Back to School
School was back.
The break wasn't officially over yet, but these days they hauled us in under the pretense of supplementary classes before long, so it might as well have been the real thing.
"Yo, groom!"
"We're not married yet."
"Hehe, sorry."
"But why are you even in our class? You're in a different one."
Before I knew it, Eunha had wandered into our classroom like she belonged there. I gave her a piece of my mind the moment I noticed, but the culprit herself just grinned and said, "So what~?"
"You should go hang out with Seolhwa instead of me…"
I glanced toward Seolhwa as I said it—and the rest of the sentence died in my throat.
"So? So? Things going well with your boyfriend?"
"Uh, more or less…"
"Wow, look at that youth~ When's spring supposed to come for the rest of us…"
I'd wondered what all the noise was about, and there she was—Seolhwa, nestled in a cluster of girls. It wasn't exactly seamless, but she was joining the conversation, even smiling. I never thought I'd see that.
I stood there gawking until Eunha's cackling laugh finally snapped me out of it.
"The mean girls and their nasty talk—me and Yurim took care of that. Though that wasn't the only reason, of course."
The first part meant Joohee and her lot, I figured. After Yurim went on a rampage once, they must have gotten spooked; apparently they'd been quiet lately.
"Not the only reason? What's that supposed to mean?"
"That Seolhwa ended up alone—well, some of that was on her, too."
"On her?"
I frowned a little as I answered, and Eunha waved a hand. "Don't get too mad."
"When she first transferred, she was pretty popular, right? Seolhwa."
"Yeah…"
There had been some impure motives mixed in, sure, but there was no denying she'd drawn a lot of attention. Most people might have found it annoying, but I remembered how she tried not to lose her smile no matter who she was talking to.
What did a girl like that do wrong…
Eunha must have read the look on my face, because she let out a pointed sigh.
"I wasn't exactly popular either, you know? Up until last year."
I listened in silence while she scratched her cheek and went on.
"I tried my best in my own way, but people said I was just trying to stand out, or that I was nothing but loud… I heard a lot of that."
"In your own way, huh…"
(I was trying my best.)
Seolhwa's words floated up as Eunha added, almost under her breath, "Trying too hard to smile—people see right through that more easily than you'd think."
"You're right."
I could only agree, quietly.
Seolhwa had worked hard to get close to people, in her own way—but a forced front never lasts long before it shows. Not long after transferring, she collapsed. She'd been doing hard physical labor like warehouse work while already in bad shape, and living like that had left her body and mind frayed in every sense of the word.
That was when it started.
Rumors spread, the others began keeping their distance, and whatever last hope Seolhwa had been clinging to was crushed without mercy. After that, I never saw her talk to anyone. Even when the occasional oddball tried to strike up a conversation, she shut them down on the spot—and I had no memory of her smiling after that.
(I realized it. No matter what I did, I'd always be alone… It was never going to work.)
What had she been feeling back then? I couldn't even begin to imagine.
"But I was able to change… because I met Taeyang. He told me he liked me just the way I was."
Everyone had one or two bitter stories. Nothing to be surprised about.
"True. Aside from the way you go overboard sometimes, you're not bad."
"Excuse me~? That little extra bit at the end was unnecessary."
We traded jabs like that until Eunha cleared her throat with a "Anyway" and pressed on.
"People are simpler than you'd think."
She jerked her chin toward Seolhwa, still talking with the others.
"If someone looks like they're enjoying the moment—just that alone is enough to draw people in."
"Enjoying the moment…"
The smile on Seolhwa's face as she talked wasn't the one I usually saw. It was different—but unmistakably real. You could see the pleasure in it.
"So, how many dates did you and the new bride go on over break?"
"You…"
Come to think of it, between this girl and my mother stuffing all kinds of ideas into Seolhwa's head, I was getting cornered from every direction.
"Yo, morning, you two."
Taeyang came over waving, and I was about to tell him to rein in his girlfriend when he spoke first. "Some fun-looking kid came looking for you?"
"Who?"
…There was no one who would come looking for me.
These days, the word "fun" just meant something annoying was about to happen. I pushed down the unease and opened the door with its rattling slide—
"Hyung-nim!! I missed you!!"
—and shut it again.
"Hyung-nim!! Your little brother came all this way—you can't just throw me out like this!!"
I braced my back against the door as it started banging, and other kids began drifting over to see what the fuss was about.
