Chapter 64: The Intangible
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 64: The Intangible
One o'clock in the morning.
[Unni. Where are you?]
[Unni. Are you busy?]
Restless with anxiety and unable to sleep, Yeon-ju had been messaging Hae-young. Her worry grew when she saw the messages remained unread.
"She's not picking up..."
No answer. Yeon-ju muttered, lowering her phone. It was deep into the night, but she knew all too well that Hae-young, a night owl, wouldn't be asleep yet. A long sigh escaped her lips.
She fidgeted with her phone, rereading articles about Eun-seong that she already knew by heart. Finally, unable to hold back any longer, she scrolled through her call history and dialed a number.
— Hello?
"Ah, yes. It's Yeon-ju."
— Yeah. You're not asleep yet?
She had called Eun-seong. Unlike Hae-young, he answered immediately. Hearing his voice, Yeon-ju unconsciously bit her nail. Judging by the quiet background, he didn't seem to be outside.
"Well, it's just that Hae-young Unni isn't answering her phone."
— Ah. Director Jin.
His breath seemed to catch at the end of his words. For a split second, Yeon-ju’s heart plummeted to her toes before leaping into her throat. She swallowed hard.
— Unless she's dead, she's probably asleep.
"What? What do you mean by that?"
— It means she drank until she passed out the moment she got home.
"What? Unni did?"
Knowing Hae-young's high alcohol tolerance, Yeon-ju was at a loss for words. Just how much could she have possibly drunk to pass out like that?
"Just how much did she drink...?"
— Don't even ask. She lunged at me, trying to pull my hair out. I almost called the cops.
"Ah..."
Yeon-ju let out a heavy sigh. Eun-seong exhaled a long breath of his own, as if he had been thoroughly worn out by Hae-young's terrible drinking habits.
Well, at least she knew Hae-young had made it home safely. Yeon-ju could vividly picture her stumbling through the front door, barely kicking off her shoes before collapsing right there in the entryway.
Yeon-ju squeezed her eyes shut. After a moment, she opened them and spoke.
"Are you okay?"
— Well, I'm alive. If I'd had a bit more to drink, I might have ended up grabbing her hair too. What a shame.
Did... did she actually grab his hair...? Why...?
Yeon-ju kept biting her thumb. Her mind was a tangled mess, and she couldn't find the words to say.
So, what did the two of you talk about?
"You must be tired. Please get some rest."
She gave up on asking what she truly wanted to know. Her curiosity was immense, but her desire to remain ignorant was just as strong.
— How cold. Now that you know where Director Jin is, you're just going to hang up?
"It's just very late. And you must be tired."
— Go Yeon-ju.
He called her name in a low, raspy voice, like someone who hadn't quite shaken off a cold.
"Yes."
Her voice was thick with swallowed emotions when she replied.
— Are you having a hard time?
She could detect a hint of alcohol in his slightly slurred words. Yeon-ju slowly opened her eyes but remained silent. Because the subject of the "hardship" he was asking about was unclear, she could only let out a soft breath, unable to form a response.
— I'm the one making things hard for you, aren't I?
As if he knew the reason for her hesitation, he followed up with a clearer question. Only then did her words come in a rush.
"It's not like that. If anything, I'm the one who—"
— I'm sorry. This isn't what I wanted when I asked you to stay by my side.
"..."
— I never intended to put you in such a difficult position. But before I knew it, things turned out this way.
His voice, heavy with sincerity, pierced her chest. Feeling a deep loneliness seep into her, Yeon-ju lowered her head.
What are we supposed to do when it hurts whether we draw closer or pull apart?
"I... I liked it when you approached me."
Perhaps because he wasn't standing right in front of her, she felt a surge of courage.
Yeon-ju continued.
"I really liked it. To be honest, I grew greedy. It felt like my self-esteem, which had hit rock bottom while raising my child, was finally recovering. I looked forward to working. I was happy."
— ...
"But the longer this goes on, the more anxious I become. Every bit of joy comes with an equal amount of sadness. Every moment of happiness is matched by fear. In the end, the negative thoughts consume everything good, and all that's left is the realization that we can't be together."
She felt like today was the day.
She decided to face the inevitable. Delaying it would only be a stay of execution.
"Love, sincerity... I don't know about any of that. I just liked feeling like I was the twenty-three-year-old Go Yeon-ju again. Thinking about it now, I think I was just drunk on that feeling. No woman could easily resist you, and I was no exception. I was no exception..."
Yeon-ju squeezed her eyes shut, holding back a rising sigh. She didn't want him to hear her heavy breathing.
"But I have absolutely no intention of continuing this risky, thrilling relationship. It was like that from the beginning, and it's still like that now. I don't think that will ever change."
— ...
"It was so incredibly fun and happy, a memory I want to cherish until the day I die, but a dream has to end. Eventually, we have to wake up. I can't ruin my reality just to live in a dream."
Almost there. Just a little more.
"I think it's right for me to live a normal life as a mother to my child. Please help me do that."
