The Weight of Solitude
After that incident with the vice instructor, Taron said things had worked out well and offered me the position of swordsmanship vice instructor. Since I had nothing else to do besides rehabilitation, I accepted. I also needed to repay my debt to Taron. And so I helped him guide the trainees and correct their forms.
The most outstanding trainee was, as expected, Tiar.
"Haaat!"
Tiar requested a spar with me again today, our wooden swords clashing.
"Your stance is too low. You won't generate proper power like that."
With a heavy thud, Tiar dropped her wooden sword and landed hard on her backside.
"One more time!"
Grabbing the sword, dropping it, falling on her rear. The cycle repeated several times a day. Yet there was no frustration on Tiar's face. If anything, a faint smile seemed to play on her lips, fueled by her burning desire for improvement.
After receiving the trainees' thanks—"Thank you again today!"—Taron and I left the training grounds. Taron smiled faintly and said,
"Thank you, Ray."
Reading his intent, I asked in return, "You mean Tiar?"
Taron nodded. "Yes. She'd fallen into a rut, you see. Katia left long ago, there was no one around with talent worth competing against, and I could no longer help with her growth."
"I think I understand how Tiar feels. I ran away myself because I felt so stifled."
"That girl has a lot of pride," Taron said, stopping in his tracks. I stopped too.
"You had your childhood friend Katia, and Doren and me. But she's alone."
"……."
"When Katia left, the look on that child's face was just like Katia's when she learned you'd gone. To her, Katia was clearly a swordsman she wanted to follow, like an older sister... and a mother. The first family she'd accepted with her whole heart."
"……."
"You know it too, don't you? How important human bonds are to a person."
"……."
"You could look after Tiar the way Katia looked after you back then."
"Me?" I asked. Taron nodded.
"Comfort her a lot, Ray."
With those words, Taron walked away. Lost in thought, I couldn't follow him.
"I wish a thing like you had never been born."
"Tiar! How dare you rebel against your parents?!"
"From now on, you'll have to sacrifice yourself for this family."
"Haa... haa..."
Deep in the night, Tiar woke from a nightmare she never wanted to remember.
"Those damn bastards..."
The wounds from her childhood tightened around her more with every passing year. A father addicted to gambling who ruined the household, a mother who brought home a different man almost every day. The two of them had found her annoying and sold her to a slave trader.
"I want to kill them!"
Whenever she thought of the parents who'd destroyed her life, murderous intent surged within her. The days spent trembling in fear of when and to whom she'd be sold, crying endlessly. The desperate escape that nearly cost her life, followed by wandering for days without direction until hunger made even walking impossible.
Are you okay?
That was when she'd met her. Katia—her expressionless face paired with eyes kinder than anyone's. The moment she'd met her older sister Katia.
"Sister... I miss you..."
Tiar hugged her knees, endlessly waiting for this nightmare of a night to pass. Unable to sleep properly, she watched the morning sun rise, changed her clothes, and left the house.
But then...
"...Why are you standing in front of my house...?"
The moment she stepped outside, she saw a black-haired man—Ray—leaning against a tree. He pushed off the trunk as if he'd been waiting for her to emerge.
"You're diligent. Heading to train even though it's a rest day."
"...I told you. I'm going to surpass you."
"You did say that."
I looked at the woman before me and felt a fresh wave of awkwardness. I couldn't refuse Taron's request, but if someone asked what I was least confident in after all these years, it would be dealing with women. No matter how old I got, I never seemed to get used to it.
"What do you want?"
Tiar stared at me with wary eyes. Understandable. Just days ago she'd been hurling insults at me. This was already an improvement.
"Um, would you like to grab a drink or something?"
"No thanks."
She rejected my clumsy invitation outright. With no choice, I changed tactics.
"It's about training. It won't be bad for you to hear it."
"......"
Tiar fell silent for a moment, then let out a small sigh. "...Fine. If you're buying, I'll listen."
I nodded and started walking. Tiar followed behind me. Her house was on the outskirts of the village, so it took quite a while to reach the center.
"......"
"......"
An awkward silence hung between us the entire way. I wondered why I was so terrible at making conversation. No wonder I'd never had a proper romance at my age.
"Hoo..."
"Why the sigh?"
