Chapter 182
Chapter 182
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 182
Chapter Title: The Ancestor Demon's Journal
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Lee Si-woo, having roughly scanned the catalog and formulated a plan, took out the USB containing the 'Special Research Journal' from his pocket.
"Kinis. Is there any equipment here that can read the contents of this USB?"
"If you give it to me, I can display the contents on the hologram screen."
As Lee Si-woo handed over the USB, Kinis plugged it into a nearby port and linked it to the hologram screen.
Then, the Special Research Journal appeared on the hologram screen.
But this research journal was somewhat strange.
It was less a research journal and more akin to a diary.
Year X, Month X, Day X
One day, a dimensional gate opened, and uninvited guests arrived.
On that day, for the first time, I took an interest in things other than myself.
I later learned from them that this was called curiosity.
Year X, Month X, Day X
Their outward appearance was similar to mine, but their inner selves were different.
They had tears, and something called sadness.
They had something called love, and something called affection.
But I had none of that.
I grew curious.
One day, I captured a few of them and made a father kill his son.
That day, I saw tears for the first time.
I tasted his tears with my tongue.
The tears tasted salty.
I want to cry tears, too.
Year X, Month X, Day X
I began to imitate them.
I tried to resemble them, to become just like them.
I also started learning their history and knowledge.
I tried.
But I failed.
My vessel was broken, unable to hold any water.
I was broken.
Year X, Month X, Day X
At some point, some of them started calling me a sociopath, or a demon.
Only then did I understand why I had failed.
Unlike them, I had something missing.
So I decided to accept it.
I am a demon.
Year X, Month X, Day X
When one is alone, one does not know what solitude is.
When one does not know relationships, one does not know what loneliness is.
One only learns of it when one is no longer alone.
Year X, Month X, Day X
It was unfair.
I do not know empathy, nor do I know happiness.
So why do I know unhappiness?
If I didn't know love and affection, I shouldn't have known envy and jealousy either.
Why do things different from me make me uncomfortable, make me resentful?
Perhaps this is why I am called a demon?
But what angers me most is that I have come to know solitude.
In this world full of humans, I was the only demon.
It was infuriating.
Year X, Month X, Day X
I asked the Faceless One.
Why didn't you let me remain ignorant? Why did you make me know?
Why didn't you leave me forever alone? Why did you make me curious?
The Faceless One could not answer.
He was not a god.
Year X, Month X, Day X
I did not age, I did not get hurt, and I did not die.
I had lived forever alone, and was meant to live that way.
But now, I am no longer alone.
Yet, they are different from me.
It turned out, I was still alone.
Year X, Month X, Day X
I decided to fill the missing parts.
I began my research.
In the meantime, their civilization had developed dazzlingly.
They developed technology to interfere with other dimensions, and I stole it.
They developed technology to interfere with genes, and I stole that too.
I combined their genes with my own.
Countless attempts.
Countless failures.
A single success.
The failures were discarded on the endlessly expanding continent, and the success was kept by my side.
That day, I gained a family in the name of a brother.
Year X, Month X, Day X
I was lacking, but this child was near perfect.
Some of my emotions were defective, and my capacity for empathy was almost nonexistent.
But this child liked me, relied on me, and tried to empathize with me.
Also, he lived with the words "I like you, brother" constantly on his lips.
I responded by saying I liked him too, but I know.
I am only imitating a family; I have no feelings for this child.
I gave this child the name Jin.
Year X, Month X, Day X
One day, I created it by chance.
By human standards, it was very beautiful.
The ash-gray hair suited my tastes quite well.
The eyes, like full moons, resembled the gem called amber, which was a little disappointing.
Because I liked black.
I gave her the name Kinis and kept her by my side.
Now I had a brother and a companion.
However, I was still lonely.
Year X, Month X, Day X
I made a very interesting discovery.
It seems I have found something called a soul.
It existed in humans, and in me.
It was in Jin, and in Kinis too.
I was curious as to why those two, being 'mixtures,' had souls, but I decided to move on.
Because it seemed I had finally found a way to fill my missing parts.
Year X, Month X, Day X
I began research on 'Soul Fusion.'
The goal was singular.
To fuse the souls of a human and myself, and fill my missing parts.
I do not give up.
The Special Research Journal ended there, and Lee Si-woo, having read it to the end, remained silent.
There was much to think about.
Thanks to the journal, a significant portion of the doubts Lee Si-woo had held were resolved.
However, questions still remained.
It still hadn't been revealed what exactly had happened between the Faceless One and the Ancestor Demon.
But one thing was certain: he had been able to figure out the Ancestor Demon's purpose.
'Soul Fusion…'
Lee Si-woo, who had been silent for a long while as if fallen into a bottomless well, opened his mouth.
"Are you an NPC modeled after Kinis, one of the lifeforms created by the Ancestor Demon, along with Jin?"
Kinis nodded.
"Yes. That is correct. While my personality and such may differ, my appearance is similar to hers."
Lee Si-woo, who was staring at Kinis with an unreadable expression, moistened his dry lips with his tongue and spoke.
"I understand. And… I've already decided what to buy from the shop. However, I need a little time to think. Could you give me a moment?"
Kinis replied with a polite bow.
"Please come whenever you are ready, and I will assist you with your purchase."
* * *
"What are you thinking about so deeply?"
Plenitas asked as she offered a piece of homemade castella, and Lee Si-woo answered without thinking.
"Bad thoughts."
Plenitas, taking his words as a joke and dismissing them, sat down next to him with a face enchanted by the sweetness of the castella.
