Chapter 170
Chapter 170
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 170
Chapter Title: All Professors' Dinner Party (Not Really)
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The academy didn't have many professors. There simply wasn't any need for a large number.
Since students weren't strictly separated by grade levels, their course schedules overlapped to some extent anyway—and there was no real reason to split them up further.
This was a place where hotshots from all walks gathered. Most nobles had already inherited their family's signature martial arts, so they didn't need technical training. Commoners who managed to claw their way into the academy despite their low status were bound to have picked up at least one skill along the way.
As a result, academy students arrived with their personal styles and fighting methods already somewhat set.
That was why no one needed classes like Let's Try the Fun and Easy Three Talents Swordsmanship Together.
So what did the professors teach? Experience. They drilled into students' bones the fact that there were perspectives they'd never encountered before. Academy lectures focused mainly on practical combat.
That was how Professor Alekson, who handled Everything About Close-Quarters Combat, could teach every grade. One of his nicknames was Weapon Master—he could wield any weapon that came to hand at an expert level.
Beating students with a spear one day and an axe the next, he alone could provide a wide range of experiences.
Professor Silverdari, who taught Basic Elemental Theory, was the same. He was a mage from the Golden Magic Tower, but he could wield any spell he touched at an expert level.
Blasting with fire yesterday and water today—he alone covered a broad spectrum of experiences.
And I was no different teaching Countering Illusion Magic. I could provide all sorts of experiences with illusion magic. Tentacle labyrinths, rhino escape challenges...
Put another way, our trio of entrenched old-timers had the diverse curriculum locked down tight, leaving no room for new hires.
We'd even contributed heavily to pushing out existing professors. There was that one time...
A retired knight grandpa famous for his greatsword skills had been on faculty, but Alekson turned out to be even better with it. Students flocked to Alekson's classes instead...
The furious retiree challenged Alekson to a duel, lost, and tearfully submitted his resignation.
I hadn't said anything, but I'd sent off a guy or two myself.
So... our reputation among the faculty wasn't great. Once livelihoods get tangled up, everyone gets touchy, right?
And the result was this "all-faculty dinner" (not really).
"Slurp slurp. How about an arm-wrestle, Alejandro?"
"You want to compare my compact, beauty-packed compressed muscles to that lump of beef? Mine are ornamental masterpieces of artistic value—no good for actual use. How about using brain cells instead? A new puzzle just went up at the tower..."
"Bunch of guys getting together and you're talking brain stuff? Cut the headache talk. I know you'll strut for thirty minutes straight. Just thinking about it pisses me off."
"I get that my brilliant intellect scares you. But sometimes, it's good to take wise counsel from someone a bit smarter. Because that leads to an ascent of wisdom..."
So here we were, a bunch of utterly incompatible folks knocking back drinks. Alekson chugged his beer, visibly repulsed by Silverdari's opening-middle-climax-pointless-ending rhetoric.
Getting no reaction from Alekson, Silverdari switched targets to me.
"Ah, you're a mage too, even if you haven't attained fable status... Care to solve the Golden Magic Tower's latest puzzle?"
"Hand it over."
"Good. Ahem... If it seems too tough, I can give a hint. Of course, to foster the habit of self-learning for true growth, you'll refuse twice. On the third ask, I'll give a perfect hint—one that won't spoil your intellectual thrill."
I glanced over the magic puzzle Silverdari had copied onto parchment. Then, for politeness, I paused ten seconds. Gotta pretend to think, right?
"No idea? Just so you know, approaching from the left corner..."
"It's a mantis. That's the answer."
"...Using sorcery...!!"
Silverdari couldn't accept solving the week's torment in ten seconds. He pulled a goddess holy symbol from his pocket and waved it around wildly.
But with no signs of black magic anywhere, he slumped into gloom, sipping his beer. Muttering about how it'd taken him a week—unfair.
Alekson burst into hearty laughter, looking utterly refreshed.
