Chapter 550: The Hardest Place to Escape is Bed
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 550: The Hardest Place to Escape is Bed
The Regressor was sleeping on top of me, dead to the world. In fact, her hammock had collapsed, so that wasn't an exaggeration at all. Having suddenly become her bed, I flinched instinctively, and the Regressor furrowed her brow and let out a groan.
“Nngh…”
The first and only thought that came to mind was: I’m fucked. This emotional, irrational Regressor was the type of person who wouldn't hesitate for a second to kill me, even though she was the one who’d ended up here.
The one who’s supposed to visit at night is a fairy, not a murderer who randomly chops off people's right arms. What the hell happened? Why is a bomb in my arms?!
I glanced up and saw that the rope tying her hammock had gone slack and was hanging loosely. It must have been strained from pulling on it in this long-abandoned camp, and when the Regressor climbed in, it finally gave out. Luckily, it hadn't snapped, but had slipped, causing her to descend onto me in her sleep.
Dammit, what a coincidence.
Right now, the Regressor was a bomb. Wake her up? She explodes. Don't wake her up? She’ll wake up eventually. And then she’ll explode. This situation was destined to end with me being blown to bits. Even though it wasn't my fault!
But I am a magician. I have to make a graceful escape no matter how difficult the situation. I immediately surveyed the cards I could play. A few Divines, my own body, and the hammock that used to support the Regressor.
Right. That's it. A levitation trick.
Most levitation tricks are performed with fine, thin threads. The success of the magic depends on how smoothly and naturally you can move the object suspended by the thread.
I'd never lifted a person over 50 kilograms before, but with my increased strength, it might be possible now.
Alright, let's feel for the center of gravity. Her face is on my chest, her body curled up like a shrimp. I pinned one rope to the wall with my left foot. With my right, I wrapped the other rope and pulled. The hammock grew a little tauter.
Taking a shallow breath, I aligned with her center of gravity and lifted the hammock ropes.
“…!”
Even with my enhanced strength, lifting a person by pulling on a hammock was difficult. Worse, pulling the top and bottom of the hammock with my arms and legs sent an agonizing pain through me, as if my whole body was being wrung out.
But the fear of death gave me superhuman strength. The Regressor's hammock slowly rose.
Good. Just like this, I’ll lift her up. I’ll secure the ropes to the wall with Earth Art and alchemy, then slip out from underneath.
My life as a magician wasn't for nothing, after all. To think I could pull off a stunt like this without dropping the Regressor, even if just barely.
The Regressor floated about ten centimeters above my body. This gap was enough. After fusing the rope to the wall with alchemy, I tried to slip out while supporting the other rope. All I had to do was slide out and retie the rope, and it would be over.
I’m saved. The moment I felt a sense of relief, I made eye contact with Azzy as I was trying to escape.
“Woof?”
Why are you watching me from there?
I froze like a guilty man, and Azzy, mouth half-open, asked brightly.
“You up? Are you awake?”
“Shh. Can't you tell? I'm awake, so don't bark.”
“Woof? She's still sleeping! I'm good at waking people up!”
“Shut up! Don't light the fuse! Let her sleep!”
Of all the times…! Move! I need to get out!
“Mmm…”
However, I had overlooked one crucial fact.
Humans move. And when they move, their center of gravity shifts. When the center of gravity is lost on a precariously balanced thread, it flips over.
The hammock flipped in an instant. The levitating Regressor experienced a moment of freefall.
In that instant, the Regressor's eyes flew open as she grabbed Chun-aeng and swung.
The Heavenly Counter Domain prepares the appropriate defense and counterattack in any situation. Even when one is dead asleep, the Heavenly Counter Domain swiftly and accurately targets an approaching enemy.
Without considering the fact that she was the one who had approached!
Chun-aeng aimed for my neck. If it were a conscious strike, I could counter it with mind-reading, but this was an attack ingrained in her body.
I couldn't read it. It was difficult to parry or react. All I could do was pray I’d regenerate.
“Huh? Hughes?”
It was then. The now-awake Regressor abruptly stopped her body just before swinging Chun-aeng. Her balance momentarily broke, and the hammock swayed and flipped over. The world spun two or three times.
“Ah!”
As a result, the Regressor and I ended up wrapped tightly in the hammock like cocoons.
Having witnessed the entire process unfold, I understood how things could get so tangled, but the Regressor, having just woken up, knew nothing and shouted.
“Wh-what! Why are you in my bed?!”
“My bed? That's my line! You're the one who fell into my bed!”
“What are you talking about! There's no way I wouldn't notice myself falling!”
“Well said! Likewise, there's no way you wouldn't have noticed if I'd crawled into your bed! Not that I have any reason to crawl into your bed in the first place!”
“Then why are you with me?!”
“That's what I want to know! How did you crawl all the way over here without waking up?! If you’d woken up sooner, we wouldn't have to be seeing red like this!”
Fortunately, my head wasn't chopped off. She had developed enough patience to at least ask about the situation before beheading me. I'm so grateful. Even though I'm the victim here.
