A Small Wish
"I really owe you one. Thanks."
"I'll come by again sometime~ Bye-bye!"
Even those two noisy brats finally headed home for good today.
They'd said they were taking refuge after fighting with their parents—I couldn't help worrying a little whether they'd manage to sort things out once they got back.
But for all their playfulness, the guy was dead serious when it came to Eun-ha, so he'd figure it out somehow. Pointless fretting suited the situation perfectly.
"Whew… finally some peace and quiet."
I flopped sprawled across the sofa and let out a long, heavy sigh as I said it.
Lately I'd been getting used to the lively racket, but nothing beat this calm, quiet atmosphere.
"When it was just the two of us the conversation never stopped, so the house always felt like this… now it feels kind of awkward."
"Yeah, it does."
Those two had been so loud that even the hard-won silence felt strangely alien.
I calmly agreed with Seol-hwa and let out a helpless little laugh.
One way or another, it meant those two had managed to melt into our everyday life pretty well.
"Oh right—now that the kids are all gone, when were you planning to tell me about that wish from last time?"
Rolling around on the sofa, I suddenly remembered and put it into words. She still hadn't claimed her prize for coming in first in the game.
At my question Seol-hwa's face flushed bright red for some reason, looking thoroughly flustered.
"…Just what were you planning to make me do?"
Seeing that, I asked in pure disbelief. Seol-hwa kept her head bowed low and stammered something about "t-together…" in fits and starts, her voice so soft I could barely catch it.
"Together?"
"T-today I… wanted to sleep together… is that okay?"
"You…"
I felt ridiculous for having imagined something else entirely and let out a sigh without meaning to.
She must have taken it the wrong way, because Seol-hwa shrank into herself. I sat up, caught her by the body, and pulled her onto the sofa with me.
"Y-Yu-seong…?"
They say the first time is always the hardest, right? Ever since we'd started sleeping together at my parents' place, sharing a bed had become… well, almost a constant thing.
Sometimes Seol-hwa would come find me if I was alone in my room; other times, not wanting to make her always be the one who came over, I'd go to her.
But these past few days there'd been other people around, and we'd each ended up sharing a bed with one of them, so there hadn't been any chance.
"You don't have to call something like that a wish. I'll do it anyway."
Calling a request this simple a "wish"—she really was a modest one. The thought drew a dry chuckle out of me unbidden.
Pulled along, Seol-hwa ended up draped across my chest.
She startled at the sudden closeness, but before long she seemed to settle; her body grew still and calm.
"I knew it… when we're like this, my heart feels so at ease."
"…Yeah?"
What an impossible girl. I said it with a smile.
She gave me the same smile right back.
"Being like this, I guess I can't complain even if those two call us sappy."
Not that I'd ever do this with other people around, of course.
"I might die of embarrassment."
"That'd be a problem for me."
It felt like a dream. No—so happy I could melt into it, I almost wondered if it really was one.
I was doing things so casually that the me of only a little while ago couldn't even have imagined them.
Today, still, Seol-hwa was my girlfriend,
and today, still, I was Seol-hwa's boyfriend.
A simple fact—yet that fact filled me with a happiness beyond anything more.
Pressed close against me, Seol-hwa's body seemed to carry the sweet scent of the hot chocolate she'd had that morning.
"You've gotten more spoiled."
"H-have I?"
"No… not just you. Me too."
People had terrified me.
That first precious thing I'd ever known—when I lost it, the emptiness that followed… it squeezed my heart far tighter than losing my dreams ever had.
Like my body sinking into a deep, dark sea—would that make sense?
The endless feeling of drifting down into the abyss of loneliness.
I'd forced myself to forget the pain, looked away, and lived by telling myself I was better off alone.
Better to keep living alone than ever taste that suffering again.
But now I was holding another precious thing close once more.
That simple truth—that a person can't live alone—I was only just beginning to understand.
"Hey, Seol-hwa."
"…Mm?"
"Are you… okay with someone like me?"
I asked while carefully stroking her back with my palm, as if handling a shard of glass.
I already knew what answer would come.
This was just me being spoiled—the childish whining of a fool who couldn't believe in himself.
I wanted to stay by her side. To do that, I'd decided to face reality again.
I'd met old friends, bounced a ball I'd sworn never to touch again, even opened my heart to a father I'd thought would never accept me.
