Chapter 68
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 68
“Ha…”
Eun-seong swayed, his body finally giving out. He had been standing as if nailed to the floor, staring at the spot where she had vanished as if she’d evaporated into thin air.
He stumbled, grabbing a bookshelf to steady himself. A heavy, throbbing heat pulsed in his head, and unable to bear it, he bowed his head and let out a long, slow breath.
A hot sigh escaped him like steam. He clenched his fists, his face contorting as he squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the nameless emotions piling up inside him.
“Who are you saying is whose son? Han-byeol? Your son? Don’t make me laugh. Han-byeol is my son.”
Even after she’d handed him the envelope, he had harbored doubts. Even after confirming the near-certain truth a week ago, a corner of his mind had clung to the belief that it couldn’t be true.
It couldn’t be. No, it must not be. Such a thing should never have been real.
Don’t make me laugh. Han-byeol is my son.
But it was the truth.
Overcome by a wave of dizziness, Eun-seong leaned his entire upper body against the bookshelf to keep from falling. She had poured her heart out in a torrent of words, her face drenched in tears, but his memory of it was fragmented. There were gaps, as if parts of what she’d said had been completely erased.
He’d been completely unprepared for her venomous words, and his mind, unable to process them, refused to form a coherent thought.
Yet, even in that sudden, chaotic moment, the sight of her crying had filled his vision. Her tears had fallen faster than her words could spill out.
How could so many tears be stored inside that tiny body? The absurd thought had snagged in his mind.
“I told you you’d regret it.”
His legs gave out, and he collapsed to the floor.
“See? I told you you’d regret it. You’ll definitely regret holding onto me.”
Leaning his head back, he stared with unfocused eyes at the drawing of Han-byeol he had sketched with his own hands. A hollow laugh escaped him. What on earth was happening? Looking back on everything, the sheer absurdity of it all wrung a groan from between his teeth.
So, what now? The past? The present? The future? He didn’t even know what to focus on. A dry sigh escaped his lips.
“Even if I went back to that time, I would make the exact same choice, and I would never regret it.”
That was the first time he realized she was capable of such a venomous look. Facing that cold, fierce gaze—one that warned him she would flee to the ends of the earth if he took a single step closer—he understood for the very first time.
Putting everything else aside, they were truly over. This was the end.
The acceptance he had so desperately resisted finally forced its way in. Since that was her will, what strength did he have left to fight it?
Fine. I’ll let you go. I’ll send you away. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it without a second thought.
His gaze remained vacant for a moment before returning to Han-byeol’s drawing. A maddening heat surged through him, clouding his vision and making it too painful to look.
“I’m leaving.”
Right. If you say you’re leaving, then you’re leaving. It wasn’t a request for permission. Whatever he felt didn’t matter to her anyway.
“Fine. Go. Since when… since when did I ever live my life bound to someone like you? Go. Just go.”
But how was he supposed to endure it? How could he walk these streets, painted and plastered with her presence, and survive?
Every utility pole would remind him of her posture, every waving signboard her hand. Every single thing he laid eyes on would be stained with her memory. How on earth was he supposed to cope?
“Ha… fuck…”
How on earth?
He couldn’t pull himself together. His thoughts refused to connect. The logical, orderly thinking he was usually so good at had completely failed him.
He hated her. He resented her. He was furious with her. Venom surged within him.
“Ha…”
No. No—
He hated himself. He resented himself.
He was furious with himself.
And he was consumed by rage at himself.
He folded away the future he had cherished with her, the one he had prepared all on his own. Time, long buried in darkness, began to flow again.
* * *
After closing up the animal hospital, Dr. Ju stopped by a convenience store for milk and yogurt. He bought them regularly, so he made his selection quickly and headed for the counter, only to pause. He glanced back at the beverage cooler.
As if possessed, he walked over to it. He stared quietly at the neat rows of beer, then opened the glass door and began pulling out cans. After placing the beers haphazardly into his shopping basket, Dr. Ju stood at the counter and grabbed a small chocolate bar to add to his purchase.
It was his first time buying beer at a convenience store, his first time planning to drink at home. Dr. Ju had never drunk alone or even had a drink with his meals, but lately, sleep had been eluding him. The nights stretched on endlessly, and for some reason, he found himself craving alcohol.
