Re-enrollment (1)
"Let's stop seeing each other."
It was a weekend two weeks after I'd returned to school. Bae Eunsol had finally gotten in touch for the first time in ages, so I'd gone out to meet her—only for those to be the first words out of her mouth.
After that day, she broke up with Yeongmin right away. She'd let me stay at her place when I had nowhere else to go after discharge, and for a while we'd even managed something that looked like a cozy little romance.
While she was at work I handled the housework and got ready for re-enrollment. When she came home I'd put on the act of a quiet domestic evening, only for us both to heat up fast and go at it until we were both spent.
But the relationship didn't last. I moved closer to campus, she got busier with work, and our schedules started missing each other more often than not.
She was the one who cut back on contact first. Honestly, when she messaged me today after almost two weeks of silence, I'd already half-expected something like this.
"Uh... yeah. Okay."
"What? I say we should break up and you don't even ask why?"
"You already thought this through for a long time, right? Me asking for a reason isn't going to change the outcome..."
"You're seriously the worst... Why did you change so much? Are you even the same person I used to know?"
"..."
Bae Eunsol left those words hanging and walked away. The whole way home I kept turning what she'd said over in my head.
I can say with absolute certainty that I hadn't changed one bit. I just understood perfectly why she would say that.
The pheromone I give off only shines when there's a comparative advantage. Once Park Yeongmin—the comparison target—was gone, the effect of the pheromone weakened right along with him.
In the end it's the same vicious cycle every time. Make a friend, start something with his girlfriend, then lose the friend either out of guilt or because I get caught. Once I'm alone again, someone new shows up at my side.
Maybe that's why, at some point, I just gave up on making friends entirely. I decided to become a so-called Voluntary Outsider.
Week three of my re-enrollment had barely begun when the incident hit—while I was on my way to eat lunch alone.
"Oppa! Buy us lunch!"
"..."
No matter how much I wanted to stay alone, two weeks of campus life was enough for unwanted acquaintances to form.
I'd been slipping out of the lecture building like a shadow when I ran straight into a pair of second-years.
"Lunch? Sorry about that. I've actually got a lunch appointment today."
"With who?"
"Someone from another department... You two probably wouldn't know them even if I said the name."
"Aw, what? Oppa, why do you keep trying to stay on the outside of the department? Then let's eat later. Oh! Or why don't we just set a date right now?"
"..."
The one talking like free meals were already a settled matter was named Oh Sujeong. Second-year department representative, medium-short hair, round face, and big bright eyes that practically sparkled with mischief.
Pale skin and chubby cheeks. On top of that, her skin was soft enough that she had a habit of stretching her own cheeks out like mozzarella cheese.
She was fully aware of how cute she was. She used that natural, approachable look to hit up anyone and everyone for free food.
"Sujeong...? Why are you putting so much pressure on sunbae?"
By comparison, Gyeoul was as mature and grown-up as her name suggested. The vice-representative standing next to her with an awkward expression, trying to rein her friend in, was Han Gyeoul.
Jet-black straight hair, a refined beauty you rarely saw these days. Her naturally languid eyes gave her a faint air of the delicate, sickly beauty type.
Even the way she held her textbooks—hugged securely against her chest with both arms instead of just carrying them—said everything. If this were a romance-fantasy novel, she would've been the sheltered noble young lady who knew nothing of the world.
Why was a self-proclaimed Voluntary Outsider so well-informed about the people in his department? I'd sworn off forming relationships, not that I could stop my eyes from being drawn to certain people on instinct.
I'd fled into the military right after my first semester of freshman year. So of course I came back as a second-year.
With several required courses, it was only natural that faces would start looking familiar. Of course, I won't deny that these two stuck in my memory especially hard because they were both unusually pretty.
"What? This oppa just attends class and then vanishes somewhere every single day. Wouldn't it be good to get closer while we have the chance?"
"Still, asking him to buy us food out of nowhere is..."
"Anyway, when are we eating?"
Apparently Han Gyeoul's perfectly reasonable objections weren't reaching her ears at all. Oh Sujeong was already grinning with her mouth half-open at the thought of free lunch.
"Lunch, huh... How about the Wednesday after next?"
"Wh-what? You're delaying it that specifically...? But okay, that works."
"Then let's do it then. My friend's waiting for me, so I should head out first—that okay?"
I left the two of them standing there and slipped out of the lecture building. On the surface it looked like I'd made a promise. In reality it was nothing of the sort.
They didn't have my number or my SNS. And the date wasn't even "next week"—it was the week after next.
By then they wouldn't even remember this little encounter had happened. With that small triumph tucked against my chest, I headed for the cafeteria.
I grabbed a tray and let myself think for a moment. For two whole weeks I'd been playing invisible man, making my resistance to human connection pretty clear.
I just hadn't expected someone like Oh Sujeong to come barreling straight through it.
A few more refusals and people would start avoiding me on their own. Still, giving up every single advantage that came with social ties felt a little wasteful.
Exam dumps. Networking that might actually matter later in life. Things like that.
I shook my head hard.
What the hell am I thinking? Remember why you ran off to the military in the first place.
