I'd Rather You Were Dead
Crackle, crackle. The campfire flickered to life.
An empty tent, no one around. Younghee sat there in a daze, staring into the flames.
"......"
Nothing stirred in the silent forest. By some stroke of luck, everyone on her team had stepped away. No one came to talk to her.
Thanks to that, she could finally be completely alone.
"Hoo..."
She knew full well this was her friends' consideration for her. Normally, she wouldn't dream of troubling them like this. But right now, she accepted their kindness without protest. Things had gotten that bad mentally for her lately.
When had it started? Feeling most at ease when she was by herself.
'I... I think something's wrong with me lately.'
Younghee buried her face in her knees, thinking that. With her vision blocked, her mind settled a little. Just a little, but enough to face herself squarely.
Something was off with her emotions. Younghee realized it suddenly. Or maybe she'd known for a while now.
But the deeper she thought about it, the hazier her head got. Like a fog had settled in her skull.
'......Why am I like this?'
She couldn't pinpoint what was wrong. Her feelings seemed perfectly natural. And yet, something was definitely amiss. A strong sense that this wasn't right, that she shouldn't be like this.
Ugh!
Her head started throbbing again. This had been happening more often lately. Whenever she tried to probe too deep, a sharp zing echoed in her skull, like it was blocking her from thinking straight.
'This is wrong. I don't know what exactly, but something's definitely off.'
Younghee was furrowing her brow, focusing hard on her thoughts, when—
"Younghee."
A voice she knew all too well—her childhood friend's—called out to her. A voice that always put her at ease, no matter what.
Maybe because she'd been agonizing over that weird feeling, she couldn't hide her slight joy as she turned her head.
That instant.
'........Huh?'
Seeing Cheolsu's face made her chest churn. A inexplicable disgust welled up. I hate him, I loathe him, I want to hurt him. Emotions she'd never have entertained before. All sorts of negative feelings surged up, beyond her control.
'Ah, right. I hate Cheolsu.'
The fabricated emotions swiftly dominated her mind and heart. She hated Cheolsu. It felt utterly natural.
Younghee curled just one corner of her mouth into a cold sneer. In an instant, the innocent Younghee vanished. In her place stood a wicked girl obsessed with inflicting pain on him however she could.
'Yeah, I have to hurt Cheolsu no matter what. Whatever it takes.'
She knew Cheolsu better than anyone. Which meant she knew exactly how to wound him better than anyone.
"Oh? What, thought you'd gone running to the class president? Back to me already? You're such a clingy guy. Or did I just look that easy to you?"
Just saying that would hurt him. That should do it. Cheolsu's face would twist in emotional pain now. This would protect Cheolsu.
Huh? Protect? I'm hurting him because I hate him.
But Cheolsu was an XX kind of guy. So I have to hurt him. Huh? What does that even mean? I hate Cheolsu, so I'm hurting him, but why think about protecting him? I treasure Cheolsu, I hate... ......
"Sorry."
Suddenly, Cheolsu bowed deeply. The gesture halted Younghee's thoughts dead.
......Huh?
"I didn't consider your feelings enough. Back then, I was in a rush, so I had no choice. I'll make sure not to hurt you like that again."
What the hell are you saying right now? I just want to hurt you. I don't need your apologies. Don't apologize. Don't be so nice to me. Just hate me back, keep your distance. The closer you get, the more I have to hurt you. Do you know how painful that is? Why won't you understand that!
"I'm really sorry."
Stop it! Why are you apologizing?! You didn't do anything wrong, so why that face! That's not what I wanted to see!
..........
......
'I don't get it. I don't know why I'm like this. It hurts, it's cold. It's my heart, but it won't do what I want. Please... somehow make it stop.'
Her head pounded like it might shatter. Something surged up from deep inside her.
This was all Cheolsu's fault. These repulsive emotions. Ones she'd never have felt otherwise. They were monstrous, refusing to obey her at all.
"Ha! You're hilarious. You think spouting crap like that will change anything?"
Don't.
