How to Overcome
"You think you're as great as your family, don't you?"
The first time she ever received malice from people outside her family came not long after she entered middle school.
At home, her two older brothers offered her nothing but sneers and mockery, and the man who was supposed to be her father had never once shown her the slightest interest—then or now.
In elementary school she had been unable to hide the darkness that clung to her from the abuse and neglect at home. No child that young could have managed it. The hatred she was forced to absorb was far too heavy for any child to bear. Naturally, no one wanted to get close to a girl like that, so all that came back to her was complete indifference. She simply spent those empty years drifting through meaningless time.
That was why she had decided to try, even a little, to change once middle school began.
But because she followed her two brothers into the same school, the resentment people already felt toward those two arrogant boys ended up landing squarely on Seol-hwa instead.
"I…"
She had tried to protest that it wasn't true. What part of her was supposed to be "great," anyway? If she had possessed anything of the sort, her life at home would never have been like this. No matter how many times she asked herself why she—who had done nothing—had to endure the contempt and hatred of everyone around her, she could never find an answer.
But to boys of an age when they could barely control their own tempers, anything Seol-hwa said would only sound like a pathetic excuse. Or perhaps even the truth would not have mattered. To them, the girl named Seol-hwa was nothing more than a convenient toy they could use to scrub away the humiliation her brothers had inflicted on them.
"Don't get cocky!"
She finally understood that the moment a senior one year above her struck her and sent her sprawling onto the floor on her backside. The roles of attacker and victim were crystal clear, yet the treatment she received was the exact opposite. A crowd of students who seemed to share the senior's feelings laughed and chattered among themselves, saying how satisfying it was, how well done. Not a single person approached the girl who had been thrown down.
It must have started then—the moment other people, simply going along with the atmosphere, began freely pouring their own emotions onto Seol-hwa.
Not everyone thought badly of her, of course. One teacher who found the whole scene distasteful tried to convene a committee over the violence, but because her guardian showed not the slightest willingness to participate, the effort fell apart. And before long, that teacher vanished from the school as well. Whether it was pressure from home or simple exhaustion, Seol-hwa never knew. The only clear fact was that the one person who might have stood on her side had disappeared—a death sentence that told her, You're finished.
She refused to accept it. She fought desperately. Dragging her frail body around, she threw herself into housework and studying as best she could. Even when she was mocked or hit, she forced a smile and tried somehow to draw closer to her classmates.
But—
"You think Father's going to care just because you do that?"
"Seriously. Are you stupid or just stubborn?"
At home,
"Don't smile when you've just been hit! It's creepy!"
and at school, nothing changed.
Looking back, the number of times that man had ever spoken to Seol-hwa could be counted on one hand. Things like "Don't stand out," or "Don't do anything unnecessary," or, when she left the house, "Do whatever you want."
But the words that carved deepest into her heart were these:
"Don't do anything. It's better that way."
Even now she could never forget that single sentence—the one that drove the final nail into her despair. Those eyes had held the absolute certainty that he would never look back at her, no matter how much time passed.
"Hah… hah…"
Seol-hwa sat up in bed, breathing hard as if she had been running for dozens of minutes. Her head throbbed; she pressed her fingers silently against the space between her brows. Her eyes stung so sharply that tears felt ready to spill at any second, and her chest ached as though a spike were being driven into it, making every breath a struggle.
Moments like this came from time to time—memories rising unbidden, pain arriving on its own. The last time she had accidentally overheard Yu-seong's parents talking had happened the same way: she had been unable to sleep and had wandered the hallway.
But tonight was different.
After that day she had decided she was worthless. She had resigned herself to living out her life in loneliness. And yet here were Yu-seong and his parents, telling her she was more precious than anyone, that they already thought of her as their own child, as family. Here was Eun-ha, calling her her closest friend. People who casually handed her the very things she had longed for so desperately, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
So there was no need to remain chained to the past.
She knew that. She truly did…
"I'm… such an idiot…"
Seol-hwa buried her face against her drawn-up knees and whispered the words without strength.
She decided a little cool air on the veranda might help and headed for the living room, only to find a familiar figure already there.
"Seol-hwa? Did you wake up?"
"W-what about you, Yu-seong…?"
The clock showed three in the morning. Even so, she could not bring herself to worry him by admitting she had woken from a bad dream. When she mumbled a vague question back, Yu-seong scratched his head with an awkward look.
"Just woke up and figured I'd grab some water… Want me to get you something too?"
"Huh? N-no, I'm fine…"
She waved her hands to say there was no need to go to any trouble, but Yu-seong only gave a small laugh and said, "Just wait a second," before heading into the kitchen. Left with no choice, Seol-hwa sat quietly on the sofa and stared blankly at the fluorescent light that flickered as if its power were nearly gone.
