Chapter 162
Chapter 162
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 162
Chapter Title: No Eyes, No Nose, No Ears
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No eyes, no nose, no ears.
It was just an endless array of intricately intersecting metal chunks gaping open.
- Whirrrrr.
"Ooh, it's working great."
When I pressed the activation button, the shredder began spinning endlessly like a monster's maw.
It was a thrilling sight for me.
From marshmallow-like desserts to junk like bicycles or TVs.
"Who would've thought I'd see one of these here."
I'd watched a ton of shredder videos back when they were trending, so it even felt nostalgic.
But I was the only one feeling that way.
"...That's creepy."
It was big enough to fit several people inside.
If even a shirt hem or a toe got caught, it was over.
The slowly turning wheels would turn your whole body into scrap metal.
"I've never even imagined something like this."
It must've been shocking for Taldrue.
I'd ordered a fridge for testing purposes.
['Fridge' has been delivered!]
"Goodbye, 00s two-door fridge..."
It was a buddy I'd hastily acquired after discovering mana stones, back when points were tight.
But now, with all the latest fridges in place, it was just taking up space as useless junk.
Time to let it go.
"No, brother. You're really gonna shred this?"
- Whoa, fuck, that's a fridge
- No, give it to me
- Damn, you really bulked up. You rich or what?
ㄴ It's Judak
ㄴ Thanks to that really rich Judak, my starving belly finally bulked up
ㄴ Lmao, top-tier roasting skills
The gallery and Taldrue watching this reacted with disbelief.
Shred this? Whoa.
This thing's getting shredded?
"It's definitely getting shredded."
If it can handle fire hydrants and TVs, why not a fridge?
- Judak*: Yeah, shred it
"Ey..."
The dwarf shoved the fridge in with a reluctant expression.
-Thud!
- Ah, I can't watch... fuck...
- But will that even shred?
- No way it shreds, right?
ㄴ Fr, it'll just spin uselessly and stop?
"...!"
Leaving Envy trembling violently for some reason, I focused on the shredder.
-Whirrrrr.
"Hmm, it's not catching."
Maybe because of the smooth surface—the fridge was just making the wheels spin idly.
It looked like the metal chunks were just shaking against each other.
- What, as expected, no go
- Take it out now and give it to some poor soul!!! It's not too late!!!
ㄴ Poor soul = me
ㄴ Lol but will that really... huh?
-Clunk
But why's it called a shredder?
Just once.
It only needs to catch once.
-Grind, grrind!
The moment the open door snagged in the gear gap.
The shredder calmly devoured the fridge in terrifying fashion.
That massive form crumpled and tore apart in an instant, transforming into paper scraps.
-Grriiind.
With a sound like bones crunching, the fridge vanished whole.
All that remained was the shredder spinning peacefully.
Just bits of fridge scrap rolling around like food stuck in teeth.
"Performance is solid."
I'd worried it might break, but as expected of a store item.
It could be useful anywhere.
Good call buying one.
-Roarrr!
Right on cue, the golem awakened by Envy's mana—the undead beast—rose up.
"Customer, care to have your immortality turned to dust?"
Time to check if it was truly immortal or just whining about it.
*
Immortality meant not dying, literally.
Stabbed by a spear? No death.
Head chopped off? Revives.
A blessing or curse from the gods.
Everyone feared and trembled before it.
"U, uwaaa..."
So Envy had no choice but to be terrified.
Judak*: Let's shred it and see.
Forget fearing it—this was the first being threatening to grind her to powder.
Crush and tear her origin until she couldn't even guess what it was.
Grind, grind.
"D-don't wanna hear it... stop..."
It still echoed in her ears.
She'd witnessed that huge metal hunk getting shredded right before her eyes.
Even scarier: she might go in next.
Judak wasn't just trying to scare her.
Judak*: Does it revive after shredding?
Immortal, huh? Revive even after being powdered?
Just curious about that.
To test if it really worked, he'd manifested a grand magic called a shredder.
In mere seconds, no less.
"Roooar..."
-Thud!
Then the golem-form undead beast collapsed at her feet.
Its remains naturally scattered everywhere.
But the dwarf deliberately waited for revival.
'Why?'
Because Judak said to wait.
-Hum.
"Brother, the golem's rising again!"
Soon, the destroyed and scattered golem slowly rose once more.
Defying the laws of the world—an immortal spectacle.
This should be scary, right?
It ought to be terrifying.
Judak*: Hm, okay, takes about 5 minutes
Judak responded nonchalantly, like he was observing an experiment.
Soon after, he gave a short order.
Judak*: Post it up
"Everyone, grab the remains and gather!"
At Taldrue's shout, they hurriedly picked up the crumbled undead golem debris.
Its size and mass were such that even a sturdy worker swinging a pickaxe wouldn't dent it.
But the dwarves threw it into the shredder instead of smashing it.
-Thud!
That was it.
-Grriiind!
The maw straight out of a frozen hell spun endlessly, pulverizing the rock.
