3-The Truth of That Day
3-The Truth of That Day
The morning was ordinary as ever.
So it was even stranger.
Without a knock, the door opened, the curtains were drawn, and sunlight poured in. A voice said to eat and then go out.
It was a morning repeated for five years. A familiar routine that had never once deviated.
Today, oddly, it bothered me.
There was no reason. It just felt like something was off somewhere.
I opened my eyes just like usual, looked out the window just like usual. But today, all of it felt unfamiliar.
Nothing had changed, yet it felt like something had.
I just figured it was one of those days.
For the first time in a while, I went into the study.
There was no real reason to go there. It was because I felt like I had to be doing something. My hands needed to be touching something.
I stood in front of the bookshelf.
My finger slowly traced the spines of the books.
History books, a plant encyclopedia, a geography book. The titles entered my eyes and then slipped away.
I had no intention of reading. I just wanted to move my hands.
Then.
My finger stopped.
It wasn't a book, but behind them.
Between the books, in a slightly empty space, something was wedged. It was thin and flat. It was paper. Folded paper.
It jutted out as if someone had deliberately left it there.
I didn't have to take it out.
It was someone else's study. It was someone else's possession. If I put it back, nothing would happen.
But my hand moved first.
Slowly, I pulled out the paper.
It was old paper. The edges were faded, and the fold marks had stiffened.
The lines were deep, as if it had been folded and unfolded many times. The touch against my fingertips was unfamiliar.
I should have stopped there.
But.
"..."
In the end, I—
"...Hoo."
Peolleok.<
I unfolded the page.
"...!"
Stein Family Disposal Report.
It took time for the letters to enter my eyes.
As if my brain was refusing to process their meaning.
I could clearly see the letters, but understanding didn't follow.
The Stein family.
A name I hadn't spoken aloud in five years.
My gaze slowly went down. Operation commencement date. A date was written there. A date I remembered.
It was my birthday.
The day my mother held me. The day my father, his ears turning red, said he loved me. The day my younger siblings were caught in front of the kitchen.
And, the day everyone disappeared.
Personnel involved. 21.
Method of disposal. I skipped over that section.
My gaze went further down. At the very bottom.
Commander — Hong Mae-hwa.
The hand holding the paper trembled. Below that. Survivor disposal. 1 target. Intentional survival.
I closed my eyes. Opened them again. The letters were still the same.
Hong Mae-hwa. I placed my finger over that name. My hand trembled.
I wanted to deny it. That this was fabricated. That someone had deliberately made it. But the Papacy's seal was stamped on it.
The exact date. The specific number of personnel. This wasn't something that could be fabricated. I knew that. Even as I knew.
The paper crumpled.
Memories flowed in reverse. The auction house. The countdown. The sight of her catching her breath at the edge of the crowd and raising her hand.
Her disheveled hair. Inside the carriage. The hands that wrapped cloth around my handcuffs. Carefully. So very carefully.
"This way, it'll chafe less."
"I hope you stay alive."
So it was guilt.
Because she killed my family. Because she killed them with those hands.
So she kept me alive, so she brought me here, so she fed me, put me to sleep, and took care of me.
A laugh escaped me. Soundlessly.
...Mae-hwa.
Every morning. Every night. The person who called my name.
I had thought of that person as.
"...family."
My voice echoed alone in the room.
I braced my hand on the bookshelf.
Because it felt like my knees would buckle.
My stomach churned.
I felt like throwing up.
That hand. Those eyes. That voice.
And me, who had believed it.
For five years.
=====
Then, I heard footsteps.
They were familiar footsteps.
In front of the door. A brief silence.
The door opened.
"Victor, there you wer—"
Her words cut off.
Mae-hwa froze while holding the study door.
Her gaze went toward my hand.
The crumpled paper. The Papacy seal.
In that instant, Mae-hwa's face turned pale.
I looked at that face. At the face growing pale. At the lips stiffening. At the trembling eyes.
It was a face I'd seen for five years, but this face now seemed like one I was seeing for the first time.
"Tha, that's where— I definitely burned it—"
"Sit."
I said quietly. I didn't shout. I didn't tremble either.
"...Victor—"
"I said sit."
I pulled out a chair from the desk and pointed to it for Mae-hwa.
Mae-hwa slowly sat down, and I stood across from her.
Peolleok—<
I spread the crumpled paper on the table.
