In Their Shoes
Lunch period, same as always.
"Excuse me~ Is Yu-seong in this class?"
…Or so it should have been, until a single invader shattered that routine to pieces.
"Huh, isn't that… Eun-ha?"
"She's even prettier up close… But she doesn't usually come to our class, right?"
"Wait, did she just call for Han Yu-seong?"
"No way, for a guy like him?"
The murmuring swelled in an instant. But Eun-ha remained unfazed by the reaction, striding over and grabbing my hand to pull me along.
"You haven't forgotten what we promised, have you? Let's go!"
"What? Hold on—"
Before I could even finish saying wait, Eun-ha cut me off with a firm "No questions!" Leaving the bewildered stares of my classmates behind, I found myself wordlessly led out of the classroom by her.
I wondered where we were going, only to arrive at the student cafeteria I'd never once set foot in. There was a cheap snack bar, and the cafeteria food had a reputation for being low quality, so it wasn't popular—but it wasn't completely empty either. A nice window seat with sunlight streaming in happened to be free, so we sat facing each other.
"What do you need from me? It's not Seol-hwa, it's—"
"You said you'd tell me about Seol-hwa, and then no contact all weekend!"
"Well, I don't have your number."
Truth was, my mother had ambushed me out of nowhere and I'd completely forgotten the promise. I mumbled the first excuse that came to mind, and Eun-ha clutched her head with an "Oh crap, that's right—!!" — and I felt a private relief that she was enough of an airhead for that to work.
"I totally forgot! While we're on the subject, let's exchange numbers♪"
"You really have no sense of personal space, do you."
As I took her number from Eun-ha, whose energy seemed to have no upper limit, I replied in a flat tone that stood in stark contrast to hers.
"Huh, why?"
"Can't you tell just by looking?"
"I really can't?"
"You…"
Seeing Eun-ha's expression that seemed to ask what on earth I was talking about, I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. It was the same as with Seol-hwa. No—even worse. Just being around someone like me, the bottom of the class, was enough to draw stares when you were a popular girl like her. A kind of backlash, I supposed. The kind of ugly comments that had just been floating around.
"Being with me will only tank your reputation. You'll get caught up in my bad name."
"Aww, and here I thought it was something serious~ Just that?"
"Just that…"
"It's no big deal, is it?" she said so casually that I could only stare at her in disbelief. But Eun-ha never lost that bright smile, just waving her fingertips up and down with a breezy "Don't worry about it~"
"It's just rumors and talk, right? If you sweat every little thing like that, you'll age fast?"
"Words cut sharper than you think."
I shot back that someone in her upper tier of the social hierarchy ought to care about that sort of thing, but Eun-ha just tilted her head with a playful "Eh, not really?"
"Yu-seong… are you scared of people?"
After a brief lull in the conversation, that question came out of nowhere.
"…What?"
When I asked back, Eun-ha let out an awkward "Ahaha," scratching her cheek as she answered.
"Hmm, how should I put this… You seem to care way too much about other people's eyes on you? That's the feeling I get."
"…That."
As I struggled to find a proper response, Eun-ha smiled and said, "It's okay. People can be like that~"
"This is just my take, but words aren't so much sharp as… yeah, both words and people are two-sided, you know? Like this cafeteria, for example!"
"…Like a cafeteria?"
I tilted my head at a metaphor I couldn't begin to understand. But Eun-ha kept her sunny smile and said "I'll explain later♪" as she got up and came back with two meal tickets.
"Lunch is on me, so in return, I want the story about Seol-hwa~"
"Fine. You win."
"Yay! Oh, and don't worry about Seol-hwa. Tae-yang's looking after her!"
"…Tae-yang?"
"Huh, did I not mention it? He's my boyfriend! Tae-yang, Seong Tae-yang."
"Seong Tae-yang… ah, that guy."
If Eun-ha was the school idol, Tae-yang was the school prince. I thought the title was just as classic and childish, but it suited him. He was strikingly good-looking, and his grades had never once dropped from first in the school—the absolute top. He didn't do it anymore, but apparently his abilities had been recognized enough that he'd been made student council president as an exception starting from first year. A guy like that was what you'd call a winner in life. Two outstanding people making an outstanding pair. For someone as twisted as me, that was about all I could think.
