Chapter 186: Say You Want To Live - 2
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 186: Say You Want To Live - 2
Just as the Captain said, the situation was far from over.
“This disturbance is being met with appropriate resistance across various locations, but… the Shadow’s goal wasn’t the success of this riot, but the act of starting it in the first place.”
I knew that.
Ultimately, the Shadow’s objective was to cleanse the back alleys. They had split their forces and sent them in every direction to spread the sparks and smoke as widely as possible.
Although we had read their plan and defeated them individually, they had already achieved their primary goal.
“By now, the Military State’s Taboo they possess has likely been scattered everywhere. If the military authorities get even a whiff of a clue about the Taboo, they won’t ignore this incident, no matter how small the commotion. It’s too late. We should have stopped them before they could start anything…”
The worst part about war and conflict is that while it takes two to fight, it only takes one to start it.
No matter how we responded, the fact that a fight had broken out was undeniable. If the Military State acquired information about Hamelin in the process, they would move to erase everything related to it.
“The Shadow… has succeeded. I failed to stop them. If only I had acted sooner…”
I could feel a sense of despair and dejection from the Captain. Perhaps there was a hint of resentment toward me for acting on my own.
But she couldn't solely blame me. From her perspective, the one she resented most was herself.
‘I took too much time. I failed to even use my own life at the proper time…’
The Shadow’s plan: cause a commotion to draw the Military State’s attention, then spread the Taboo to make the State handle the cleanup.
The Captain had intended to use her own life to counter them. She planned to visit a nearby government office, send a warning to Communications Headquarters, and then get herself killed to serve as bait, summoning the Military Police.
If a Signaller died under mysterious circumstances, Communications Headquarters would dispatch an investigation team without fail.
It might have been a decent plan. Had she succeeded, even if she couldn't wipe out the Shadow, she would have at least forced the Military State to keep them in check.
But my plan was a little different.
“It’s okay! This is what Signallers are for, right?”
The Captain blinked, having no idea what I was talking about. I gave her my brightest, most cheerful smile and spoke.
Pure, and feigning innocence.
“I kept quiet because you said it was a secret, but you’re a Signaller, aren’t you? You can deliver your opinion directly to the higher-ups in the Military State!”
“…Negative. I am not.”
When she denied it, I widened my eyes like a child whose present had been snatched away and asked again.
“What? You can’t even contact High Command? But you’re a Signaller? The kind of Signaller who uses golems to communicate all over the place?”
My words were laced with a feigned innocence, as if I knew nothing of the circumstances. The Captain, though flustered, spoke only the truth, enunciating each word.
“To state the simple fact, affirmative. I can contact my superiors. However.”
“Then we’re all set!”
I beamed.
They say you can’t spit on a smiling face. My innocent smile left the Captain speechless.
“Captain Abbey, you’ve spent the last few days with me in the back alleys. You must know how this all happened, who the enemy is, what they’re after, and the true identity of the Shadow who knows the Taboo! If you just try a little harder, Captain Abbey, the Military State won’t have to strike blindly because of some unnecessary ‘misunderstanding,’ right?”
My voice was filled with expectation, and the Captain grew anxious and fidgety.
Of course she would. A Signaller whose identity had been exposed could not return to her post. She had no intention of returning to headquarters alive, nor could she.
“Wait. That is.”
But that was classified information, and I pressed on, pretending not to know.
“What? Don’t tell me you can’t do it. The lives of everyone in the back alleys are on the line, you know?”
I asked again, my face a mask of complete incomprehension.
“Three hundred thousand lives. The lives of 300,000 people in the back alleys are at stake. That’s how many people are involved, directly or indirectly, in today’s incident! If the Family falls, most of the beastkin will have to lie low. If the Market gets hit, the back alleys’ economy will be paralyzed. And the Shelter goes without saying. Someone’s family, friend, or lover could disappear overnight. That is, if you don’t help!”
For a moment, a shadow fell over the Captain’s face. What flashed through her mind was a grim, tightly shut door in a certain alley.
The world isn’t all comedies. For the Captain, who had come to love the lives of the people, the lonely death seeping from behind that closed door was something she couldn’t ignore.
A door that wouldn't open, no matter how much they knocked or shouted.
A cold death that had gone unnoticed even in these rough and difficult back alleys, a death barely remembered by two friends and one Captain who had witnessed it by chance.
After leaving the Windowless Room, the Captain had learned of joy and sorrow. She came to desire joy and avoid sorrow.
That was why she had been willing to step forward for the people of the back alleys.
“The Military State might easily abandon them. But Captain Abbey, the Captain I’ve come to know isn’t that heartless, is she? You enjoyed Anna’s cooking, you liked the citizens you chatted with, and you savored the fruits of your labor. You’re a kind person who affirms a life that, while difficult, is rewarding, right?”
A binding curse that she was forced to bear precisely because she was kind.
An excessive capacity for empathy, suppressed under the shackles of principles and rules.
The virtue of saints and saintesses, who sacrifice themselves for others.
The very reason the Military State had to lock its Signallers in a Windowless Room was now manifesting in the Captain.
