Chapter 26
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Translator: 8uhl
Chapter: 26
Chapter Title: No Growth At All
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“Hey, Kim Cheol-min.”
Kim Cheol-min flinched at the familiar gravelly voice.
“Lee Joo-hyuk!”
“Long time no see.”
“What do you want? I don’t have anything to say to you… Ugh!”
Kim Cheol-min scowled and tried to leave, but Lee Joo-hyuk’s arm was a bit faster.
His iron-hard arm had already grabbed Kim Cheol-min by the throat and hoisted him up.
“Damn, you’ve grown a lot, huh? Talking back now and everything.”
“You bastard!”
Kim Cheol-min swung his prosthetic arm. A long spike had already extended from it.
The attack aimed straight for Lee Joo-hyuk’s face. But just before it could skewer him, Lee Joo-hyuk hardened his entire skin like stone.
Clang!
Kim Cheol-min’s attack bounced off pathetically. At the same time, the grip on his throat tightened.
“Gah! Ack! L-Let go!”
“Your words are kinda short, aren’t they?”
“Let… let me go. Please… let go.”
Only then did Lee Joo-hyuk release him. Kim Cheol-min clutched his throat, which had turned red in that short time, and glared at Lee Joo-hyuk with bloodshot eyes.
“Fuck, what the hell! Why do you keep messing with me?”
“I just wanna talk, so why’re you being so sensitive, you punk?”
Lee Joo-hyuk grabbed Kim Cheol-min’s hair out of habit and yanked him to his feet.
“You’re close with Cha In-hyeok, right?”
“Close my ass! You think I’d hang out with a loser otaku like that? Aaaagh! M-My hair!”
“Watch your mouth. You gotta have manners, even with friends.”
“Alright, alright. Sorry.”
“Anyway, you know him pretty well, yeah?”
“…I just shook him down for some cash and used him as an errand boy for a bit.”
“That’s really all? On the first day, you two seemed kinda tight.”
Kim Cheol-min hesitated, then spilled what happened on the rooftop that day—how Cha In-hyeok had awakened, how he’d picked a fight without knowing and gotten wrecked instead.
“Wait… so that guy awakened even before the gate opened?”
“What else could it be? You think I’d lose to some otaku like that otherwise?”
“Hmm, that just makes it more likely he’s the one who killed the hobgoblin.”
“What’re you talking about? I killed the hobgoblin…”
“Cut the bullshit. A guy shaking like a leaf at a goblin doesn’t get to say that. In my book, that otaku’s more likely to have taken down the hobgoblin than you.”
“No way. How the hell could that guy kill a hobgoblin?”
“See… You didn’t kill the hobgoblin, did you?”
“Huh?”
Lee Joo-hyuk could tell from Kim Cheol-min’s tone that he wasn’t the one who killed it.
“Guess the only way to be sure is to kill him.”
“Kill him? What’re you talking about?”
“Why so surprised? It’d be good for you too.”
“Explain it so I can understand!”
“Big Bro never believed your story to begin with. He figured someone else killed the hobgoblin. My job is to find that guy and recruit him.”
“And you think it’s Cha In-hyeok?”
“Yep. Now, here’s the question! If that guy joins our guild, what happens to you?”
Kim Cheol-min’s face went pale at those words.
For the past three years, he’d bullied Cha In-hyeok—and just recently, he’d even tried to kill him outright. And now that guy gets Big Bro’s favor? The thought alone was horrifying.
“Get it now? If we let him be, you’re the one in the worst spot.”
“If you just pretend you don’t know…”
“Won’t work. The All-Kill Guild’s reach extends to this training camp. A few of the instructors are probably connected to us. Meaning someone else’ll report it even if I don’t. They definitely saw him fighting me this time, so they’re watching him close.”
“N-No way… Then what do we do?”
“Told you. We kill him.”
As he spoke, Lee Joo-hyuk pulled a small vial from his pocket. It was filled about a third of the way with blue liquid.
“What’s… that?”
“Paralysis poison from a 2-star lizardman. It’s so potent that even a graze’ll paralyze a 1-star monster and drop it.”
“Why show it to me?”
“Picture this: The gate’s crawling with monsters, right? What if you get poisoned mid-fight?”
“…You’d get torn apart by monsters in seconds.”
“Exactly. No need for some big scheme. Just wait till he’s deep in battle, sneak up, and poke him once from behind. With this.”
Lee Joo-hyuk tapped Kim Cheol-min’s prosthetic arm as he said it.
“See? Not hard at all. I went through hell to get this poison, but I’ll give it to you for free. We’re friends, after all. Gotta help each other out in tough times, right?”
‘You son of a bitch! You just wanna eliminate a rival without getting your hands dirty!’
The motive was obvious, but unfortunately, Kim Cheol-min had no choice but to accept. Just like Lee Joo-hyuk said, if Cha In-hyeok joined the All-Kill Guild, he’d be the one screwed.
In the end, Kim Cheol-min agreed to take the poison vial from Lee Joo-hyuk.
“Oh, and I’ll give you the poison right before you enter the gate. Wouldn’t want you losing it. Just grit your teeth and hang in the top ranks till then.”
Lee Joo-hyuk didn’t trust him to the end.
‘You bastard. Just you wait. After Cha In-hyeok, you’re next.’
And Kim Cheol-min felt the exact same way.
* * *
“See, you swing it over your head like this, then release at the right timing—”
With a whoosh, the iron ball flew and knocked over a pile of rocks.
“How’s that? Pretty awesome, right?”