"Just thinking I'll probably live and die like this."
"...?"
When we reached the center, we entered the teahouse that Katia and I used to visit often. A few older women were chatting inside. We took a seat in the corner. I ordered coffee; Tiar ordered herbal tea.
Once our drinks arrived at the table, she spoke. "So, what did you want to say about training?"
I took a sip of the bitter coffee and pondered how to begin.
"First, how's your training going?"
"Mm. It's true that I've felt more motivated since you came. It was getting boring, to be honest."
She could just call me Ray instead of 'you' all the time.
It was obvious that Tiar's low opinion of me from the start stemmed from the whole situation with Katia. She sipped her herbal tea.
"I understand. Once you become certain of your own strength, that can happen."
"Of course I'm strong. Though it's nothing compared to you or Sister Katia."
"You'll definitely become even stronger than you are now, Tiar."
"Yes. So when are you getting to the main point?"
By the time I'd finished my coffee, I'd mostly organized my thoughts. I opened my mouth.
"Tiar... why do you wield a sword?"
"Why? To become strong, obviously."
"So why do you want to become strong? Do you want to leave this small village like I did and explore the wider world?"
"What? I don't understand what you're saying."
Suddenly Tiar's eyes sharpened. "If you're weak, you get dragged around by others. You suffer. You can't do anything on your own. Especially someone like me—an orphan with nothing to inherit. It's to survive. Simple, right?"
"I see."
The reasons for picking up a sword inevitably differ based on personality, environment, and beliefs. But hearing her words made my heart ache for some reason.
"But what does this have to do with training?"
I'd come to the teahouse hoping that talking with Tiar might give me some clue about Taron's request. And I could sense something deep inside her that she didn't want anyone digging into. Her attitude was even more rigid and sharp than at the training grounds, her eyes guarded, her tone somehow defensive.
That girl has a lot of pride.
You had your childhood friend Katia, and Doren and me. But she's alone.
Comfort her a lot, Ray.
Now that I'd spoken with her, I understood why Taron had said those things. Just as he'd said, this child was alone. Because she was alone, she became defensive, wary, and sharp. I didn't know exactly what had happened, but those accumulated wounds made her unable to accept others' kindness at face value. She kept growing stronger to survive on her own.
This wouldn't last. No matter how strong she became through training, there were things she couldn't handle alone. Sometimes you needed the support and help of those around you to overcome the trials and hardships life threw at you.
Tiar's current state was like building a tower of stones without realizing the foundation below was shaking. It would inevitably collapse. Having experienced it myself, I couldn't help but worry about her.
"Of course it matters."
"...Explain, please."
"Let's say you become as strong as me or Katia."
"Yes."
"Do you think you'd be able to live proactively on your own without being dragged around by others?"
"Of course I could."
I shook my head. "If you keep striving to grow stronger with that mindset, you'll certainly see results. But when something comes along that you can't overcome, you'll collapse so completely you won't be able to stand back up."
"Hmm. I get what you're trying to say. But that doesn't make what I said wrong."
Tiar stood up from her seat.
"Even if I collapse, that's my responsibility. I won't blame anyone else."
She left without a backward glance.
Several days had passed since her conversation with Ray at the teahouse. His pointless advice, the pitying look in his eyes. The unpleasant feeling wouldn't go away.
"He doesn't know anything."
Black rain, heavy with absorbed moonlight, began to fall. It grew heavier as time passed. The harder the rain fell, the tighter Tiar clutched the blanket over her head.
"Damn it. This feels awful."
That day had been like this too. Her father and mother had tied her arms and legs from both sides. When she struggled, her father punched her in the cheek. She'd fallen headfirst to the floor and blacked out, and then they'd kicked her. Rainwater poured down hard overhead. And then—
Boom!
"Ugh!"
Lightning had struck. Just like right now.
"Hic... sob... ugh..."
She had to become strong. She absolutely had to become strong. If she wasn't strong, she'd suffer that kind of humiliation again. She had to become strong... she had to, she had to...
Boom! Boom! Boom!
"Hic... sob... please, please stop!!!"
Tiar pulled the blanket over her entire body and trembled violently. And then it happened.
Knock knock knock.
Someone was knocking on the door of her house, where no one should ever come.