the Troops.

The target I chose for my campaign was Oh-ha's PUBG Kindergarten content.

The timing was perfect.

I'd been grinding domestic affairs hard, and the first collab with Dalda — a virtual from the Rena Universe — had gotten a strong response, so the content was already generating buzz on its own.

On top of that, I'd casually sounded Oh-ha out and learned that Park Na-na was interested too.

So on my day off, I slapped a steel plate over my face and approached Park Na-na.

"Hello, Park Na-na-nim! I'm such a huge fan. I love you, Park Na-na. Milk-white Park Na-na!"

"Huh? Is that really Seo-a-nim? Oh. It really is. Hang on a second — I'll give you manager."

Through the manager chat, I boldly stated my business.

And I rubbed up against her with everything I had.

Honestly, separate from Decrescendo's eventual collapse, Park Na-na was currently the single sweetest honey pot among all the virtual connections you could make on Pangea TV.

Every virtual linked to Park Na-na stood out with unusual brilliance even in the 720p generation.

Later on, when the big-corp virtual streamers migrated over from Rabbit TV, that shine would fade — but among the lifelines I could grab right now, she was the best.

After that, everything moved at lightning speed.

Once Park Na-na said okay, from the perspective of a small-time streamer like Oh-ha, it was an automatic free pass.

I had a short conversation with Oh-ha about content length and how we'd run things, then organized the details and left them for Park Na-na in a Discord message.

Whew. Busy, busy.

Is this what Zhuge Liang felt preparing for the northern campaigns?

…Huh? Drop the Three Kingdoms bit already?

With the time I had left, I dropped by the fan café, left comments on fans' posts, and watched about an hour of Miho's stream.

Ahem. Anything more than that and I'd get too tired.

It was a rare day off — I needed ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠rest too.

The next morning I got up early and checked the community. Absolute chaos.

The firepower of Decrescendo fans…

Faced with a fresh combination nobody saw coming, the virtual fans were more interested than they'd been in ages, and they were going wild.

A few returning natives put on masks and left snide comments as if they weren't who they were — but the virtual fans, as always, fought a hundred to one.

Thanks to that, this content was guaranteed to have buzz, at least.

That said, Battlegrounds is pretty unfamiliar territory.

Even before the regression, I'd barely touched FPS games, so the awkwardness was real.

Still, that wasn't a problem.

This was "Kindergarten" content — meaning complete beginners — so the skilled play could be left entirely to Oh-ha, a former pro gamer.

Park Na-na and I would ride Oh-ha's carry, pick up a basic education in Battlegrounds, hop on the bus, and enjoy a delicious chicken dinner. That was the goal.

In the end, holding my own with talk in Discord would be more than enough.

Broadcast time arrived in a flash.

I went live about thirty minutes early and chatted lightly with the viewers.

"Unfortunately, we've got content today, so café hopping is on hold."

I'd heard the PUBG scene was full of toxic missions — and sure enough, plenty of viewers were already sharpening their knives.

"Today's a rare collab, so you all know the drill, right? When we're with other streamers, be extra careful with chat. Especially things like putting someone down for a mistake in-game… do that and you're going straight on the blacklist."

I spent the full thirty minutes locking down viewer discipline, then headed to the agreed Discord channel.

"Ah, there you are. Hello. I'm Oh-ha."

"Oh! Am I last? But I'm not late, right? Hello, everyone in Oh-ha-nim's room and Nana-nim's room. I'm Seo-a, and I'm so happy to be doing PUBG Kindergarten with you all today. Nice to meet you."

"Ahaha, love the energy. Hello — I'm Park Na-na, leader of the Decrescendo crew. I've got a little over a hundred hours in PUBG, but I've never gotten chicken even once. I really hope we can eat well today."

The three of us exchanged greetings the moment we gathered, then decided to learn the basic controls before jumping into a real match.

Through Discord screen share, Oh-ha carefully checked both Park Na-na's screen and mine, starting from the settings and walking us through a calm, methodical lesson.

The class was more systematic than I'd expected, and her explanations ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠were clear enough that even a complete beginner could follow along.

"Alright — now that we've got the basics down, shall we jump into a real game?"

"Yes! Teacher, chicken for sure — chicken!"

Finally, the real thing?

This was V-Live's first collab content with another crew — a step toward expanding our reach outward.