Invasion of El-Ladh (1)

The fallout was far worse than I'd anticipated.

I had served up the red pill hoping those religious zealots would check themselves and calm down, but instead, the entire community had plunged into a state of profound mourning. The only ones finding any enjoyment in this disaster were a handful of female users and the rabbit beastfolk.

"Why is everyone so damned desperate to dissect my private life anyway?"

Naturally, I had zero intention of showing my face. I was an internet board moderator, not an elected official or celebrity. And even if I were a public figure, there was no earthly reason to dox myself.

"Keep it hidden. Permanently."

The problem was that the ordinary users weren't the only ones dying of curiosity.

The two of them had approached me with hesitant, pestering messages. Given that they usually focused diligently on moderating the board without spamming the staff channel, their sudden prying caught me completely off guard.

Of course, I had no intention of showing my Assistant Moderators either.

I never imagined my Sub-Mods would be thirsting for a face reveal too. Regardless, I had no intention of outing myself.

"All community drama is welcome."

Except when I'm the subject, of course.

Leaving the forum users to huff their industrial-grade copium, I shifted my gaze toward the System Shop.

"Who am I? A man sitting on fifty thousand points..."

At this very moment, I wouldn't have traded places with a billionaire. I had finally reached my coveted milestone of fifty thousand. All that patience—enduring being turned into a community meme while diligently swinging the banhammer on brain-dead shitposts—had finally paid off. With a brisk swipe of my fingers, I opened the Bunker category.

"Time to flex."

Without a split second of hesitation, I finalized the transaction. Almost instantly, a follow-up prompt materialized before my eyes.

I had no idea how it planned to "apply" a bunker into an existing underground space, but trusting the System had never led me astray. The moment my finger tapped the Accept button—

"Whoa?"

Rumble, rumble, rumble!

The entire warehouse began to shake violently.

The System's method of application was remarkably blunt: it simply forced the interior dimensions of the warehouse outward. The cramped, partitioned mess of a storage depot transformed in real time. The walls receded smoothly, sculpting an open living area, an expanded warehouse sector, and a fully equipped shower room in seamless succession. The rotten wooden beams vanished without a trace, replaced by sleek modern marble and pristine white walls coated in flawless finish.

"This is... my house?"

All the cluttered supplies previously scattered around had automatically arranged themselves onto neat, orderly shelves, saving me hours of tedious chores.

Hummmm.

Even the blades resting in the corner glided through the air and settled contentedly into dedicated wall-mounted weapon racks, looking as if they had belonged there all along. An absolute legendary wonder.

"Still, you've got to keep working."

...Hummm.

Naturally, I plucked the Holy Sword from its rack, hoisted it up, and suspended it from the ceiling like a fluorescent chandelier, letting its holy radiance illuminate the room before I surveyed my new domain. It was an interior that commanded pure admiration. Sure, it might pale in comparison to a luxury modern apartment back on Earth, but considering the circumstances of my past life, it was nothing short of paradise.

"And it's practically invincible to external kinetic shock."

As long as I didn't open the blast door myself, there was zero risk of being raided or kidnapped like before. While it might not withstand cataclysmic siege magic or an onslaught from ancient gods, having this degree of security was an incredible luxury. I dashed over to the master bedroom-cum-living area and threw myself face-first onto the plush mattress.

Astounding! Truly magnificent!

"Wait... come to think of it, if I spend every waking hour lying in bed anyway, does having extra space even matter?"

A sudden wave of emptiness washed over me as I realized the grand tour I'd just taken was entirely meaningless. As I lay frozen in bed contemplating my life choices, a fresh notification pinged on the Concept Board.

"Eh, who cares?"

Rolling onto my side, I browsed the System Shop for snacks and dove right back into reading the board.

The post that had surged to the top of the Concept Board that day laid out an exhaustive analysis of Rifts alongside agricultural monster-meat harvesting techniques. Although the miracle fertilizer distributed by Judddak had entered the market, it had not yet reached widespread circulation. Desperate tribes and survivors facing immediate starvation relied on this exact exploit to secure precious animal protein.

And ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠an elf in the ancient realm of El-Ladh was currently doing the exact same thing.

"Ugh..."

The only problem was that things had gone slightly—no, catastrophically—wrong.

Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle...

"Ah..."

The elf, Lydia, was an exceptional archer. Unlike the sickly, frail low-HP elves who spent their days wasting away, she had survived through harsh wilderness hunting, which was why she had embraced this risky farming method without hesitation. Yet something had gone terribly awry. Instead of crops slowly mutating from ambient Rift radiation, actual physical appendages had slithered directly out from the tear in space.

Gurgle, squelch...

"Huh?"

Tentacles as thick as a grown man's arm writhed outward from the void. Latching onto the pumpkins she had been cultivating, they began injecting a vile, purplish essence into the soil. That was when the nightmare truly began. The bloated pumpkin transformed into a towering, humanoid aberration wielding a jagged scythe, and it pursued Lydia with murderous intent.

"Ah... It hurts... I don't want to die..."

Her vibrant, grass-green hair was drenched in sticky blood, and crimson fluid pumped ceaselessly from her mangled, half-severed left arm. Through rapidly fading vision, she dragged herself behind the trunk of a fallen ancient tree, but she knew deep down that this flimsy shelter would be her final resting place.

Gurgle...

Looking up, she realized the pumpkin fiend was already peering down at her, its hollow eye sockets burning with cruel amusement. It was playing with her, savoring the final moments of cornered prey. Slowly, agonizingly, the rusted scythe rose into the cold air above her skull.

Just as absolute despair hollowed her eyes, a cheerful system chime echoed within her consciousness, completely out of place amidst the gruesome terror.

No... not these comments.

Lydia gritted her teeth until her gums bled, desperately clinging to the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠thread of her fading consciousness. It wasn't born of a foolish delusion that she might miraculously survive. She knew the blade was about to cleave her skull in half. But she needed to stall for just a few more seconds. Because on this forum, active every hour, every minute, and every single second of the day, there was one person who never logged off.

And just as she had desperately prayed, the Head Moderator appeared.

"You're dead meat now."

A faint, blood-stained smile touched Lydia's lips. With that, she had no lingering regrets. The Head Moderator would pull some bizarre, unfathomable weapon from his arsenal and reduce this hideous pumpkin monster into a pot of fine pumpkin porridge.

Still... it feels a little bittersweet.

Countless anonymous users evaporated from the forum every single day, but she never imagined today would be her turn.

Gurgle?

SPLAT!

Tilting its hollow, gourd-like head in dull incomprehension, the monster brought the scythe crashing down.

And just like that, one of the board's beloved registered regulars vanished from the world forever.