…If a guy like that is with her, looking away for a bit should be fine.
I let out a quiet sigh and started the story with "Don't tell anyone." Unlike when I'd told my mother, I relayed what I'd heard from Seol-hwa without any editing—the original version, uncut. I'd been thinking about it for a while. That girl needed a real friend. Someone who would truly know her circumstances, understand her, reach out a hand and lead her forward… someone like that.
I can't stay by her side and help her forever, after all…
I'd decided to be her friend, but that was all. Wanting anything more would be not knowing my place… right? Seol-hwa had called me a "good person." She had… but still, I wanted her to realize that there were far better people out there than someone like me—people like the Eun-ha sitting right in front of me.
"Hmm…"
Resting her chin on her hand as she listened, Eun-ha looked distinctly unimpressed.
"…Is something wrong?"
I'd expected her to make a huge fuss, but her reaction was more lukewarm than I'd anticipated. Yet the expression on her face was nothing like what that reaction suggested. When I asked her with some confusion about her dry response, Eun-ha shook her head.
"That's not it. I get Seol-hwa's side roughly. She's more than admirable, I'd say? Yeah, I think she's amazing. Even without you saying anything, I already wanted to get closer to her. So what I'm saying is, that's not the part I'm worried about."
"…Then what?"
When I asked back, completely lost, Eun-ha let out a short "Whew" before speaking.
"Are you okay with this?"
"…I don't really get what you mean."
As we were talking, a delicious smell began to drift over.
"Ah, looks like the food's ready. Be right back~"
Eun-ha got up and returned moments later with two steaming bowls of curry.
"Here, here. Let's eat before it gets cold. Even the Diamond Mountains look better after a meal, right? Thanks for the food♪"
"…Thanks for the food."
I sighed softly at Eun-ha, who started eating her curry with a bright smile, and began my own meal.
"…It's good. Better than I expected."
The reason the snack bar was always packed was simple. Because the cafeteria was bad. The prevailing opinion was that it was expensive and low quality—a failing grade as a cafeteria. That was why I'd never used it once, but it wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Eun-ha seemed pleased with my assessment, beaming with a "Right, right?!"
"The curry here is actually good~ That's why I come by sometimes."
So everything else is terrible, then.
I wanted to make that dig, but after a few bites of curry, Eun-ha cleared her throat and said, "Shall we continue the conversation," so I had no choice but to keep my mouth shut.
"I asked earlier, right? Whether you're scared of people."
"…You did."
"I've had that kind of experience too. So I can kind of… tell just by looking."
"You?"
She didn't look like someone who'd been through anything like that, so I asked back, unable to believe it. But Eun-ha simply nodded calmly, showing no intention of sharing her own story.
"Mm… It's not really a story worth bringing up. Just the common thing about how everyone has at least one bad experience. Even without that, though? You've got those 'I hate everything' eyes. Most people would notice."
"…Shut up."
I turned my head, unable to hide how much that hit home. But I couldn't escape Eun-ha's gaze as she stared straight at me.
"Even if you don't worry or step in, I want to be close friends with Seol-hwa. Yeah, so I'm saying this as Seol-hwa's friend."
"…Saying what."
"When I was struggling, Tae-yang told me something. Don't struggle alone—if it's hard, share it. Then it's only half as hard… he said. You know what? I really love that Tae-yang. I can say for certain that because of him, I can live smiling the way I do now. And Seol-hwa will be the same."
"…So."
A half-hearted, worthless answer. I cursed myself inwardly as a pathetic mess. Looking at me like that, Eun-ha smiled softly with "You're not very honest~" and continued.
"Yu-seong, Seol-hwa is precious to you, right?"
"…Yeah."
"Then why don't you think about the reverse?"
Silence fell. I couldn't find any words to answer. My mind felt like it was twisting in on itself.
(For me, it was the first time…)
"As much as you cherish her, she also… Yu-seong?"
As my vision wavered, a voice that had been surfacing again and again lately rose up. A voice that, just by hearing it, made something well up inside me. Eun-ha's words… and that unknown voice tangled together in my head into a murky mess.
"…Sorry. Let me be alone."
An unidentifiable emotion churned inside me until it felt ready to burst… and I fled from my seat like I was running away.