Chapter 72: Another's Heart
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 72: Another's Heart
When you accomplish something, you deserve a fitting reward.
This proposition doesn't just apply to large systems like schools, society, or nations. In fact, rewards hold even greater meaning in narrower contexts, like relationships between individuals.
After exercising, you need to give your body ample rest. An exhausted body must be supplied with nutrients. A body fatigued from long labor craves sugar. If one person helps another, they must be given the satisfaction of a positive response.
Such a reward system is what strengthens the body, the mind, and human relationships.
Therefore, I had to give Azzy her reward.
Jingle, jingle.
“Alright. It’s time for a barbecue party.”
“Woof!”
Azzy’s eyes sparkled as she wagged her tail. The force of her tail was so strong that the wind it generated blew all the flames and smoke directly at me. If she wagged it any faster, she might just fly into the sky.
I pierced a piece of meat with a skewer. It went in without resistance, a sign that it was cooked all the way through. It had become a bit like boiled meat from being soaked in water for so long to increase its volume, but since I wasn't the one eating it, I didn't care.
Lifting the flat piece of meat with the skewer, I twirled it above my head. Azzy lowered her stance, her eyes filled with anticipation. A line of drool trickled from the corner of her gaping mouth.
I pulled my arm back as far as it would go, then swung it wide, sending the slab of meat flying into the distance.
“Fetch! The special Meat Disc!”
“Woof! Woof woof! Woof!”
The Meat Disc soared through the air, boasting an overwhelming aroma and a delectable appearance. Azzy’s eyes went wide as she shot off in pursuit. Snatching the chunk of meat out of mid-air, she began to tear into it, a happy grin on her face.
This was a playful meal, combining dining and entertainment. For Azzy, it was likely the best reward she could ask for.
I don't usually go to such lengths, but a dog who fought a vampire for my sake certainly deserved some meat.
As I placed the next piece on the grill, I shouted.
“You’d better keep listening to me from now on!”
“Woof woof! Okay!”
The sound of Azzy’s happy laughter, content with her simple but sufficient reward, carried all the way to me. Dogs really are the best friends. Even after a life-or-death battle with a Sanguine Horse, a few chunks of meat were enough to make her happy.
I chuckled, but then I realized something was wrong.
“That’s strange. I worked hard and got good results, too. So why isn't there a reward for me?”
Huh?
I clearly understood that achievements required rewards, so why was I the only one not receiving one? How could it be that the one who best understood the necessity of rewards was the one busy providing them for others?
This was somehow unfair. Something, something was…
“Woof woof woof! Delicious! Woof woof woof!”
Having already devoured the meat, Azzy trotted over to me, her tail swaying. While the next piece cooked, I stroked her head and muttered.
“Hey, Azzy. Praise me a little.”
“You, good! Give meat!”
“Don’t just praise me to get food. I mean praise that comes from the heart. Something that feels sincere.”
Azzy placed her paws on her hips, puffed out her chest, and declared.
“You, good!”
“Right. I guess it was my fault for expecting metaphors, idioms, or anything metaphysical from you. Thanks, pal.”
“Give meat!”
“Still thinking about getting food, I see.”
I skewered the meat again and sent it flying. Azzy immediately abandoned me and dashed after it. Right, you’re just an animal who knows nothing, so you only need to worry about yourself, is that it?
Just as I was starting to feel annoyed by Azzy’s carefree attitude, a voice spoke.
“Is something the matter?”
A reward is also necessary in the negative sense; we call that punishment.
The vampire, who had caused such a ruckus after being controlled by the likes of Finlay, faced my stern fury and was punished by being ordered to clean up the destruction she had wrought.
As a result, she was now tamping down the broken concrete ground and recovering the horribly mangled flesh of the Undying’s right arm. Since a vampire’s power should never touch an undying, she had to use her own hands for the first time in a long while, picking up the pieces one by one.
Lifting a box full of the Undying’s arm—or more accurately, the flesh that had composed it—the vampire spoke.
“But was it not you who actually destroyed the earthener’s arm?”
“Ahem! It takes two to tango. And if Trainee Tyrkanzyaka’s dark knights hadn't been there, would the Undying’s arm have been so damaged? Therefore, the responsibility lies with both sides, and especially with Trainee Tyrkanzyaka, who acted so recklessly!”
How dare she try to shift the blame to me. Not a chance. I glared and pressed her.
At my words, the vampire lowered her gaze and her voice trailed off.
“I was not trying to shirk responsibility. It is just… if you are going to say I am also responsible for this gruesome sight, where someone scraped off the flesh with a skewer and scattered it everywhere, that feels a little unfair.”
I felt a slight prick of guilt, but there were plenty of people in the world who should feel far guiltier than me. In their presence, I could be endlessly bold.
