Chapter 467: The Actor and the Role Are Separate
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 467: The Actor and the Role Are Separate
Right now, Hilde wasn't playing any particular role. Her acting was meant to deceive someone, but watching from off-stage, I couldn't be fooled by her. Who sits in the audience and takes an actor's words on stage at face value?
However, the person on stage isn't always just playing a role.
"You're still acting, aren't you?"
"Acting~? I am not, at all."
"What do you mean, 'not at all'? You're calling me Father. How could that be sincere? It could never be true, not even if you died and came back to life."
When I was born, Hilde was already wandering the world. If the parent-child relationship was what I thought it was, it was causally impossible.
Hilde retorted as if to protest.
"This face, this name, this identity! You gave them all to me, Father! You gave birth to the real me, so of course you're my Father!"
"You mean the father of the role? That's a bit of an over-the-top concept... but fine, let's say I can accept that. The problem is, it's obvious."
She wouldn't deny it, since she must know it herself. When Hilde acts, she puts a certain force into the word "I." Not in her speech, but in her heart.
Struck where it hurt, Hilde narrowed her eyes and asked back.
"Heeh~. So acting really doesn't work on you, Father~. Ahh. I've failed~."
"Failed? At what?"
"I was trying to become a girl you'd like this time~. Since you helped me, I thought I'd act in a way that suited you, so I could ask a little favor in return~."
With a deep sigh, Hilde shook her head and continued.
"Maybe it's because I didn't have a clear model. It's much trickier than playing someone else~."
"What are you going to do if I like you?"
"It's filial piety! Isn't it a natural desire for a child to want to look good in her father's eyes? And... I have to escort you to the Military State."
"You mean about being the King of the Military State, like you mentioned before?"
"Yes~. The King of the Military State that you carelessly created and abandoned."
Carelessly created? I didn't create anything; they awakened on their own and took on the role. Seeing my expression, Hilde shrugged.
"That's right. You had Abbey see everything and decide for herself. The administrator, Yuel, resisted you, but as the one in the field, I agree with your opinion. However... it's too much for Abbey to handle alone."
"Captain Abbey isn't alone. She has hundreds of Signallers."
"It wouldn't matter if she had thousands. A nation can't be run by hundreds of untainted girls modeled after a convent. There's a reason the Sanctum leeches off the Empire, you know. Even with the power to control fate, you can't rule humans without getting your hands dirty."
A convent, huh. Still, I felt she was underestimating the Signallers. Unlike nuns, they had even managed to copy some of the Saintess's power of Foresight. Then again, it seemed the Saintess was just as bad at ruling a country as a nun would be.
"In any case, you achieved your goal, Hilde."
"That's only because Tyrkanzyaka went berserk and things just happened to turn out that way. I didn't achieve my goal of winning your favor."
"You already achieved that goal, though."
"Pardon?"
"If your goal was to flatter me, you've already succeeded. Because I've grown fond of you, Hilde. And it's not just because you helped me escape."
Though that was a significant part of it... but even without that.
It was only natural, really. How could I dislike someone who was so openly wagging her tail and clinging to me, trying to get on my good side? Flattery is a two-way street. You know it's happening, but you let it happen. The very act of her trying so hard to please me was satisfying in itself.
Hilde tilted her head, looking genuinely surprised.
"Even though you knew it was an act?"
"What about it? Everyone in the world lives their lives wearing multiple masks. They check who's in front of them and switch masks accordingly. The way I treat Azzy is worlds apart from the way I treat Tyr."
"But the moment you realize it's a mask, you feel disappointed. Just like Tyrkanzyaka did with you, Father."
"Well, maybe. I know you don't respect me from the bottom of your heart, but rather that you have expectations for my use as the King of Humans, so I'll keep that in mind. But... so what?"
The only people who know what their true self is, what their true heart is, are sages who have spent their lives in meditation, and a mind-reader like me. And both the sages and I would probably reach the same conclusion.
That making such a distinction is meaningless.
"In the first place, what would change by knowing your true self or your true heart? We're merely human. We make judgments and act in the moment, within a limited time and with limited choices. Whether the attitude you take at that time comes from the heart or is an act tailored to the other person... is that not also sincere? You acted with all your heart, didn't you, Hilde?"
After repeated performances, her ego had faded to the point where she was searching for an anchor for her existence, yet she cherished acting more than anyone. Even in this state, Hilde hadn't let go of acting.
"You said your past lives were all just roles... but isn't an actor's filmography incredibly important? The Sky God didn't save you, but you still use Holy Power, don't you? You were summoned by Yuel and overworked, but you still have an attachment to the Military State, right? Whether it was an act or not, you held it all dearly in your heart, didn't you?"
Someone who hated acting wouldn't carefully store their past roles in their Spiritual World to be brought out at a moment's notice. Hilde genuinely loved acting. So genuinely that she was on the verge of losing herself.