“Get off me!”
The Regressor reached a hand out and swung Chun-aeng. Swish. The rope was cut, and the two of us, still bound in the hammock, fell to the floor with a thud. The Regressor looked bewildered at the floor, which had arrived much sooner than expected.
‘It really is the bottom hammock, isn't it? I was sleeping on the top one. What? Does that mean I actually got into Hughes's bed? Why? How?’
Don't ask how, just get out if you're going to get out! At this rate…!
“It's noisy in here. Are you awake?”
It was then. Rasch, who had thrown the door open, froze in place. Before him were me and the Regressor, tangled together in the hammock as one big lump. The Regressor, in her struggle to get out, was pressed right up against me.
Wow. So this is what it looks like from a third-person perspective. We look like we just got caught cheating.
Both the Regressor and I were frozen, unsure of what to say. Rasch stroked his chin, glanced awkwardly outside, and muttered.
“Oh, dear. It must have been cold last night.”
Rasch was talking to himself, pretending not to see. Then Azzy barked in response.
“Woof? It wasn't cold! It was pretty warm!”
Contrary to my expectation that she would cause a scene, the Regressor was quiet. After finishing her meal with a sullen expression, she urged us to continue our journey without another word.
I explained the situation with a few clues and circumstantial evidence, and the Regressor couldn't find any holes in my story. She reluctantly accepted that it was an accident.
It wasn't a big deal to begin with. It was just a story about a hammock falling because its rope came loose. It might be unpleasant, but that was all, and if we moved on, it wouldn't be a problem.
‘No, this doesn't make sense! I've mastered the Heavenly Counter Domain. Even if I was asleep, how could I not notice someone so close?!’
However, the Regressor was filled with bewilderment and anger. It was the calm before the storm. I watched her cautiously and read her thoughts.
‘Have I been letting him get too close? But none of my previous companions ever managed to get within the range of my Heavenly Counter Domain… Is it because I was the one who moved? Or is it because Hughes is too weak?’
I'm the victim here, but the fact that I'm the one who has to explain myself is hilarious. The sorrow of the weak.
‘It doesn't make sense. It must be because of the blessing. I must have let my guard down too much knowing I had the Saintess's blessing. Everything was going so smoothly that I relaxed my tension…’
In the midst of her thoughts, the Regressor suddenly realized something and tilted her head.
‘…Everything is supposed to go smoothly, so why did my hammock have to slip while I was asleep? That's not a good thing, is it?’
“Teacher.”
“Yes, Rasch.”
As we walked for a bit to recover our energy, Rasch, who had been watching the Regressor think, approached me and whispered quietly.
“I, too, have overcome many hurdles to find love. Culture, etiquette, territorial disputes, even physical conditions. We faced countless hardships and overcame them by adapting to one another. It was only possible because we both had our own abilities and were determined.”
“What's with the sudden, random speech? It's creepy.”
Rasch, who was clearly misunderstanding something profoundly, spoke in a worried tone.
“However, the boy is still young. He cannot yet know how high and treacherous those hurdles are. As his teacher, I believe it is your duty to first inform him of these difficulties. Especially when things like age and gender are all barriers.”
I don't know what happened while we were apart, but Rasch was giving me advice with a mature attitude. Deep advice that seemed to be steeped in his own life experiences… what a load of crap.
“What are you talking about? Didn't you hear me earlier? Shei was the one who came into my bed, and I didn't do anything! I was groaning under the weight, pinned down, until I woke up this morning!”
If she'd at least thought about it before coming over, fine. But this was an accident for me, too! The Regressor isn't wary of me, but she refuses to get attached to this timeline, which she plans to discard eventually. If I approach her carelessly, I could get stabbed before I even have a chance to read her thoughts, just like now.
“So it was the boy's one-sided affection?”
“No, in the first place…”
The Regressor is a woman and has no feelings for me. But because she keeps creating these misunderstandings, it's become difficult to even mention that fact.
But is that my problem? If she wants to clear up the misunderstanding, she can do it herself. It doesn't really matter to me.
“What else could it be? I'm just a normal guy who likes women. I don't know what she was thinking coming over here, but it just makes me more uncomfortable, you know?”
“Hah. I see. The boy must be going through a lot.”
“That's not it!”
The Regressor, who couldn't stand to listen anymore, came over and shouted.
“It was an accident! The rope just came loose! It was nothing…”
But the question that pierced through her still remained, tormenting her. The Regressor, who had been shouting in agitation, suddenly fell silent at a thought that occurred to her and became lost in contemplation.
‘Why did something so trivial happen right now…? What? What does it mean? How is this helpful in any way?’
Deep in thought, the Regressor stopped talking and started walking again, as if walking itself was her only purpose.
What the—? Give me some kind of reaction. If you act all weird like that…
“Hmm. My apologies, Teacher. I didn't realize he would be so seriously hurt. You're the adult here, so please be considerate of the boy's feelings.”
...You're making me the weird one!