A Good Person
"My first friend, huh."
Somehow I had ended up with that title. Yet all that came out of me was a silent sigh.
I had barely managed to slip into class before the bell and dodge another of Yurim’s vicious kicks, but walking in together with Seol-hwa had been the real problem.
"What’s that delinquent doing here?"
"Whoa, the loser finally snagged a girl?"
"A dropout like him, tricking innocent Seol-hwa?"
"You never know. Maybe she’s the same type."
The whispers started, and Seol-hwa’s name got dragged into them. A few of the more vicious remarks wilted under the sharp glare I shot their way, but that was only a temporary fix.
…I was shortsighted.
I pressed my fingers to my brow and muttered under my breath. My reputation in this class—no, in this whole school—was scraping the bottom of the barrel and then some. Hanging around someone like me was bound to end like this. I should have thought it through more carefully.
Who the hell did I think I was, trying to help anyone…
I had gotten swept up in the moment. Drunk on Seol-hwa’s circumstances, I had briefly forgotten my own place. I had spouted all that empty talk about friendship and whatever else, but this was reality. Friendship? All I was doing was dragging her into cheap gossip. The sighs showed no sign of stopping.
If the rumors kept spreading, it was only a matter of time before Seol-hwa got painted with the same brush as me. That was the one thing I wanted to avoid at all costs… yet no matter how hard I racked my brain, no decent solution came to mind.
When I finally snapped out of it and looked out the window, the sky had already turned dark. Had I fallen asleep after all that uncharacteristic overthinking?
The clock on the wall read seven in the evening—a full two hours past dismissal.
I stood, scratching the back of my head in mild panic, and glanced around. Naturally, no one was left, but the classroom key sat waiting on the teacher’s desk.
…That guy, huh.
Getting kicked awake by Yurim might have been better. With that useless thought, I heaved a heavy sigh and scooped up the key.
I locked the classroom door and headed not for the main gate, but toward the teachers’ office.
Once there, I gave the old door a half-hearted knock and walked straight in without waiting for an answer.
"Oh, sleep well? Lovely evening, isn’t it?"
Even faced with that insolent entrance, the man greeted me with a smile so relentlessly cheerful it was almost nauseating. Our homeroom teacher. He taught well, had a pleasant personality, looked sharp—popular with the students for all sorts of reasons.
…But I, who stood far outside the category of “ordinary student,” could not stand the guy. Maybe it was that I never knew what he was thinking. Watching that unchanging smile always made irritation bubble up for no good reason.
I didn’t even know his name. Unlike Yurim, he had never “requested” I memorize it with a roundhouse kick that was really a threat.
I had no desire to look at that endlessly smiling face, so I turned my head and tossed the key over with zero effort to hide my annoyance.
"Whoops."
The teacher casually kicked a drawer with his foot, sent his wheeled chair rolling, and caught the key while still seated.
"It’s a key we all share. You can’t just fling it around."
"Then don’t leave it with me."
Even my curt reply failed to wipe the cheerful smile from his face. To some it might look refreshing; to someone as twisted as me, it only looked fake.
This had happened before. I had woken from a deep nap to find myself in the exact same situation. Back then, out of pure laziness, I had ignored the key entirely, left the door unlocked, and gone home. The result: a sudden solo deep-clean of the entire classroom, plus Yurim—furious that dismissal had been delayed—stationed as my supervisor. A nightmare that left me sweating for hours.
Repeating that was the last thing I wanted. I had already disliked the man, but that incident had only deepened the grudge.
"I went out of my way to protect a precious student’s sleep time, and this is the thanks I get? Teacher is sad."
"If you’ve got nothing else to say, I’m leaving."
There was not a shred of actual sadness on his face, yet he put on a ridiculous crying act like some overgrown child. I shuddered and turned to go—
"Hold on."
Just as my hand reached for the doorknob, his voice stopped me.
"I’m not in the mood for any weird lectures."
Last time he had caught me trying to skip class and subjected me to a sermon so long-winded I would have preferred a religious broadcast. His words dragged on forever; listening only made me wonder what the point was and left me more irritated than before. Simply being near him was already torture, so my plan had been to ignore whatever he said and escape.
"Too bad. I’ve got plenty I’d like to tell you, Yu-seong… but I’ll let it go for today."
"…Let it go?"
The cryptic words made me stop and turn back.
"There’s a guest waiting by the front gate. Best not to slip out the back, just in case."
"A guest? What are you—"
A guest? At school? At this hour? For me?
Nothing about it made sense. I asked again, but the teacher only gave me his usual smile.
Then, with a cheerful “Good students should be heading home now,” he shooed me out of the office.
What the hell…
The incomprehensible situation made my head start to ache. At the same time, a vague unease settled over me. For reasons I couldn’t name, a restless feeling took hold, and I quickened my pace toward the front gate.
When I arrived, all I could do was curse.
