The Revealing Dimple
I was feeling strangely tense. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself I was simply facing a bar girl, I couldn't erase the fact that Gukhwa was Changhee's brother. All the way here I'd repeated it like a mantra: Gukhwa is just Gukhwa. Gukhwa is a transgender bar girl. But it seemed the lesson wasn't going to sink in so easily. And of course I knew that repeating the words wouldn't actually make them true.
While we exchanged light conversation, I studied Gukhwa's face—carefully, diligently. Makeup truly wielded a mysterious kind of magic. Even the same application could create an entirely different atmosphere depending on the accessories, wig, and outfit. It was astonishing even to me, a woman. Anyone could see that this level of skill wasn't developed overnight.
She resembled Changhee, yet the seductive smile and high, slightly nasal tone were nothing I'd ever seen in the man named Lee Changguk. It only deepened my confusion. The past Minjun had uncovered for me was similar but not identical, which shook what little certainty I'd managed to cling to. In short, my mind was in a complete fog.
"What are you thinking about so intently?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. There's a major launch I'm preparing right now, so my thoughts keep drifting back to it."
I offered the excuse quickly and clinked my glass against the one he extended, taking a small sip of whiskey that was mostly water and ice.
"I closed two businesses this time. Once I handed them over at a decent price, I felt so relieved. It means I get to spend more time with Gukhwa too. Haha..."
As he spoke, he tightened the arm around her shoulder, pulling Gukhwa even closer. She was already pressed so tightly against him that she couldn't get any nearer. Without missing a beat, she fed him a snack and refilled his glass with liquor and ice. The way her long red nails moved with such practiced precision made it clear these gestures hadn't been learned in a single day.
I thought of Lee Changguk. I tried to compare the brother I'd glimpsed for those ten minutes with the Gukhwa before me now. It was pointless. I'd been too tense at the time to remember how his hands moved. Or perhaps that very lack of memory was the mark of a true professional—one who could act like a man when he was a man, and like a woman when she was a woman.
I recalled an old movie about a Chinese cross-dressing spy working in France. It was so convincing that the man who betrayed information to him was fooled into believing they'd even had sex. I remembered doubting whether something like that was truly possible. But then I'd thought that if someone lived as a woman, receiving that kind of rigorous training to enchant men and practicing it consistently, it might actually be achievable.
The Gukhwa sitting across from me felt exactly like the protagonist of that story.
"Um, does Gukhwa go home for the holidays? They're coming up soon, and I was wondering if you don't take time off here..."
At the abrupt question, her smile seemed to falter for a moment before returning. And that was when it hit me. The person in the photograph I'd seen at Changhee's parents' house flashed through my mind. Back then I'd casually noted the resemblance to Changhee and moved on. Only now did I remember what had been different.
It was the dimple that appeared only on the right cheek.
My heart hammered. This must have been how Columbus felt discovering the New World. It hadn't been visible under the dim lighting. Even when she'd been clinging to him, I hadn't caught it. But now, as she faced me directly in this bright space, the dimple stood out clearly. A one-sided dimple—something even rarer among men.
"Oh my, I just noticed your dimple! I know someone with such a pretty one too. Hoho..."
In my rush to hide my shocked expression, the words tumbled out before I could stop them. She touched the cheek with the dimple, refilled my glass, then quickly returned to his side.
The madam spoke up suddenly.
"Even for the holidays, most of us girls have our moments of going home. The lucky ones who still have their parents' love might go back to rest for a bit, but most just spend the time at PC cafes, playing cards, or with their lovers. That's why since the year before last we've only closed on the actual holiday itself and stayed open the rest of the time. Isn't your brother's place the same?"
For that last question, Minjun explained their business policy. Since I was supposedly working at one of his room salons, he answered for me. If they'd asked me directly, I wouldn't have been able to respond properly—not only because I didn't know the policy, but because my heart was still racing.
