Chapter 59: Living Wise
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 59: Living Wise
I gathered all the trainees in the classroom and clapped my hands to begin the lesson.
“Alright, it's been a while, so let's get this lesson started. But first.”
As usual, the vampire's coffin was floating in place of a chair. And next to it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, stood Finlay, hands clasped in attendance.
I pointed at Finlay, my expression one of pure annoyance.
“Trainee Tyrkanzyaka. Can't you do something about him?”
Finlay flared up at my question.
“Hmph! It is only right that the noble Progenitor be accompanied at all times by a retainer to handle menial affairs. I shall quietly fulfill my duty, so you have only to fulfill yours! If we each do our part, there should be no issue whatsoever!”
This from the guy whose 'duty' seemed to be interrupting me every single day with his harrumphing? To me, it sounded like he was just promising to do his best to disrupt my lesson.
As I glared at him with cold eyes, the vampire chided Finlay.
“That is enough, Finlay.”
Finlay, who had been shouting just a moment ago, immediately dropped to one knee as if nothing had happened. His attitude was the complete opposite of how he treated me. Of course, this change in demeanor was not without purpose.
It was a calculated move to flatter the vampire by contrasting his behavior toward her with his behavior toward me. All to make her more lenient with him.
In any case, after silencing Finlay with a single command, the vampire spoke to me.
“Try to understand. It seems he, too, is curious about this lesson.”
“Understand? What's that supposed to mean? So anyone can just barge in here and throw a fit just because they're curious?”
I slammed the chalk down and glared at Finlay.
“Finlay. This lesson was prepared exclusively for the trainees. Would all outsiders please exit?”
“I am the Progenitor's retainer, a single drop of blood she has left behind! When she has need of me, it is my duty to offer my own blood to elevate her!”
“I am a warden of the Military State. In here, that means I'm the one in charge. If you refuse to listen to me...”
“And if I don't?”
I swept all the papers off the teacher's desk with my arms. Then I promptly lay down on the now-clear surface.
Flustered by my radical behavior, the vampire chided me.
“What is the meaning of this? You gathered everyone here.”
“There's someone here I didn't invite.”
I propped my head up with my hands and began to whistle nonchalantly.
“I'm not teaching. I won't bother you again, so you two vampires can just play amongst yourselves.”
Then I turned my back to them, facing the chalkboard. It was, for all intents and purposes, a declaration of a boycott.
With the lesson she'd been looking forward to on the verge of being boycotted, the vampire grew anxious and spoke.
“A grown man like you, sulking?”
“I'm not sulking.”
“Yes, you are. Why are you being so childish?”
“Oh, fine! You're right, I'm sulking. And now that you've said that, I'm twice as upset. That's it, no more lessons, no more massages, no more anything.”
Now that I'd taken the massages hostage along with the lesson, it was the vampire's turn to be anxious. She was so eager that she was now halfway out of her coffin as she spoke.
“What is it that displeases you so? Why are you being so stubborn?”
“You know, when you ask someone who's sulking if they're sulking, it just makes them sulk more. And what, you think I do this for fun? I put my own time and effort into preparing these lessons. It really kills my motivation when someone butts in every time I open my mouth. I suppose the great Progenitor might need a mouthpiece to do her shouting for her, though.”
Anyone who wasn't a fool would understand what I meant. And the vampire, old as she was, was no fool.
A retainer who followed her all the way to the Abyss, or a warden who provided all sorts of entertainment. If she had to choose between the two?
As befitting a vampire whose heart had long stopped beating, her choice was swift and cold.
The vampire gestured to Finlay. Lips pressed into a thin line, he answered her summons.
“Go and wait outside. Do not return until I call for you.”
“...As you command.”
As her retainer, Finlay obeyed the vampire's command without a moment's hesitation—though not without shooting me a glare on his way out.
His defiant look told me he had no intention of backing down so easily. You're planning to eavesdrop, aren't you?
Haha. Not a chance.
“Since you're leaving, why don't you go all the way out to the yard? And no eavesdropping.”
“You!”
“Do as he says. I would also prefer that you not stoop to the indignity of eavesdropping. Such is the work of a vulgar informant.”
The vampire's words were directed at Finlay, but the Regressor sitting over there flinched as if she'd been pricked with a needle. When I glanced her way, she subtly avoided my gaze.
So she's self-aware, at least. A relief. Her conscience hasn't been completely eroded.
“...As you command.”
The Progenitor's command was absolute. He could defy it, but there would be no point. The vampire could sense his blood from one end of the Abyss to the other.
Finlay bowed his head, then closed the door behind him. Once he was far enough away, the vampire addressed me in a much gentler tone.
“Did I not apologize? Finlay's devotion to me is simply overwhelming at times. Now that he is gone, tell us the story you have prepared for today.”
