1-Strange Person
1-Strange Person
The carriage interior was narrow and quiet.
Squeak, squeak. Only the sound of the wheels continued steadily. Each time it shook, my back hit against the seatback, and the handcuffs scraped against the inside of my wrists. I had been in the same spot for days.
She sat across from me.
She had a youthful face and was short. Her hands were neatly placed on her knees, and her gaze was directed out the window.
A stranger was looking at me with an expression of relief, and I still couldn't understand it.
I didn't want to understand either. There was no need to understand. Since she wasn't someone I would be seeing for long anyway.
I looked out the window.
People shopping, people holding children, people walking and laughing. All ordinary daily life. Until a few days ago, I had been on that side too. But now I was inside a carriage. In handcuffs. Wearing a number tag.
It didn't feel real. Still.
No, it wasn't that it didn't feel real. I didn't want it to feel real. Even though I knew the difference, I decided not to distinguish it. Because if I did, I felt like I would collapse.
I turned my gaze slightly and scanned her. At that moment, our eyes met. I tried to avoid it, but it was too late.
"...What's your name."
"Hong, Hong Mae-hwa."
"Where are we going."
"Th-the mansion. M-mine."
"What are you going to make me do there."
"N-nothing. J-just live there."
I looked at her. One beat, two beats.
"For free? To a slave you bought without paying 1 billion Ahn?"
"Yeah."
It didn't make sense. Because nothing in this world was free. There was no house where a sum of 1 billion Ahn would come out for free. There was always a reason for spending that kind of money. If what they wanted was clear, I could figure it out and find a weakness. But the fact that there was nothing they wanted—
That was more uncomfortable. It felt like being handed an empty bowl.
An empty bowl had to be filled. You had to hold it without knowing when, how, or with what it would be filled.
That was scarier.
"When are you going to take off the handcuffs."
"R-right when we arrive at the mansion."
She didn't seem to be lying. Her eyes were clear, and she looked at me calmly.
Though just because her eyes were clear didn't mean she couldn't lie, of course.
I had seen enough in the past few days how many bad people in this world had clear eyes. The eyes that had scanned me up and down at the auction house. The eyes that grew brighter as the numbers went up.
...I decided not to trust her. There was no reason to trust.
"...You're a strange person."
"Th-that could be."
Even though she answered calmly, she wasn't perturbed at all. She was a person who wasn't shaken by words that were neither an insult nor a compliment.
Even that was uncomfortable. A person who wasn't shaken was a person who wanted something. Either they had nothing to lose, or they already had something.
Just then, the carriage shook greatly. My back hit the wall hard. It was the spot that had been hit before.
It throbbed. I clenched my teeth. I didn't make a sound, but.
"Does it hurt?"
"It doesn't matter."
"I-I asked if it hurts."
She opened her bag without a word and took out a cloth. Before she could even say "Give me your hand," she was already reaching out. Her eyes were waiting.
"It's fine."
"No."
It was brief. She didn't even stammer.
I didn't reach out my hand. I tried not to. But my body moved first. That feeling of my hand already being out in front before my head gave the command.
I was angry. At my body not listening to me. At reacting to kindness.
Her hand grabbed my wrist. It was a small, slender hand. Carefully, very carefully, she pushed the cloth inside the handcuffs. So that the iron wouldn't directly touch the skin.
"If you do this, it'll chafe less."
I looked down at that hand.
It was a small hand.
There were so many things I didn't know. I hated that.
"...Why are you doing this? You spent 1 billion Ahn. You say you're not going to make me do anything. You even wrap a cloth around the handcuffs. What do you want?"
She looked at me for a moment. It wasn't an eye preparing a lie, but an eye choosing how to say it.
...I could at least tell that difference.
"Your dying is something I won't allow."
I froze.
"...Why."
"That."
It was a very short silence.
"It's just not allowed."
There was no reason. She didn't even seem to think of giving a reason.
Just. Not allowed.
It wasn't something to hear from a stranger. To me, who was in handcuffs and wearing a number tag. To me, who had no reason to live and nowhere to go.
"...That doesn't make sense."
"I-I know."
"Then why."
"B-because I hate the look in your eyes."
I said nothing.
"It's the look of a person who's already g-given up on everything. I-I just hate that."
"It doesn't matter. What someone else's look in their eyes is like."
"It m-matters to me."
I didn't know how long it had been since I'd seen someone use the word "just" so confidently. Without any explanation. Without any reason.
If she hated it, she hated it. If it mattered, it mattered.
I didn't know why those words were so unpleasant to hear.
I looked out the window for a long time before opening my mouth. I tried not to open it... but it opened.
"...Do you know what the Stein family did?"
