Chapter 190
Chapter 190
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 190
Chapter Title: S4. Succubus Disguise / Pitch-Black Swamp -3
-----------------------------------------------------------------
In Yuli Lanster's hometown village, there was a flower-covered hill behind the houses where blossoms bloomed in breathtaking beauty. As a child, she adored playing there.
No one in the village—not even her friends—knew about that lovely spot. It was her secret hideout, just for little Yuli.
She'd sniff the flowers, weave them into crowns, and lose herself in play.
Then, at some point, a woman in pure white appeared in the flower garden. Little Yuli was startled at first, but the woman's gentle smile and soft voice quickly won her over.
"I called her 'big sister' and followed her around."
The woman in white shared heartbreaking tales of love from the outside world, while Yuli recounted the small, everyday happenings in the village.
The woman would delight in even the tiniest stories—like how the kids were playing soldiers—as if she were a child herself. She never dismissed Yuli as just a little girl but listened with genuine attention.
She asked Yuli to keep her presence a secret, and Yuli agreed. After all, she was Yuli's secret friend in her secret hideout.
A secret hideout and a secret friend—more than enough to thrill a child's heart.
And astonishingly, she was a 'succubus from the outside.' The village adults had warned that spotting a succubus from beyond the village was dangerous and must be reported immediately... but they never explained why in detail. To Yuli, she didn't seem like a bad person at all.
The white woman said she'd been persecuted and ostracized by other succubi, driven out and now searching for a place to stay. She even cried as she spoke.
Yuli assured her that her village would be fine. It was a good place where humans and dream demons lived together in harmony.
In response, she said—
"...I'd like you to introduce me to the villagers."
But she was afraid they might reject her. She begged for a chance to meet them in their dreams instead.
For Yuli and her friends, dream visits weren't strange at all. They'd slip into a friend's dream to whisper things like, "Mom mashed too many potatoes today—come get some!"
So...
Yuli lit the candle the white woman had given her and left her window open.
The communal mental barrier, forged by the villagers to shield against the Succubus Queen's pursuit, couldn't resist a door opened from within.
What happened next was all too predictable.
"The village fell in an instant."
The light of that day flickered in Yuli Lanster's eyes—the village dying by the Queen's scheme, and the rage she felt as the sole survivor watching it unfold.
A deep crimson fury burned within her.
The Queen drove the village's succubi into a frenzy. She kept their minds crystal clear while unleashing their primal lust beyond restraint.
"Neighbors raped neighbors, friends raped friends. The victims died... and the succubi forced to kill villagers took their own lives."
Yet she spared Yuli.
"Thank you for inviting me," she said tenderly, protecting Yuli without a single scratch. "Hurting yourself is wrong," she added, wedging a mental block to prevent suicide.
When Yuli screamed and demanded why, the Queen replied oh-so-casually.
"I heard there was a succubus living with humans in some remote mountain village. Isn't that strange? For a being like me to have a heart... So I tested it a little."
"Even simple charm turned them into this," she said. Succubi should live by their instincts, she advised Yuli kindly.
"So forget those silly emotions and live freely. Devour plenty of humans."
"Uwaaaaaah—!!"
Right there, the little girl swore an oath.
If her mistake had killed everyone, and she couldn't follow them in death...
Then this sin-stained life that had doomed the village would be used to butcher the Queen. Even if she died trying, she'd take her down. If she failed that, she'd have no face left to show her friends and family...
Drowning in pitch-black muck, Yuli Lanster spoke flatly.
"I decided to see only revenge. And someday, I thought emotions were too heavy a burden. So I chose to sink them away."
Ignore them. Uproot every needless feeling that bloomed and hurl them into the lake below.
Happiness, affection, friendship, belonging, ethics, morality—all the good things, down there. I don't deserve them.
Pain, sorrow, loneliness, guilt—down there too. I have no time to be bound by them.
Anger alone would guide my life.
That's why her metaphor never bound and sank the anger.
"...Still, when you met me, you were playful, a bit more relaxed."
"Thanks to C. She must've wanted me to let go of revenge. The Queen's elusive—impossible to catch. Unless some genius invents wide-area detection magic, rooting her out and killing her is extremely difficult... That's what she said."
And it was true. The Defense Bureau never slacked on gathering intel on the Queen, but they'd never scored anything substantial. Not even if she was alive or dead.
That's why C persuaded Yuli like this.
If revenge was impossible from the start, wouldn't atoning to the villagers through other means be better? Like living happily, for instance.
Exhausted, Yuli Lanster softened, bit by bit. Ever so slightly.
She left the hit squad for a field agent role in the Bureau, shed her feral wolf skin, and slowly melted her rage.
She reflected.
"...Maybe I just needed an excuse to flee my guilt. A truly iron-willed person wouldn't abandon revenge, no matter the circumstances."
"Don't say that. It hurts."
"True, we're connected now. My apologies."
"No, even without this link, it'd hurt. And it wasn't your fault."
"Thank you." Yuli smiled, grateful just for those words.
The spark that reignited Yuli Lanster's cooling fury was intel on the Queen—brought by no one other than me.
A genius mage capable of an info war showdown with the Queen existed.
After I beheaded the black mage and foolishly handed over succubi, Yuli finally got her shot at revenge.
Since she'd abandoned it as 'impossible,' now that it was feasible, she had nowhere to run. Yuli had to choose, and so...
Sensing my guilt, she cut it off sharply. It wasn't my fault.
"You didn't egg me on, mad mage. I chose this."
"...Still, I should've known sooner."
Kept the Queen's women hidden tight so nothing leaked, handled it myself... No, that might've left me sinking solo like Yuli.
"We had a chance. Then that crazy bitch showed up with her weird crap."