My eyes kept drifting unconsciously toward Gukhwa. She appeared completely at ease, listening attentively as she glanced between the madam and Minjun. I couldn't tell whether she truly felt nothing or if she'd noticed something. Her expression gave nothing away.
"Anyway, this holiday Gukhwa will be with me. So she won't have to feel lonely. I'll make sure she doesn't have time to even think about it. Haha..."
"Oh my, Gukhwa is so lucky! I'm really jealous. I don't know why a man like this never appears for me."
"Aigoo, there you go again. After all the men who've passed through Unni, how can you say that? Hoho..."
"Oh my, how many men have passed through me? Not even a hundred yet. Hoho..."
The playful banter unique to cheerful trans women had begun. I could laugh at the pleasant jokes that let me escape my complicated thoughts for a while. I laughed louder than necessary, desperate to clear my head.
Changhee was waiting for me at the entrance. I'd had just enough to drink that my mood was excellent. Suggesting we unwind at Kinky had clearly been the right choice; I felt good too. The thoughts of Gukhwa that had been swirling in my mind were finally pushed to the side.
"Unni, it's been a while since I've seen you with such heavy makeup. Is Changnyeo missing me? Hoho..."
Thanks to the alcohol, Changhee was in high spirits. She spoke casually as she wrapped herself around me. The feeling that she was pressing even closer made her casual tone sound wonderful. I'd told her several days ago to drop the formal speech when I wasn't in Changnyeo mode, but she still found it difficult when sober, so I'd let it be. Hearing it now in this setting gave it an entirely different flavor. It felt like having an employee from Cinderella or Delma sitting beside me.
"It's not because of Changnyeo. I like it more right now because it's you, Changhee. I wish we could talk like this every day. It makes me feel more like your husband."
"Oh my, really? But speaking casually to my heavenly Unni is still so hard for me."
"I'm not your heaven. None of us is heaven or earth. I want to be in the sky with you, or on the ground with you. I like hearing Unni, but the formal speech felt awkward."
"Ah, I see. I'm sorry, Unni. I was being thoughtless. Even though I've heard it several times, I just assumed you were saying it lightly. There's no one who dislikes formal speech, right?"
"Here. Just keep doing it like this. Not more, not less. Exactly like right now is perfect."
Changhee nodded vigorously and lifted her glass. We clinked them together, took a sip, then she put a cigarette between her lips. She lit mine first, then took one out for herself. We hardly smoked at home anymore, but I knew how difficult it was to avoid cigarettes during drinking sessions, so I lit hers without a word.
Watching her take a long, satisfied drag and carefully blow the smoke to the side, Gukhwa suddenly came to mind again. The smoking style was nearly identical, so there was no real reason for the association, yet the fact that it surfaced meant he was still circling through my thoughts.
My mouth felt itchy with the need to speak. After seeing that one-sided dimple today—something so rare in men—I was now completely certain that Gukhwa was Lee Changguk. I'd spent the entire journey home wondering if this was the right moment to reveal it.
"What's wrong? You've been acting strange since earlier."
I gave a small chuckle at the way she narrowed her eyes and shook my head.
"It's nothing. Just some company matters coming in and out of my head."
"Shall we go home now, Unni? I want to help lift your mood a little..."
"Don't you mean you want to lift your own mood? Hehe..."
"Oh my, you caught me. Hoho... The kids kept bringing up sex all day, so I unconsciously started wanting to... do it with Unni. Hoho..."
I felt the same way. Today, more than usual, I wanted to lose myself with Changhee. As if to prove to that person who had abandoned his wife and child for living expenses, fooling around with men and crossdressers, just how much love Changhee received and how happily she lived, I wanted to love her intensely.
So the moment we arrived home, we confirmed that our love remained unchanged. It had been a while since Changhee had such a strong erection, so I let him slide inside me and reach something close to ejaculation. Whether it was semen or precum didn't matter. It didn't matter if nothing came out at all. The simple feeling of him filling me completely after so long was enough to let me feel his love.