Commander — Hong Mae-hwa.
That name was placed between us.
"Is it true?"
Mae-hwa couldn't say anything.
Her lips quivered and then closed. Quivered and then closed.
Like a mute.
"I asked if it's true."
"...That. There are circumstances."
The first words came out. A voice making excuses.
Hearing that voice, I waited a moment.
"There's something you don't know, Vi, Victor. Why the Stein family became a target. Who was above me.
I just received orders. It's not like I wanted to—"
"So if it's orders, it's okay?"
Mae-hwa's words were cut off.
"If it was orders, is it okay that you killed my mother? My father. My five-year-old siblings. Because it was orders, is it okay?"
"...Tha, that's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean.
...Oh right, you said there are circumstances I don't know,
So tell me those circumstances. I'll listen."
Mae-hwa opened her mouth and then closed it.
It seemed like she wanted to bring something out, but as if there were no words she could bring out.
"You can't say it."
I said quietly. Not pressing her, just as if confirming it.
"You said there are circumstances, but you can't say them. Then what are those circumstances.
Is it that you can't tell me even though I'd understand if I heard?
Or do you not say it because you know I wouldn't understand even if you did?
Which is it."
"...Victor."
"I asked which it is."
"I. At that time, I had no choice."
I listened to those words for a moment.
"I had no choice either."
I said calmly.
"On the auction block. Wearing handcuffs and a number tag.
I had no choice either.
If having no choice is an excuse, then I should have done something too.
But I didn't do anything. Even without a choice."
Mae-hwa lowered her gaze.
"Then what. Were you going to say that you spared me?"
Mae-hwa's body stiffened for a moment.
"That everyone was in the orders, but you spared me. That it's a favor to me. Is that what you were going to say?"
"...Tha, that. No."
"If not that. Then what."
Mae-hwa's eyes wavered.
"...I'm sorry."
A belated apology.
"Now?"
"Yeah."
"After five years."
Mae-hwa said nothing.
"Coming in every morning for five years. Setting the table every day.
Standing in the hallway every night. Words you couldn't say even once...
Why. Are they coming out now."
My voice grew low.
"Why now."
"..."
"You couldn't say it until you got caught? If it weren't for this paper, you would have hidden it and lived your whole life?"
Mae-hwa's lips pressed hard. In those deer-like eyes, tears were welling.
Watching that, I turned my gaze out the window.
"...It's dark."
...
"Was it guilt?"
I asked quietly.
"For five years, feeding me, putting me to sleep, putting ointment on my wrists. Coming in without knocking, going to the market together, choosing curtains.
Was all that guilt? You did all that because you had something to repay?"
"...No."
"Then what."
"Because I wanted you to live."
Again. Again that same nonsense.
"Did you ever ask me? If I wanted to live."
Mae-hwa didn't answer.
"If I wanted to be here. Did you ever ask, even once? Have you ever asked what I want?"
"..."
"You haven't."
Mae-hwa lowered her eyes.
"Did you think that was for my sake?"
Honestly, here, I wished Mae-hwa would sincerely apologize.
That there might be a small opening to start again.
That I could forgive you.
But Mae-hwa—
"...Yeah."
She was.
More disgusting than I thought.
It was a single syllable. Without wavering. That calmness was more disgusting.
"Yeah... huh."
I repeated it to myself. Out of sheer disbelief.
"It, it was... for your sake, Vi, Victor. The fact that you're alive is—"
"Shut up."
My voice cracked for the first time.
"You said just now it was for me??
With those hands, the hands that killed my entire family, for my sake?"
"..."
"With those hands, you killed my mother. My father. My five-year-old siblings.
With those hands, for five years, you cooked for me, wrapped cloth around my wrists, called my name every day.
After all that... how dare you
say it was for my sake?!!"
My voice trembled.
"It's horrifying... disgusting... just die..."
Words poured out like a waterfall without going through any filter.
"..."
As she silently listened, tears flowed from Mae-hwa's eyes.
I looked at those tears.
"Are those tears sincere?"
I said quietly. The fact that I no longer knew if it was an act or not—that was what scared me most right now.
I stood up and walked toward the door. Just as I was about to pass by Mae-hwa.
A sound came from behind.
It was the chair. The sound of Mae-hwa standing.
"Victor."
A voice turned cold.
The voice was different. It wasn't broken.