Naturally, the shredded golem didn't regenerate.
Everyone watching knew that.
[Title: ?: Hey, do that thing...jpg]
(Shredder meme)
Hey beastie, do that thing
Revive just once!
(Pile of bone dust meme)
Can't do it, fucker
[Recommendations 4192] [Disrecommendations 12]
- Lmao fuck
- Whoa, what kinda magic is that shit?
- Fuck, never even imagined it fr
- Imagining fingers twitching there
ㄴ Ack!
ㄴ Elf screeech!
ㄴ Ah fuck now I pictured it too you bastard
[Title: Fucking devilishly original]
(Astounded demon pic)
Even demons would concede a point fuck
[Recommendations 3012] [Disrecommendations 14]
- I get the use but...
- Kinda creepy, like a monster mouth
- Staring at that gives me legit psychosis vibes, scary as hell;
- How the hell do you even make that
ㄴ Judak*) folks did
ㄴ ?
ㄴ ???
ㄴ How do we even think of that, we're not demons lol
Cackling at the beast experiment.
"Ah, aaah."
Even if it was a golem without ego, how could they?
An ominous premonition rose in Envy's mind.
They shredded scrap to test on the beast.
Result? Total success, obviously.
It was just mana-revived shell without true ego, all talk of immortality.
'But next?'
Her, Envy—with superior immortality.
That instant, the gallery turned to her.
"Eek!"
Envy shuddered involuntarily.
Envy? Possession? Whatever.
She just wanted to go home.
Back outside, rewind memories to before seeing this.
Who could've imagined gambling life to stop immortality?
"S-sorry..."
Unable even to face the gallery, trembling and mumbling softly—then.
Judak*: Hey you
"Y-yes?"
That inscrutable chat.
Even those letters scared her now.
Desperate not to upset him, she replied quickly and looked up.
Judak seemed puzzled by her sudden change, then asked outright.
Judak*: Just to be sure, asking for real though ㅇㅇ
"Y-yes, a-ask anything...!"
What was he gonna ask?
No, she had to answer regardless.
Trembling tensely—then.
Judak*: Did you envy the golem too by any chance?
"...Huh?"
At first glance, incomprehensible.
But Envy grasped the meaning instantly.
She envied everything.
Precisely, she envied others experiencing what she hadn't.
Pleasure, wealth, honor, experiences—even sorrow.
"That means..."
And before her eyes, the golem had the 'experience' of being ground to dust, losing all form.
Something no one in this world had endured.
That's what Judak was asking.
Did she envy the golem?
If so, he could do the same for her.
"Hic, hngg..."
At that creepiness, tears welled up and spilled from Envy's eyes.
"P-please spare me..."
Judak*: Huh?
"I'll tell you everything! Everything I know, just please no pain...!"
Judak*: ???
His leisure gone.
Instead, seeing her cry in fear and desperation, Judak tilted his head.
*
"What the hell."
I shredded the golem.
It had no ego anyway—just a rock lump.
Then it hit me.
"No way she envies that too, right?"
Getting shredded was an experience no one in the medieval era had.
I wouldn't even think of shredding lifeforms, not even ants.
"That's too cruel."
I don't have gore fetish tastes.
Why shove living things into a shredder?
Even that old war 'stache wouldn't dream it.
So if she envied that, I'd talk her out of it—that's why I asked.
"I-I'll spill everything about the outside. I'll do whatever you say...! Please!"
- Judak*: No, I'm not
Seemed like a misunderstanding.
She thought I'd toss her in.
"No, I couldn't even if beaten to death."
I'd adapted to medieval life, sure.
But not to the point a basement gallery troll would shred people.
Even if a thug broke in demanding it, no way.
- Judak*: Fuck, calm her down pls
ㄴ Judak*: She won't believe me
So I told nearby dwarf contact, Taldrue.
"...Huh? Oh right. Of course brother would never, absolutely, definitely not! Haha, well not really! Haha."
For some reason sweating bullets, glancing around.
- (Glance... elf cone)
- Why's no one posting? What's up?
ㄴ Shut the fuck up
ㄴ Read the room you bastard
ㄴ Flatten yourself and stay quiet ㅇㅇ;
Not just that—the gallery posts dropped weirdly low too.
"Fuck really."
I was emailgal Judak.
Not horror or goregal Judak.
"Plus, who shreds people in real life?!"
My wrongful accusation stack exploded—I yelled.
"Knock knock, mind if I come in?"
A calm knock from outside, then Penny entered.
"What's up?"
"Malphite, I need to talk."
Unlike her usual languid expression.
Face full of resolve—I turned from the gallery to her.
"Yeah, what?"
"About Envy. Can I have her?"
A more sudden request than expected.
"Huh, what for?"
Sudden change.
Not mine to begin with, but what'd she do with her?
Penny caught her breath, then said.
"Gonna gobble her up for sure."
"...What?"
My expression toward Penny rarely twisted in bewilderment.