A Sense of Hygiene (2)

A Variant Beast: the Filth Amalgam.

It was, quite literally, a grotesque abomination stitched together from raw sewage, swarming maggots, flies, and writhing parasites. Massively bloated and unholy at first glance, even a grazing brush against its squelching hide ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠could inflict terminal diseases upon a normal person. It was the sort of nightmare no rational soul would ever want to approach, let alone lay a hand on, but...

To these medieval people, that was not an issue in the slightest.

"Oh right, this is the Middle Ages."

The Middle Ages—an era where personal hygiene simply did not exist. An era where roaches were practically viewed as cute little roommates.

Contrary to my initial worries, the mutant beast that popped up inside the city had been swiftly normalized by eager knights with zero hesitation.

"Truly awe-inspiring."

Of course, putrid bile and rancid muck had splattered everywhere across the cobblestones and nearby houses in the frenzy, but nobody seemed to give a single damn. In fact...

They weren't just careless; they were aggressively indifferent. In fact, observing their daily habits made me realize that this was just business as usual.

Pouring ale into a dirty mug someone else had just finished drinking from before handing it to the next patron. Relieving themselves in broad daylight on the street curb and wandering off without even wiping. Washing their hands maybe once every two days.

"Seriously, how are these people not catching the plague?"

Even accounting for the brutal medieval reality where only those with immune systems of steel survived, this was crossing the line. Just as I was wondering how on earth they were still breathing, a new thread popped up on the board.

"Well, mistakes happen."

Up to that point, I could write it off as simple ignorance leading to poor hygiene while eating. But what came after was the real catastrophe.

Eat with filthy hands → get sick → take modern meds to recover → eat garbage again with filthy hands → get sick again. An endless, brain-melting feedback loop.

In the end, I had no choice but to open the latest thread and hammer out a reply.

And so, my attempt to hold back my temper failed for the fourth time this season. Once again, I had stooped to hurling unfiltered profanities into the forum.

From ancient times, bathing was an extravagant luxury reserved solely for the high nobility. Ordinary folks couldn't even dream of a warm, comforting soak; the best they could manage was occasionally rinsing off in a freezing stream.

Far from taking baths periodically, the vast majority of people had lived their entire lives without ever experiencing one. In their collective memory, "washing" meant plunging into bone-chilling waters—essentially a cruel punishment rather than an act of hygiene.

Meanwhile, Evelin, who had become endlessly busy after ascending the throne as Queen, was secretly browsing the gallery in her private royal office when she spotted a newly stocked item.

"What is this?"

It featured a uniquely shaped container alongside an illustration of a person sitting inside, smiling cheerfully with two thumbs raised high. Had the Head Moderator ever distributed an item that turned out to be useless? Never. Besides, having been forcefully crowned Queen, she now possessed more Mana Dumplings than she could ever possibly spend.

Given the ridiculously cheap price tag, she put down her half-eaten can of tuna and ordered the tub without a second thought.

Thud.

A neat wooden crate materialized directly in the center of her office. Tearing off the packaging revealed a compact slab made of an unfamiliar synthetic material. Following the illustrated manual, she fiddled with the contraption for a few moments, and the folding tub quickly sprang to life.

"...I just have to climb in here?"

Of course, having an empty tub alone wasn't enough to solve the problem—otherwise, anyone would have bathed regularly. To take a bath, one needed water. Fortunately, that obstacle had already been eliminated during the previous food shortage when the Head Moderator flooded the market with clean bottled tap water.

She filled the tub to the brim with water purchased from the forum exchange, then tossed in a spent Heat Stone—magical industrial waste discarded from the Magic Tower after spellcasting experiments.

Bloop, bubble...

"Whoa."

In no time at all, gentle plumes of steam began to rise from the surface. Even back when she lived as a sheltered ducal daughter, Evelin had never enjoyed a bath. That was largely due to widespread superstition, as people believed lethal contagions were carried and transmitted through water. But now, with the Head Moderator's endless stash of miracle household medicines readily available, there was no longer any reason to shy away from it.

Shedding her regal gown, Evelin gingerly dipped her bare toe into the warm water.

"Ugh... Th-this feels bizarre."

Submerging her body into liquid felt unnerving just to imagine. But summoning her courage, she eased herself in inch by inch, until finally sinking all the way up to her shoulders.

"...!"

Her golden eyes widened into wide, perfect circles.

An indescribable warmth enveloped her. It felt like being embraced by a soft, weightless cloud, instantly melting away every trace of accumulated exhaustion and courtly stress.

"Aaaahn..."

Her tense expression went slack, her eyelids drooping in pure, unfiltered bliss. Right then and there, her body crossed the point of no return—she could never live without the Head Moderator's bathtub ever again.

'My body has become someone who cannot live without the Head Moderator.'

In truth, that phrase had long been a running meme among the gallery members.

Yet, the community had never been quite this hysterical before. Previously, their gratitude stemmed from primal survival needs—food, shelter, safety. But now, it felt as though they were drunk on genuine entertainment and recreation, offering unhinged, unconditional adoration.

Thread after thread flooded the board.

[Reasons Why You Absolutely MUST Bathe...jpg]

[Top 10 Drinks to Have While Soaking in a Bath]

There was truth to the old adage that a late-blooming addiction is the most terrifying. The bathing craze exploded with frightening momentum, particularly throughout the fortified city of Kellierton and the rabbit beastfolk settlements. Calling it an all-out epidemic of cleanliness wouldn't be an exaggeration, especially given how perfectly it synergized with the creeping winter chill.

The only catch was that not everyone looked upon personal hygiene with starry eyes.

True to their nature as contrarian, boneheaded, stubborn trolls, whenever one faction celebrated something on the board, another faction was guaranteed to kick up a furious storm of backlash.

The elves—who would rather die a thousand times over than watch humans enjoy ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a single moment of happiness—had picked this moment to throw their customary royal tantrum.