Why was it that these ominous premonitions never turned out wrong?
For a second I wanted to deny the reality in front of me, to call it some bad dream.
"…Yun Seol-hwa!!"
There she was, crouched silently in front of the school gate—someone who absolutely should not have been here at this hour. I sprinted out.
It was already late November, heading into December. Midwinter. Seol-hwa was wearing nothing but her school uniform. The sight left me speechless.
Just yesterday she had collapsed in the rain at the park. Did she have zero awareness of how fragile her body was?
So many things I wanted to say piled up that none of them made it out of my mouth.
"Ah, Yu-seong. I’ve been waiting."
Whether she noticed my thoughts or not, Seol-hwa simply lit up when she saw me, smiling and waving as if nothing were wrong.
"Waiting, my ass—do you have any idea what time it is?!"
That idiotic expression made my voice rise before I could stop it.
Dismissal had been over for ages. So that was what “guest” meant? Wasn’t it a teacher’s job to stop his own student from doing something this ridiculous?
There were so many things to be angry about that I no longer even knew where to start.
Seeing me like that, Seol-hwa finally seemed to realize something was wrong. She shrank into herself, bowed her head deeply, and spoke in a tiny, apologetic voice.
"…I’m sorry. I just wanted to walk home with you…"
"There’s such a thing as common sense. Or at least wake me up like you did this morning…"
"That time, if I didn’t wake you, you would have been late for school… and I didn’t want to disturb your sleep again…"
"You… no. Forget it."
I understood she was being considerate. I understood, but why did that overflowing consideration never extend to herself?
I no longer had the energy to keep scolding her. I just pressed a hand to my face and let out a long, heavy sigh.
"I’m sor—"
"If you get it, never do this again."
I cut off the apology she was about to repeat like a broken record and gave her head a light, scolding tap.
Whether from the cold or from the belated realization that she had messed up, Seol-hwa’s body had started to tremble. I sighed again, shrugged off my outer jacket, and held it out.
"Um… this is…?"
"If you end up bedridden again I’ll actually get mad, so quit complaining and put it on."
My tone left no room for argument. Seol-hwa hesitated, then slipped into the thick parka. It looked comically oversized on her, but it was still better than standing there shivering.
After that we walked the night streets in awkward silence.
…This again.
The same feeling from lunchtime. A strange sense of nostalgia mixed with a throbbing headache and an unpleasant sensation that crawled up from somewhere deep inside. Just like before, I couldn’t pin down why.
…No.
That wasn’t right. It wasn’t that I couldn’t remember—it was that I didn’t want to. My past was nothing but a string of things I hated.
"Um…"
Seol-hwa’s voice pulled me out of the fog of pointless thoughts.
"What?" I answered, still pressing my temple against the headache as I turned toward her.
"Earlier… I’m sorry. I think I got a little carried away."
She bowed her head again, as if trying to hide the brief flash of melancholy that crossed her face.
"The thought of walking home together just filled my whole head…"
"…Honestly."
I swallowed the words You’re not a little kid and only sighed quietly. Wanting to stay with the first friend she had ever made—I could understand that much. Especially in her case. And besides, this whole mess had started because I had openly fallen asleep at school.
"I’ll let it slide this once. Do it again and I’m dumping you at the hospital."
Thinking that way made it harder to keep scolding her, so I answered with a touch of teasing in my voice.
"…I’ll be careful," she said.
When she lifted her head a little, a small, relieved smile was on her face—
but I couldn’t look at it straight on.
"…Hey."
The words I was about to say would cast a shadow over that smile again.
"I think… it would be better if you didn’t get involved with me anymore."
"…What?"
Just as I expected, the moment the hesitant words left my mouth, Seol-hwa’s expression went pale with disbelief.
"But earlier you said you’d be my f-friend! If it’s because of what happened just now, I’m sorry. I won’t ever—"
"That’s not it."
I cut her off gently, trying to calm her down.
"You heard them too, right? The kids whispering in class."
My reputation—earned by openly sneering at school life—was so bad that even the word “worst” felt like sugarcoating. I had turned the problem over and over, but nothing better had come to mind. This was the best I could do. I didn’t want my bad name to hurt her.
"…So in the end, you just didn’t like someone like me?"
"Why would you take it that way? I mean there’s nothing good about hanging around a guy like me. There are plenty of better people out there than this loser."
She seemed to have twisted my words in the worst possible direction. Her face fell, heavy with gloom, and I hurriedly tried to explain.
She and I were different. I was just a loser who had run away from life. She was the kind of person who kept fighting no matter what life threw at her—a real protagonist, a tragic heroine if you wanted to call her that. Whether you called it character or worth, the gap between us was obvious.
She had her blank moments and her dark sides, but given her past, those were more than understandable. Even if we weren’t friends, if I just gave her a little push from behind… someone would eventually notice that at her core she was earnest and kind—just a little clumsy. That was all the role I needed. The supporting character who pushes the protagonist forward… or maybe just the one who gets stepped on. That position suited me fine.