“It's a lesson, not a story. You're treating the curriculum I painstakingly designed as mere entertainment.”
“Very well. Give us the lesson. It has been a long time since I have had the chance to study.”
The vampire did her best to placate me, lest I get even more upset.
Of course, to her, the electric massages and the class stories were more important than I was, but what did it matter? People are materialistic by nature. You can't be a mind reader if you let things like that get to you.
“Hmph. Fine. They say if you coldly turn away a mature student, you'll be haunted by the ghost of an ignoramus for the rest of your life, so I'll let it slide. Or... am I already being haunted?”
“What did you say?”
“Alright. Let's begin today's lesson.”
With Finlay gone, there was nothing in my way. I jumped up from the desk and stepped forward.
Before the vampire could fully process my last remark, I slammed my hand on the desk and shouted.
“After observing you all for some time, I've concluded that despite your various eccentricities, your linguistic and empathetic abilities are not particularly lacking....”
I paused for a beat before continuing.
“Which is, quite frankly, a surprise!”
‘What kind of bullshit is he about to spout now?’
A rather rude thought drifted over from the Regressor's mind. Ahem.
“However, you are all missing one crucial thing. Something very precious that every ordinary person possesses. It is because of this one missing piece that you fail to adapt to the world and stumble along. Do you know what it is?”
The vampire tilted her parasol slightly, a sign that she wished to answer.
I like this proactive attitude. I immediately pointed to the vampire.
“Yes, Trainee Tyrkanzyaka!”
“Could it be that we lack the common sense of the current era?”
It was a surprisingly valid point. With nothing to refute, I stroked my chin and nodded.
“Well, that's not entirely wrong.”
“In that case, you have only to teach us more. Classes have been held far too infrequently of late. Are you not being lazy in your duties as a warden? If you truly wish to help us, you should arrange these sessions more often.”
“But common sense differs from country to country, era to era, generation to generation! How can one so arrogantly define a 'lack' of it? Unfortunately, that is not the answer I was looking for!”
Phew. Good thing I was quick on my feet. I almost ended up with more work.
Having successfully nipped that demand for extra labor in the bud, I spoke again.
“What you all lack is an ordinary sense of danger!”
The Regressor, sitting in her usual defiant posture, frowned and repeated my words.
“An ordinary... sense of danger?”
“That's right. A sense of danger. The ability to judge whether a threat is approaching and to be on guard. In that department, you all either have a screw loose, or you've tightened it so much your brain is damaged. It's one or the other.”
The two of them still didn't seem to get it. Were they truly oblivious, or just not thinking?
I had no choice but to spell it out for them.
“For the record, the one with the screw tightened too much is Trainee Shei. The one whose screw is so loose it fell out completely is Trainee Tyrkanzyaka.”
“What?”
“What nonsense!”
They both cried out in protest. Yes, I'd expected as much. The foolish are rarely capable of self-reflection.
Then I'll just have to show you some proof.
“Alright. For those of you who still lack self-awareness, let's run a simulation.”
I pulled out something I'd prepared from under the desk. It was a marionette, hastily cobbled together from golem scraps I'd found in the control room.
Back when I was a magician, I used to put on puppet shows to draw in the children. After a short performance, I'd hold out my hat, and the parents, returning from wherever they'd been, would drop in a few cheap coins.
It was time to put that experience to use. I lifted the marionette, its thin strings attached to a wooden cross-piece, and spoke.
“I've given it a lot of thought—why you all lack an ordinary sense of danger. After much deliberation, I believe I've identified the problem, and I've prepared a scenario to demonstrate it.”
I wiggled my fingers, controlling the marionette. The puppet, about a third of my height, moved with my gestures.
I made it scratch its head with its left hand and dance by shaking its legs. After getting a feel for it with various movements, I paused the marionette and spoke.
“This puppet I've brought, Mr. Chap, will present you with a scenario. All you have to do is respond appropriately.”
“As if we're children...”
“Then stop making me teach you like you're children. Now, for a demonstration! Azzy!”
“Woof!”
At my call, Azzy immediately got up and trotted over.
Azzy had already been eyeing my marionette with great curiosity. As I wiggled Mr. Chap around, her gaze followed its every move.
“Alright, this golem is going to talk to you. You just have to give a socially acceptable response. Understand?”
“Woof?”
“Yes, even that's a good enough answer. Let's begin!”
Mr. Chap waved its right hand. Azzy's head tilted from side to side, following it. When the puppet held out its hand, Azzy offered her paw in return.
Having captured Azzy's attention, I spoke through the puppet using ventriloquism.
“Hello there, little one.”
“Woof! Hello!”
Azzy returned the greeting. That alone placed her in the top 50th percentile for manners in the Abyss.
I smiled at Azzy and continued.
“Want me to teach you something fun?”