“Even if the Military State abandons them, you won’t, will you? Not Anna, not Smen, not Store Manager Klin or Paparazzi Nehru. Or the retired soldiers at the Shelter and the orphans they care for. You’ll do your best for all of them, won’t you?”
“…I… cannot.”
“What? You won’t help?”
If she tried her best, she might be able to save them. A Signaller had the power to control information. While their rank wasn't high, they could certainly move the Military State.
There was just one problem.
“…I… must not.”
A Signaller must be objective.
If subjectivity tainted the information, if intent seeped into it, that poison would circulate throughout the Military State and eat away at the nation. It would flow through its nerves, causing dysfunction in its body of iron and blood.
The Signaller—another of the Military State’s Taboos. One of the most critical secrets the State sought to hide.
“I must not do such a thing.”
That was why a Signaller, despite possessing such a disposition, had to confine herself to loneliness. Her empathy could only be expressed through her unique magic, and only in limited ways.
“Why? Why on earth not?”
“…It is classified.”
‘Because I am a Signaller… whose identity must never be revealed. Because I must die rather than survive with my identity exposed. Because that is the principle.’
Good, it was about time.
Time to shatter the principles created by the Military State.
“Captain Abbey. Do I look like an idiot to you?”
‘Partial… affirmative.’
Seriously? I don’t want to attack the messenger because of the message, but I really didn’t want to hear that from you.
“Captain Abbey, when we first met in that metal box, you bit down on a suicide poison, didn’t you?”
“…”
“Then you offered to marry me so I could get your death benefits, and you wandered the streets alone without any real means of defending yourself. When enough strange behaviors pile up, they form a pattern. Do I look like an idiot to you? Or are you just humoring me, knowing full well I understand?”
No answer. Because the answer to both was a partial affirmative. She had seen me as a fool, a mere petty criminal… or at least, she had hoped I was.
Because if I were clever and smart enough to use a Signaller to extract classified information, then from the moment she was discovered, I had become a threat to the Military State.
“Fine, let’s say you’re the world’s most dedicated suicide enthusiast. But is your self-destructive urge more important than the lives of the people in the back alleys? If your one death makes you happy, is it okay to ignore the misfortune of so many others?”
“Why would I be happy?!”
The Captain shot back, stung by my baseless accusation.
“I don’t want to die either! Who in this world wants to die? If I could just keep on living…!”
“Then just live, why don’t you? Live as a Signaller and help the people here in the back alleys a little.”
“But! It is a principle that must be upheld no matter what, and so I must act!”
“And what about the people you leave behind? The Market, the Family, the Shelter. And all the people associated with those different groups. Are you just going to abandon them? Aren’t they also part of the Military State?”
The Captain now understood the true nature of the dilemma she faced.
To uphold her principles, she had to die. And since she was dying anyway, she had decided to use her life to uncover the conspiracy surrounding the back alleys.
But the situation now…
“If you don’t break your principles, everyone you’ve come to know will be in trouble.”
For herself.
For others.
For her ideals.
The Signaller had followed her ideals. She would readily discard her own life for her principles. In the process, she had even decided that if she was going to use her life, she might as well use it for others.
I had confirmed that resolve.
“Signaller. You’re allowed to live. No, you have to live. Otherwise, every single person you met today will be in danger.”
Alright, now that that’s settled. On to the next step.
Could the Captain, who was willing to abandon herself for her principles, abandon her principles for others?
“So, Captain Abbey? Can you do it? Can you leave all these people behind and walk away alone?”
I asked, and the Captain did not answer. No, she could not answer.
The most useful tool the Military State had ever created had a pre-programmed response for such a situation. However, that tool was inherently flawed and kept producing errors.
The emotion that emerged at the end of it all was anxiety.
“…There is no… guarantee.”
“What kind of guarantee?”
Good, is the mask finally starting to slip?
No guarantee that the Military State won’t find out.
No guarantee that a death far more horrific than a clean one—one at the end of torture and interrogation—isn’t waiting for her.
Just as I was preparing a rebuttal for that, the Captain lowered her head and spoke, her voice trembling with uncertainty.
“There is no guarantee… that disobeying my duty will lead to a better outcome. That my actions will be worth breaking the principles… There is no such guarantee, is there?”
Tears streamed down the Captain’s face. In stark contrast, her expression was more devoid of emotion than I had ever seen it. It was like watching a golem shed tears.
This was the moment the Military State’s most sophisticated machine regained a human heart.
“I was taught the ironclad rules of a Signaller, and I followed them. That a Signaller bears such a duty, that a Signaller is required to have such responsibility… So, what if my deviation leads to an even greater tragedy? What if breaking the principles results in a more terrible outcome…? What am I supposed to do?”
She was more anxious about whether her actions were right than about what would happen to her. She was afraid that her own selfish desire might ruin everything.
It was similar to the heart of a believer seeking God, craving faith.
Perhaps, for a Signaller, that small box was a temple, and the Military State was her faith.
If so, did that make me, the one trying to set her free, a devil?
A strange smile touched my lips as I declared to the Captain with absolute certainty.