"Sorry, but it's over. I've seen the bottom of what you are. To begin with, that's all I ever meant to you. That just came out unconsciously in the heat of the moment."
Don't say whatever you want.
"You think switching up your words now fixes it? Pathetic, really. Master Yujin wouldn't make such lame excuses like you."
I don't want to be like this. I don't want to say stuff like this. I don't want to hurt Cheolsu.
"Or what? Did seeing the class president's body get you all hot and bothered?"
But why wouldn't her mouth stop moving on its own? Why did she find Cheolsu so intolerably repulsive? Why couldn't she contain these feelings?
"Yeah, you were stuck together all the time. Seeing that body, it's understandable."
In the end, Younghee succumbed to the emotions again. The hypnosis took hold once more.
".....Why bring up the class president here?"
Cheolsu reacted for the first time. Younghee grinned wickedly, like she'd found an opening.
"Why? Don't be shy. The class president has big boobs and a killer figure. A guy your age getting turned on wouldn't be weird."
"......I've never looked at her that way."
"Really? Can you swear on it? That sharing a tent with her, you never had those thoughts even once?"
Younghee took a step forward. As she'd said before, she knew Cheolsu inside out. So she knew his weaknesses better than anyone.
He brushed off insults to himself without a care. He could even laugh off violence. But he wouldn't tolerate anyone touching the people he cared about. Like the class president, occasionally, one of his precious friends.
"Come to think of it, you trained together every day. Why not make a move? She might've gone for it once or twice."
Words the real Younghee would never utter. She didn't even know why she was saying them. No, she no longer had the capacity to question it. Only the hypnosis drove her now.
Not giving a thought to the shock and pain she'd feel later when she snapped out of it.
It hijacked just her mouth, moving it freely.
"Getting buried in those huge tits would definitely be fun. Guys go crazy for that."
"Younghee......"
"Or did she already give you some? Is that why? Couldn't forget the taste, so you tried to protect her first?"
The air around Cheolsu shifted. Younghee shrugged, satisfied.
"Ah, yeah~ Then I get it. The class president has to be way better than me."
"What does that mean?"
"Come on? She's got great specs, helps with training, she's pretty. Way better than me. I get why you'd fall for her."
"No way! You know how I feel about you! Why do you think I'm busting my ass to get stronger?!"
Cheolsu finally yelled. Younghee let out a mocking snicker, her face the picture of arrogance, goading him on.
"No need to fool yourself like that. You've wanted to be a hero everyone respects since you were a kid. The class president's hero parents would help with that, right? Way better than an orphan like me."
"Lee Younghee!!"
"What? Did I say something wrong?! We're both orphans without parents anyway! Actually, you're better off! At least you know who yours were! Unlike me, some trash dumped in front of an orphanage......!"
Slap!
Cheolsu's hand struck Younghee's cheek. Her head snapped to the side. Her cheek flushed red.
Both of them froze in shock for a moment. The hitter and the hit alike, too stunned to process.
Cheolsu snapped out of it late and rushed to her side.
"S-sorry. Younghee, I didn't mean to......"
"Get this hand off me."
Younghee slapped his hand away. That simple motion hurt him more than any words so far.
"Younghee......"
She turned her head. Tears welled in her eyes, brimming, ready to spill any second.
Cheolsu's chest burned like a branding iron. All the pain he'd felt before was nothing. He realized it the moment he saw her tears—how much someone's tears could hurt.
Experiencing it fresh in his body.
Tears streaming, she shot him a resentful glare and spoke.
"......I hate you, Cheolsu."
"......"
"I hate you so much. I'd rather you were dead."
With those words, Younghee turned and ran off.
Cheolsu couldn't bring himself to chase her. He just stood there, staring blankly at his hand for a while.
A chill wind blew through the forest.
Several hours later.
The Academy survival quest was over. The B-rank group's score crushed everyone else for first place.
But no one was happy about it. In fact, Cheolsu and Younghee never spoke again after that.
It was a few days later when Cheolsu fell into a coma and was rushed to the hospital.