012 – I Am an Army
There was something that bothered me.
The humans in the Monkey Gallery called themselves 'magicians'.
└ There's no such thing as a wizard in this world lol
No wizards?
I wondered what kind of nonsense this was again, feeling my mind go blank.
Soon, three or four more comments were added.
└ Ganadaramajusa: Memorize this if you don't know. Magician = people who use sketchy methods (=magic tricks) to accomplish things that a human could eventually do with a shit ton of effort anyway.
└ Ganadaramajusa: Wizard = a bastard who does things that are completely impossible no matter how fuckin' much time, effort, money, and devotion you pour into it, got it? But those bastards don't actually exist in this world.
└ Ganadaramajusa: For example, imagine someone shooting a fireball from their palm to burn down a building. In reality, even monkeys who can't use magic tricks can do that exact same thing if they just have oil and a lighter. That's why it's not real wizardry, it's just magic.
└ ㅇㅇ(54.21): This bastard blew all three of his daily comment quota on low-tier ragebait lol
└ ㅇㅇ(99.121): Couldn't hold it back kekeke
It was an explanation of just a few sentences.
Even so, I felt like I could vaguely understand it.
For instance, suppose I gained the ability to use a skill called 'Magic Bullet' that flies a pebble at high speed to fire it like a bullet.
Let's assume its power is enough to pierce through a frying pan.
That itself could be called a great skill, but...
In reality, shooting a gun might make it even easier to achieve.
Therefore, 'Magic Bullet' is not real wizardry, but magic.
The people who used it were described as 'magicians', not wizards.
Suddenly, I recalled the Sealing Magic Circle and Opening Magic Circle I had acquired.
The Sealing Magic Circle could be replaced by a padlock, and the Opening Magic Circle could be replaced by a bolt cutter.
Then... was what I had been doing actually magic as well?
Was I a magician, not a wizard?
"Ah, is that why that black-suited guy...?"
I had asked him if he was a wizard.
But he had scoffed at me, Pik-, as if he had heard a vulgar joke.
That was because there was no such thing as a wizard in this world—.
At least, according to the claims of these senior magicians.
But was that really the case?
Boribori had clearly called me 'Meka Chef'.
That word definitely meant wizard in ancient Aramaic.
Also, I could see the demon Boribori, whom nobody else could see.
Even if an ordinary human poured in money, time, and devotion, would it be possible to see a demon?
Would it be possible to order jjambpong for a demon and feed it tiramisu cake?
No! It didn't seem likely.
Which meant I might be the very first wizard in this gallery!
I got a little excited at that thought.
But on the other hand, I felt I needed to be careful.
What if they found out I was a wizard?
The 'Men in Black' dressed in black suits might storm into my home without warning.
And they might dissect my head, throw it into a formalin solution, and perform experiments on it.
"...I hope it's just my groundless anxiety."
For now, let me hide as much as possible that I might be a 'wizard'.
Also, investigating 'Demon Boribori' must be done as carefully as possible, to a degree where others won't think it's strange.
In that sense, I felt relieved that I hadn't posted 「Guys, do you know about invisible demons?」 as my first post in this gallery.
Whatever the case.
The 'Monkey Gallery' provided me with useful information beyond what I had expected.
For example, how to make holy water and protective gear.
# # #
====
Author: Oseonjok Exterminator
Title: Ingredients needed when crafting holy water
Sea salt, green onion, 100g of frankincense, 200ml of pure water
First, roast the sea salt for about 10 minutes, lightly scorch the frankincense, then mix them with the sea salt.
For salt, sea salt is preferred if possible, and Hojari Frankincense is the absolute best. Honestly, anything below that is worse than having nothing at all.
After finely mixing the salt and frankincense for about 10 minutes, pour in clean water.
For water, you can just use a water purifier, and if you don't have one, bottled water from a convenience store works too.
Anyway, once you've dumped the bottled water in, stir the fucking shit out of it with a green onion stalk.
Originally, adding hyssop or basil is traditionally better in Catholicism, but in Korea, green onions seem to work better because of shamanism.
If you stir for a while, all the frankincense and salt grains will dissolve, creating a weird-smelling liquid. That's holy water.
Honestly, it's not sacred like its name suggests.
But regardless of the principles or name, it works really well against anomalies.
====
"It really reads like a cooking recipe."
For me, who had handled all sorts of chores and recipes at a 2-star restaurant, this recipe was far from complex.
"But green onions must be expensive these days..."
Even that Hojari Frankincense cost 50,000 won for 100g.
Where would I get that kind of money when I can barely pay my utility bills right now?
How about replacing the green onion with an onion sitting in my fridge?
In culinary terms, green onions and onions are basically potato, potahto anyway.
As for the frankincense... maybe I could just pour in that cheap perfume I bought long ago and stashed away?
"Khe-heh-heh, cooking is all about improvising after all."
And so, the cooking began.
When I roasted refined salt and mixed it with perfume, no lie, it smelled like absolute shit.
After pouring water into it and stirring away with a fist clutching an onion, it got progressively worse.
"Cough, cough, my sinuses are completely cleared out."
I transferred the completed liquid from the pot into a 500ml plastic water bottle.
Still... I wondered if this could really be called holy water.
Isn't it just weird-smelling water?
As expected, do the ingredients really have to be proper?
".........!!!"
But suddenly, Boribori winced, shuddering violently while twisting his face into a deep frown.
He then covered his nose and scampered away into the bathroom.
"Oh?"
A liquid capable of driving away the demon Boribori just by scent alone.
This definitely wasn't holy water, but hadn't something pretty impressive been completed in its own right?
