Chapter 43
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 43
"Welcome!"
"Hello. Are you open?"
"Oh, of course. Please, take a seat wherever you like."
The owner of a tented food stall on a quiet roadside welcomed the unexpected guests.
"My, you're both absolutely soaked."
Was the umbrella just for show?
"Yes. Haha. I guess it turned out that way," Yeon-ju replied with an embarrassed look.
The owner glanced between the two of them. A perfectly normal-looking man and woman, drenched to the bone despite holding an umbrella, was a startling sight. The owner quickly brought them warm water and dry towels.
While the woman looked up to scan the menu, the man sat with his back turned, wearing a mask and offering only a nod. The owner eyed the man—whose tall, striking build was apparent even from behind—before turning away.
Once the owner’s back was turned, Yeon-ju looked at Eun-seong. How does he manage to look even more handsome when he's soaking wet? Tch.
"Dry yourself off. You'll catch a cold."
"You first."
"I covered my head with my jacket on the way, so I didn't get too wet. I'm fine."
When Yeon-ju handed him the towel, Eun-seong shook the water from his hair. He looked around, a short laugh escaping him as he seemed to appreciate the cozy, nostalgic atmosphere of the food stall.
"Thanks to you, I haven't been to a place like this in a while. It's nice."
"I couldn't really think of anywhere else. There aren't many customers, and it's a good place for a quick bite."
"Do you come here often?"
"Sometimes. Very rarely. Is udon okay?"
Eun-seong nodded at Yeon-ju's question. Udon at a place like this was a timeless, undisputed classic.
"Excuse me! Two bowls of udon, please!"
"Coming right up!"
"And a bottle of soju, please."
"Sure thing."
Eun-seong had been sitting as still as a statue, clearly conscious of the owner's gaze. But when he ordered alcohol, Yeon-ju's eyes widened.
"You're going to drink? Are you okay to?"
"Just a little."
"Right. Well, do as you please. I know all too well you're not the type to listen to me anyway."
Eun-seong smiled as he poured her a glass of warm water. Her heart dropped with a thud at his casual smile.
The world seemed to fall silent at his quiet chuckle.
"Thanks for knowing better than to try and stop me."
"It's not something I'm likely to forget."
"It's also nice to see this candid side of Go Yeon-ju again."
Just for a moment. Just for today.
"Want a drink?"
"Sure, why not. Pour me a glass, then."
For once, she wanted to let her heart have its way.
* * *
Despite claiming to be hungry after fasting all day, Eun-seong emptied his glass without finishing even half his bowl of udon. The owner, likely out of boredom, had put on a cassette tape—a rare find these days. Its cheap, tinny sound strangely stirred their emotions.
They ate their udon without exchanging many words, emptying one glass after another. The first bottle was drained in no time, and Eun-seong was already pouring from a second.
"There are so many things I want to ask you."
It was the first sentence to break the long silence.
"I keep telling myself, I'll ask next time, I'll ask next time, but when I actually see you, I can't bring myself to do it."
"Why...?"
"Because I feel like my questions will only put you in a difficult position."
He emptied his glass as he finished speaking. The drumming of rain against the tent's plastic walls mingled with the tinny song, washing away the soju's bitter aftertaste.
With a slight furrow in his brow, he refilled his glass. Yeon-ju quietly emptied hers.
"I'd prefer it if you never asked me anything. Not now, not ever."
"……."
"I don't think there's much I could tell you."
"Have you been well?"
Her eyelids felt heavy, threatening to close, but Yeon-ju forced them open with all her might. Why did such a simple question cause a hot lump to form in her throat, making it hard to breathe?
"So-so, I guess."
She barely managed to get the words out.
Was that the answer he wanted? He nodded slowly, for a long time. Hurriedly refilling her empty glass, Yeon-ju added:
"It was livable. Not terribly miserable, but not terribly happy either. I don't know what you'll make of that."
"It's a fine answer. Because all this time, whether you were doing well or not, I felt like I was going crazy."
"……."
"I hated either possibility. That's just how it was."
Yeon-ju stared at Eun-seong's face for a long moment. She had to swallow hard several times, feeling the layers of sorrow buried deep inside her begin to surge.
She had the fleeting, futile illusion that if she reached out to touch his still-damp face, he would shatter like a beautiful mirage. Though she knew it was an absurd fantasy, she clung to it like a superstition.
It's a groundless fear. If I touch him, he'll vanish.
I can only keep him safe by watching from a distance.
"It seems that employee, Jeong Ju-mi, caused a lot of trouble while she was working."
"Pardon? Ju-mi?"
Eun-seong's question snapped Yeon-ju out of her reverie, and she quickly schooled her expression. He pursed his lips, swallowed his drink, and set his glass down without a change in his own.
Then he looked at Yeon-ju.
"It looked like she gave you a hard time. Why didn't you say anything?"
"A hard time? It was nothing like that."
"Really?"