“Kikikik!”
The goblins lined up beside him erupted in applause. Their enthusiastic reaction made my shoulders lift a bit without me realizing.
“Got it? This is called a slingshot.”
Lately, I’d been popping into the dungeon whenever I had time to teach the goblins how to use slingshots.
Since I had to stay in the dungeon for a set time to fend off monster invasions anyway, I figured I might as well train them up.
I hadn’t been using a slingshot long myself, but the principle was so simple it was easy to teach. Plus, teaching helped me improve too, so it wasn’t a waste of time.
I demonstrated once more, then handed out the slingshots I’d prepared in advance to the goblins.
“Alright, you try. Use centrifugal force, swing it… Yeah, like that! Now! Release! Release it! I said release! No, not now!”
Their timing was off, and the iron ball came flying straight back at me.
Whoosh!
Using a slingshot made it way faster than normal.
Startled, I hurriedly covered my head and rolled on the ground.
Thud! Thump-thump!
The wall it hit cracked a little. Impressive power.
Dungeon walls are tougher than they look. Even when an orc charged at full speed, only a bit of the surface chipped off—no real damage.
Yet a goblin’s iron ball had actually dented it a bit.
‘Jackpot! With slingshots, goblins can hit 2-star monster levels.’
I grinned in excitement, but the goblins recoiled in terror, thinking I was pissed.
To reassure them, I put on a gentler smile.
“It’s fine. These things happen.”
“Kieek!”
For some reason, their screams got even louder. Weird feeling—monsters screaming at the sight of a human… Isn’t it usually the other way around?
“A bunch of monsters whimpering like that… Guess discipline slipped while I was away.”
“Kiiing.”
“It’s okay. We’ll tighten it right up. Lucky for you, I learned some exercises at the academy. PT gymnastics…”
The thought of passing on everything they’d drilled into me made me chuckle involuntarily.
I could already picture the goblins collapsing, clutching their necks during full-body twists. With their big heads relative to their bodies, it’d be extra rough.
“Heh heh heh!”
“Kki, kiiing~”
The goblins instinctively sensed something was wrong and huddled together.
* * *
One hour later.
Discipline restored, the goblins’ movements were way snappier than before. PT gymnastics really wakes you up after just one session.
A few barked command mistakes, and after that, slip-ups dropped right off.
‘At this rate, they’ll pick it up quick.’
Progress was solid for day one. Once they nailed the release timing, they were hitting targets at 10m, 20m easy.
I was almost worried they’d master it before me.
But the next day, when I returned to the dungeon, I was dumbfounded.
“No growth at all…”
These goblin blockheads had zero learning ability—they repeated the exact same mistakes from yesterday. Another iron ball flying back at me.
“No, you forgot how to even hold the slingshot? Don’t you remember if you spun it left or right? Hell, you don’t even remember seeing the damn thing? Does that make any sense? What, you got a goldfish brain or something?”
Their agility was decent, so they picked it up fast when I taught them, but come next day? Back to square one.
It wasn’t just a day or two—this looped for a whole week. I even wondered if I was stuck in a time loop.
‘Crap. Forgot goblins have an intelligence of 1.’
I’d checked their status windows—intelligence: a measly 1.
Hell, calling it intelligence is embarrassing. This is idiocy. Utter, pathetic idiocy!
But I wasn’t giving up. Who am I? A veteran of twelve years of rote K-education!
Even I, no genius, memorized the quadratic formula. So goblins could too.
‘If you don’t get it, memorize it—that’s the rule.’
Single-cell brain or utter idiocy? Doesn’t matter. Drill it relentlessly until it’s muscle memory.
Turn ‘em into Pavlov’s dogs—grab the slingshot, and they spin it on autopilot.
Forget everything overnight? Fine. Implant painful memories they can’t shake even if they try.
Still forget? Whatever. Their muscles’ll remember the ordeal.
Waking up sore every morning’ll jog their memories naturally.
“No choice. Time for whiplash training.”
From then on, hellish sessions alternated between slingshot practice and PT gymnastics, pushing their bodies to the limit.
“Kki, kiiing!”
“Hm? What’s that? Too fun?”
“Kka, kaak—ma!”
“Yeah, yeah. Full-body twist coming up. No whining.”
“Kkieeeek!”
After a month of this brutal training, the goblins finally started retaining the previous day’s lessons. With their muscles, not their heads, of course.
‘Actually perfect. Muscle memory sticks till death.’
The goblin trio’s stones caved in the wall. Solid enough to work on orcs, I figured.
That’s when the alert blared—an intruder.
“Grroooar!”
Speak of the devil: an orc barged in. Having beaten one before, it wasn’t scary.
If anything, great chance to test the goblin slingers’ power. I was hyped.
“Everyone, get ready! You didn’t forget already, right?”
I aimed my spear at the orc and shouted to the goblins. They loaded iron balls into slingshots and spun them like they’d been waiting.
The whirring sounded menacing as the balls flew at the orc.
Thud! Thump-thump!
One hit the shoulder, chest, and gut each. Skin didn’t tear, but the impacts landed— the orc roared and clutched the spots.
‘Opening!’
Hands down covering wounds left its face wide open. I fired my slingshot on cue. Right at that big mug.
Screee!
“Kruk!”
The orc raised its axe too late—the ball had already smashed its forehead.
Splurt!
Blood sprayed as it staggered. Direct hit left it wobbly.
‘Probably hits harder than most blunt weapons.’
A slingshot’s basically a gun. Small impact area concentrates force—huge damage.