"Feels great. See? There's always someone better. How could you be so arrogant! Hey, cheers?"
"You've suffered a lot, huh?"
"What's to say? Every time we drink, he yaps about 'intellectual thrill' or whatever—drives you nuts. I even swung an axe at his head thinking it'd fix him by splitting his skull, but we just had a huge fight and nothing changed."
So they'd thrown down big time.
"But now I've adapted! Figured out how to handle him... Watch this."
Alekson grinned mischievously at Alejandro.
"You're the academy's top mage!"
"...!!!!"
"Nah, just kidding."
"........."
How does his face switch like an on/off button? His resistance to praise from others felt near zero—fascinating.
My prejudice that advanced mages were missing a screw solidified a bit more.
"You'll hear it soon enough, but apparently, he couldn't get over a heartbreak and that's how he turned out. Poor guy."
"Hmph, isn't the one who's never even dated once the more pitiful?"
"........."
"........."
A poignant, wistful air settled in. The two professors tilted their beer mugs bitterly. The faint ache deep in their eyes suggested neither had much luck with romance.
But usually, don't big social successes naturally bring partners? Both were powerhouses worthy of academy professor posts...
"...Back in my youth, I lived for revenge! Ignored romance and family stuff. But once it was all done, my side felt so empty..."
"Mages lead solitary lives. Endless struggle with your research. Even I had a spring day once, but she left all too soon. Nailing me to that beautiful season forever..."
"That's not bereavement—that's rejection. Couldn't forget his first love, missed every chance. Don't sweat it."
"I understand. Romance... is tough. I haven't had one yet either."
I nodded in sympathy. In this life, I'd never had anything resembling a real relationship. Silverdari and Alekson's expressions turned subtle. Alekson asked,
"Heard you hang around with girls. That pink-haired suit chick."
"Oh, she's just a friend. We share a blanket and sleep together sometimes, but we see each other as friends."
"Rumor has it you're chatting up a cute-voiced lady in your lab. Voice dripping honey, they say. What about her...?"
"Ah, things with her are a bit complicated. Sometimes it feels that way, but more like... family?"
Alekson clenched his fist lightly and asked,
"You sleep with her too?"
"Yep, every night. But that's not romance."
I reflected on the past. About the girlfriend who'd led me into TRPGs. We'd started dating because rejecting her felt like it'd trash my college rep, but man, it was exhausting.
Had to show up at dawn if she called, act as pack mule at the mall, tag along to her friends' gatherings to hype her up as my girlfriend and boost her social status...
Totally draining. That's romance for you.
In that sense, time with Pingvales and Yuna was pure joy. It didn't seem like it'd be that tiring with them—but why risk it when things were fine as is?
I quietly concluded.
"Maybe it's fine to skip it altogether. Romance, I mean."
"You little shit."
"Get out here!"
I took a few hits.
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With booze flowing, the mood loosened up. As alcohol coursed through me, I felt my nerves slacken.
Topics meandered. We played a VS game on the strongest weapon (Silverdari and I pushed magic supremacy on Alekson), debated the academy's prettiest professor (I nominated myself).
Then talk turned to disciples. Alekson cracked a walnut and grumbled.
"I'm getting old—time to take a direct disciple."
"Isn't that premature? Feels like a worry for after sixty."
"Mages pass it on with eyes and words. Warriors like us engrave it into muscle. Thought Bennett would succeed me..."
Right, Bennett was Alekson's disciple.
He'd approached me on Alekson's rec: "There's a mage good with flesh swords." Then he hit TRPGs and ended up a holy knight.
"Should I apologize?"
"Nah, no. Thanks to you, he found his path... Even lost his taste for flesh swords. Just a shame."
"Grab some big-muscled, empty-headed kid from the slums—they'd be eager learners."
"What good's passing it on like that? Oh, right. Bennett sends letters sometimes. Says he's tangled in something weird."
Weird, huh?
"Know about heroes?"
"Brave, righteous folks?"