Almost there.
Yeon-ju fell silent, feeling as if she had laid her entire heart bare. Nausea and dizziness washed over her, as if her insides had been turned out and shaken clean. Just sitting still was an agonizing struggle.
I was terribly drawn to you, loved you so much I couldn't escape, and there wasn't a single day I didn't yearn for you, but—
It's alright if you turn away. It doesn't matter if you disappear. Remembering you on my own has already become a habit ingrained in my very being.
— There's one thing in this world I want to protect more than anything, and that's myself.
His voice broke the silence. Yeon-ju pulled the phone slightly away from her ear and tried to steady her ragged breathing.
— I risked my life and gave everything to protect myself. That's how I built the Im Eun-seong of today.
"Yes."
— But what I want to protect changed recently. Do you know what it is?
She couldn't bring herself to ask if it was her. When Yeon-ju hesitated, he asked again.
— What do you think it is? Guess.
"Um... me?"
— What are you talking about? How shameless.
I-I shouldn't have answered! This is so embarrassing!
— Don't get ahead of yourself.
Ugh. Yeon-ju's lips twitched. Feeling her face rapidly heating up, she rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand.
"Then what is it? What do you want to protect?"
— What you want to protect.
...Heat pooled in her heart.
Feeling as if a blazing fire was about to spill from her mouth, Yeon-ju bit her lip hard and closed her eyes.
— What Go Yeon-ju is trying to protect with all her might... I want to try protecting that, too.
Once this raging, hot wave subsides, my heart will surely be left in ruins. Standing before the devastating memories turned to ash, I will probably sift through the flickering embers, searching for anything that might still be intact.
— So you protect what you want to protect. Act according to your beliefs.
After despairing over the memories turned to black soot, after weeping aloud because the things I cherished so dearly vanished overnight, I will suddenly come to realize...
Even if all my memories are burned to the ground, even if they turn into a handful of ash, the love in my heart can never be erased.
— But let's protect it together. Because I've come to cherish it too.
Love was already an intangible thing.
Substance and form held no meaning at all.
* * *
The next day.
After school let out, Han-byeol packed his bag as several of his classmates gathered around him in a circle.
"Han-byeol, are you going to acting practice today?"
"Yeah."
"Is it fun? Are there idols there too?"
"I don't know. I think so."
"Whoa!" The children gasped in unison. A girl with her hair in neat pigtails spoke up, her eyes sparkling as she mentioned her favorite idol.
"Han-byeol, have you ever seen these girls?"
She showed him a photo on her phone of a rookie idol group from Chang-rok's agency, the one that had recently taken the country by storm with a dance craze. Han-byeol glanced at it and tilted his head.
"I haven't. I'm always in the acting practice room, so I don't know who's in the dance studio."
"Wow, Han-byeol. You're so cool."
"Yeah. Han-byeol is so cool lately. I mean, he was always cool, but now he's even cooler."
The classmates gathered around him were mostly girls. Surrounded by his eager audience, Han-byeol silently packed his bag and checked the time.
He had to stop by home and quickly finish his homework before the director from his agency came to pick him up. Will I make it? I have a lot of homework today.
"Han-byeol, my mom is a huge fan of the main actor in your movie. I don't really know him, but could you get his autograph for me?"
"Okay. That's easy enough."
"Wow! I have to tell my mom! I'll tell her Han-byeol promised to get her an autograph!"
"Me too! Me too!"
"Please get one for me too, Han-byeol!"
As the girls jumped up and down with excitement, the boys in the class watched Han-byeol with sour expressions. Showered with popularity yet remaining completely stoic, Han-byeol had somehow become public enemy number one among the boys.
"Hey, Go Han-byeol! When are you going to play soccer with us?"
"Filming is almost done. Just wait. I'll let you know when I have time."
When Han-byeol slung his bag over his shoulder and gave a casual wave, the boys grimaced. Watching the girls look at him with hearts in their eyes made them practically writhe with jealousy.
Having said his piece, Han-byeol left first, while the remaining kids began gossiping about him. With his popularity skyrocketing, he was already a celebrity to the girls in his class.
Leaving the classroom buzzing with talk of him, Han-byeol hitched his backpack higher. It was already bulging with snacks and letters from the girls. His complete lack of reaction to all the attention was proof that he had definitely taken after his father.
"Hey, kid!"
As he walked out of the school gates, he heard someone call out. Sensing the voice was directed at him, Han-byeol turned around.
A strange man was walking toward him with heavy steps.
"Who are you?"
"You're Han-byeol, right? Go Han-byeol?"
The man looked down at a photo in his hand, then back up at Han-byeol's face. Han-byeol looked up at the man with a sullen expression.
"Who are you, mister?"
"You go to this school, right? What grade are you in?"
"Second grade."
Han-byeol answered the stranger's abrupt questions, his brow furrowed.
The man stared at Han-byeol in silence before speaking again.
"Are you really nine years old? Are you sure? What year were you born?"