"Ugh, but my head hurts because of the smell."
I wondered if this was exactly what it would smell like on a packed subway during evening rush hour, when middle-aged women and men drenched in strong perfume rubbed up against each other as if crushing one another to death.
Before my stomach churned any further, I tightly closed the bottle cap.
Even so, it felt like the smell was seeping out, so I drew the pattern of 'Sealing' onto the cap as well.
I didn't forget to open the windows wide to air out the house either.
For the record, Boribori only came out of the bathroom well past dinner time.
Boribori, who had looked upset because of the smell, only wagged his tail after eating two full bowls of curry I made for dinner.
"Mheu-heu-heu."
# # #
Once you make a dish, it's natural to want to taste it or feed it to someone.
Holy water was the same.
My body was itching to test its performance as soon as possible.
'Should I go back to the Dori Building basement?'
Picturing that place in my head, I soon shook my head.
That wasn't a place for the current me to go.
Because it was a dangerous zone classified as high as 'Tiger Hazard Grade' on the Monkey Gallery's nationwide haunted spot rankings.
According to the information I learned while lurking on the gallery, the threat levels of mysteries or anomalies were roughly divided into three stages.
The first was Twilight Grade.
The lowest stage, at the level of a dark shade, where about one or two people go missing per year.
The second was Tiger Hazard Grade.
A grade where people vanished at a rate of about one per week, like being snatched away by a tiger in ancient times.
Its difficulty was said to be as dangerous as a starving tiger.
The third and final was Ghost Demon Grade.
From here on, the variables were too massive; if you were unlucky, it could escalate into a mass disappearance event where an entire neighborhood got wiped out.
The grades of magicians who resolved anomalies also followed this standard.
If you cleared a Twilight Grade anomaly, you were a Twilight Grade magician.
If you cleaned out a Tiger Hazard Grade, you were called a Tiger Hazard Grade magician.
"Come to think of it..."
The Dori Building was a place judged as Twilight Grade because, for now, there were no reported deaths.
Those black-suited guys must have been the ones who made that judgment.
The word Twilight Grade that I accidentally saw on the contract when applying for the night security job at that building was probably written by them too.
But people in the gallery said they couldn't clearly grasp the existence in that basement, so they had provisionally classified it as Tiger Hazard Grade.
Which meant it wasn't a difficulty level for a Transfer Student who had just roasted some salt water to stick his head into.
Even though I wanted to test what I could do and how far I could go...
I didn't want to die.
To be honest, scary things were scary then, and they're scary now.
In that case, what should I do?
Eager to show off my skills soon, I started digging through internet posts.
Then, I found a post.
I made a call right away.
"Hello. You're looking for help, right?"
Time passed, and the next morning arrived.
I opened my eyes to a gentle tickling sensation at the tip of my nose.
Shashak-.
Whenever I opened my eyes, Boribori would just be curled up on his cushion as if nothing had happened.
It had been a few days since Boribori started waking me up.
Suddenly, I became curious.
"Boribori, don't you sleep?"
I felt like I had never seen Boribori sleeping.
"......."
Still no answer.
After wrapping up breakfast with chicken breast and protein powder, I headed to the neighboring town of Cheongdodong.
About a 30-minute walk.
Seupio, seupio.
Iosip, iosip-.
Jjeujjeujjeujjeujijijijijiji-.
The weather was sweltering, and the cicadas chirped loudly.
Honestly, at this point, rather than saying cicadas were 'singing', it should be expressed as them 'barking'.
Wearing a tracksuit jacket lined with aluminum foil on the inside in such summer weather caused sweat to trickle down my forehead.
Cooking Foil Armor.
I made it because the gallery said it was effective against anomaly defense, but I wasn't sure if it would really be okay.
What bothered me right now was...
'...Should I have brought the Cooking Foil Hat after all?'
...But! When I wore the Cooking Foil Hat too, Boribori growled at me!
Rather than being on guard or scared of me, he gave me a look of contempt that felt like, "That guy is doing something weird!"
Making excuses to myself, I arrived at the destination.
"Wow..."
I was slightly overwhelmed.
Because I wondered if there had always been a house with such a huge garden right in our neighboring town.
'...There's even a fountain in the garden!?'
Although I was someone who had experienced demons and ghosts, a house with a garden containing a fountain felt even more unrealistic in a way.
With roof tiles on top, it really looked like a grand nobleman's estate.
My spirits sank completely.
'Get a grip. You even brought your 「Secret Weapon」 after all.'
Jjak-jjak-.
I slapped both of my cheeks to snap out of it, then pressed the bell in front of the gate.
Then I spoke into the intercom.
"I'm 'Meteor', who contacted you yesterday."
Meteor is my active magician handle.
It's a name containing my ambition—since my name is Yuseong (shooting star), I wanted to become a wizard who drops meteors from the sky someday.
Soon, a voice came from the intercom.
━ Come on in quickly.
Passing through the wide-open gate into the spacious house, strangers were each sitting on sofas or leaning their backs against marble pillars.
The house seemed to have stairs leading up to the second floor as well as stairs leading down to the basement.
As I looked around, having never seen such a large house before, I heard a scoffing laugh while someone looked at me.
"...What, a Transfer Student?"
"The landlord scraped together every ragtag riffraff out there."
At this moment, I realized.
Those people.
─ They are magicians.
And at the same time, a loud scream rang out from the direction of the basement stairs.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh let me outttttt get that out right nowwwwwww━─!!!"
A blood-curdling scream.
I had never heard such a scream in my life, and in an instant, daily life felt like it transformed into an unreality.
Something was about to start.
No, maybe it was already well underway.