Oh, Disgusting Humanity
Suddenly, memories of ice fishing with Noona came flooding back. I couldn't remember why we'd gone. We just ended up side by side on the frozen river, the two of us. But kids like us weren't going to catch anything properly. It wasn't until much later that I learned how to fish from an old-timer friend. In the end, we didn't even glimpse a single fish.
But the ramen we ate that day was delicious. On that cold winter day, huffing and puffing warm breaths. Sharing a cozy bowl of beef bone soup-flavored ramen. We had even less back then than we do now. Yet I still can't forget that taste.
Why did it pop into my head now? Because it was a slightly chilly autumn day, and right in front of me, a massive pot bubbled away.
"Be careful. That's really hot."
"Oh, yeah."
Mi-hye—the woman who'd asked me to kill her mother—said this as she kneaded dough. Why the hell am I even here? I'd asked myself that question a dozen times.
......I should've turned her down.
Originally, I'd planned to take down the ghoul and leave right away. But her mother was the problem. The corpse was too heavy for a woman to carry alone. I couldn't just sling her parents over my shoulder like sacks of rice. And running into zombies on the way would be dangerous.
I'd only meant to help move the body and go, but...
"I'm so sorry we can't offer more to my mother's savior."
"No, no. In a world like this, just having something to eat is a blessing."
Mi-hye insisted on repaying me somehow. And that repayment was some mystery stew. Truth be told, it wasn't just for me. There was already a line waiting for food up ahead. Besides her, other volunteers kept coming and going.
Feels like some overseas relief camp. Or... is it exactly that?
Volunteering—something as rare as a fairy in this world. Hard to believe, but there it was.
Mi-hye was running a volunteer group. In this world? Honestly, it was unbelievable.
"......Have you been doing this kind of work all along?"
"Yeah, pretty much? It was what I did before, too."
I was genuinely impressed. I'd heard her family situation was tough. But there are people in this world who live lives like this. To a former game shut-in like me, it was dazzling.
"That's amazing."
"It's not that big a deal. I just check on people sometimes, share some cooking—that's it."
Mi-hye glanced at the giant pot and gave a wry smile. "Though calling this cooking might be a stretch?"
What she was making was a mishmash stew. Basic seasonings like soybean paste and gochujang in a huge pot, then dumping in flour dough and boiling it all. To bulk it up, she tossed in weeds and whatever scraps she could find. Quantity over quality.
Actually, "mishmash stew" was being generous. More like watery gruel.
Fishless fish porridge... no, that sounds weird too.
Back during the Korean War, starving folks boiled U.S. military rations into army stew. This seemed like the modern equivalent. Nutritionally? Probably not much. But it was soup—warm and filling. In today's world, that's no small feat.
"It's impressive."
"What is?"
"Why go out of your way to help others? You seem like you could survive just fine on your own."
"......"
I regretted it the moment I said it. Wasn't that dismissing her efforts? Her choice was surely nobler than anything I'd ever done.
"Sorry."
"Huh? Oh, no! I'm not mad, I was just thinking for a second......"
She scratched her head and said, "Hmm, I guess there's no real reason."
"No reason?"
"You don't need a reason for one person to help another."
I didn't buy it. There's no such thing as a reasonless action in this world. But I wasn't that oblivious to shoot my mouth off again. One mistake was enough.
"......Anyway, do I have to eat this too?"
"Y-You'll be surprised! It's actually pretty good!"
"It's just gonna be salty, right? We need to add something."
I pulled a few cans from my backpack. Her eyes went wide.
"This should at least add some oil, yeah?"
"You sure?"
Mi-hye sounded worried. She'd seen me hunt the ghoul—she knew I wasn't ordinary. Still, taking handouts felt excessive.
"It's fine. I'm sick of fish anyway."
Grilled, steamed, stir-fried, dried—you name it, I've cooked it. And supplies were plentiful. A few cans were nothing.
"Whoa, oil floating in the broth? First time I've seen it."