It didn't tremble. It wasn't a voice the person who had been crying moments ago should have been able to produce.
My feet stopped.
"The fact that you've been here for five years."
"...Yeah."
"Is that my fault?"
"...What?"
"If you'd wanted to leave, you could have, right?
There were opportunities. Several times.
But you didn't leave, isn't that true?"
"..."
"Do you think all of that is because of me?
You stayed with the enemy who killed your family for five years and couldn't leave?
Are you that weak a person, Victor?"
Again.
Again, trying to bind me with that despicable tongue.
I wanted to get angry right then and refute her.
"...What are you doing right now."
"I'm stating facts."
But—
"You're saying that me not leaving was something I wanted...?"
"Are you joking?"
But...
"Then..."
"Isn't that right?"
Strangely, I couldn't refute.
My breath caught.
"The first day I was sold here, you cleared out all the blades in the drawer. Standing in front of my room every night... wasn't that to block me?"
"...How did you know I waited in front of the door."
"Tha, that was concern. Because I didn't know what you'd do if you were alone."
"Is worrying different from watching? You kept me in this mansion for five years, had Pete report everything about where I went,
told me to tell you before going out alone...
That's concern??"
"..."
"Every time I tried to leave. The one who made me stay just one more day, just one more day...
was you. It wasn't that I wanted to live.
You made me that way!!!!"
The suppressed emotions exploded in a single moment.
"Th, then... let's keep doing that."
"...What?"
"Forget about today... day by day... let's live just looking at tomorrow. Okay?"
"You liked living in this mansion too, didn't you."
"I, I gave you a new family."
"So."
"Don't abandon me."
...
"Ha."
A laugh came out.
"I thought of you as family."
I said low.
"I really did. Even though not a single drop of blood is mixed between us. Because you were by my side for five years. I wondered what it was if not family.
...I even thought beyond that once.
I thought it would be nice to keep looking at tomorrow with you.
In this mansion, with you, just for a long, long time."
My voice became low. So low it seemed like it would disappear.
"For five whole years. I thought of the person who killed my family. As family."
Silence settled heavily.
"But to you, what was I.
Was I a way to wash away your guilt? Or did you just want to keep me locked up?
Which is it."
Mae-hwa's eyes twisted.
"N... No."
"...What changes if you say no right now?
Does that paper disappear? Does your name get erased? Huh?!!"
With those words final, I passed by Mae-hwa.
Between her shoulders, I heard the sound of her breath. The sound of swallowing tears.
The thought that those lips had called my name for five years. It was so disgusting...
"...Even so."
From behind, Mae-hwa spoke. Her voice had broken.
"I... I..."
"I hope you live."
My feet stopped for a moment.
Those words.
The words I first heard inside the carriage.
"...Those words."
After a beat. Words came out.
"When I hear those words from you."
"...I really want to die."
=======
I didn't look back any more.
I left the study and passed through the hallway.
I went down the stairs and opened the front door.
Cold night air rushed in.
The warm lights of the mansion were behind me, but I didn't want to turn back that way.
I didn't want to see that face, so I just walked forward.
There was nowhere I had to go, nowhere to go.
Just like five years ago. When my family disappeared, a label was slapped on me, and I was put up on the auction block. Back then too, I had nowhere to go.
A dark alley.
...But I walked forward without a single thought.
I tried not to think as I walked, but they kept welling up.
My mother's hands. My father's reddening ears.
My siblings' little shoes.
The things I had forcibly tried to let go of for five years now came pouring out, even as I forcibly tried to block them.
Mae-hwa filled the space behind them.
The hands that drew the curtains every morning. The hands that wedged cloth between my handcuffs. The hands that applied ointment. The person who quietly sat beside me in front of the pond.
That hand.
It wasn't that I wanted to live.
It was just because Mae-hwa was there.
Because that person was by my side.
That was the one thing I had.
... "Funny."
My feet didn't stop. Exiting the alley, passing the streets, all the way to where people disappeared.
"Heok... Heok..."
My breathing grew rough.
Still, I didn't stop. Because if I stopped, it felt like I'd have to go back.
Even forgetting that there was a cliff nearby.
Mikkeul.<
The ground beneath my feet was empty. By the time I realized, it was already too late.
My body tilted forward; my hands flailed in the air, but nothing was caught.
Air brushed past my ears. My vision flipped.