After a while Yu-seong returned carrying a cup with steam gently rising from it.
"Here. It's hot, so take it slow."
"This is…?"
She had expected the usual hot chocolate or coffee, but the liquid inside was a clear, pale green rather than a deep brown.
"Herb tea. Mom brought it over. Said it's good for calming the mind and body or something. She's usually as wild as Eun-ha, but she can act like a real adult when it counts."
"She'd get mad if she heard you."
"She'd still admit it, though. 'You don't even understand how important it is to keep a child's heart!'—she'd grumble a bit and then drop it."
Seol-hwa gave an embarrassed little laugh at Yu-seong's joke and carefully sipped from the cup. The warm heat seemed to ease some of the pain inside her; she let out a soft breath. Yu-seong murmured, "Excuse me," and sat down beside her.
"Still thinking about it, huh?"
"…You noticed?"
"Whenever you make that face, it's almost always because of them."
Struck squarely, Seol-hwa could not find a single word. She had known Yu-seong for quite some time now—lived with him, become family with him. And still the painful past refused to leave her alone; it kept binding the person named Seol-hwa in place.
"…I'm sorry."
She whispered it with her head bowed low. He made her so happy; she shouldn't still be suffering over things that were already over—
"What are you apologizing for? Between us?"
She felt the heat rush into her cheeks. …And apparently Yu-seong felt the same. As if embarrassed by his own words, he scratched at his reddened cheek with a finger and then gestured to her.
Is this what he wants? She tentatively leaned her head closer, and sure enough Yu-seong smiled contentedly and began stroking her hair. Being like this was so reassuring—so floaty and soft—that her expression melted without her noticing. Eun-ha sometimes caught him doing it and would quip, "Wow, you're gonna get cavities from how sweet that is."
"I won't say anything about this, so if it's hard, just use me all you want."
"…Really?"
"Would I lie about something like this?"
"No… you're right."
Yu-seong sometimes told teasing little lies for fun, but at times like this she could always feel how sincerely he cared for her, without a single false note.
"So… that's really nice, you know."
Yu-seong's face turned so red he could no longer hide it, and the thought that she had managed to land one on him made a smile slip out before she could stop it. She was always the one receiving; giving a little back like this couldn't hurt.
The person who had taken a life that had been nothing but loneliness and, with a single promise to stay by her side, changed everything. There had been rumors that before he met Seol-hwa, Yu-seong had been the kind of reckless guy the whole school knew about—but she could no longer find even a trace of that in him. He thought seriously about their future, always guided her when she fell short, and told her that helping her was the most natural thing in the world. A kind person.
She had not wanted to worry him, yet she was happy that he worried—caught in that contradiction, Seol-hwa finally—
"…You already said I could, right?" she murmured, and slipped into his arms.
He could no longer play the way he once had as the basketball team's ace, but lately he had started exercising again, and the body she leaned against felt solid and steady. The sound of his heartbeat, the warmth of his embrace… each time she registered one of those things, happiness seemed ready to melt her completely.
"You really are something else."
Yu-seong sighed as if he had no choice, then soon wrapped his arms around her waist and gently patted her back.
"It's okay if you can't forget. I'll just love you so much that it won't matter anymore."
"…Ugh!"
That was definitely payback for earlier. She buried her face deep against his chest so he wouldn't see her expression, and she heard the soft sound of his quiet laugh.
"Not being able to forget… in a way, that's a kind of kindness too."
"…Is it?"
"…I forgot, after all."
At Yu-seong's words Seol-hwa made a small sound and swallowed her breath.
"Remembering hurt, so I forced myself to forget and just lived. But you don't do that. You remember, and it hurts, doesn't it? I can't do anything about that past… but from now on, I want to do whatever I can."
This smile.
Whenever she wavered with anxiety, whenever the past shook her… the smile that told her it was all right, that always gave her strength… the smile that made her certain this was the place where the person named Yun Seol-hwa belonged.
Yes, the life she had lived until now had been filled with nothing but pain.
Even so—even so, it was all right.
"I'm so glad I fell in love with you, Yu-seong."
Because she had finally found someone who told her it was okay to be herself. Because even those painful days could now be called the strength that had brought her to this moment. Because even if things became hard again, there was someone right here who would stay by her side.
She closed her eyes in peace.
Before long a soft, even breathing reached his ears. Seol-hwa had fallen asleep in his arms without him noticing.
"What am I going to do with you."
Yu-seong gave a bittersweet smile and carefully lifted her so she would not wake, carrying her back to her room.