“You’re complaining about something that’s only a little unfair? Do you have any idea how unfair this is for me? I worked my body to the bone, and all I have left is cleanup duty! It’s like I cooked a whole meal, couldn't even eat it, and now I'm stuck with all the dishes!”
“Does that truly vex you so?”
“Of course it does! What did I do wrong in this whole situation? I did nothing but work, yet I get no reward! No one even bothers to tell me I did a good job!”
“You did well.”
Huh? What did she say?
While I stood there, mouth agape at her sudden words, the vampire stared at me and continued.
“Thank you. You both did very well. Thanks to you, I was able to avoid making an even greater mistake. It is all thanks to you.”
The praise was unexpected, but if a person’s mood could be lifted by such words, the saying about ‘fishing for compliments’ would never have been invented.
I scowled and said, “The dog praises me because she wants food. What are you trying to get out of me, Trainee Tyrkanzyaka?”
“Do you see me as such a vulgar creature? It was praise from the heart. I said thank you, so what is your complaint?”
“Of course you should be thankful. I saved you when you were about to be controlled by some nobody moron. That’s a given.”
“I praised you because you seemed to crave it, yet all I hear are complaints. Then what would you have me do?”
“Show me with your actions. If your words truly come from the heart as you say, then you won't be needing that electric massage, will you? Right?”
As I turned to leave, the vampire quickly grabbed my arm. She hesitated for a moment, then avoided my cold gaze and said.
“…I did not say I did not need it.”
“Wow. You’re really addicted.”
“Addicted? No poison can affect my body. I simply… long for a beating heart, even for a moment. So, just a little.”
“Wanting something even though it’s destroying your body is the definition of addiction, you know? It’s because you don’t even realize you’re addicted that you get shamefully controlled by your own retainer. You’re living just fine, so why are you so desperate to make your heart beat?”
As I continued to respond curtly, the vampire, whose body was now aching with desire, looked up at me with resentful eyes.
“It is because of you.”
“Excuse me?”
What was this now? I was so dumbfounded I couldn't even speak. Was this some kind of late April Fool’s joke?
I had lamented that it was my fault for teaching the old woman such a stimulating game, but that was something I could say because I was the one who had actually suffered! For you to say it is just ungrateful!
The vampire, apparently with more to say, held my arm tightly.
“My heart does not beat. Any emotion I feel vanishes in an instant. Thus, to me, desire, emotion, and memory are all faint, as if painted over in monochrome. Even this very moment, here with you.”
Azzy, her mouth full of meat, trotted over, but upon seeing the vampire, she simply sat down where she was and started to tear at the rest of her food.
The vampire looked at Azzy with a distant fondness, as if recalling a faraway memory.
“I do not hunger, so I do not need food. Thus, even when I smell its aroma or taste its flavor, I feel no happiness. I cannot rejoice over a grand feast like the dog does.”
“You taste blood, though.”
“Did you truly think that was tasting? The taste is merely a metaphor. It is, at its core, a search for the blood closest to my own. The more similar the blood’s nature is to mine, the more it satisfies me.”
After lightly chiding me, the vampire looked into the distance again and spoke.
“Therefore, my emotions lack warmth. They merely glitter like starlight in my mind. The stars in the dark night sky are faintly beautiful, but they cannot warm the cold earth. My emotions are just the same, flickering for a moment without warmth before disappearing.”
The reason the notoriously infamous vampire was so benevolent, contrary to public rumor, was certainly due in part to her personality, but another reason could not be ignored.
Humans are naturally generous toward things that cannot harm them.
Or more accurately, they become numb.
The vampire feels no wounds to her body, nor to her heart. Even if someone were to stab her with swords and spears, even if they were to curse and resent her as they died, she would hear it all as little more than the chirping of a bird the night before.
Cruel? No, humanity should be grateful for that fact.
If the Progenitor Tyrkanzyaka did not possess the sensitivity to find beauty even in the mundane, if she were not a girl who could lose herself in thought while watching the gently flowing starlight…
Humanity would have had to face a Vampire Queen many times more cold and cruel.
“I was not troubled when Finlay resented me. Even as I killed him, my heart felt as if I were simply tidying an old drawer. It was the same in the past, and it will be the same in the future. I am rather fond of you, but if you were to suddenly die, I would not bat an eye. I would think, There was such a man, feel a moment of regret, and then turn and walk away.”
Wait, hold on.
Even if it’s a metaphor, why do you have to kill me? That’s scary. You don’t have to bat an eye, but could you at least let me live?
Unaware that I was terrified by her casual metaphor, the vampire demurely brought the hand holding her parasol to her chest.