Kung—!!<
The impact came later than I expected. The moment my body hit the ground, my breath rushed out all at once.
Pain came. From everywhere. To the point I couldn't even tell where it hurt.
I opened my eyes and looked at the sky.
...It was a dark sky.
Strangely, I was calm.
It was just like, so that's how it is.
The ending meant for me five years ago had just come a bit late.
So this is where it ends. In a place with no one.
...My breathing gradually became shallow, and my vision narrowed.
But I thought,
this too wasn't so bad.
Because that person isn't beside me.
======
Then. I heard footsteps.
Above me. Urgently. Frantically. The sound of stepping on stones. The sound of staggering. The sound of descending. It came closer and closer.
"Victor!"
The voice was torn raw.
"...Huh. To the very end. It's this voice."
My vision was blurry. Someone came down through it. As if about to fall. Staggering. And knelt before me.
It was Mae-hwa.
She was panting as if her breath would be cut off.
She was barefoot.
It must have come off while she ran.
...
It was Mae-hwa.
She was panting as if her breath would be cut off.
Her hands were trembling. The cold hands that held my face with both hands were shaking like crazy.
Her eyes were destroyed. From those eyes, tears wouldn't stop. She didn't even try to stop them.
"Why."
I said, without strength.
I couldn't understand. Why she came all the way here. Why she had that face.
"Why... did you follow me here?"
Mae-hwa's face twisted.
It seemed like she wanted to answer, but as if breath came first, I couldn't tell whether the gasping was crying or breathing.
"...It's not like that."
For the first time, she didn't stutter. It was clear.
She had never once been this clear.
...Again. Again because of guilt.
"Don't worry. You've done enough to ease your guilt.
Don't hold onto guilt anymore.
I'm... already... too late."
Tears poured from Mae-hwa's eyes all at once.
"You're not too late. Victor, you're not too la—"
"It's fine."
The feeling that this was the end became more and more real.
...Let me leave my will.
So that this disgusting woman remembers my final moments.
"Mae-hwa."
So that she remembers them to the very end.
"...!"
"I. So very much.
Detest you.
...
"And
I love you."
"I'll curse you to the very end."
"...Heok... heu."
"If... there's a next life,
I'll destroy everything you have. And just like that..."
Quietly.
Mae-hwa just stared at me with a blank face,
and then, with an expression as if she had resolved something,
Mae-hwa moved.
She pulled a knife from her waist.
"...What."
Even though my eyes couldn't see clearly, I could see that movement.
Her hand. It went toward her own hand.
Without hesitation.
Tuk.<
It was a small sound.
Blood spurted. Mae-hwa's little finger was cut off and fell.
Her breath wavered, but still, her expression didn't change.
Without any sign of pain. Holding the severed hand. She brought the blood. To my mouth.
"Drink it."
She whispered.
"Please. Drink it."
I couldn't understand.
Forcibly, the blood flowed into my mouth... and I felt warmth.
"...Why."
Why to this extent.
"...If there's a next life, you can do whatever you want to me."
Mae-hwa's tears fell onto my face.
"Live. Please."
After that.
The knife moved.
This time. Toward her own neck.
"...Wha—"
I tried to stop it, but. My body wouldn't move.
"I'll go with you."
She smiled.
With a sad yet peaceful expression I had never seen before.
"I'm sorry."
The knife.
Just like that.
Slashed.
Blood poured out.
Mae-hwa's body swayed. Slowly. She collapsed on top of me.
I felt the weight. She was a small person. Was she this heavy.
I couldn't understand.
Why.
If it was guilt, if it was just guilt, that was enough. You could have just gone on living. Why here. Why together.
"...Why."
Really. Why.
My vision was fading. The light was disappearing.
I felt Mae-hwa's warmth. I couldn't tell if it was blood or body heat.
...It was just warm.
That was all.
Strangely.
That warmth.
I didn't want to push it away.
That thought remained to the very end,
and darkness fell.
...
I closed... my eyes.
=======
"..."
My eyes opened.
"That's strange. I definitely fell from a cliff..."
It had definitely been night, but I felt hot sunlight.
"Now, this item is—!"
Pouring gazes.
Noise.
Suffocating air.
When I opened my eyes again,
I was standing on a high auction block.
"...?"
???
The moment I opened my eyes again.
Was the day I met Mae-hwa.