"I-I don't."
"No one knows. No, they don't try to know." I spoke calmly. The anger and tears had long since run dry. All that was left was calmness. If calmness is even an emotion.
"Once a label is attached, that's the end. Things like reasons aren't needed. I was the same. When people sentenced to hanging said they were being wronged, I didn't listen at all. I figured if a label was attached, there must be a reason. Now I know. It's just attached."
She said nothing. Not that it was okay, not that it must be unjust. She was just listening quietly.
That was strangely angering. The fact that she said nothing. The fact that it wasn't a silence I felt I had to fill. The fact that she was just listening.
I tried not to fill that silence.
But before I knew it, words came out.
"I."
"My mother hugged me in the morning. Saying it was my birthday. My father said he loved me. Uncharacteristically. My siblings were about to go into the kitchen but got caught by the butler. My childhood friend would have been waiting."
I said while looking out the window. Because I thought I could keep talking if I didn't look that way.
"When I went in, they were all dead."
My voice wavered just a little at the end.
A brief silence passed.
"...I'm sorry."
"Are you comforting me?"
"N-no. I'm just... sorry."
It wasn't a lightly thrown out word. There was weight in the voice. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it wasn't empty words.
That was more uncomfortable. If it had been empty words, I could have let it go in one ear and out the other.
"Forget it. And it'd be best not to expect anything from me. Since I don't plan on staying long anyway."
She looked at me. It was a look like she was suppressing something. It was brief. Her expression quickly returned to normal.
"...I-I know."
"Even though you know?"
"Even though I know."
That look was strange. It wasn't sad, nor was it pitiful. She was calm, like a person who had already reached a conclusion.
As if she had known from the start that nothing would change no matter what I said.
She took a thin coat from her bag and dropped it onto my knees.
"D-don't take it off."
I tried not to accept it.
"...What."
"It's going to get cold. When night comes."
It wasn't coercion, nor was it a suggestion.
I looked down at the coat. I could have not accepted it. I could have just dropped it. There were enough reasons to refuse.
I still didn't know what this person's kindness was, and it was safer not to accept things I didn't know about.
But.
My hand didn't move. Not in the direction of dropping it, nor in the direction of grabbing it.
The carriage ran. Squeak, squeak. The sun was setting.
After a long time, I soundlessly draped the coat on my knees over my shoulders.
'I didn't accept it. It was just cold.'
That was all.
But it was warm.
...I hated that.
=======
It was already night when we arrived at the mansion.
The mansion was visible in the deep darkness. Candlelight leaked out here and there, and when I got off the carriage, the night air rushed in all at once.
It was cold. The smell of grass, the smell of earth, the smell of night flowers.
The Stein family mansion also smelled like this at night.
I closed my eyes and opened them once. I cut off the thought. I shouldn't start comparing.
People were out in front of the mansion's main gate. There were five.
The person standing at the very front was an older man with neatly combed-back white hair. His back was straight, and not a single wrinkle was on his clothes, even though he had come out to meet the carriage in the middle of the night.
"Welcome, Agassi. Was your journey comfortable?"
"Yes. It wa-was fine. Erwan."
Erwan briefly bowed his head and then shifted his gaze to me.
"Customer number 354, I see."
Customer. He didn't say slave.
I chewed over that word. Customer... I was a slave sold for 1 billion Ahn, though. I couldn't tell if disguising it with the word "customer" was consideration or mockery. If it was just consideration, I had to be more wary.
Since there was no kindness without reason.
"I hope you have a comfortable stay."
I didn't answer.
A middle-aged woman crossed her arms and scanned me up and down. It was strange both that a servant had her arms crossed and that she looked me over without hiding it.
"Skinnier than I thought."
"Se-Serpine."
"It's true. I'm in charge of the kitchen. Let me know if there's anything you want to eat. There's no starving or anything like that."
Kindness. Again.
I wondered if there was anyone unkind in this mansion.
A young man with big eyes stepped forward.
"I'm Luca. I'm in charge of the stables and carriages. The carriage shook a lot today, right? It's the route I chose, so next time I'll go a different way."
"...It's not your fault."
"It's the route I chose, so it's my fault."
It was absurd logic. And it was even more absurd because that logic seemed to be the logic of this mansion.
A woman in a maid outfit had a neat posture but her eyes seemed somewhat blank.
"I'm Chloe. I'm in charge of cleaning. If you like quiet things, you'll fit in well."
Finally, the kid who had been standing at the very end popped out to the front.
"I'm Pete! I'm in charge of odd jobs. Please tell me if you need anything. Really, anything at all!"
It was a strange place.
