The Perilously Romantic Letter
Letter...
"Yeonwoo. Do you know what the hardest thing in the world is?"
"Beats me."
Making a girlfriend behind Seonha's back.
—Whoosh—
Sung-ho's brown hair fluttered softly in the spring breeze. His eyes held a wistful gaze, like someone reminiscing about an old love left behind on a rickety bus.
"It's winning someone's heart. People's minds are a whirlwind of thousands of thoughts every moment, and keeping that fleeting wind from blowing away—that's truly the hardest thing."
"Oh... You're saying something profound for once. What's gotten into you?"
"Lately, I've been training this female AI chatbot... No matter how much I flirt, she won't take off her panties... What's the problem...?"
"Go die. You idiot. Just."
—Scribble scribble—
"But Yeonwoo, what are you doing in someone else's class, writing away like that?"
"A letter."
A letter to hand to the main heroine.
I couldn't write it in my own class anymore—that reason was too exhausting to even explain. Seonha had fondled my hand for twenty minutes in the nurse's office under the pretense of checking my pulse, which had somewhat eased her mood... but if she caught me writing a letter here too, who knew how she'd flip.
Last year...
Last year, after she discovered a love letter, Seonha flew into a rage. A new school rule was added: writing love letters at our middle school would get you expelled. Helicopters scattered her wedding invitations across the country for three days straight. The heroine who received my letter back then was sentenced to eleven years of cleaning duty in court. Eleven years? She was supposed to come back for cleaning even after graduation?
"A love letter?"
"Yeah."
"Who're you sending it to?"
Yeon Juhee.
"Seonha."
"I'll keep it secret from Seonha this time, so tell me honestly. It's not Seonha, right?"
"You expect me to believe that?"
"If you don't tell me, I'll go snitch to Seonha right now."
"Go snitch then, punk. You think I'm scared?"
—Rattle—
"Yeon Juhee. Yeon Juhee. Yeon Juhee."
"Ah~ That girl from our middle school last year... the one with the big boobs?"
"Yeah. Her."
Remembering someone by such a sleazy trait wasn't very gentlemanly... but it wasn't just because Sung-ho was a pervert. Honestly... it couldn't be helped...
Once you meet Juhee...
That...
This is...
You know...
Never mind... let's leave it there...
"Who writes letters in this day and age? Just tell her in person."
"Couldn't agree more."
But this analog sentiment was basically otaku vibes. The developers knew their stuff. Except for sticking me in here.
"Want me to give you some letter advice?"
"...Aren't you on Seonha's side?"
"I'm on your side. And I get you. I've eaten plenty from the harem too."
"Then why'd you nag me earlier?"
"......Seonha promised to do it with me."
"You're trash."
Still, it was welcome news halfway through. Sung-ho might be a perv, but when it came to dating, there was plenty to learn from him.
...
"But Sung-ho."
"Yeah?"
"Why aren't you hitting on Juhee? She's your type. Sweet personality, big boobs."
For reference, Park Sung-ho's phone contacts saved girls as (B) Lim Ju-hye, (A) Park Da-young, and so on. The guy's just plain crazy.
"You went for her first, Yeonwoo. I never touch a friend's girl. Not even if a knife's at my throat."
"...Oh... Even a perv has principles?"
"I don't touch NTR. Stealing someone's hard work and getting praised only happens in sports. Stealing another guy's girl? That's mocking every moment they've shared. Ever played Pokémon? Even if you throw a Master Ball, you can't steal their low-level mons. That's just how it is."
"Got it, calm down..."
Has he ever been cheated on or something?
"Here."
I showed him the letter I'd written. Honestly, I was confident in letters. Years of visual novel grinding. Face-to-face talking had zero XP, but with prepared lines, I could hold my own...
"......Lee Yeonwoo."
"Yeah?"
"Wanna read it again?"
He flipped the paper back toward me after reading it.
I have some business with you.
After school today, I'd like to borrow some of your time.
Of course, it's not mandatory.
Adjust the schedule to suit your convenience.
There might be a better time.
You can come alone or bring whoever you want.
—Lee Yeonwoo.
...
"What's wrong with it?"
I tilted my head, and he clutched his forehead like he had a migraine.
"......Dude... Even a message to the enemy camp would be sweeter than this. You're not a virgin, why write like one?"
"Huh? I am a virgin though?"
"...Yeonwoo, how are you a virgin? Then back then..."
"Yeonwoo-ssi."
My heart dropped at the voice from the classroom's back door.