"That's one meaning—also means god-chosen. They show up when shit hits the fan. Last one was centuries ago..."
Heroes seemed tailor-made by gods for crises. They only popped up in real emergencies, not peacetime like now.
So in off-seasons without god-picked heroes, the Church of the Goddess apparently selected their own.
"Bennett and Saintess Tara travel together. But church rules say saintesses must join hero parties. He might lose her any second."
"What kinda bullshit?"
"Exactly. No hero in the church right now—they're holding a hero selection tourney mid-year. For Bennett to keep Tara... he has to win and become the hero."
"Huh."
Bennett's life was a rollercoaster.
And he reports all this to Alekson via letters? Of course... I'd never been tight with him. Just me feeling one-sided fondness.
Still stung a bit. After all that time together.
Or nah—if I said it was illusion magic, not dimension magic, would he come smash my head? Nah, the Tower Master did that—so it'd be Bennett's head gone.
Maybe send a casual "how ya doing" first. Last I heard, he was heading to the eastern front—must've met Elaine too.
Felt like stories were progressing without me. Curiosity piqued.
And the Church of the Goddess...
Plenty of fishy bits there. I'd ignored it for bigger stuff, but digging might yield session material.
"Hic."
Lost in si-si-sweet-bitter thoughts, flushed-faced Silverdari started hiccuping. If only he were the opposite gender—prime heroine material.
Then Alekson abruptly wrapped up and stood.
"Mm! I'm off."
"Huh? Beer left in your mug."
"Sudden urgent business. Bye!"
What the hell?
I eyed Alekson's hasty retreat suspiciously. I was buzzed too—brain foggy. Why?
"You know, back when this Alejandro was young... Hic. There was this lady I adored. Her name was, uh, Isa—Isabel. Met her at the tower."
"Oh."
"You know, back when this Alejandro was young..."
"?"
Ah.
Listening to Alejandro's broken-record love tale—skipping and looping—I realized why Alekson bolted.
I tried to bail quick too, but this drunken mage bastard started bawling. Couldn't handle a middle-aged wizard's meltdown, so I sat back down.
After three loops of the same crap, head spun and gut churned. Thought about illusion-knocking him out and leaving—but the nasty part?
New details emerged with each repeat. Multi-loop drunken content. Couldn't resist piecing the puzzle for truth, endured the boredom.
By the time I suspected Isabel was the serial murder culprit in disguise as a succubus, booze won—I passed out.
Mistake gauging tolerance by past-life standards. This body was weak to alcohol.
Half-asleep, felt someone piggyback me somewhere.
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Booze stench.
Yuri Lanster walked the moonlit road, hit by the intense smell from her back. Behind her slumped the dead-drunk mad mage.
Late return had her scouring academy taverns. Found him passed out face-down, Alejandro prattling his 35th-loop love story.
Nut-tapped Alejandro unconscious, dragged the mad mage out.
Yuri Lanster sighed deeply, scolding.
"Can't even pace your drinks?"
"......Did. Not... drunk."
"What'd you chat about to drink that much? If it was fun, tell me too."
"Ro... romance... love stuff."
Romance, huh.
"What, like who you wanna date or something?"
"...Yeah, roughly."
Mischief stirred. Drunk and compliant—he'd spill black history gold. Yuri probed slyly.
"How about me? As a romance option."
"Romance... hate it..."
Crunch.
Yuri paused briefly, then resumed. Expected answer. Nothing shocking.
Business acquaintance, long-time friends, and she'd only half-joked anyway. Totally unsurprised. Really.
"Yeah, I get it. Makes sense. You're a dream demon. Flaws as a lover."
"Skip... romance... straight to marriage... would've been nice..."
"...Pardon?"
Crunch.
Yuri halted again. Voice cracked high, squeaking into the night.
"What does that mean...?!"
No reply came.
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"...Head hurts like hell."
"Aigoo, dummy. I'll mix honey water—wait a sec!"
"Okay."
I lay obediently at Yuna's words.