"You’re wrong."
Seol-hwa answered with a rare—no, an expression and tone I had never seen from her before. Firm. Unyielding.
"…What?"
I blinked, caught off guard. She looked nervous, yet her face carried the resolve of someone who would not yield this point.
"To me, Yu-seong… you are more than enough of a good person."
"…That’s only because you’re seeing me through rose-colored glasses. I’m the first person who ever came to you. I’m not as good as you think. Being with me only hurts you. Is that what you want?"
I couldn’t meet her eyes and turned my head away. I knew my own situation better than anyone. If that weren’t true, none of this would have happened—I wouldn’t be living like this.
Just thinking about the past made something rise inside me again. My clenched fists tightened.
Then Seol-hwa said, “That’s not true,” and, after a brief hesitation, gently wrapped her hands around mine.
I flinched and looked at her. Her cheeks were a little red with embarrassment, but her gaze never wavered.
"You just said it yourself. The first… You’re right. The first person who ever came to me… was you, Yu-seong."
While I kept trying to look anywhere but at her, her eyes stayed fixed on me, steady and clear.
"Good people… yes, there must be plenty. The world is full of people, so somewhere out there they exist. I always told myself that someday, someday someone might come. I lived on that thought.
But those good people… not a single one of them ever reached out to me. I was always alone, and that felt like the natural order of things."
Was it anger? Helplessness… or despair? The hands holding mine trembled as if they might shatter at any moment.
"You asked me last time, didn’t you? Whether I had been trying to die… Yes. Back then I really… didn’t care what happened to me. That was how I felt."
I couldn’t answer. The empty, lonely eyes I had seen that day were more than enough proof that her words were no lie.
"But you reached out to me when I was ready to give up on everything… You told me we should be friends."
A smile bloomed on Seol-hwa’s face—small at first, but unmistakable. Like dark clouds slowly parting.
"You might think it was nothing. But it made me so happy. That single ‘You did well.’ The way you told me I didn’t have to give up. It made me truly happy.
When you said we should be friends… it felt like I was dreaming. I started thinking maybe it was okay to keep living… that I wanted to try a little harder.
Even if you yourself say you’re not a good person, it doesn’t matter. At least to me… you are."
December’s midwinter cold kept sending icy winds that tried to freeze everything solid.
"A good person like that… and a girl who can’t even properly make her first friend is supposed to go make other friends? Honestly, I can’t even imagine it."
Yet the warmth of the hands holding mine felt like a fireplace in the middle of a blizzard—her hands fighting with everything they had to keep my body from freezing through.
Could a person’s hands really be this warm?
The dull ache in my chest had already flown far away and vanished.
"Whether I have the right to reach out… the right to be a friend… I still don’t really know. I’ve failed every time and I’ve always been alone. A girl like me being someone’s friend still feels impossible…
But you said friendship is just something you do. And right now I’m truly happy. Because I can be with my friend Yu-seong.
I don’t care if people point fingers. Waiting at the school gate… I never once thought of it as a loss."
Her eyes wavered like a candle in the wind. The hands holding mine still trembled. The way she kept speaking looked like she was desperately trying to look away from her own fear… as if she might collapse any second.
"I finally understood how wonderful it is to be together… to be with someone. Didn’t you feel the same, Yu-seong?"
But her eyes alone burned with clear, steady heat. They held a color so vivid it was hard to believe they belonged to the same girl who had only ever shown emptiness and loneliness before.
So she was capable of making a face like this.
The thought came unbidden.
"So I…"
"I get it."
I gently rested my hand on Seol-hwa’s head just as her words began to falter. I didn’t need to hear the rest. The eyes looking at me were already saying everything—that she wanted to try, that she wanted to move forward, that she didn’t want to give up. That even someone like me was okay.
"…You’re pretty stubborn yourself."
What a stupid thing. What an utterly stupid thing. The person I had tried to help was the one helping me.
I was certain now. This girl really was a protagonist. A nobody extra like me… I had thought just being the supporting character who could push her forward would already be a huge step up.
But that no longer felt like enough. I couldn’t be satisfied with that. Call it thrashing around if you want.
I had lived a life of failure, surrender, and abandonment. If even a loser who had given up and lived however the wind blew could still be called a good person…
Then I…
"Even if you say no, I’m not letting go. Deal with it."
Even if the end turned out meaningless, I wanted to try moving forward one more time.
One part of me mocked myself for being an idiot, while another part quietly believed it would be all right.
Seol-hwa seemed to relax at that. She smiled and said, “Please do,” and I found myself smiling along with her.
How long had it been since I last laughed out loud? Since I last showed any real emotion?
The thought brought that same strange nostalgia and headache again.
…Well, whatever.
But for now, at least, that bitter ache was carried far away by the smile right in front of me.