"I came looking since you weren't coming back. So this is where you were."
She stepped into the classroom.
"Ah, I, I was just about to go."
"What's that paper?"
Her gaze locked onto the letter in Sung-ho's hand.
—Click clack—
"It's nothing."
"If it's nothing, why is Park Sung-ho hiding it behind his back?"
We're screwed.
If she sees that letter, tomorrow morning Han Hyunjoo, Ban Gyuri, and Yeon Juhee would be strung up on flagpoles side by side. She might even drag back the one studying in Moscow.
"..." "..."
Sung-ho and I exchanged glances.
"Hand it over. I need to see it."
Sung-ho was better than that traitor Hyun-jik. He'd promised to keep the secret.
—Pat pat pat!
He gripped the letter tight and bolted toward the front of the classroom. Yeah. Run. Don't get caught.
"What a nuisance."
Seonha reached into her pocket and pulled something out. Thankfully, not a gun. A hunting bola. Iron balls on cords that wrap and bind when thrown.
—Whoosh!
The bola sliced through the air and coiled around Sung-ho's ankle.
—Clank!
The cords tightened in an instant.
"Urk!"
Sung-ho's body pitched forward.
"Now, Sung-ho-ssi. If you want to keep living in Korea, bring me that paper."
"Guh...!"
In desperation, Sung-ho tried to stuff the paper in his mouth and swallow. But Seonha snatched it first. Now the letter was in her hands. Her fingers unfolded the crumpled paper...
"It's for you."
"......Pardon?"
Her gaze slid from the letter to me.
"I wrote it for you, Seonha. But... I was too embarrassed to give it directly..."
"......Do I look like a fool to you?"
"...It's true."
"...Whether it's true or not, I'll judge after reading it."
A playful glint crossed her face. Her colorless black eyes scanned the words.
...
I have some business with you.
After school today, I'd like to borrow some of your time.
It's not mandatory.
Adjust the schedule to suit your convenience.
There might be a better time.
You can come alone or bring whoever you want.
—Lee Yeonwoo.
—Pfft!
Seonha's nose started gushing blood.
"......Which poet wrote this...? This romantic masterpiece... it's so obscene..."
"...You like it...? What's so good about it?"
Sung-ho asked, baffled by her reaction.
"Everything's good... Especially the last line, '-Lee Yeonwoo' right there..."
*
Last year, if I had to name the heroine Seonha tormented the most, it was Yeon Juhee. It dwarfed the shotgun pellets Ban Gyuri took recently. Juhee and I had actually made some progress in our relationship. And... for some reason, Seonha hated Juhee especially.
—Yeah...
—Yeah...
Unlike the other heroines she elegantly crushed from behind with schemes and slander, she went at Juhee outright.
Every time she saw Juhee, she'd scan her chest with cold eyes, then approach with a scale.
—Eek! Seonha...!
She'd grab Juhee's breasts and slam them onto the scale—thunk! thunk!—to measure the weight.
—Beep!
—Rule violation. Excess weight crime. One week suspension. I'll book your flight—go rest overseas.
"This isn't something I can control..."
—Cool your tits... I mean, cool your head and reflect on what you did wrong.
*
On the way home.
—Step step —Click clack
How to restart things with Juhee. Without the girl walking beside me knowing...
As I pondered that, suddenly my appetite soured.
...What the hell am I doing to people...?
Everyone around me keeps getting hurt.
Drenched in drinks... foreheads bashed... suspensions...
...
Even with this reflection now.
Tomorrow, I'd probably do the same to the victims again. No other choice in the end.
In the end, I'm the type who values myself most.
—Waddle waddle...
"...You're still staring at that?"
"...Yes. Huh? D-didn't hear. Did you call me?"
She waddled along clutching the letter, utterly absorbed in it like she'd been sucked inside.
"...Why? Why are you looking at me like that...?"
"..."
It wasn't even really for you. ...Why does a smart girl turn dumb only at times like this?
...
Are the victims... because of you? Or because of me?
If it's because of me...
—Waddle waddle...
Then you'd be one of them too.
Today, victim of a lie.
—Step step —Click clack
She's staring at that short letter... all day...
She's gonna trip.
...
Favorability from a letter only goes up once a day anyway.
So...
Sometimes, this much is fine. Diplomatically speaking.
"Seonha. Give me that letter."
"Wh-why? It's mine."
"...I'll write you a new one."
"......Pardon?"
I tore a page from my notebook and wrote her a short letter. This time, for Seonha.