Chapter 37
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 37
Although the gathering was meant to celebrate Han-byeol's first filming session, the guest of honor himself was absent, leaving the four adults to pass the time. What had started as a light drink had already stretched to three bottles of wine.
Hae-young led most of the conversation while the warm-hearted Dr. Ju chimed in with friendly responses, and Yeon-ju laughed along. Eun-seong, for his part, merely listened without saying much. Eventually, the conversation shifted to Dr. Ju’s profession.
"So many people abandon their pets these days. It's just so cruel. How can anyone do that?" Hae-young murmured after Dr. Ju mentioned he spent his spare time rescuing stray and injured animals.
"They fawn all over them when they first get them, only to throw them away later," Hae-young continued, her voice laced with disapproval. "They abandon them because they're old and sick, because they bark too much… I even heard some people dump them on their way to a vacation." She shook her head. "Personally, as much as I love animals, I have no intention of raising one. I don't have the confidence to take responsibility for another life. It's hard enough just taking responsibility for my own."
She looked at Dr. Ju. "They shouldn't have brought them home in the first place if they weren't ready to be responsible. Don't you agree, Doctor? How must it feel to be abandoned?"
…The feeling of being abandoned.
Eun-seong quietly took a sip of his wine.
Dr. Ju followed suit, swirling the remaining liquid in his glass. Watching Eun-seong and Yeon-ju sitting side by side across the table made his chest tighten with a strange, burning ache. With a slightly bitter tone, he spoke.
"The people who abandon pets are usually the ones who liked animals to begin with."
"..."
"Because people who dislike them wouldn't have brought one home in the first place."
Back then, did she do the abandoning? Or was she the one who was abandoned? Eun-seong wondered.
"That's why abandoned animals carry such deep wounds," Dr. Ju explained, his gaze distant. "They were loved before they were cast aside. Even after they're rescued, they'll wag their tails at the slightest sound, thinking their owner has come back for them."
They must have been together because they loved each other. If there had been no feelings, they wouldn't have become lovers in the first place. Then, one of them had a change of heart. One abandoned, and the other was abandoned.
"And so, a long, painful wait begins," Dr. Ju continued softly. "Even if they find a new owner, the wounds don't heal easily. The trauma lingers in some form, completely changing the animal's personality."
Someone must have left, and someone must have been left behind.
An unintended silence settled over the table.
The unspoken thoughts hung heavy in the air. As if sensing them, Yeon-ju stood up, her own memories stirring.
Back then, the one who abandoned had no choice but to do so, becoming a person who gave up on the future.
"I have to get Han-byeol ready for school tomorrow, so I should head out now," she said, her voice steady.
Back then, the one who was abandoned had no choice but to be left behind, becoming a person trapped in the past.
"Shall we call it a night, then? We've finished the wine anyway," Hae-young suggested.
As she looked around for agreement, Eun-seong rose from his seat. He walked over to the sleeping Han-byeol and gently scooped him into his arms.
"My jacket, please."
"Oh, right."
When Yeon-ju handed him the jacket, Eun-seong draped it over Han-byeol. After saying their goodbyes to Hae-young, they stepped out of the house. The unfamiliar neighborhood came into view as they reached the ground floor.
"I can carry him from here."
Yeon-ju reached out for her son, but Eun-seong just stared at her. Where is your house? Let me take you home.
He needed to say those words. He wanted to say them so desperately.
"Is your house far?" he asked instead.
"It's close. Not far at all."
"I see."
Out in the open on this unfamiliar street, Im Eun-seong—an actor who had long since lost his freedom—found that nothing ever went the way he wanted.
Dr. Ju, who had been watching quietly, stepped forward and reached out for the child. Eun-seong let out a soft, defeated sigh. As he handed the boy over to Dr. Ju without a fight, a hollow breeze swept through his chest, leaving him feeling unbearably cold.
"Let's walk together, Yeon-ju. It's on my way," Dr. Ju offered.
"Oh… I can just…"
"He's right," Eun-seong cut in, gently nudging her to go. "Carrying a sleeping child isn't easy. It'll be hard on you."
Yeon-ju hesitated before stepping beside Dr. Ju. When she tried to take off Eun-seong's jacket to return it, he raised a hand to stop her.
"My manager will be here soon. You can give it back next time."
Eun-seong gave Yeon-ju a brief nod of farewell, then looked at Dr. Ju. The doctor offered a silent nod in return, which Eun-seong reciprocated.
He quietly watched as Yeon-ju, Dr. Ju, and Han-byeol—now riding on the doctor's back—slowly walked away.
Pale moonlight bathed their figures as they matched their strides, moving in unison in the same direction before finally vanishing from sight.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, Eun-seong exhaled a long sigh into the empty air.
"They look good together. It's irritating."
A dozen times a day, his heart would boil, freeze over, and then melt all over again.