When Eun-seong pressed her, Yeon-ju fell silent. She hesitated, recalling how Ju-mi had tormented her with bizarre words and actions from her first day to her last.
"You can't get along with every single employee. Everyone thinks differently."
"When someone makes others uncomfortable for their own convenience, that's not a 'different way of thinking.' You should have told Director Jin. Or you should have at least told me."
"It would have just sounded like I was badmouthing her. What's the point? As long as the film set runs smoothly, that's all that matters."
"If it were me, I would have torn her to shreds on the spot. Who's going to thank you for suffering in silence?"
"I could wonder if anyone understands how I feel, but then, I don't know how others feel either."
"……."
"I just call it even. It makes things bearable."
At her excessively calm and concise tone, Eun-seong took a deep breath. He felt a surge of frustration at her life, wondering if she intended to shoulder every burden in the world. Yet he also let out a hollow laugh, realizing she was far more mature than he was.
"You're a real adult, Go Yeon-ju."
"It's because I'm immature. Even at my age, I don't know how to resolve things smoothly, so I just avoid them."
With unfocused eyes, Yeon-ju stared at the soju bottle. A long, heavy sigh escaped her lips unbidden. After a long silence, she finally raised her gaze to meet his.
Their eyes met.
"As you know, we shouldn't be doing this."
"……."
"You know it. You know it all too well."
"Stop. Don't nag. I'm finally enjoying a drink after so long."
"If we keep getting tangled up like this, it's too hard on me. To be completely honest, even if I wanted to quit my job, I can't anymore because of Han-byeol."
A prickling sensation spread through his fingertips, and he clenched his fists. Not wanting to betray his shifting emotions, Eun-seong cleared his throat and shoved his hands into his pockets.
The empty cough made his chest ache with a sharp pang.
"When you think about it, we weren't on such great terms. No matter how much we romanticize it, back then, we—no, I was a terrible person."
"……."
"Don't get trapped in glorified memories. It's only natural to be happy to see each other again, for old feelings to surface. People have a tendency to cling to the good memories..."
"Our breakup—it wasn't entirely your fault."
Just when she thought her heart was merely aching, it began to tear apart.
"I couldn't hold on to you back then, either. If I had been absolutely determined, I suppose I could have found a way. But as you know, my life was turned upside down. Just dealing with that was overwhelming, and I was completely out of my mind."
"……."
"You may have been the one to initiate the breakup, but I tacitly agreed. In my young, selfish mind, I felt like I'd go crazy if I didn't have you to blame. The only way I could endure was by putting it all on you."
She recalled how, a few days after she had broken things off, his phone number was disconnected. Yeon-ju took a deep breath.
Eun-seong raised his glass. It was hard to tell if he was talking to himself or making a belated confession.
"The better my life became, the more I thought of you. I wondered if I only made it this far by using you as a stepping stone."
"……."
"Maybe Go Yeon-ju stepped aside for my future. Because you're exactly the kind of person who would do that."
"There's... no way that's true."
"I thought things like that. Though, of course, I never imagined you would get married so quickly."
Listening to his lament, Yeon-ju felt her chest swell with emotion. She tilted her head back, staring at the dim, dust-covered lightbulb on the ceiling as she desperately tried to hold back the sorrow welling inside her.
If I could turn back time, where would I go?
"As more time passed, I wanted to see you at least once. I wanted to ask you, 'Look how successful I've become. Are you watching?'"
Should I go back to the days when you loved me and I loved you? Or should I go back to before we ever met, so we would never even have to start?
Where should I go? Where must I go to avoid this agonizing corner of my heart?
"If we met, I wanted to buy you a proper meal, but we ended up with udon again. I don't like this."
...Even if I could go back, I would still choose to meet you. I would be loved by you, and I would love you.
Even if the exact same breakup, the exact same ending awaited us, I would still meet you and love you even more passionately.
And that is how I would meet our child again.
"Make some time for me. I'll buy you something delicious."
"No, thank you. A bowl of udon is more than enough."
Ignoring the stinging at the tip of her nose, Yeon-ju poured another drink. Pouring and emptying their own glasses, hidden beneath the fragile tent on a rainy road, they were stuck, unable to move forward or back.
Eun-seong rested his chin on his hand. He looked at her with a warm, gentle smile, as if recalling something incredibly pleasant.
"Being with you is just as fun now as it was back then. It makes me forget everything else."
Her large, expressive eyes trembled.
"So, let's put everything else aside and just hang out for a bit."
"Hang out? We're not kids. What would we even do..."
"Just this. Eating and drinking together once in a while. Talking about the past, about our lives now. Just... like this."
Watching him smile like a child as he pleaded with her to hang out, she wanted to reach out and caress his face, even if it meant he would crumble and vanish.
Even though I don't have the confidence to run away.
"Hang out with me, Go Yeon-ju."
"……."
"Just a little. Please?"
Despite not even having the courage to love.