Well then. She might as well live as the incarnation of acting. I think that's fine, too.
"So you're okay with it, even if it's an act, Father?"
"I'm the audience, sitting off-stage. No matter what you perform, no matter how realistic it is, I'll always know it's an act, won't I? I'll just get ready to be moved by the performance."
"The audience..."
What Hilde had been searching for wasn't her true self, nor a life without acting. As an actor through and through, what Hilde wanted was an audience. An audience to watch her performance and judge it.
First, it was the omnipotent Sky God. Next, the Saintess who could see the future. Hilde acted for them with all her heart... but the Sky God was merely a stage prop, and the Saintess was the architect trying to build that stage. Neither could be her audience.
The next one she found was me, the King of Humans. Fortunately, I could give Hilde what she truly wanted.
"Heeh. I see. That's something only you could say, Father~."
Stretching her arms out, Hilde closed her eyes for a moment. In her Spiritual World, she was backstage, choosing a role. What costume to wear, how to speak and act. She would digest the role to match her co-star.
But I was sitting in the audience. An audience member who knew her entire filmography. I couldn't be fooled. Though I might want to be.
'...I see. Our first meeting was so sudden, I engaged with him without shedding my previous role of "I." What a blunder... To act something new, I should have emptied myself of what came before.'
It couldn't be helped. Back then, the Regressor, Tyr, and Ria were all with me. For Hilde to join me, she had to maintain her identity as one of the Six Generals of the Military State. To cross over onto my stage, Hilde had joined us while still playing the role of the 'Camarilla.'
But now, there was nothing by my side. Not the Military State, not the Regressor, not Tyr. The previous stage had already seen its curtain fall.
'I am...'
After murmuring to herself for a moment, Hilde opened her eyes again. Her appearance was the same, but I could tell that she had changed her role.
"Huuuh, what a relief. Not even a thousand-year-old vampire would dream that a tunnel like this exists underground. A sleepless vampire can't dream, I suppose... but anyway, we should be safe here for a while."
Amidst the ever-present danger, she had stumbled upon a hideout. It wouldn't last forever, but it was safe for the next few days. In this promised paradise from which they must one day leave, Hilde forced herself to look away from despair.
"It's getting late, so let's stay here until we can think of a better plan, Father."
The Military State had vanished from Hilde's thoughts. Her Holy Power was gone as well. The role Hilde now wore was that of a father and daughter, fleeing from vampires, clinging to a single shred of hope.
I wondered what the hell she was doing, but I had decided to play along. It didn't matter anyway, as long as we escaped the Duchy. I nodded readily.
"Let's do that. The sun is setting, so let's get some rest and get ourselves sorted tomorrow."
"Yes! Then..."
As if she'd been waiting for it, Hilde slyly burrowed into my blanket. She wasn't fast, but her movements were so natural that I didn't even feel a shred of suspicion until I belatedly lifted the blanket. Hilde, who had been wriggling right next to me, peeked her head out.
"Wh-what is it? Why did you suddenly come in here?"
Hilde tilted her head as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Hm...? It's cold at night, so I came to share body heat..."
"What body heat? You can change it at will if you need to!"
Those who have mastered Gam Qi Art can control their bodies as they please. The extent varies with their level of mastery, but things like immunity to heat and cold or to all poisons originate from Gam Qi Art. Could Hilde, who could change her own face and body, not be able to change something as simple as her body temperature?
However...
'My, my, Father. When I was little, you didn't mind sleeping together... Have I grown too much that it's a burden now? Maintaining body heat is important on a perilous journey.'
To 'Hilde,' this was the truth and her sincere feeling. Because right now, she was acting.
This crazy commitment to her role. She'd completely altered her own beliefs! She was so immersed in her performance that even I hadn't felt any suspicion until she got in. Because Hilde herself felt no suspicion!
Incredible, truly incredible. As I marveled at her anew, I felt the warmth spreading from inside the blanket and my thoughts began to change.
Hilde might not need it, but I certainly do. I had just acquired a Divine and could use something similar to Gam Qi Art... but using Hilde as a heater was much more comfortable than having to concentrate.
"Father... do you hate sleeping with me?"
I shook my head and replied.
"It's not that, you just smell a little."
"You idiot! Of course I smell, we've been walking for days without rest! I was going to wash tomorrow!"
Pouting, Hilde puffed up her cheeks and whipped her head away. Yet, she remained pressed firmly against my body. As if her body was being honest.
'Father's body is so big... I've grown quite a bit too, but I'm still so small compared to him. If only I could stay like this... held in Father's arms forever.'
A daughter with a father complex. What a baffling setup. What on earth possessed her to start such a crazy performance?
'Wh-what am I thinking! Even if he's not my real father...! He's the one who raised me! For now, escaping safely is the priority!'
What a ridiculously complicated character setting.