Chapter 368
Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 368
Chapter Title: The Little Pope and the Hero Uncle
Kieeeek-!
No actual scream could be heard, but the writhing, squirming movements made it feel as if one echoed through the air. The evil dragon fragment rolled around in agony from the Antibiotic.
Sizzle-!
Acidic fumes billowed up in thick clouds with the sound of a corrosive reaction. Seeing this, Heart grabbed Arte's hand, interlocking their fingers, and jumped up and down in excitement.
"We did it! Arte, we actually did it!"
"Yeah, it's completely helpless. We'll need some finer testing, but... this might just protect us from mass brainwashing."
"Finally, a chance to stick it to that fucking bastard!"
"Heart, I get that you're excited, but your cute concept is crumbling here...?"
Even separated from the main body, Heart had once been part of the mad mage. Naturally, she harbored a ton of resentment toward the evil dragon in her head. Grinning ear to ear, she poured more Antibiotic on it.
Siiiiizzle-!
Kieeeek-!
Good. The drug was effectively breaking down the evil dragon's components. It wasn't strong enough to melt the dragon scales hardened into solid information, but it definitely dissolved the weaker parts.
She stopped there—no point ramping up the toxicity to the point where it couldn't be ingested. The whole purpose of the Antibiotic was to block the evil dragon's hypnosis, after all.
A few more processes to go. Adding strawberry flavor to make it palatable, or ironing out any potential side effects.
"Perfect. We'll store this fragment safely and hand it off to the main body later. But first, for our hard-working selves... how about a shot of vodka, Arte?"
"Coffee's fine for me. And fair warning—if you push that alcohol-coffee nonsense one more time, it'll spark World War III with picture frames. I've warned you."
"Isn't strong liquor a must for northerners—"
Arte and Heart left the lab, celebrating their success. The lights went out in the now-empty room, leaving only the evil dragon fragment inside the glass tube.
Squirm, squirm.
The fragment extended thin tendrils to probe the outside, realized the dangerous presences were gone—no pope, no alchemist, no mad mage avatar—and began to act.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
It tapped the glass wall. Rhythmically, repeatedly.
Two holy knights stood guard outside the lab.
They'd been ordered: Never enter. Without mental protections, they risked being enthralled by the fragment.
But rules exist to be broken.
Guards rotated every half day, and at this hour, it would be one of the more paranoid, anxious knights on duty. The fragment knew this from long observation.
He hated getting blamed for anything shady. So if he heard suspicious noises from inside, he'd peek regardless of orders.
Fear of questions like, 'Why didn't you check when you heard weird sounds?' over nothing.
Squirm, squirm. It formed complex vocal structures and mimicked the sound of shattering glass. Crash!
A reaction came.
Creeeak.
"I swear I heard something break..."
One holy knight entered, scanning the peaceful, stable lab. No broken items.
The Hazardous Material seemed quietly contained in its tube... Or so he thought. Squirm, slither.
Flash.
The fragment formed a massive eyeball and glared. The knight met its gaze. The pupil moved. A hypnotic, eerie sway ensnared his mind...
About three seconds. The knight drooled in a daze, mumbling.
"Ah, uh, ahh... Mom, why are you inside? I'll get you out..."
He gripped his shield with both hands, hoisted it high, and smashed it down on the fragment's tube. Again and again.
Crack, crunch, shatter!
"Hold on, what the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?!"
By the time the other knight rushed in, it was too late. A crack in the tube let the fragment escape.
Whoosh!
It cloaked itself in transparency and slithered away across the floor.
Now free. The fragment had one task. Crystal clear. Almost a sacred Mission.
Sabotage for the main evil dragon body? No, too petty for a Mission.
Assassinate holy city leaders? Nah, killing the pope wouldn't satisfy.
It slipped in. Into Shadow Hero Bennett Hilton's room. Climbed onto the bed and shifted form. Into something venomous, lethal.
Soon, Saintess Tara—fresh from a week of fasting prayer—entered Bennett's room. And spotted it.
"......?"
The evil dragon fragment, disguised as Niore's frilly panties.
A lightbulb went off in her head. Niore's underwear in Bennett's room? Only one reason. While she prayed to the goddess all day, starving herself... they did it!
Trembling with betrayal, Tara stormed out.
"Hey, Bennett! Niore! How could you do this behind my back?! You said we'd stick to our pact! I was praying and starving all day—!!"
Clear.
Mission accomplished. But plenty more to do. It shifted and slithered away.
The great undertaking the fragment prized above its own life. Simple:
Trolling.
Sirens wailed for emergency. An urgent summit convened. Members arriving in haste:
Hero Finn, snatched mid-purchase of fresh bread from the Pope's bakery stall.
"So you're saying Heart didn't spike my coffee with booze?"
"That's right. If Arte held a grudge, it'd be picture-frame payback."
Great Alchemist Arte, victim of the coffee murder, and her attendant Heart.
"S-sorry, Bennett. I-I thought for sure it was you and Niore."
Saintess Tara, head bowed in shame, comforted by Niore.
"......"
...And Bennett, face scratched up.
His usual stoic, stern expression held, but a flicker of injustice swam in his eyes. He'd upheld the pact for a week.
"Can someone explain what happened?"
Heart answered his faintly sorrowful question.
"The evil dragon fragment escaped. Disguised as Niore's underwear to tarnish Bennett's chastity."
"I was there, I know. What needs explaining is why—instead of mass riots or brainwashing the city into madness—it..."
"Because of the Safety Lock. The main body, the mad mage, prepared for escape."