“However, for that brief moment when your fingers touch my heart… I can feel the emotions flowing through my body. At that time, my body is mine and yet not mine. My heart leaps of its own accord, and my lungs draw in air though there is no need. My chest, which has been cold my entire life, grows warm.”
Even now, as she cradled her chest with both hands, all she could feel was coldness. The vampire looked down at her open palms with a lonely expression.
“It would be different if I had never known, but now that I do, there is no turning back. It was a long night. Now that dawn has broken and a faint warmth has shone upon me, you ask me to turn back the clock and return to that dark, cold night. Is that not too cruel?”
Then, her eyes met mine again. Her blood-red eyes pierced me from below at a slant.
Calmly unraveling her long-held thoughts, both in her mind and aloud, the vampire voiced a single wish.
“Please, become my heart.”
From the Abyss, a darkness where the sky could not be seen and the very ground had forsaken her, a long-held desire flowed out.
And I was terrified.
The words were incredibly romantic. The emotion they held was so poignant it was hard to believe it came from a vampire whose heart had stopped, so much so that even I was almost swayed for a moment.
But I have the ability to read minds.
Reading the true meaning behind her words, I was aghast at their cruel reality.
Become her heart?
It literally meant she wanted me to become an external, attachable heart that would stick its fingers into her chest and send electricity through it whenever she wanted!
“Come to think of it, I still don’t even know your name…”
“That’s enough.”
I cut her off before anything else could emerge. Her words stopped as if she’d been stabbed. For a moment, her gaze was filled with resentment.
“After getting burned like that, have you still not learned your lesson? If you keep handing your heart out to just anyone, you’ll get into big trouble again.”
“That is why you should do it.”
“No, seriously. How can you trust me? What will you do if I just decide to control you?”
I laid it on thick, hoping for a polite refusal, but the vampire’s reaction was quite different from what I expected.
“If it were you… I would not mind.”
Her calm declaration was so startling that even I, with my mind-reading, was momentarily stunned and had to read her thoughts again.
I wondered if the vampire had learned how to joke, so I read her thoughts again, carefully.
‘If I must trust someone, if I must place myself on the scales… I would rather entrust myself to the one I favor.’
No. Is she serious? I’d never have thought such a sucker-like mentality could exist.
There are lines you don’t cross. Just as even the most heartless gamblers don’t go out of their way to steal candy from a baby, this woman was such a pushover that I’d almost feel bad for taking advantage of her.
Therefore, I firmly rejected the vampire’s plea.
“I would mind. I have no desire to become someone’s heart. Not even yours, Trainee.”
At my refusal, which left no room for negotiation, the vampire was greatly disappointed.
But even that devastating feeling was fleeting.
The disappointment quickly faded, replaced by resignation. Not defeat, but a current that simply washed everything away like a river, brushing past her.
Times like these, mind-reading really sucks.
I should just push her away, just let her go.
But staring at her like this, I find myself feeling lingering attachments, too.
“But you’re not going to give up on your heart, are you?”
At my words, the vampire fell silent. Silence isn't always an affirmation, but if you were to put it on a scale, it would definitely tip toward yes.
She wouldn't be foolish enough to entrust her heart to a lackey like Finlay again. But I predicted she would continue to commit acts of foolishness just shy of that level.
Sigh. Seriously.
I sighed, brushing my hair back from my forehead.
“In that case, it’s better if I do it.”
“You will do it? Does that mean…”
For a moment, her face lit up like a blooming flower.
I was certain. Being this easy to read, she might just give her liver and gallbladder to some other con artist… literally.
I had no choice. I reached out and took the vampire’s hand.
“The reason hope keeps slipping through your fingers isn’t because your hands are absurdly large, Trainee, nor is it because hope is so small and delicate.”
Now, she didn't even chide me for trying to hold her hand so openly. All sense of caution was gone. Just because she’d grown a little fond of me, she was ignoring this simple rudeness.
I took her small, cold fingers and gently pressed them together, one by one.
Pinky to ring, ring to middle, middle to index, and index to thumb.
“It’s just that you haven’t held on tightly enough.”
What was needed was a desperate wish.
Squeeze. After pressing her five fingers together, I pushed her hand toward her chest. The vampire, her hands now clasped over her heart, looked at me with eyes full of expectation.
Sigh. I really, really didn't want to do this.
“I am not your heart, Trainee. Nor do I want to be. Because I don’t want to beat hard every single moment, I won’t beat if I don’t feel like it, and most of the time, I’ll be far away from you.”
When someone’s wish hits you this close, you can’t help it.
Just as one who sees the future is bound by it and meets their ruin…
One who sees into the heart cannot be free from the hearts of others.
“Instead, I’ll teach you how to make that heart beat again.”