She marveled as I dumped them in. It wasn't much, proportionally speaking—a drop in the pot. But better than nothing.
"Looks like a decent meal for once today."
As she spoke, Mi-hye deftly added handmade noodle dough. Her hands moved fast and precise. With so much to do and just watching feeling awkward, I pitched in.
"Whoa, you're pretty good at this?"
"Learned cooking a while back."
"Whoa~ Bet you were popular with the ladies. Not fair."
We were tearing dough side by side when someone called her.
"Mi-hye! Got a sick person here!"
"Oh, coming! Just a sec!"
She seemed busy with everything. A nurse—a rare skill these days—and she was giving it away for free. From how she talked, she was sociable too. Hard to imagine people like her existed.
......A life I can't even fathom.
Anyway, the cooking wrapped up. She was right—it actually smelled decent.
Mi-hye gathered everyone. "Come and eat!"
People took bowls with bright faces. Sipping the hot broth, their expressions softened. Kids, elders, parents, adults—all of them bowed in thanks. Some even teared up. Mi-hye smiled brightly or cried along with them.
......No clue.
How could she care about strangers like that? I couldn't understand it. If I'd ever felt love, I'd lost it with Noona.
"Eat up and stay strong!"
She looked at someone who'd lost as much as I had. She was strong. Far stronger than me. Not feeling shame about that? It just proved how worn down I was.
Surprisingly, I stuck around for more volunteering. What was that about? No idea. Craving shared pain? Or just a change? Either way, my little experiment ended in disaster.
"......"
It was a deserted building near the volunteer site. I came looking for the missing Mi-hye. Found her easily. Along with the man straddling her fallen body.
-Thud! My kick sent him flying meters away.
I checked on Mi-hye. Her face was brutally mangled. Nose crushed, blood streaming. Worst was the head wound. The outfit she'd bragged about as her mom's birthday gift? Shredded.
"......"
She was already dead.
Once I confirmed she couldn't be saved, I approached the man.
"Heh, what're you—wait, her boyfriend? Aaaargh!"
"Why'd you do it?"
I crushed his ankle. Bones snapped with a sickening crunch. But it didn't register.
Only then did I realize my state. I was angry. I hadn't even gotten this mad at guys trying to kill me. Just dispatched them mechanically for safety.
But now? Cold autumn rage gripped me.
"Why?"
"Gah! Aaaargh!"
If it'd been plain murder or rape, I might not have raged this hard.
"I remember your face. You were one of the ones who got food."
The more I spoke, the clearer it got. The more force in my foot.
"What you ate? She scrimped on her own share to give it. That was someone's lifeline. So why?"
A question I couldn't grasp. Didn't even want to.
I lifted my foot; he grinned sleazily.
"Why... repay kindness like this?"
"Fuck, why not?"
"......"
"Any guy sees a chick like that, he wants her—"
Crack! My kick shattered his jaw. It dangled grotesquely.
"Guh... so what! It's this world! We're all gonna die anyway!"
"Fucking psycho."
"What's wrong with enjoying it one last time? Bitch should've just stayed quiet instead of playing hard to gaaargh!"
I stomped his shoulder. No more talk needed. Bone pulverized completely.
"Gack! Urk! Yeah, kill me! Do it! Got no regrets left!"
"Wrong."
I pulled a screwdriver from my pack.
"You should've begged for death just now."
I'd killed plenty. And killing well means knowing how to keep them alive too.
A scum like this just dying easy? Someone else might forgive. Not me.
I told the volunteer group about Mi-hye. Maybe because she was the heart of it. Or the shock of her helper doing it. The group scattered soon after.
......Hope in humanity? Once lost, it's hard to regain.
"......Sigh."
I watched it all fade away, then crashed in my bunker.
"......Still don't get it."
I wanted to be wrong. Wanted her to be right, not me.
But the longer I live, the more it confirms I'm right.
After that, I ate well and lived on. Still, I think of her sometimes. The woman who lived to help others more than anyone.
Her horrific, tragic end.
This world is so repulsive it's hard to breathe.