He had forgotten the reusable shopping bag he always carried, so he stuffed the beers into a plastic trash bag and trudged outside. The autumn chill was beginning to feel freezing as he walked slowly down the alley. Feeling too suffocated to go straight home, he turned toward the park.
Wandering aimlessly, his gaze drifting over the bare branches that had shed all their autumn leaves, Dr. Ju suddenly widened his eyes.
A few meters ahead, he saw Yeon-ju’s back.
“Yeon-ju!”
To run into her in the park, of all places. Had some instinct drawn him here, knowing she would be here?
A sudden wave of delight washed over him, and he called out her name before he could think. Yeon-ju came to a sudden halt, and Dr. Ju quickly closed the distance between them. He had been feeling guilty about how coldly they had parted in front of her house the other day.
Since they had run into each other, he decided he should greet her with a warm smile. Dr. Ju forced a gentle, welcoming expression onto his face.
“Yeon-ju. Are you out for a walk?”
“Hello, Doctor.”
Yeon-ju offered a weak greeting, avoiding his eyes. As she kept her head lowered, staring at the ground, Dr. Ju tried to make his voice sound even more cheerful.
“I just closed up the clinic and stopped by the convenience store. We were completely out of milk. I was just going to take a short walk before heading home, but then I ran into you.”
“I see.”
Dr. Ju, who had been mindlessly swinging the plastic bag, suddenly froze with an embarrassed look. The bag was mostly filled with beer.
“Ah, I didn’t buy all this to drink tonight. I was just… suddenly curious what it tasted like. Uh, well, yes.”
Babbling answers to questions she hadn’t even asked, Dr. Ju fell silent and studied Yeon-ju’s face. In the deep shadows of the park trail, her expression looked exceptionally dark.
“Yeon-ju. Did something happen?”
His heart sank.
“No, I’m just a bit tired.”
“…But you’ve been crying.”
Although she tried to hide it, he strained to see her face. It was only when he noticed her swollen eyes that his own tightened with concern.
“What’s wrong, Yeon-ju? What happened to make you…”
Yeon-ju slowly raised her head. Though she had been crying the entire way here, fresh tears welled up and overflowed once more, as if they had never stopped.
How could this happen? How could anyone do this unless they were completely insane?
“Doctor…”
How… how could a person be so cruel?
Her chest ached and throbbed as if it were being torn to shreds. She felt as though she might die right then and there. No matter how hard she pinched the bridge of her nose to hold back the pain, his voice echoed in her heart, threatening to snuff out her very life.
“Doctor…”
Her face was a crumpled mess, her voice trembling like a weeping child’s.
“Doctor… what do I do now?”
She began to plead desperately, clinging to an innocent bystander who couldn’t possibly know the answer.
“What do I do? What on earth am I supposed to do now?”
“…”
“I… I can’t forgive myself…”
Gritting her teeth, she let out a low, animalistic groan. She didn’t have the right to wail aloud, nor could she beat her chest and scream. She could only desperately suppress the searing emotions that threatened to tear her apart.
This is my punishment. She realized in that instant how foolishly arrogant she had been, boasting that she would gladly accept any retribution that came her way.
As Yeon-ju choked on her sobs, Dr. Ju set his plastic bag on the ground. Then, he gently pulled her into his arms.
Holding her close, he patted her back with slow, soothing strokes, murmuring in a low voice.
“It’s okay. Go ahead and cry. Just let it all out, Yeon-ju.”
“I ruined everything… I ruined it all… In the end, with my own hands, I…”
“You did well. You did the right thing, Yeon-ju. You did nothing wrong. Everything you did was right, and you did your best. You didn’t do a single thing wrong, so just cry and let it all go.”
“Ah… Ahhhh…”
“It’s okay. It’s okay…”
Holding Yeon-ju as she wept uncontrollably, Dr. Ju repeated the words of comfort like a quiet mantra.
Fearing the biting, early winter wind would seep through her clothes, he wrapped his coat around her, shielding her from the world.
The night wind beat against his back. A chill far sharper than any autumn breeze made his legs tremble.
Oblivious to the season and the passage of time, Yeon-ju wailed. Even if she wanted to stop, her tears flowed relentlessly, like a broken faucet.
She shuddered with every memory that flashed before her eyes, resenting herself for not being mature enough to endure his hatred.