Just when he felt like leaping forward, his breath would catch as if his pulse had stopped. He would take one step forward, wondering if he could reach her, only to take two steps back. No, I can't do that.
Feeling as if Han-byeol's warmth still lingered in his arms, he closed his eyes and opened them again. Bitter that he had handed the child over to Dr. Ju with his own hands, he stared down at his empty palms with a trace of resentment.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come. I really don't like how this ended."
He was more than used to tuning out the noise of life, but tonight, he couldn't stop the heavy sighs from escaping his lips.
"Hyung! Over here!"
Just then, a large van pulled up to the curb. Eun-seong looked up. Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment to shake off the heavy thoughts weighing him down, he quickly climbed into the vehicle.
"Hyung, should we head straight home?" his manager asked.
"Yeah, let's do that."
"Got it."
As soon as the van pulled away, Eun-seong stared aimlessly out the window. He found himself scanning the streets, half-expecting—or perhaps hoping—to catch a glimpse of the two of them walking.
But they had already vanished into one of the alleys. As the van merged onto the main road, Eun-seong finally closed his eyes and fell silent.
The more he told himself he couldn't have her, the more desperately he wanted her.
The more he tried to convince himself that they were over, the more hope flared that maybe, just maybe, they could make it work this time.
"I don't even know anymore… whatever happens, happens…"
Tonight, he finally realized one undeniable truth.
For me, it had to be you. It could only ever be you.
* * *
The Direction of the Heart
As they turned into the familiar alley and approached the animal hospital, Yeon-ju stopped walking. Dr. Ju, who had been walking beside her, paused as well.
"Let me walk you all the way home, Yeon-ju."
"I can go on my own from here. Your place is right here, Doctor."
Dr. Ju lived in the same building as his clinic. As Yeon-ju took Han-byeol back into her arms, the boy stirred and let out a sleepy whimper. She gently bounced him to soothe him back to sleep.
"Shh, Han-byeol, it's Mommy. It's okay. Let's go home now. We're almost there."
"Mmm…"
Holding Han-byeol close, Yeon-ju looked up at Dr. Ju.
"Thank you for walking with me, Doctor. And thank you for celebrating with us tonight."
"Oh… I feel bad just letting you go from here…"
"It's fine, it's really close. Besides, I shouldn't keep imposing on you like this."
Sensing the subtle boundary she was drawing between them, Dr. Ju's expression faltered.
Yeon-ju hesitated for a moment before looking him in the eye. She felt that if she didn't say it tonight, she might never find the right time.
"I'm deeply grateful to you, but I also feel incredibly guilty. I don't want these feelings to grow any further. I don't have the right to accept your kindness, nor do I have the confidence to return it."
"..."
"I don't think I'm in a position to receive your affection and care. I don't want to keep feeling inadequate and embarrassed in front of you." She bowed her head slightly. "I'll head home now."
Dr. Ju's lips parted, but seeing how heavy the sleeping Han-byeol looked in her arms, he couldn't bring himself to hold her back. He nodded in defeat.
"Get home safely, Yeon-ju."
"Thank you. Goodnight, Doctor."
Her polite farewell sounded so final that Dr. Ju's heart sank. It felt as though she had anticipated the question he was holding back and had already given him her answer. A wave of anxiety washed over him, leaving him feeling utterly lost.
"You didn't forget about this weekend, right, Yeon-ju?" he called out to her retreating figure.
Yeon-ju paused and turned around.
"You have to keep your promise! This weekend! Promise me!"
"I will! A promise is a promise!" she called back with a small smile.
Having secured her confirmation, Dr. Ju waved his arms enthusiastically. As he waved high above his head, Yeon-ju let out a soft laugh before turning back to continue her walk.
He watched Yeon-ju walk away with Eun-seong's jacket draped over her and her child, and the unasked question felt like a heavy weight pressing down on his chest.
"Sigh… I haven't even gotten to confess properly yet. Did I just get dumped?"
Yeon-ju. Are you really going back to him in the end?
Dr. Ju stared down at his shoes before running a hand through his hair, messing it up in frustration. Her expression hadn't been happy, nor had it been angry; there had been a quiet, almost solemn resolve in her eyes. Faced with that look, he felt their story had reached an ending before it could even begin.
He rubbed his nose, feeling as if the scent lingering on Eun-seong's jacket was still tickling his nostrils. The thought of that scent wrapping around her and sinking into her skin made him sigh again.
'I don't think I'm in a position to receive your affection and care.'
"Not in a position… How can you say that?"
'I don't want to keep feeling inadequate and embarrassed in front of you.'
"I don't just fall for anyone, you know…"
His belated excuses echoed in the empty space where she had stood. Unable to tear himself away, Dr. Ju stood there for a long time before finally trudging back inside.
A long day had finally come to an end for them all.