"Actually, I was having some bad thoughts myself. I was imagining how delicious it would be to eat castella with mint chocolate on top."
Plenitas had made the joke hoping to get closer to Lee Si-woo, expecting a lighthearted reply like how he also disliked mint chocolate, but what came out of his mouth instead was a grim question that could freeze one's blood.
"If you had to kill many people to survive, what choice would you make, Ms. Plenitas?"
"...Pardon?"
"Ah, was the question a bit difficult? Then how about this? You will die in one month. But if you could sacrifice others—say, thousands of people—and only you could live? What would you do then?"
Plenitas was bewildered.
Lee Si-woo, who suddenly posed such a question as if responding to a joke with deadly seriousness, felt unfamiliar and unsettling.
Moreover, how much more so when he was saying such serious and dark things while wearing that ridiculous helmet?
But, his eyes.
When she saw his eyes—the black pupils and the bloodshot veins that looked like red cracks on a white canvas.
And when she faced the madness that clouded them like a fog, she realized Lee Si-woo was not speaking idly.
"I, I... don't know."
"You don't know? Would you just die then?"
Plenitas's hands, resting on her knees, fidgeted.
"Maybe."
"Why? Because of guilt?"
"Well... I don't know if it's guilt, but if I survived like that, I think I'd remember. The people who died because of me would weigh on my mind, and I'd be uncomfortable for the rest of my life. It wouldn't be like truly living, would it? Ah, right, is this what guilt is?"
She rambled, but her meaning was clear enough.
Yes, it was just as she said.
Lee Si-woo, too, had been tormented by the ghosts of his past.
The guilt and sin that tightened around him like shackles on his ankles.
The good deeds he had performed, whether forced or impulsive, suddenly came to mind.
But he knew.
That regret repeats itself.
As if addicted to regret.
"Then you would die, Ms. Plenitas. Because even with a path to survival right before you, you would turn away out of discomfort."
"Uh... why do you say it so chillingly? I told you, I don't know. But... I think I probably would die. I'd likely spend the whole month agonizing, unable to decide one way or the other."
It seemed she had given an honest answer.
Even in Lee Si-woo's mind, it seemed Plenitas would suffer from indecision, wondering 'What should I do? What do I do?' until the very last day.
And then, at the end, she would rationalize it.
Thinking, 'Ah, this is a bad thing, so I shouldn't do it.'
"What would you do, Elder?"
Lee Si-woo asked Luctator, who had silently approached nearby and was perking his ears, and he grinned and said.
"I don't know why you're suddenly asking such a damn fool question... but I would, of course, kill them all and survive."
"Is there a particular reason?"
"How many have I killed on the battlefield that I should now feign some filthy hypocrisy? I have killed to live, and so tomorrow, I will kill to live again. Furthermore, I do not believe this is wrong. The law of the jungle is the natural order of things."
Just like the straightforward Luctator, his answer was concise.
Soon, Luctator asked with a playful expression.
"You only ask but don't give an answer, which is a bit vexing. Now, you answer. What would you do?"
Lee Si-woo replied in a flat tone.
"I'm glad I came here with you, Elder."
"This brat doesn't answer and says something completely different? Hey, you punk. I asked what you would do!"
"Why do you think I asked you two such a pointless question? I simply wanted some comfort, and I needed a pretext."
At Lee Si-woo's words, Luctator's expression twisted strangely.
From the sound of it, it seemed Lee Si-woo had received comfort from him, but he couldn't grasp whether it was in a positive or negative sense.
Leaving Luctator, who could neither laugh nor cry, behind, Lee Si-woo rose from his seat.
His mind was made up, his decision made, so he planned to go back down to the second floor.
* * *
An hour later, having purchased his desired item from Testament, Lee Si-woo used his teleport ring to head to the residential area within the base city.
Then he took a syringe filled with a clear, sloshing liquid from his pocket and, without warning, injected a vagrant sprawled on the street.
"Agh! What the! What are you doing all of a sudden?!"
The vagrant growled at Lee Si-woo for suddenly sticking a needle in his arm, but his expression softened at the sight of the various groceries in the bag he pulled out.
Lee Si-woo handed the groceries to the vagrant and said.
"The shot I just gave you was a nutritional supplement, and these are groceries. Please share them with people you know."
"Oh, I... I can't thank you enough... Life has been hard lately, to receive such kindness... Thank you. Thank you so much."
As if he had never cursed, the vagrant's attitude changed 180 degrees. Lee Si-woo lightly patted the shoulder of the man, who was now bowing repeatedly, and left.
Suddenly, he remembered what he had said to the young Si-woo before leaving Chapter 4.
-I'm different from you. No. Different isn't enough. It's more like I'm wrong. If you are the right answer, then I am the wrong one.
Si-woo felt indebted to people, and because of that, he strived to save them.
Watching and experiencing that Si-woo, Lee Si-woo had felt a sense of disconnect, and after reading the Special Research Journal, he became certain.
Yes, the certainty that Si-woo was not his past life.
'I am not Si-woo.'
Guilt, sin.
All the shackles that bound him originated from Si-woo.
But that didn't mean Si-woo was the core of his being.
No, rather, Si-woo was more like a component.
'I am the Ancestor Demon.'
The Ancestor Demon succeeded in Soul Fusion, and the result was standing here now.
Yes, having stolen the name Lee Si-woo and the species from Si-woo.
Lee Si-woo smiled.
That smile, which somehow looked sorrowful, also resembled the Ancestor Demon he had encountered in the chapter scenario.