Not even 0.1% complacency. Even a tiny fragment had nonzero escape odds.
So the mad mage slapped a Geas on it. Location always tracked, and harm limited to nasty pranks.
Heart pulled tools from her bag. Prepped in advance.
"Location tracker. And capture scroll. Spot it, rip this. Pre-enchanted—no danger."
"...I'll hunt that damn thing. Tara, tonight in bed, I'll etch faith into your body for your lack."
-Looks like Bennett's a bit miffed. Long night ahead. Right, Tara?
"......!!"
They geared up and deployed one by one. With Arte and Heart gone too, only Finn remained.
Packing his gear, he thought: Everything's fine, but tone down the salty bromance, guys.
"Ha... When can I get married? I don't even dream of two wives like Bennett. First, quit this hero gig somehow."
With Bennett's party, the Great Alchemist, and suspiciously skilled attendant Heart on the move, they'd snag the fragment.
While Finn searched one block, they'd cover ten, a hundred. Still, slacking off wasn't an option. Honorary hero or not.
Duty-bound, he dashed out. Search as far as his stamina allowed.
Screams echoed everywhere he went.
"I found a weird book under your bed, I swear!"
"No, dear, I've quit drinking. Never hid booze in the cabinet!"
"Boss, if I had money, I'd pay my debts first. Really!"
Terrifying. Just a fragment, yet sparking household wars everywhere.
To calm the chaos, Finn raised his fake holy sword high.
"Everyone, I'm Hero Finn! A ghost-type monster haunts the city! It shapeshifts to sow discord! Don't get played!"
"Right! So that ghost cost me at the casino today!"
"That's... probably separate..."
Short-lived calm as he followed the tracker. Then a hypothesis hit Finn.
Why target Bennett and Arte?
Holy city teemed with people. Most less dangerous than those two. Not coincidence.
Maybe innate grudge against captors and witnesses. Prioritized them.
Then...?
"Oh no, the Pope!"
Yes, she was there too. Finn bolted to the Pope's residence. Couldn't let that kind, sweet child suffer.
The little Pope.
Smart, kind, wonderful kid. She sparked Finn's marriage dreams. Life joyful with a son like her?
Precious beyond words.
Tomorrow: Keep mad mage summon promise. Picnic on stargazing hill. She packed lunch, buzzing with excitement.
If that vile fragment reached her... Dump the lunch? Shred her clothes to trap her inside?
She'd hide disappointment, say It's fine, Finn, and console him.
No interruptions. No betraying expectations.
Thud-thud.
Heart effortlessly matched Finn's sprint.
"Hero Finn! Late start, yet leading? Spotted the chaff the fragment scattered?"
"...Huh?"
Thud. Thud.
Bennett's party dropped from a rooftop, running alongside.
"Self-splitting decoys. Tricky to track, but Finn... Using goddess-granted powers now?"
"No, not..."
Scattered team reunited by chance. Meant high odds the Pope was targeted! Finn pushed his muscles to the limit.
Palace. Through gates, down halls, flung open the Pope's door.
"Your Holiness-!!"
Beyond:
"Finn, so when I'm all grown up... an adult, can I marry you then? You really promise...?"
"Of course. I'll serve at Your Holiness's side till then. Haha, but you'll change your mind. Plenty of handsome guys out there, and I'll be an old uncle by then."
"U-uh. Gotta pray hard to the goddess. To grow up fast..."
The Pope pulling the classic 'When I grow up, marry big bro' on a Finn-disguised fragment, who played along.
Blushing, mid-chat with fake Finn, she startled at the door-crashers, confused.
"Wha? Two Finns...?"
"Your Holiness! That's the fake!"
Finn ripped the scroll with all his might.
Fwoosh-! Fwaaah-!
Magic burst free. Fake Finn distorted wildly, shrank to a black orb, rolling on the floor.
Caught.
Finn scooped up the Pope, backed away. Heart and Neriel sealed the fragment safely.
Pope hid her flushed face with tiny hands, voice tiny.
"...D-did you hear?"
"......"
Heard.
Childhood crushes fade with growth, as fake Finn said. Probably mistaking familial love.
Still, reality check needed.
"Um, Your Holiness. Men can't marry men."
"......?"
Pope's eyes widened hugely. But... knowing glint? Then what shocked her?
Even Bennett's party and Heart stared at Finn, stunned. Sweating bullets, he asked.
"Did I mess up or...?"
"Finn, the Pope's a girl. Didn't know?"
"Pardon?"
"Yeah?"
Finn flailed in shock. He thought Pope was male. Post-hero selection, goddess faith studies confirmed: Popes always men; high holy power women became saintesses.
Even her robes were male-style!
"Cardinals needed a puppet. Better if female. If she got too ambitious, boot her as 'woman'."
"......"
I didn't know.
Wood-sword fights, treasure hunts, stone-target games... She rocked them all!
No.
Shocked, but no change. Boy or girl.
Ten-year gap. At 17, she'd be 27-year-old Finn nearing 30s uncle-hood. Childhood feelings linger?
Political marriages abound, but Finn wished her someone close in age, talented.
She'd outgrow it, find fitting partner as sidekick. He'd be rural adventurer by then.
And he'd have wed sooner. Half the world women; snagging one timely? Easy.
Yeah. That'd happen.
Seeing his vibe, Heart foresaw far ahead.
"I can read the future contents crystal clear, Arte."
"...What contents?"
One-sentence future prophecy:
'The Pope I served is actually a girl, obsessively clinging to plain adventurer me—who got hero spot by fluke?!'