They were all kind. Every single one. There was no place this kind to a stranger. The Stein family also had servants and people coming and going at the mansion.
Those people were also kind, but this was different. Because this wasn't trained kindness. They just seemed like people who were originally like this.
The handcuffs were taken off as promised as soon as we arrived at the mansion. I rotated my wrists. The spot where the cloth had been wrapped was cool.
I looked down at my wrists. My wrists without handcuffs felt light.
...An opportunity arose.
Since the handcuffs were off. I could die now.
After that, I was assigned a room... and it was bigger than I thought.
There was a proper bed, a blanket was laid out, and on the table were a candleholder and a glass of water.
Soon, the door closed and right away
I looked for a bladed object.
On the table.
In the drawers.
There was nothing.
Of course, well. They must have deliberately cleared them away. Since the people of this mansion wouldn't be stupid.
I sat on the edge of the bed.
The blanket sank deeply in my hands. The strength drained from my shoulders. The muscles that had been tense for days seemed to loosen all at once.
I had to find a way. Within today.
But a thought suddenly occurred to me.
Just one more day.
Just one more day. Just one more day.
==========
That night.
I suddenly opened my eyes. There was a presence. In the hallway. Very faintly, like someone was holding their breath, a quiet presence.
I waited for a moment. It didn't disappear.
I opened the drawer, but it was empty as expected.
The presence disappeared only after a long time.
I looked at the ceiling.
'Tomorrow. If an opportunity comes tomorrow, I'll end it then.'
The plan didn't change.
Even with those thoughts, my eyelids gradually lowered...
Sleep came. That was strange. That sleep would come in this situation.
Still...
It wasn't bad.
======
"Thank you for being born, Victor."
My mother's voice lingered in my ear. It was a warm embrace. The safest place in the world.
I hid the corners of my mouth as I pulled away from that embrace.
The whole mansion was bustling. Flowers were hung on the stair railings, candles were lined up in every hallway, and a red carpet was laid in front of the party room door.
A sweet smell drifted from somewhere, and the sharp cries of my siblings could be heard from afar. I let out a chuckle.
I got up from the old bench in the backyard and ran toward the mansion. The evening wind brushed my cheeks, and my heart pounded.
Mother would open her arms wide to welcome me. Father would pretend to be gruff on the outside but secretly be pleased.
Alonso would loudly sing a birthday song in my ear.
I arrived in front of the mansion's main gate.
But.
My feet stopped.
Everything around was too quiet. Only the sound of the wind brushed my ears. My heart raced. For a reason different from excitement.
I opened the door, thinking that today would be the best day of my life.
======
I couldn't understand.
"All relatives, acquaintances, and related persons of the Stein family. Disposal complete."
In the place that was supposed to be a party room, there was no cake, no presents, no laughter. The flowers on the stair railings were trampled and scattered on the floor.
The candlesticks were knocked over, and flames crawled over the carpet. A deeper red spread over the red carpet.
It smelled of iron. It smelled of soot.
And the people I loved were strewn on the floor, covered in blood.
I saw my mother
That hand that used to hug me was sprawled limply on the floor.
I saw my father.
That back he always kept straight was cold and collapsed face-down. I saw my siblings. That small feet that would run to eat cake, now—
A terrible sound was heard. I didn't know where it was coming from. My throat hurt like it was burning.
My knees gave way and my whole body trembled like crazy. My eyes were dry. Not even tears could come out.
Step—step—
A person in a black robe slowly walked toward me. A huge hand grabbed my cheek. My feet left the ground.
"Keogh—"
"Danjang-nim. Do we kill this child too?"
It was a businesslike voice. The strength gradually drained from the hand holding me. I was thrown to the floor just like that, and my back hit hard.
My vision involuntarily went white.
"No. Leave him."
The black-robed figures disappeared like the wind, and only one woman remained. She slowly bent her knees to meet my eye level, then quietly placed a gloved hand on my cheek.
It was cold.
"I'm sorry."
After taking my everything. After trampling everything I loved. Just that one word.
Soon, she also disappeared. I was left alone in the burning mansion.
My vision blurred.
Only then did my head, very slowly, begin to understand the situation. That terrible sound was.
======
"Huwaaaaahhk—!"
I escaped the dream.
"...Heok... heok."
Again. That nightmare again.
...An unfamiliar ceiling.
My heart was beating too fast. Cold sweat soaked my back.
Even though I'd seen it about fifteen times, I didn't get used to it. I probably wouldn't get used to it even if I saw it a hundred times.
If I'm alive. Because I'd have to face this nightmare every day...
That was.
The reason I shouldn't be alive.
"Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow."
Let's end it. Let's go to my parents' side.
=====
A few days passed.