If the same thing happens again...
"Huh? Oppa, you were eating here?"
"...?"
Why was Oh Sujeong here? Midway across the cafeteria with my tray, I ran smack into the same pair from earlier.
"Uh... well, you see..."
Fuck. Simple math. There were six cafeterias on campus, so a one-in-six chance of running into someone I knew.
Sure, you had to factor in the possibility of them eating out or our timing missing, but it wasn't impossible. The problem was that "not impossible" had chosen right now.
"But why are you alone...? Oppa, you didn't lie just because you didn't want to buy us food, did you?"
"Of course not. My friend canceled at the last second. Said some underclassman girl asked him to treat her and he couldn't refuse... You know how guys who just got out of the military are."
I borrowed the imaginary rudeness of a nonexistent friend from another department and made my pathetic excuse. Oh Sujeong still looked a little suspicious, but she seemed willing to buy it for now.
"Then let's eat together. Oh! And you can buy the drinks, oppa. Right, Gyeoul?"
"Sujeong? Why does sunbae have to buy the drinks..."
Her determination to freeload off me was still going strong. Han Gyeoul, could you maybe shut her down a little more firmly?
In the end I had to accept the unwanted shared meal. I could've put on an iron face and cut them off cold, but the thought crossed my mind that having a seat like this once in a while might not be so bad.
Because it wasn't as if I had zero desire for human connection. I knew the activation conditions for the pheromone inside and out, so as long as a relationship stayed clear of those situations, I was willing to accept it.
"But why would you make a lunch appointment at the cafeteria, oppa?"
"That's just how guys do socializing. What about you two—do you use this cafeteria a lot? Where do people from our department usually go?"
If there was a place they frequented, I planned never to set foot in it again. Oh Sujeong, without a shred of suspicion, cheerfully filled me in on the cafeteria situation.
"Wow, second year is seriously busy, though. Being rep means I get dragged all over the place, and there are so many events."
Oh Sujeong rattled off her recent life while working her spoon hard. Having eaten my share of military mess-hall food, I didn't buy a word of it.
She was definitely the public face of the department. But the actual work, the annoying stuff—that would all be on the diligent vice-rep, Han Gyeoul.
"Must be rough on you, Gyeoul. The people who work behind the scenes always end up with the heavier load, right?"
"Huh? I'm not really having a hard time or anything."
Han Gyeoul demurely shook her head and played it modest. Oh Sujeong looked back and forth between us like she was enjoying the show and jumped in.
"Oh right. You know there's the opening general meeting this Friday, right? I figured if nobody told you, oppa, you wouldn't show up, so I'm telling you separately."
"Uh... I can't make it. I've got a part-time job that day."
"A job? What kind of job? If it's a convenience store or something, you can just swap one shift, can't you?"
"I do odd jobs at a small company. We're in the middle of a project right now, so there's no way I can skip."
The part-time job was real. But I had absolutely nothing scheduled for Friday.
"That's a pretty unusual job, sunbae. Are you trying to pad your resume early or something?"
"Something like that."
Han Gyeoul looked at me with open curiosity, as if her academic drive had been piqued. Of course, it wasn't purely about the career points.
I'd been looking for a place where the pheromone effect wouldn't trigger, and that had naturally led me here. A male-dominated company so buried in work that nobody had time to start anything romantic.
"Maybe we should start preparing early too, Sujeong?"
"Yah, we're only second-years. Why are you already stressing about that? Oppa, stop thinking only about employment. You finally came back to school—go make a girlfriend or something."
"S-Sujeong? Sunbae might already have a girlfriend. Why are you just assuming like that?"
Han Gyeoul shot me a nervous glance as she said it. But since every word of it was true, I couldn't bring myself to answer.
"What! Oppa, you seriously don't have a girlfriend? You always vanish from campus the second class ends, so everyone thought you were running off to see a girl. But it was all just the part-time job?"
"Dating's not exactly easy these days, so... What about you two? Are you both seeing someone?"
"Wow, look at this! Oppa, why are you so curious about our dating status?"
Oh Sujeong cranked her pitch up like a neighborhood auntie who'd just sniffed out gossip. But the truth was, I really did want to know.
Because whether or not they fell under the effect of the pheromone would decide exactly how I treated them from here on out.
"You're actually really lucky, oppa. Both of us happen to be single right now. I broke up a little while ago, and Gyeoul here is basically a total beginner."
"S-Sujeong? Why would you say that?"
The words "total beginner" sent Han Gyeoul into a fluster she'd never shown before; she hurriedly tried to stop her friend. Oh Sujeong, despite being the one who'd just spilled her friend's secret, was loudly going, "Ah, what did I even say!" as if she were the injured party.
Whew... Relief. At least today's meal wasn't going to become the starting point of some unnecessary scandal down the line.
Still, it was a little surprising. Han Gyeoul had a quiet personality, sure, but her looks were well above average.
I could maybe buy her not having a boyfriend right now. But that she'd been alone this whole time? She'd already done a full year of university—never mind high school—and not a single person had made a move?
Sudden interest flared. Of course, I wasn't expecting any kind of payoff for that interest...