"Says the one who got wrecked... "
"You got done in too, spacing out 'cause she looked like me."
"Then she shouldn't have been so damn pretty!"
"What about you?"
"...Me?"
Yuli Lanster nodded. I couldn't grasp what she was asking, so I tilted my head and peered at her quietly.
Just as I'd wondered about her past, and why she'd chosen revenge over me... she seemed to have words for me too.
"Why won't you accept the Tower Master's feelings?"
"Wha—"
Her strike pierced deep into my heart, making me curl up defensively. But knowing my life hung by a thread oddly eased my tension.
On the brink of death, what words are too taboo?
As I soothed myself, Yuli Lanster began voicing her questions. Her view of the 'mad mage.'
"I get it. Dream demon race, short time together, more like friends than lovers. But... the Tower Master is different, isn't she?"
"......"
"You're not pretending not to know—you flaunt it. You hold her in your heart... yet never advance beyond that. Why?"
How about 'I don't know love'?
"From someone who knows disguising as a woman to seduce men so well? If you truly didn't, I'd chalk it up to born seductress."
"......"
"That's why I teased you. That confession line was cheesy and fake as hell."
It wasn't a lie. But not the full truth either. Laughable to claim ignorance of love's mechanics after staging it in every session.
Caring deeply, those mushy feelings, needing lust suppression, anxiety apart—what else to call it? I knew. I knew all along.
But I blocked it.
"Not lack of ability, not bad timing. If it's not that you don't like her... what? Stringing her along?"
"No."
"Or something overriding emotions? But that's odd too. You came to save me, throwing everything aside—even your life."
"...Yeah."
Emotionless? No, I'm swayed. Yet suppressing with every trick. No wonder it's strange.
The reason I suppressed myself so fiercely was simple.
I'm insane.
A chronic illness, paired with forgetting names.
Truth be told, I love seeing people suffer. It sends thrilling shivers down my spine. A deeply malicious perversion.
Stories of lovers torn by tragic fate.
Facing past wounds.
Crushed by one's own justice, lost.
Awakening after losing a loved one.
Regretting actions.
Losing a dear friend after brutal battle.
I infused most stories with tragedy. Trials and tribulations always essential... or so I dressed it up. But permanent loss wasn't necessary. Yet I made it so.
They didn't need to believe it real. But I made them. To savor their utter immersion in pain.
I peered into hearts, stabbed fragile spots. Then sprinkled balm like charity.
Overcome it.
A trial for you.
Deep down, I knew: I did it for fun. Got so hooked on first-time players I grew attached.
A demon laughing at others' tragedies.
I feared that. Feared my heart. Capable of true love, respect, empathy... yet mocking it all. That duality terrified me.
Someone seemed to have sewn pure evil into my desires. No use denying—we're one now.
I did it to power-hungry prince and princess. To students I should teach. Anxiety I'd lose control.
No—threatened.
That arrow turning on those I love.
On Yuna, who loves me... someday shattering her with my hands and laughing!
One day, my notebook—filled in my hand with horrific plans. Not mere fantasy, but real? it whispers.
Pitting students against each other, sharpening minds with 'accidents,' betting when they'll shatter.
And, and...
Once, I eyed the nape of Yuna asleep hungry on my lap. Like someone else... persistently. Then a light slice to the carotid.
Wake her gently with a cheek pat—what face would dying Yuna make staring at me? I imagined it.
Can't allow that end!
I hesitated. Tormented. Soothed my heart's venom, twisted tales to beautify tragedy. So we could laugh after curtain fall.
Sometimes suppressed my darkness fiercely, pared it back.
Sought outlets. Gave NPCs noble convictions, watched them navigate shadows.
But look—I haven't changed!
So I crushed it. Felt nothing. Stuffed a city in my skull. Yet here I am, plotting another session.
Since isekai rebirth, never deeply pondered emotions. Avoided facing them.
That's why.
Fear affirming this malice.
Fear 'it' in my head is me.
What Pingbalrez and others call.
The 'mad mage' moniker I accepted without denial.
Black liquid drips from my ruined face. Tears? Melted data? Indistinguishable. Don't want to. I claw my skin, confessing.
Ripping hair, huddled—beside me, Yuli Lanster ventures carefully. Teasingly.
"Must be a thrill, huh? Watching someone you like melt beside you."
"...Honestly, a little arousing."
"......"
Even Pingbalrez looked queasy at that. I know. Maybe shouldn't have spilled. Some regret.
Better to hide the ugly parts?
But on death's door. Last words. Wanted to say it.
Yuli stays silent a long while...
"It'll be fine."
"...Using you all as toys?"
"No way, hate that. I mean, for a mad mage, you're doing well. All your stories end happily, right?"
"......"
"Better than me, lashing out in revenge." Yuli laughed self-mockingly. I patted her back—no.
"In the end, we were tightrope walkers. You between good and evil, me between revenge and normalcy. That's why we clicked."
"Fellow losers laugh just seeing each other."
"If this is our last words, perfect. Confessed, relieved to the grave... end."
Really end here?
Yuli wore a prim look, as if saying that.
If utterly defeated, powerless to resist... sure, end it. But we were prepping for the final clash with the Queen.
If, somehow, we win that uphill battle. Escape this world.
Then we'd need more. We demanded of each other.
"Value us over revenge. We'll be joy outweighing that loss."
"Face that inner demon squarely. We'll be your breakwater, keep you from straying. Tower Master's not here, but she'll do it."
"...Doesn't sound like last words."
"Call it the Queen's. Can't leave any behind."
...She'll accept me? Even this nutjob mad mage.
Then. If so.
Feared being swallowed gazing into that deep well, dragged by the monster within. But if she'll watch over me...
Maybe face it. My heart I've dodged every which way.
I looked back on my tales. The ones I created.