I tried to find a way. Every day. But there was no bladed object in this mansion. It wasn't that they wouldn't let me near the kitchen, but Serpine was always in the kitchen.
No chance opportunity to be alone arose.
In the morning, Erwan would bring washing water. No frills, just enough.
"How is your wrist."
"...Fine."
"Serpine has prepared ointment. Please let me know if you need it."
That was it. He left without saying more. That was rather comfortable. Much more than obligatory kindness.
Serpine would say I was skinny every morning. At first it was unpleasant, the second time I just listened, and from the third time it kind of became a routine.
...
One day late morning, while reading a book in the library, I heard a crash in the hallway.
Chloe was crouching and looking at the shards of a broken vase with blank eyes. Not trying to clean it up, not trying to cry, just looking.
I tried to pass by but
I just casually picked up one of the shards.
"If you pick up sharp things with your bare hands, you'll get hurt. Do you have gloves?"
Chloe blankly took out gloves. I put them on and gathered the shards, and Chloe also picked them up together. Without a word.
I don't know why I was doing this, but seriously.
It's not my job.
It was something that didn't matter.
"Guest-nim, well." Chloe said while picking up the pieces. "Are you the type who thinks a lot? Or the blank type?"
"...Both."
"Then you must be tired."
It wasn't comfort, nor advice, nor anything, but it strangely stuck in my ears.
...
Behind the mansion
there was a pond. The water was clear, and when the wind blew, the water surface rippled calmly.
The wall was high. It was hard to climb over alone.
When I looked at the rippling water surface, it felt like my thoughts were flowing in it. If I didn't catch them, they flowed away, but I let them flow.
On the way back, I ran into Pete.
"Pete. Why did you come to this mansion?"
"I didn't really have anywhere to go. Agassi said I could do anything." Pete adjusted his load and looked at me. "What about you, Guest-nim? Do you have anything you like?"
Things I liked. There were. Before.
"...I don't know."
"Then you can just look for it."
Pete said that and disappeared.
Just look for it, he said. Those words lingered in my head for a long time. Just look for it. Words that only applied to people who had a reason to look.
That evening, Serpine came with ointment.
"You have to apply it tomorrow too. If you forget, I'll come find you."
It was a statement I didn't know was a threat or a promise, but it was probably both.
Because the people of this mansion were all like that. They had no boundaries. If I kept my distance, they closed in.
They didn't pull back. Not because of bad intentions, but because they were just originally that kind of people.
That was more tiring.
If they had bad intentions, I could refuse... but if they didn't have bad intentions, it felt like I became the strange person for refusing...
=====
That night.
As expected, today too. There was a presence.
I waited for a moment. It didn't disappear.
I reached out and opened the drawer next to the bed. There was a small knife that Luca had left behind after using tools yesterday.
I had quickly taken it before Luca could retrieve it.
When I held it in my hand... I felt a cold sensation.
The presence disappeared only after a long time, and nothing happened.
Really, nothing at all.
I looked down at the knife.
Is it today.
It's an opportunity.
The presence disappeared, I was alone, and I had a knife in my hand.
If I change its use...
Just like this, just.
...
But my hand didn't move.
"...Why."
I clenched my teeth.
Just one more day. That damn thought came again.
'Why. Why isn't it moving today.'
The hand holding the knife trembled. It wasn't because I was afraid. I wasn't afraid. Just.
Just, today. Just for today.
I put the knife back in the drawer. Without a sound.
"...Damn it."
I looked at the ceiling.
'Tomorrow. If an opportunity comes tomorrow, then really...'
As my eyelids lowered...
Sleep came...
Still, if an opportunity comes. I'll end it without hesitation then.
Definitely.
=====
I sat across from Mae-hwa. Meat and roasted vegetables were served.
"I saw there's a pond in the garden."
"Y-yeah. It's my favorite place." Mae-hwa briefly stopped her hands. "J-just, for various reasons."
I didn't ask further.
"Ho-how have things been lately?"
I thought for a moment. I had read a book, cleaned up vase shards, stood by the pond, met Pete, applied ointment. Nothing grand, but.
Oh and. I held a knife in my hand and put it back.
"...It hasn't been bad."
Mae-hwa said nothing. Not that it was good, not even a nod, she just listened quietly.
I glanced at her. She was smiling quietly.
But seeing that, strangely, last night's presence in the hallway came to mind. The quiet presence. Like someone was holding their breath.
...It's probably nothing.
I withdrew my gaze. The candle flame flickered. Even though there was no wind.
I returned to my room, lay on the bed, and looked at the drawer once.
Just one more day.
My eyelids lowered, and today too, sleep came. A little faster than yesterday.
That alone was enough.