"So this kid is Yuseong's little brother?"
"Absolutely not." "That's correct, sir!"
How did it come to this.
I was beyond words. All I could do was let out a long, heavy sigh.
"The hyung-nim with whom I shared the glory of our youth! The one I respect without end!"
Oblivious to how I felt, the kid pounded his chest with a thunderous voice and started spouting pure nonsense.
"I never once called you my little brother."
"Booo, you cold-blooded bastard—"
"You in the outfield—quiet."
Why was I the villain here? The injustice of it settled into every bone.
"I never even said I went to this school."
I hadn't told Dojeon where I lived, either. We hadn't been in contact until recently, and even now that he had my number, we barely talked.
I voiced the belated question, and Dojeon grinned. "Ah, that, sir?" He pointed to a corner of the teacher's desk.
"The Hyeongsu-nim hiding over there told me!"
I headed for the desk—and there was Seolhwa, curled up underneath it like a mole.
"Any excuses?"
"W-well…?"
After questioning the main culprit and her accomplice, the story roughly went like this.
Back at the old house, Seolhwa had been wandering around alone when she ran into Dojeon by chance. They got to talking, hit it off, and exchanged numbers. Then he asked which school I went to, she answered—and this premium-grade idiot packed his bags on the spot and left home to follow me.
"What is wrong with you, seriously."
"I am Hyung-nim's proud little brother!"
"I never thought I'd live to see a bigger idiot than Eunha…"
"Hey, isn't that a little harsh on me?"
I couldn't really scold Seolhwa for it. Making friends, having a conversation—that was fine. The problem was this kid, who was enough of a fool to just show up like this.
"So then, Dojeon—you're living on your own?"
"Yes, sir! I already found a studio and a part-time job! Physical work is my specialty, so it's no trouble at all!"
"Unlike someone~"
"Don't look at me when you say that, Yu Eunha."
I was the one still living off everything my family provided. I knew she was joking, but it left me with nothing to say, so I wished she'd stop twitching her eyebrows in my direction.
"By the way—you enrolled after Yuseong transferred, right? You barely even crossed paths. What made you go this far?"
"Ah, that, sir? Well, I did tell Hyeongsu-nim already, but…"
"Stop. Drop the Hyeongsu-nim first."
"Ehh~ But if she's Hyung-nim's spouse, then of course…"
"Anyway."
It was getting awkward for everyone listening. I cut him off and fixed him with a pressure-laden stare, and Dojeon pouted but compromised. "Tch. Fine—I'll settle for Noonim, then."
"Anyway, about what I was saying… First of all, I love anything that uses the body!"
"Yeah, that much is obvious."
I'd never met anyone this relentlessly upbeat. The idiot junior in front of me had no idea what I was thinking; his smile looked glued on, and he showed no sign of dropping it.
"So I tried everything! Besides basketball—soccer, volleyball, baseball, taekwondo, kendo, judo… I did a lot. But my passion burned out just as fast."
"Common enough."
Experience was experience, but trying too many things could make it hard to pour real passion into any one of them. It varied by person, but for someone like me who'd walked a single path with basketball, it wasn't hard to understand. I gave him a noncommittal nod.
"So after I started high school, I was stuck wondering what to do—and then a friend showed me a video, and there was Hyung-nim! The skill was one thing, but the way you played—you could feel the fire in it. I was hooked!
That obsession with winning, that effort! Watching all of that, I realized something. Whatever it was, I was going to dig into just one thing and never stop!"
From the person in question's point of view, all I can really say is "well…"
I had to swallow that thought. Even so, I couldn't dump cold water on tension burning that brightly.
Back then, I hadn't been fully enjoying basketball. What started as a fun game had slowly twisted into an obsession with being recognized.
My past was nothing but regrets. Always.
But…
(To me… you looked so cool!)
That kid, and this one too—they were both telling me that seeing me back then had changed them.
When I was little, the players on the basketball channel on TV had looked impossibly cool. I wanted to be like that—that was what I thought.
Had they felt the same thing? Had none of it been wasted after all?
"Ah! Hyung-nim just smiled!"
"No I didn't."
"Aww, is this that tsundere thing? I like that side of Hyung-nim too!"
"…Do whatever you want."
Would there ever come a day when I got used to this chaotic energy…?
I sighed for show, but the kid didn't care in the slightest. He just laughed at full volume and bellowed, "Looking forward to working with you!"