And still, I…
"I'm okay."
Seol-hwa's arms carefully wound around my waist. I felt her trembling body gradually grow calm.
"I… didn't know anything."
"…Didn't know?" I echoed, puzzled. Seol-hwa buried her face against my chest and quietly nodded.
"What family meant, what friends were, what it meant to like someone… no, to love them. I wanted my father and my brothers to acknowledge that I existed.
But they never could. Just strangers living under the same roof… when I realized that, it hurt so much. Because no one around me ever saw me as a person."
Her voice carried a thick, aching weight; at the same time I felt a dampness spreading across my chest.
"You don't have to push yourself…"
I hadn't meant to make her dig up painful memories. I tried to stop her, telling her not to force it, but Seol-hwa only held me tighter with all her strength and kept speaking.
Was it just my imagination that she felt so fragile she might shatter at any moment, and that I was the one holding her together?
"But then I met you. After I met you, Yu-seong, I could finally just be myself. I learned how joyful and precious it is to be… together.
All the pain and sadness I'd lived through until now… I can hold my head high and believe they were for the sake of this moment.
The one who let me exist as myself was none other than you, Yu-seong. So I'll do my best too. To be someone who can help, to learn to like myself… the way you did for me."
I couldn't say a word.
Suddenly I remembered the rainy day I'd first run into Seol-hwa.
Those eyes steeped in loneliness, dyed with despair.
I tried so hard. Even if my body was weak… I wanted my heart to be strong.
But inside them I had found something else.
A strength that refused to give up—like a rock standing firm against crashing waves.
I'd wanted to be like her. I'd wanted to become strength for someone who had endured so much without ever losing herself.
But now… without this girl, I was the one who…
"…I'm still just a kid, aren't I? Even now."
"Same here."
The warmth in my arms felt incredibly gentle.
Like being wrapped in a blanket dried perfectly in the sun.
"…Hey."
How long had we stayed like that in silence? Seol-hwa was the one who broke it first.
"I… have just one real wish."
"…What is it?"
If it was something I could do, I'd give everything I had to make it come true.
That was what I thought as I asked—but the answer that came back was beyond anything I'd imagined.
"I know it's impossible right now. Even a lie that almost ends here would be fine."
Our joined hands laced together. Seol-hwa's hand was trembling hard.
"I want… a family."
I swallowed my breath without a sound. No matter what, I never could have imagined her saying something like that.
"My mother gave birth to me even as she was dying… I want to cherish someone too. I want to love them so they never feel the same pain I did…"
The swamp of loneliness where no one ever acknowledged her existence.
Inside it she had been forced to deny herself for so long—and this was her small but certain wish.
I closed my eyes and tried to picture it.
A childhood of Seol-hwa's that I had never seen.
"I don't want to answer half-heartedly."
It was lonely and painful… so stifling I felt I might choke—and yet at the same time it felt unbearably precious.
The person who, every time I doubted whether I was enough, told me it was okay because it was me… that it had to be me.
That was why I wanted even less to speak carelessly.
Day after day… through seasons, through a year… through a lifetime.
It was something we would think about together across all those countless hours, so that the person named Yun Seol-hwa could live happily.
"It's okay. That way makes me… happier. It means you're treating it as something precious."
"…Yeah."
Someday, when the time came.
Until then, I vowed silently, we would treasure the present.
It didn't matter if I was lacking. It didn't matter if I had nothing.
Because Seol-hwa would stay by my side.
She would always be right there, telling me she loved me.
The fact that I could be so sure of that—that itself was something precious.
Honestly, I was still scared.
Scared that the past might repeat itself.
But even if I couldn't believe in myself, I could believe in the you who believed in me.
I must be in love right now.
It felt like I could fight and overcome any misfortune that came, like I could drive away every wave of suffering that tried to crash over us.
"Thank you. Always."
To the girlfriend who made me feel that way, I offered simple but certain words of gratitude.
And she said the same thing back to me.
The "it'll be okay" we told each other whenever either of us grew anxious.
When Seol-hwa lifted her head, there wasn't a single trace of the old darkness left in her eyes.
What I saw was a pure, unwavering mass of affection directed only at me.
Looking at it, I thought:
So this was the kind of clear, steadfast gaze she was capable of all along.
I'll protect this. Forever… Thinking that, I surrendered myself to the comfort of her arms and quietly closed my eyes.